Wanna See A Magic Trick? | Do Your Worst Podcast, Ep. 3


(upbeat music) – [Narrator] Do your worst! – Welcome everybody to “Do Your Worst.” I am James Perry. – I’m Mallory Everton. – We are your hosts for this podcast and we have guests with us today. – I’m Jason Gray. Is that all you want, just say our names? – That’s all we want, stop talking. – Man of mystery Jason Gray. – [James] All right. – I am Stacey Harkey, uh-uh! – You’re good. – All right, so, we are on this podcast where we celebrate failure, don’t we guys? – Yes sir. – Embrace it. – Yeah, we write a lot of stuff, we all write comedy together,
and sometimes we just write, just bad stuff. – Yeah. – Just real bad stuff and we even pitch it to each
other, ’cause we don’t realize how bad it is until we say it out loud. – I’m so nervous. – Don’t be nervous. – That’s what’s different
than like musical, like if you’re a singer you’re always gonna be good at singing. But if you’re a comedian like, you can do really horrible
stuff and really good stuff. – [Mallory] Yeah. – That’s true. – But a singer like, they’re never gonna sing a song just like, horribly, if they’re a good singer. – Yeah. – I mean sometimes they get sick, I guess. – Might have a little
voice crack in there. – A little frog in the throat. – Maybe, yeah, that’s fair. But like, you know, they’re gonna be
consistently good, but man, – [James] Yeah. – comedy is all over the place. – Especially while you’re writing it. – In comedy I feel like, I feel like you can get really good at comedy and still fail a lot in front of people. – I think I’m still in
the, like, failure part. Like most of my scripts. – [Mallory] Oh man. – Like 90% of them are like
pretty consistently bad. – Nah, whatever. – Then like, you get the
10% where you’re like mm! – Stacey literally wrote
something that was on NBC– – That doesn’t mean it was good! – Two nights ago, – Have you watched NBC? – That three judges said
was amazing, whatever. – Well as always, we
wanna encourage you guys. – Yes. – Hey, if you got some stuff to share
that will be really fun for us to read and, frankly, laugh at, send it to [email protected] – Send us stuff that
other people sent to you. Send us stuff that is just, so bad it needs to be celebrated. – That you found in your grandma’s closet. – I had a girlfriend, well
not even a girlfriend, a girl that I went on like two dates with. She wrote me an eight-page letter. – Find it. – We are reading that letter. – That will be a special episode. – Oh, man. – We are protecting her identity but we are reading that letter. – [Jason] Oh, of course, of course. – Okay for today, you
mentioned singing Jason, and I’m glad you did because I wrote this little sketch
called “Second Voice.” This episode of “Do Your Worst” brought to you by privacy.com. Right now privacy.com is
offering our listeners five dollars to spend
on your first purchase, stick around to see how you can get your five dollars for free. And um, – Oh, I remember this. – I remember this one too.
– I do too! I thought it was a smash hit! – I did such a good
job at doing this badly that I confused our group, that we actually took it to a show and then cut it immediately
after because we realized, – Oh yeah. – That’s probably why I remember it. – This is so weird. – I feel like we still quote it sometimes, I feel like not too long ago. – Oh, yeah? Okay, so this one’s called “Second Voice.” I’ll read for James, Jason read for Jason. Stacey, you wanna read for Steven? – Yeah. – It’s a shortie. – Yeah, it’s a short one, and I gotta, wow, I gotta get into this, let’s do it. – Steven and Jason sit down to study. – Hey, I’m Steven, you must be Jason. All right, let’s get this homework done, have you looked at it? (laughs) Exposition! – I love the way he doesn’t
wait for a response, he just gets right into it. – You must be Jason, let’s continue. – I was kind of thrown
off when I was reading it, I was like, “am I doing this right?” – That was bad already. – Yeah, I’ve done the
first couple problems. – Everything Z says is sung, is a sung version of what Jason, oh yeah. – Of what Jason says. ♪ I’ve done the first couple problems. ♪ – Hold on, so let’s just
explain too, let’s explain this because it doesn’t say this in the script, James’ voice is coming from
off-stage while Steven and Jason are on-stage, right? – Are on-stage, yeah. – So this voice is just
coming from nowhere. – Yeah. – Okay, so let’s go back
to your line, Jason. – Yeah. I’ve done the
first couple problems. ♪ I’ve done the first couple problems ♪ – Did you do just that? – You mean problem– – “Did you just do that,” okay, my typos. – I was like, “Did you do just that?” – “Did you do just that?” – All right. – I’m reading all the typos as they are. – [Mallory] “Did you just do that,” right? – That’s my life force too, a typo. A good typo is, mm. – Ooh, that’s Stacey’s jam. – It’s like Matt and a good slap. It just always gets me. – Yep. – You mean problem number two? No, I did it at home. ♪ You mean problem number two ♪ ♪ No, I did it at home ♪ – That was weird. – What are you talking about? ♪ What are you talking about ♪ – Did you not hear that? – I don’t think so. ♪ I don’t think so ♪ – That right there, someone
is singing everything you say. – Oh yeah, that happens sometimes. ♪ Oh, that happens sometimes ♪ – Wait, seriously? That voice comes out of nowhere. Why does that happen? – Well I have this twin,
♪ Well I have this twin ♪ – And when we were born,
♪ When we were born ♪ – He ended up with both our knees, ♪ He ended up with both our knees ♪ – And I ended up with both voices. ♪ And I– ♪ Sorry. (all laugh) ♪ And I… ♪ ♪ ended up with both voices ♪ – The fact that you remembered, that’s exactly how you
pitched it years ago. – Yeah, the Whitney Houston. ♪ Ended up with both voices ♪ – Oh, I gotta be annoyed now, I’m sorry. And now the voice just follows you around, even when you’re trying to study? – Yes.
♪ Yes ♪ – Is there any way to turn it off? – No. – It didn’t do it that ti–
♪ No ♪ – Oh, man. – It’s honestly like,
very funny to me, still. – I think it has a lot of potential. – [Mallory] Yeah, it
has a lot of potential. – I think it was just, like,
like the premise is funny. – Just partially cooked. – [Stacey] It was a little weird. – [Jason] Just needs a little more TLC. – I have this twin and when we were born, he ended up with both our knees and I ended up with both our voices. – Like a disembodied voice is always fun. – That’s a log line right
there, let’s make this show. – And those sketches usually
play really fun live. – It depends, they could be hit or miss, but I think this one killed me. – Hold on, let’s go back
to this line at the bottom. “Well I have this twin,
and when we were born, he ended up with both our knees.” So Jason doesn’t have knees, right? – Oh wait, wasn’t that part of the– – That’s true!
– How do I sit? – I feel like, didn’t we in the sketch have him walk away but like
lock-legged or something? – Oh yeah!
– Like he stood up, and he was like–
– That makes sense! ‘Cause you never really address that, it’s like, “Oh yeah, I don’t have knees “and he has two voices.” – What I need to hear– – There’s too much going
on is part of the reason. – I need to know, y’all must’ve escaped from the same like,
facility Eleven was held in, – [Mallory] Oh my gosh, I know right? – Like weird experiments, I need to know the backstory
of how this happened. – [Mallory] It’s so good. – That’s my contribution for the day. – Very good. – [Jason] Oh that’s great, classic. – “Second Voice.” You’ve
done your worst, I love it. ♪ And I ♪ – Oh, we didn’t even say that
to people on the last one, I guess it’s not a thing. – It doesn’t have to be a thing. – You have done your worst. – Well, naturally, things
will happen naturally. – Dun-dun-done your worst.
– All right. – I’m gonna find that pre-law short story. – We’re ready for it.
– [Stacey] It’s long but… – And we want some good
juicy juice from our guests! I gotta take a minute to talk about privacy.com,
do you know about that Jason? – [Jason Voiceover] No. – [James Voiceover] Well let me tell ya. It is the safest way to buy
anything anywhere online. – [Jason Voiceover] Okay… – [James Voiceover] How
could that possibly be? – [Jason Voiceover] I don’t know. – [James Voiceover] Well you
create an account for free on privacy.com, and
when you go and purchase anything on any site, even some
sites you’re not sure about, it will create a virtual card
instead of using your card. – [Jason Voiceover] Okay, but is it free? – [James Voiceover] Oh, it
is free, it’s beyond free. Right now if you go to
privacy.com/jkstudios, they’ll give you five
dollars to sign up for free! – [Jason Voiceover] Whoa so
it’s like negative five dollars. – [James Voiceover] Negative five dollars. – [Jason Voiceover] Eatin’ pizza tonight. – [James Voiceover] Oh
pizza, and every night. So you’ll be assured that
every purchase you make, your information is safe, go to privacy.com/jkstudios,
get your five dollars today. – [Jason Voiceover] Done, done. – To give a little background, it’s called “The Jimmer Sketch Joker.” So for those of you who don’t know, Jimmer Fredette was a college
basketball player who played at Brigham Young University in the early, like 2010, 2011, and he was like, the most famous person on campus. I mean he won college
basketball player of the year. – Yeah, he was huge. – He’s in the NBA now. – Yeah, he was selected 10th
overall in the NBA draft, so he was like, kinda
like a god on campus. So we were at Divine Comedy at the time, and Batman was, I guess
it had been like two years but it was still big in my book. – When has Batman not
been big in your book? – Yeah, that’s fair. So I wanted to do a Joker,
usually I just looked for excuses to do Joker sketches. There was a girl that had
made fun of Jimmer somehow. I can’t remember the story
but somehow she had like, said something about how
she thought it was dumb how someone who just did,
like put a ball through a hoop was so famous even though there were like, people that had done way more
significant things at BYU. – Oh, okay. – And so, everyone was giving
her a really hard time. I think that’s what the
purpose of this was, to kind of like rag on her, but I think by this time people
had made fun of her so much, that by the time I did this sketch, I remember the audience because
we did it in a tech show. – Oh, really? – They were not with it. – [Mallory] “We’ve heard this already.” – They were like, “too
mean, too mean Jason.” – Oh boy.
– Let’s do it. – All right.
– You wanna cast it? – Oh boy, yeah. I’ll play the Joker. Let’s see, Mal do you wanna be Michelle? – Yes. – You’re supposed to be, remember the Chinese guy on Dark Knight? The guy that he kidnaps? – No? – That Batman, he goes to
Hong Kong, Dark Knight Rises, he goes and gets the Batman, he’s like the accountant for the mob. – Okay. – I love that that’s
such an obscure character that no one knows. – [James] So she’s a mobster. – And he’s like, “You remember.” – She’s a mobster, she’s the account, but she’s Chinese in the movie. – I’m not gonna do an accent though. – That’s fine.
– (laughing) Okay. – That’s fine, I’m just letting you know. – You need to understand
what Jason was going for. – Let’s see, James, you’re
the New Mexico coach, and then why don’t you be Jimmer as well. – [James] Okay. – Um, yeah. – Okay, great. I have assembled you all
together for one purpose. We must do something
about Jimmer Fredette. I can’t walk across campus without hearing Jimmer’s name a bajillion times. – This is more than a billion. – We must convince people that
idol worship is frowned upon. – And just really, you know
that scene on Dark Knight Rises, or no, Dark Knight–
– With the Chinese character. – No, when they meet the Joker
the first time, all the mob. So they’re sitting around and then– – He does the pencil trick? – And he does the pencil
trick, we’re replicating that. – So Michelle, your plan is
to make people feel guilty about worshiping Jimmer, isn’t
that a little self-righteous? – I am good with calculation. – Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, and I remember I totally missed my cue with
this and I came in like, because I was supposed to
come out of the building, or enter the building like the Joker does. He comes, he enters and
he’s like, “Ha-ha-ha,” but I remember the door
that I was supposed to come in on the side was locked, so I had to go run outside
the Tanner building – That sucks.
– And go all the way up. And by the time I got in, I
remember Matt just being like, looking up at me like,
“Dude, where have you been?” So anyway–
– You’re just like, “Ha-ha” – And I’m like, “Ha-ha-ha.” And I thought my jokes were bad. – Give me one good reason
why I shouldn’t have my assistant coach here give you a noogie. – Very good, that’s a real punishment. – Oh, yeah. Wanna see a magic trick? Joker pulls out a deck of
cards and points at Jordan. Think of a card. – Okay, I got it. – Is this your card? – Wow, that’s it, how did you do that? Everyone golf clap. – I don’t know where the joke was there, but let’s just keep going, all right. – Let’s wind the clock back a year. New Mexico, you were the
best team in the conference, and Utah, okay, well, we’d
have to wind back the clock 15 years, but you get the idea. Playing into the Utah
rivalwy, it got a laugh, guys. – Did you say “rivalwy?” – Wivalwy. – You’re like, “Let the
boy do his worst, dang.” – [Mallory] I wuv the Utah wivalwy. – [Jason] And back to the sketch. – [Stacey] Okay. – [Jason] You’re a freak! – Look, I know why you choose to show your little basketball
games on the mountain. I know why you’re afraid to
put them on ESPN: the Jimmer. You see the Jimmer has shown the nation your true colors, unfortunately. March Madness? It’s just the beginning. And as for the television’s so-called “Plan to make people feel guilty,” the Jimmer fans have no conscience. They will find her and make her cheer. – What do you propose we do? – It’s simple, we stop the Jimmer. – [Mallory] Everyone chuckles. – If it’s so simple, why is he the leading scorer in the nation? – Your defense scheme sucks,
you need to double-team him. – We already have three
people guard him every game. – No, I mean you need to combine two teams and have every man guard him. – That’s brilliant! What
do you want in return? – Half… Court seats to the Final Four. – You’re crazy!
– No, I’m not, I’m not. If we don’t deal with this now, soon little Utah here won’t be able to switch conferences to the Pac-10. I mean, I don’t even know
if the WAC will want you. – Who’s Utah?
– I don’t know, James. – You think you can just make
fun of my team and walk away? – Yeah.
– Wait, is this– – Enough from the clown!
– Is this the state of Utah? – No, it’s the University of Utah. – Like a person from–
– It just says “Utah.” – Is it like the university
is just one person? – Yeah, he was embodied by a person. – Right, right, right.
– Oh okay, I like that. – “Make fun of my team and walk away?” – Yeah. – Oh, well, well, sorry I lost my place. – “Enough from the clown!”
Sorry, I’m reading for you. – Johnathan walks on-stage as
Jimmer, everyone freaks out. – Ahhh!
– Ahhh! – Oh, it’s him! Go away, he burns us! – I guess we’re throwing
in the Lord of the Rings. – And there’s the Lord of the Rings. – He burns us! – I just need people
to know that this says, Adam’s line says to “do
your awesome girl scream.” (falsetto scream) – [Mallory] That’s pretty good, Stacey. – Ride like the wind, Bullseye! – Gotta get a Toy Story
reference in there. – Yeah. – All the coaches exit, awkward silence, Joker is there just with the Jimmer. He says, wanna know how I got these scars? – Not really. – Can I have your autograph? (all laugh) That was rough. – It felt like a lot of like of like, – I don’t know. – Felt like a lot of
legitimate strategy in there, like some coaches maybe
should like see this sketch. It’s your chance to like,
– I know, right? – Get your information out there. – I love, I think my favorite
thing is that you guys, you come in and you do a magic
trick and there’s no joke. – I know, it just like,
here’s a magic trick I guess? – There’s no joke just like,
wanna see a magic trick? – I think that’s the joke that
I actually do a magic trick. – Oh maybe that is what
it is, think of a card. Is this your card? Oh wow, that’s nice. That’s probably what it was. – It probably played really well. – There are so many references,
it’s so reference-heavy. – It’s just a walking reference sketch. – Oh man, and you know what? If I’ve learned anything,
it’s that Gollum is timeless. (all laugh) – [Jason] That was even
old when we did it in 2010. – [Mallory] I know, right? – It’s almost like we can’t talk for how much Harry Potter we’ve done. It’s like Harry Potter truly
is timeless in our hearts. – Everybody whips out their Gollum and you’re always like oh man, we just really don’t do that here anymore. – Don’t do that. Oh boy. – Sorry guys. – I liked the rogue Toy
Story reference too. – Yeah, ride like the wind, Bullseye? I think it was really,
like, I don’t know, like, especially when you’re
performing from a college crowd I think my mentality was just
oh, give them references, they’ll laugh at anything as
long as they recognize it. But clearly they didn’t,
because that sketch got cut. – I love how to this day you
still blame it on the fact that the audience was sick
of hearing about that girl. – [Jason] I know. – You’re like oh, it wasn’t my writing. – [Mallory] She’s not really in it. – It was a great sketch. – There was a girl that
was in the first line. That’s definitely what
made the sketch go wrong. – Let’s remember, I just remembered that that’s how I made myself feel
better at the end of the day. Because I think it was
the least amount of votes, because we used to vote sketches in, and I was like oh it’s probably because people like Michelle and (grumble). That’s why it wasn’t the best sketch. – I mean she’s a modern hero. – That’s a legitimate part
of the process, though. You constantly have to tweak the story that you’re telling yourself when you come up against
some real criticism about your work. It’s either like oh man, I suck so much, or oh, that sucked so
much but I’m still good, or some other nonsense
that we tell ourselves. – I’ve gotten to the point
now that I can just be like, eh, that sucked, I can move on. – Yeah, I’m a writer, and
part of being a writer is sucking sometimes, you know? – Yeah, you have kind
of just have to know, you have to know how to
like, what do they call it, kill your chicks or something? – [Mallory] Kill your darlings. – [James] Your darlings. – Oh that sounds better. – Kill your chicks. – Kill your chicks! – I think of like baby birds,
I wasn’t thinking of people. – Stab women? – But I was thinking of like, you just have these little things that just mean so much to you, and you have to get
good at like, you know, taking criticism, taking
feedback, moving on. – [Mallory] Yeah. – Especially in our world with sketch, where it’s like this
is like five pages max, you know what I mean? – Yeah, and I was just reading Stephen King’s book on
writing and it’s so good, it’s so good. But he was talking about how
whenever he finishes a book. – It’s called “On Writing”. – It’s such a good book. Have you read it? – No. – It’s very worth your time. – I started it. – It’s really, really good. It’s my favorite book on
writing I think I’ve ever read. But he was just talking
about how he always takes, like, two months after he finishes a book just to step away from it, so
that when he comes back to it it feels like it was
written by somebody else and he can kill all the darlings without really feeling like they’re his. And I feel like that’s one of the benefits that we have, too, in a lot of ways. You know, you step away from
something for a couple years, you can look at it with
kind of more compassion but also with more, like,
more of a critical eye. And be able to say, eh. I have no emotion
attached to this anymore, and can say this doesn’t really work. – Yeah. – Or, you know what, actually? There were some parts that worked okay, and good for that person in the past. Little pat on the head for
that person in the past. – Where does the compassion come in? When you say looking back
with like more compassion. – Well I think, I mean,
I think you often give other people more compassion
than you give yourself. So like you look at an old
script of yours and you say actually I had a couple good ideas here, if you were really hard on
yourself at the time about it. That kind of thing. – I think with that sketch, though, I don’t think I’d take
anything from that sketch. And that’s okay. – There isn’t. – That’s what I’m taking away, is that I wouldn’t take anything. – I do feel like there are
those two types, right, there are the people who are
always criticizing their work and they’re like I’m never good enough. And then there are creatives who are like way too confident in what they do. – I mean, I’m really jealous, to be honest I often wish
I was more of a narcissist because I feel like I’d be
accomplishing so much more. Because, we talked about it. – With who? – We talked about in the past that one of my biggest problems
is that I’ll just, like, I’ll get two lines in and be like no no no, I’m done, this is going to suck. And I just, like, back off. – It’s true. – Or I’ll write a draft and then bring it to you guys once and people don’t laugh enough and so I don’t even try
to fix it, you know? So I feel like I fall on
the far end of that spectrum and I have so much respect
for people who are just like, bam! I’m coming out swinging! – [Jason] Who lead with like. – Because I’m always
coming out super meek. – I feel like Jason is
pretty good at that. There’s a few examples, with
like the Breaking Bad sketch where it was like, he brought it back like five, six, ten times. – No literally, like nine times. – But you should have, you know,
you saw the vision on that. – But then it turned out so good. – Yeah, yeah, I think that’s good stuff. – Yeah I was not gonna, I don’t know why, I think it was mostly I just wanted to, I like that show so much and I wanted to play that
character so bad that I was like. – Whatever it takes. – It’s just gonna. – I will make this work. – [Jason] Sooner or later
it’s going to happen. – And I mean it did. – I am the one who writes. – I am the one who writes. – You just have to be a warrior for your own work, too, you know? – That’s my really good impression. – [Jason] Jesse! – It’s very good. – All right. – You guys killed it. Okay, Stacey’s thing? – Well I texted you guys one, but I think the one we should read is Gerald Goes to Heaven
that’s in the email. I think, do you guys remember that one? – I think I do, I mean I
have like a vague memory. – The other one I don’t think
any of you guys have seen. Okay, Gerald Goes to Heaven draft three. – [Jason] Yeah he does. – The third draft, baby. – There’s less sympathy on draft three. – Let’s just, just know that I
reworked this for many years. I don’t remember how this goes. How about I’ll read for Gerald. – Okay. – I don’t know if you
guys have any preferences. Jason, do you want to read for Angel? – Sure. – Mel, do you want to read Relative and James do you want
to do stage direction? – Yep. – [Jason] Just right down the line. – Let’s do it. – All right. Interial, int- – Interial! – Very good start. Interior hospital room, day. A man, Gerald, lies in the hospital bed, surrounded by immediate fa– – That is not what it says. – Well, okay, lies in his hospital bed. I will read your typos too, then. – Oh no, my god, I do have a lot! – [James] Stacey McTypo. – That’s what they call me. – Stacy McTypo. – I’m sorry. A man, Gerald, lies in his hospital bed surrounded by immediate family. The mood is serious
but not tragically sad. – Good to know. – It’s my time, I feel it. Remember how much I love you all, and most of all that
we’ll be together again. – Gerald coughs and dies. – Strong start. – His family cries. (Stacey sings “do do do”s) Beautiful music begins to play as an angel in a white
robe enters the room. – Gerald, are you ready? – Gerald wakes and sits up. His family never notices him or the angel. – [Jason] So he’s like dead, right? – Okay perfect. – It’s like a spirit read, basically. I am. – How do you want to move
on to the other side? Because you have some options. – The angel hands him a card. – Oh, wow, options? – Yeah, it’s the new angel policy. – Gerald selects the card. – Well, let’s do the everything
goes soothingly numb. – Music starts. (Mallory sings “do do do”s) – You got it. – Do I need to do anything? – That’s still you. – No, there’s a. – Oh sorry. At this moment his tongue goes
numb, messing up his speech. – Oh, oh it tharth in your mouth. – His neck goes limp. – Oh, that’th awkward
and a little bit painful. – Gerald, don’t fight
it, just let it happen. – [James] His right arm and leg limp. – Okay thith ith scary, stop, thtop! – Music and numbing instantly end. – [Stacey] That was horrible. – Yeah most people don’t react
that way, but that’s okay, you have options. Can I suggest the option where everything goes peacefully dark like
you’re falling asleep? It’s like falling asleep. – [Mallory] It’s like falling asleep. – Okay but I’m a little
nervous in the dark. – Music begins and the
lights begin to dim. (Mallory sings “do do do”s) – Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. – As soon as it gets close to pitch black, angel warmly puts his
hand on Gerald’s shoulder. (Stacey screams) Gerald swings at the angel, slapping him. The music stops and the lights brighten. – What was that for? – I’m sorry, I was mugged in the dark, that’s how I ended up in the hospital. – Well that’s completely fine. Is there another way you’d rather try? – Angel is really chill about it. – It’s completely fine. – That’s completely fine. – 100% normal. – Gerald checks the card. – Oh, although cliche, walking
into the light sounds nice. – Music begins again. – All right, well follow me. (Mallory singing “do do do”s) – An ultra bright white light
shoots through the door. Angel calmly walks toward it as Gerald is instantly blinded in his bed. – Oh yeah, I can’t see. Where are you? – Just follow my voice
and walk into the light. – As he climbs out of his bed, he bumps into medical
equipment and family, tripping and stumbling
until he composes himself and in an attempt to exit smoothly, he confidently and firmly
walks into the door frame. – Ow my face. – Are you okay? – The light in the door goes
out and the music stops. – It’s a safety hazard,
someone could get hurt or die! – You’re already dead. – Clever joke! (Mallory makes trombone noises) Didn’t see that one coming. Too soon, my body is like right there. – Gerald, many people
every day make this journey without a problem. – I’m sorry, I’ve never died before, okay? – You’re right, I apologize. – Such a nice angel. – Hey, hey Gerald! I’m sorry. – [Jason] He’s an angel, he can
quickly forgive and move on. – I think he was being more of
a you’re right, you’re right, I’m annoying. – I apologize. Is there another way you’d like to try? – No performance is going
to save this, so let’s not, it doesn’t even freaking matter. – Gerald looks at the card. – Can we try blink of an eye? – [James] Music comes on. – Of course, now stand close. All I’m going to do is clap my hands. – That’s it? (clap) – The angel holds his hands up. – Ooops. Yes sir, one, two. – Wait what does it feel like? – Nothing. One, two. – Wait! The suspense from
the counting is killing me. – Okay, no counting. – The angel raises his hands and right as he’s about
to bring them together – Wait! Watching isn’t helping either. – Then turn around. – Gerald turns around. – I really wrote a doozy. – The angel lifts his hands and just as he brings them together. – Stop, I can’t do this. – Gerald, I’m kind of on
a tight schedule, okay? We’ve got to do this now. – [Stacey] This is really long, guys. – I love it, though, I’m
loving that it’s continuing. – Let’s try the last option. – Guidance by a relative is a favorite. – Music comes on. (Mallory sings “do do do”s) – Oh, there’s so many people I love and miss dearly, I can’t. – A relative dressed in
simple white clothes enters. – You? Get out of here! – The relative instantly leaves. – That’s fair. – No explanation! I think there’s some really dark stuff that’s happened and you’re
just supposed to know. – [James] Everyone is
so subjective to Gerald. – Gerald is in the driver’s seat. – Gerald, get it together! You are a grown man and I
am this close to losing it if you don’t stop right now, okay? – [James] Pause. – I want to speak with your boss. – I’m done, go back to your body because you’re not going anywhere today. – Angel rushes out of the room. Gerald, excited, runs back to the bed and jumps into it, sitting up quickly. – I’m back! – He scares his family,
causing his wife to swing, punching him in the face. The heart monitor instantly flat lines. Angel enters again. – Oh my gosh. – Ugh, just come with
me, we’ll take the train. – That is six pages of pure bliss. – Yes, yes, yes. – There weren’t even like
side comic jokes about it, it was just like ooo. – I love that he dies because
he gets punched in the face. – His wife is strong. – Very strong, which we’ve established. – I wanted to do a take on like, different ways people are like dying is like walking into the light or it’s in the blink of an eye. – It’s a solid concept for sure. – Concept, yes. The concept is like,
there’s something there. – Where as mine didn’t
even have a solid concept, so you got me there. – But you had references, Jason. – You had references,
you had old references, plus my favorite was still
the Chinese accountant dude. – Toy Story. – Everyone watch Dark
Knight and you’ll be like ooo, that’s funny. – I bet people for real are like. – That’s gold. – At least your sketch went quickly. This took some time to get through. – It was six pages. – I mean, you’re taking it
as many places as you can go. You gotta explore it. – I tend to do this thing, though, where I think I was trying to get, like, three to five movements. But I also do this thing
where I put more in my scripts to see how people react. – Right, and then you
pare them down afterward. – [Stacey] But that’s
a double edged sword. – Yeah, well, yeah. The risk is you’ll, like. – It’s so long that it’s like. – Like people will be so
like, out of it by the end. – Falling asleep. – I want to know what that relative did. – I know. – Me too! – [Mallory] He must have been bad. – You should write a sequel sketch. – And they know it, not just the relative. – I also really like, it’s just a little nugget in the middle, where you realize that he
died because he got mugged. He’s like an old man but
he’s like no, but actually. – You’re like I gotta make this joke work. Rrr, he died when he got mugged. – I think you could all tell, like, my dark sense of humor is
always held right at bay. Like I probably would have been
a little more savage, like. – [Mallory] Oh of course. – He was ran over by a city
bus and then mugged by, I don’t know, it was bad. – He was ran over by a bus
down a flight of stairs. – Down stairs! – He was flung to some stairs. – He was mugged off a cliff. It was bad. – I love it! – Gerald did not know. – It’s good stuff. – It’s hard reading these again, because I remember
reading it the first time and being like yeah, no one
really responded to that. And to read it again, it’s like oh yeah. – That’s what happened. – Uh, should we stop? – Well that was fun. We had so much fun that our
fancy film light went out. But we are so pumped about this wonderful stuff
that everyone brought today. – [Mallory] Thank you, guys. – Thanks for having us on the show. – Wonderful is a strong word, but yeah. – It was fine. – Thank you so much, remember
to send in your submissions. – Yes. – Submit anything, we’ll take everything. – And don’t worry, unless
you want us to say your name. – Yeah unless you want us
to give you a shout out, we won’t say your name. We totally get it. – [email protected] Uh, bye! – G’bye! (pop theme music)

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