Tony Robbins: Stop Your Negative Thinking (Tony Robbins Depression)


[Applause] most of us think we have a problem in our life unless we have something that’s a bigger problem to contrast it with and when you see this Toria you walk through their exact life experience of the course of these two years the year that we work with them is thirty days but you see the course of what’s happened to them by finding out what’s happening a year later you begin to understand that it doesn’t matter what happens in your life you were more than any moment there’s no challenge you can’t face and overcome are the events of our lives don’t control our lives our decisions do and so I figured if we could take a couple that has faced this bigger challenge and be able to break through then you could look whatever’s in your life and they could happen it’s kind of like if I wanted to show you that you could face your biggest fear though your smaller fears kind of drop aside it’s like what what’s your biggest fear today one of the biggest fears so many people in North America around the world the Western world of facing is losing their job it’s a horrific possibility it has impact on your family your psychology or emotion so many things are choices but the truth of the matter is what’s a problem losing your job is a massive problem until you find yourself in a position where you lose all your savings what it took you maybe 10 years of working to get then what’s the problem after losing your savings that’s not a problem anymore when all of a sudden you lose your leg or an arm or something horrific happens to one of your children that’s not a problem when someone tells you all of a sudden that you have terminal cancer so I’ve had those moments where somebody says you’ve got that tumor in your brain and we don’t know what it means those moments take your other problems and make them disappear and you know it’s interesting when you ask most people in North America what’s the greatest thing that could ever happen to you give them 10 seconds it’s been done over and over again first 10 seconds what comes your mind what’s the best thing you’d ever happen in your life the majority of people in North America say what can you guess winning the lottery and many of them say winning a hundred million dollar lottery two hundred million dollar lottery that’s what’s going to make their quality of life extraordinary but when you do the studies and they’ve been many done over the last 15 or 20 years and people that win these giant lotteries what are their lives like two years later three years later five years later is the quality of their life extraordinary rarely if ever because what’s happened is they haven’t grown they haven’t life gives us these events these quote horrific events because there’s an area of our life that has to grow if you were to ask me Tony out of all the millions of people you’ve worked with if someone really wants to feel alive they want joy they want happiness they don’t just want money or things or just even respect they want to feel a sense that life is meaningful and alive what does it take I tell you one word progress when you’re making progress in your life it doesn’t matter where it is you’re gonna feel more alive if you’re overweight will you get yourself today and you say you know what I’m stepping into gear I’m just putting these darn shoes on I’m not waiting for the perfect you know person to come by and coach me I’ll get that too but right now I’m just going for a walk or I’m gonna go for a jog or I’m going to go lift some weights I’m going to do something right now and you get yourself in the gear you do that for a few days in a row even if you haven’t lost the 10 20 or 30 pounds yet you’re going to start feeling better immediately because you have the power of momentum and you’re making progress progress equals growth growth equals feeling alive we grow or we die so what’s the worst thing that could ever happen in your life same survey asked the people in North America 10 seconds come up with the answer number one answer to become a quadriplegic that’s why I made the show because the idea that I could be in a position where I’d be alive but I couldn’t physically feed myself take care of myself that I’d be completely immobilized for most people that’s the scariest thought of all to them that’s the worst possible fear so by going to this journey with Frank and Kristin and experiencing your emotions and seeing and feeling that in 30 days they could go from trapped in their home where there is no possibility of a future no idea of intimacy no idea of children to Adler’s who are doing things they weren’t doing before we use quote supposedly able-bodied happier and stronger and closer in their love than ever before and you know it’s real and you see the results a year later as we do the follow-ups and you haven’t seen the follow-ups be sure to see that here about the story what’s happening with them when you get that experience affects you because it isn’t somebody verbally telling you a story it’s something you kind of went through so the idea here is I’m sure you have some other fears outside the one we just came up with whatever you’re afraid of the job the loss of relationship trust me it’s small if you’ll face a bigger fear that little fear will start to be handled pretty easily that’s why when all of us go through in our lives extreme stress we’re all going to go through it you’re have a home burned down or something’s going to happen if somebody you love or someone’s going to pass before you’re prepared for it which is almost always or you’re going to find yourself in a financial situation that feels like you can’t turn it around or you might feel like personal character assassination or maybe you get mugged or maybe you get a terminal disease we all will face multiple times in our life extreme stress the difference in people’s lives is not what we face it’s what we do with what we face you can take yourself from a place where in the face of absolute total tragedy you triumph but it requires making some new decisions taking some new actions and mastering a part of yourself that can unleash all of your power and abilities human being that human spirit as corny as it sounds can be channeled in a very specific way and if you do the game of life changes so I’ll give you another example hi Frank and Kristen a friend of mine who just passed recently he’s always been a deep inspiration man his name is art Berg and arts a guy that was a young man good-looking strong athletic he lived in Utah and he fell in love with his absolute sweetheart she was you know the most popular girl the most attractive girl she met all the criteria of a college boy and his buddy here driving across the state to go to where he’s going to get married and he falls asleep in the backseat while his best friend is driving and his best friend falls asleep in the middle of the night as they’re driving my friend art Berg woke up rather intensely on the desert floor the car upside down his legs trapped beneath it and unable to feel anything he became a quadriplegic in an instant his friend actually was beat up but actually survived now what do you do in a situation like that well the first thing most people do is they want to curse God or they want to curse their friend it’s not their fault most of what happens in our lives is not our fault but what we do with it is going to determine the quality of our lives sometimes it is our fault let’s be honest but lots of times events happen stuff happens or whatever word you want to play stuff with it you know what I’m talking about but was different about this man if he made a different set of decisions on that day he said to himself you know what I got two choices I can live here in the dirt and live and suffer the rest of my life when I’ve lost so I can figure out I maximize what I have he developed this mindset his mindset was before the accident there were about probably 10,000 things I could do after the accident he said I could probably do 9,000 things before the accident I was probably not even doing 500 of those things I’m going to be more while I am now and he did he became an entrepreneur start his own bookstore became very successful he married the same childhood sweetheart because this man was so inspirational be around it didn’t matter what they was in a chair she loved him he had two children or the greatest gifts of life and he did all kinds of crazy things he’s scuba dive his friends would put him in a suit and tie a set of weights to me flopped to the bottom they dragged him along the bottom met with his idea of scuba diving he was incredible human being and he lived an incredibly full life filled with joy the worst thing ever happened to you being quadriplegic the best thing when a lottery I feel like everybody wants something from you and you didn’t earn it and there’s no sense of joy and everything’s about trying to hang on to what you got what is the best thing that happened to you what is the worst the worst is not to take control to the force that controls your life and that force is human emotion I mean I want you to think about this and answer question for me if you would what really changed Frank and Kristen’s quality of life what changed them you can see the change you can see it even more a year later that it’s continued to happen what made the change possible did you get it did you see it the answer is simple we change the emotional pattern that was controlling their life and you and I have emotional patterns that are controlling us right now whether well aware of it consciously or not doesn’t matter it’s the force that is shaping you is shaping your relationship that’s shaping your finances it’s shaping your career it’s shaping the amount of joy or unhappiness or suffering or excitement you have right now in this moment but it’s an invisible force most of us never take a look at you might want to take a look at it right now through the eyes of what we did was Frank and Kristin now what was the emotional pattern that was dominating them at the beginning of the show he could feel it couldn’t you so there was this feeling of death that there was no future probably the most common belief system in people in North America now in Europe 60 percent of America has now believed that the future is going to be worse than the past for themselves and for their kids 70 percent of Germans and Europeans I think it’s 80 percent according to Pew study recently in France around the world we’re starting to believe that circumstances control who we are don’t get me wrong circumstances play a huge impact events play a huge impact on your life but they’re not the ultimate determining factor the force of human spirit or emotion is it with the right emotion you can unleash things you could never dream of I know you know this is true so take a look let’s analyze where do these two live after the accident well where would you live if you were Kristen I mean you’ve lost your future supposedly there’s no intimacy there’s no chance of children you become the full-time nurse to your husband who you love but now you’re changing his catheter every few hours you’re afraid to leave the house because you’re afraid what if he falls over he may stop breathing I mean there’s no life so she goes from the emotions of feeling depressed to the life she’s lost to feeling angry I call it a crazy eight we get tired of feeling sad and then we’ll get angry for a while and then we beat ourselves up for being angry at ourselves or God or up and then we get all depressed again it’s a common pattern you don’t have to have something like their event happening your life to get stuck in a crazy a but interestingly enough she’s living in that place and now what what’s Frank doing Frank wants to help his wife but he’s got a limitation we got a breakthrough he’s got a belief all breakthrough start with a change in your beliefs because once you believe how something is that means you’re certain that’s how it is and you’re certainly can’t change you’re right II can’t I can’t convince you no one else can convince you in Frank’s thinking I’m helpless and I’ve harmed my wife and he’s living with the emotions of guilt and sadness and depression when he’s tired that he gets completely overwhelmed because he says if I just would have not jumped in or if I would have jumped in a different spot or a million of the things that they were different then I wouldn’t have destroyed my wife’s life instead of thing my wife needs me right now and I don’t give a damn if I’m strapped physically in this chair my soul my spirits going to reach her that’s my assignment to get him to remember that power to not a given remember it but to get him to use it and shift his wife and that’s what we did through this process how well the process really was giving him a series of experiences that would change his entire belief about who he is I could try to tell him oh here’s what you can do and yeah I’m six foot seven and I obviously I’ve used of all my appendages easy for me right but if I give him to have some experiences like I bring him to Fiji and I show me and get out of the house morning the house they come a world traveler and go through all the challenges that are part of that that if you watched our little section and the story behind the story you’ll hear some things that weren’t in the show about that by the way but I gave him a travel a Fiji and the first thing I got to do within this I got to get into experience not know intellectually but experience he can make a difference for his wife he is not helpless she needs him and he can transform her he can take her from crying sound out-of-control angry – laughing and giggling and feeling love that fast it’s a beautiful moment the Shelf you watched and all this is something called presence something if you’re not clear clear about do some homework follow up with us or someone else figure out how to create that because that’s what changes relationships presence it works any strength starts to understand not verbally but by his own experience hey you know I don’t have to live in that sadness or that feeling of being unworthy or that feeling of being over well I I can matter I can matter to her I don’t have to be the person she just takes care of there’s a huge shift in the experience and I’m giving you Frank’s example because it relates to yours may be of different emotions but then we all get the points where we feel like we don’t matter we can’t change something or stuck in it’s our belief great way to break that belief to get yourself another experience that’s what I do with people in seminars that’s what they do in any coaching process change it what we do after that we take him through the experience of facing his fears and we get him to do the skydive together with his lady and he feels total freedom for the first time since the accident you get freedom when you face your fear not just face it but you push through it I get a separation from his lady for ten days get him to be in a room with Olympic athletes who couldn’t move across the room he couldn’t move God through him but now they’re incredible he feels like he’s not enough and he has to push through that show him how to get back his dream drive his truck give him that thing and drive 100 miles an hour even though all you got is your elbows to drive the darn thing and I’m on the other seat pretty cool thing so it was a stacking of these experiences that got Frank to own himself in a new way to build a new identity a new set of emotional patterns so here are the steps and this is what you want to do what I do with him I did four things that’s all I really did and it’s core number one for both of them for Frank and Kristin to transform I identified where do they live emotionally that’s what you got to do where do they live emotionally well we just decided to subscribe where they live depression anger and one said feeling guilty feeling overwhelmed and feeling sad on the other there’s no way that can change their life with that is the emotional fuel to get you to take action you’re not going to take action there’s not enough intensity to get you to get through the obstacles or the tragedies or the challenges once you see what the pattern is and you tell yourself the truth this is where I’m living step two I did with them because identified what’s the antidote so if fear is what’s controlling things right now we need an antidote called courage now courage doesn’t mean that you’re not scared courage just simply means that you’re scared of death but you do it anyway it’s an emotional muscle it doesn’t feel good you just exercise it that’s what courage is I mean everybody you know has different emotional patterns and it may be hard to see in yourself but I bet you know and other people I mean come on don’t you know somebody who lives every day and they’re angry all the time where they pissed off or they’re frustrated or they’re worried all the time I mean haven’t you met people at different times who don’t you know somebody that’s always kind of playful or crazy or cracking jokes better yet do you know somebody who’s not really funny but they think they are and there’s he tells stupid joke and everything else it’s not even funny but they crapped himself up so much that you find yourself cracking up right I mean people have patterns the question is what’s yours see if you can identify the patterns and other people you can start to see them and yourself as well and you know what we all do we all find a way to try to get what I call home home is I noticed after 9/11 I’m with two thousand plus people from I think was 45 countries that was in Hawaii the accidents happened the tragedy happened you know the the attacks happened and we got the information at 3 o’clock in the morning Hawaii and we had you know 100-plus people 200 people that were from New York many of which little worked and had offices and friends in the towers and all the friends died there the whole company disappeared I had to bring these people in from all these countries with different religions different backgrounds different belief systems some people were celebrating other people are crying and saying was the end times it was unbelievable I noticed all this emotion around me and the biggest thing to put them all together is I had to say what what’s really going on here and I noticed angry people got angry sad people got sad guilty people the nurse she was guilty she wasn’t there helping people but she’s always guilty the angry lady is always angry we all have a home maybe that people didn’t live in the United States didn’t know anyone in New York City and they were yet angry – you’re sad why they weren’t hangry guilty sad about the 3,000 people a day that died of cancer in heart disease they’re all mothers fathers children I pointed out that day it can’t be convenient with your compassion and yet most of us are we’re unaware that we use events as a trigger to get home back to the patterns we know even if it’s uncomfortable so if you identify where you live emotionally the patterns are limiting you the second piece is find the antidote courage can replace fear if you’re feeling this unbelievable feeling of overwhelmed you need love or support and not just go get it go give it see finding that antidote starts to change the game and then after you identify it you find the antidote number three is you got to practice that emotion I know that sounds weird I’ll explain what I mean in the moment but you got to do that emotion enough consciously that you can go from frustrated or depressed to determined and you know how to shift that gear and it’s not fake it’s not some pump up it’s real and it changes your life when you can do that like that and it’s a biochemical change it’s not some I’m happy I’m happy I’m happy positive thinking BS that’s not what I teach I’m not here to tell you go to your garden and chant there’s no weeds I’m going to say there’s a weed go pull it out but you’re not going to pull it out without determination without passion without commitment am i making sense so if you know the pattern if you find the antidote if you practice it enough and then the final step you condition it do you practice enough that you can just automatically go into it that’s when your life changes so what are you going to do is your assignment for this week to take this little ten minute you know rant on giving you and convert it into a massive measurable increase in the quality of your life I can’t do that for you you can do it for yourself if you do what I tell you here’s what you’re going to do step one and those of you on the web as well step one you gotta identify where you live so where do you live where do you live emotionally you personally just like we did with Frank and Kristen there are thousands of emotions there’s 4,000 words in the human in the English language I should say four different individual emotions the research on it years ago I’m after you take out a piece paper pen take out your you know you know computer get a page on one side one column like all the emotions that you experience at least once a week that empower you in some way flower passion excitement creativity whatever it is peace determinate I don’t know what are yours I want you to write the emotion as though you don’t experience once in a while the ones you’re experienced at least once a week a powerful way and really feel it not an emotion feel once every blue moon on the other side of that page or if you do it on our little application or wherever we put it here the other side I want to write all the negative emotions or to be more fair all emotions can be positive you use them all the disempowering emotions the ones that tend to put your state we don’t follow through and I want you on that side right all of them and do it simultaneously just keep making your less what are the emotions I go into that mess me up like feeling frustrated or overwhelmed or lost or alone or depress or to stop and rageful whatever it is you go and again not emotions your experience once in a while the ones you experience at least once a week so make a list of all the emotions experience at least once a week ones that empower you once this empower you on the list that’s step one that’s identifying where you live and circle the top two out of the whole list that you experience most often that are empowering and the top two experience most often that are disempowered that will be step one top you I’m trying to explain it to you here it’ll be right in front of you as well so if you forget what I’m saying it’s going to be on the little checklist I want you know what I mean step two let’s identify the solution so you look at your list and you see on the disappearing list I got sadness and depression I got feeling lonely or I’ve got feeling rage and anger or I got feeling fear what emotional state would you like to feel in that situation that would change your life if it’s fear maybe it’s courage again courage doesn’t mean it’s easy doesn’t mean you feel you know confident just means you’re going to do it anyway maybe it’s determination maybe instead of feeling alone you feel loving and you go give to somebody else what’s the what’s an emotional pattern that if you live that would change the game is it faith is it passion is it courage is it playfulness you’re taking things just too damn seriously he’s forgotten perspective go watch the show again see if you really have a problem see if your problem is or is challenging is the people you just saw who transform their tragedy into something tremendous something beautiful something magnificent something meaningful something that can even help other people that are watching that’s the beauty so that’s the second step what’s the answer do come up with your answer total motion step 3 is you got to practice that emotion I know that sounds silly stupid kind of weird but if you came to a seminar with me you’d see you know three thousand ten thousand people we do this and we condition that a new motion till you can shift gears have you ever heard about the firewalk it’s not about the firewalk I do skydiving all kinds of crazy stuff it’s a metaphor for how do I go from afraid fires metaphor for whatever you don’t follow through and on your life whatever holds you back – snapping going to state of mind where I just moved through it’s not this big mind over matter thing it’s mind over emotion it’s shifting and when you learn how to go from scare to determine an action what can’t you do on your life so we show you how to do that but for right now I’ll give you just a quick example understand that emotion is really created by emotion by the way you use your body so quick exact real quick imagine a time when you know someone who’s depressed or you were depressed you ever felt that way I’m sure you have at some time and think about what you do with your body when somebody’s depressed they get all excited talk faster or just know everything kind of slows down doesn’t it well that was your shoulders they drop where’s your head when you’re depressed drops but you’re breathing full or shallow ENL becomes shallow you talk loud and fast or slow and quiet slow and quiet more hesitant now emotion is created by emotion we can try and think yourself and I’m happy I’m happy because you go I’m happy I’m happening your body’s like this nothing is going to change we can change our biochemistry by eating by taking a drug by smoking a cigarette because you take a different breath you eat food you like go up your tummy and you start to breathe nice your whole mental emotional state changes doesn’t so what I’m saying is you don’t need the cigarette you don’t actually need the food you can just physically learn to say this is what I do when I’m depressed this is what I do want to most determine that’s just this gesture I made I remember one time when I was a kid at one time I got pissed off and I just what do they do I’ve made a gesture I stood taller I look the person in the eye I spoke with more authority now my idea passion determination may be a little off the top for you and I get it I’m a crazy mofo and I I’m a passionate human being but you can do your version what do you do when you’re really feeling something like determined what do you do when you were passionate with your face with your voice with your body just practice it make a contrast here’s what I do when I’m sad here’s what I do when I feel loved here’s what I do when I’m worried here’s what I do when I’m determined that’s what I mean by practice and I’d love to have you in an event but I’m trying to give this to you so you can do it right now and you can and it may be able to be helpful to do with friends so they can give you feedback and say here’s what you do I see you do this when you’re really strong as you do that when you’re kind of weak that’s the third step practice now what’s the assignment figure out your emotions where do you let positive negative what are the big primary one antidotes what emotions do you need practice the emotions you need so you can go into them a few times sound a little weird but if you do it you’ll see it’s actually quite fun feels powerful maybe do it with a friend that’s the easy way to do it and condition it and that means take the next three days do this three times figure out the difference and shift from not sure worry to determine from overwhelm I don’t know what to do to focus and you just deliberately physically make the change from one to the other three times for three days if you’re bold do it for seven but if you do this three or four times a day for three to seven days I’ll start to get a pattern in your body and the pattern in your body a new pattern means the new life our life’s a reflection of our motion patterns if you live in sadness and depression you could have a billion dollars in your life is called SATA test if you’re living feeling grateful failing alive feeling passionate your life is filled with gratitude compassion doesn’t matter what’s happening anywhere else and you can face any challenge from those emotions and you can overcome this make sense this is how you can take what you watch in that show and convert it into some actions that will change you very simple approach or come see me or get some coaching I’ve got all kinds of resources but this is something you can do right now you don’t need anybody else to make happen you just need a little ability to take action make sense and if you haven’t seen the show for godsakes go on Hulu and watch the show or all this will just sound like a bunch of words you’ve had the experience you know what I’m talking about you’ve witnessed it it’ll be reeling you right now and you’ll get a sense of what you can do to move forward and if you can’t find on Hulu once again send us a little email we’ll make sure we find a way for you to be able to observe or experience the show directly and last thing I say T is the best way to keep something in your body is share with somebody else the whole philosophy of my life has been if your life’s going to be meaningful you can’t just hit me about me you got to be about whee so if you can if you feel like it if your spirits touched by this help us pay it forward share this with your friends you can share the clip of our show you can share this little section the all kinds of ways just take the clip and send it we’ve ever way you can push a button at once again send it virally to everybody everybody who’s on your email list we’d love it if that works for you if you don’t we’re totally respectful of that but in the end I could promise you one thing if you will do this if you’ll discover your current emotional pattern and you’ll change it through a little bit of practice over and over again you will change the quality of your life no matter what you’re facing make sense thanks for taking the time I hope this was close to ten minutes I went a little crazy but it’s really just designed to try to really serve you so till I see again hopefully next week live strong and live a passion god bless

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