This Racist Plastic Surgery Is…Yikes (with Ali Siddiq & Chris Cotton)

This Racist Plastic Surgery Is…Yikes (with Ali Siddiq & Chris Cotton)


I’m doing what aunties do
when they’re at a party, a white aunt goes to. Guys, burgers are ready. There’s a white girl,
a black guy’s white mother-in-law going to his house
for the first time. Hey.
Burgers… Am I doing it? Burgers are up.
Put those Goddamn hands down. Am I doing it? Put those Goddamn hands down. Chris does your family like me?
I’m doing it. I swear to God if you don’t put
your motherfucking hands down. I’m doing the thing,
I’m like you guys. I like spicy sauces. I swear to God. I love being here.
Black barbecues are a mood. Black Lou sent us this story
that I love and I figure Ali, Chris,
you guys have your fingers on the pulse of white people
who identify as black Americans. You know this weird fucked up
version of blackface that some people are doing? I mean Rachel Dolezal, I thought
she would have deterred this from ever happening again. I don’t know man. But it started a new faction
I guess. No. It’s crazy. I haven’t even read the story,
I just saw the pictures. I believe… I saw the screen capture… I believe the chosen ones,
the Jews, have said it best where it’s
a lot of chutzpah to do this. Which means sack, it’s sack. It takes a lot of swinging,
hairy sack to fucking do this
on a talk show. Why
dashiki? Why a dashiki?! Oh, they’re black!
They don’t, they identity as black
and they’ll hold onto that. She’s got nothing to do with it.
He just came… That’s merch from
a Michael Blackman show I went to last night. But he supports live comedy
and buys the merch. You gotta appreciate that.
Mothersucker. Mothersucker on the back. The guy does one thing right.
He supports live comedy. He supports live comedy
and the merch of said comedian. White glamor model Martina
Big made headlines for her thirty-two S breasts… White glamor model? …In black skin which she obtained
from tanning injections. Injections? Injections. What the fuck? One year there she
traveled to Kenya to be baptized as black.
Is that even a thing? Never heard of that.
Never heard of that. You can’t even do that. The best part is,
as she claimed local clergyman even declared her to be
a true African woman. So she …
exactly what happened is, she went up
to an African guy … she was like… can you baptize me as black?
Here’s seven thousand dollars. She wasn’t bad. He was like, “Yeah.” That was her? You want to be me? Why do you say? What’d you say, white woman? This is a trap. This is a trap?
You are trappin’ me. Is this some sort
of amusement for you? Oh yeah? Fuck you. You are fucking with me?
I want to be white. But she wasn’t bad! She wanted to have black babies,
all she had to do was just wait. Somebody would’ve got her! She Little Kimed herself. She Little Kimed
her fuckin’ self. How does that look like… That’s her in the white?!
Yeah. I would have took
the white one down. She would have got
this black baby. She would have got
this black baby. Why doesn’t she get it
fuckin’ old school style. Yeah, she even looks
pretty fucked up. They can’t stop.
They can’t stop. She like good thick. The one on the right looks like
when Sweet D does that
Puerto Rican character on Always Sunny.
Shut up, stupid! See, this is when white people
don’t have nothin’ else to do. This is pure boredom. I’ve done everything, now, I’m gonna have aspirations
of bein’ black. But she can quit. She can quit
whenever she wants to. She sure can. Even though,
it’d be funny if she does. She goes, “You know what,
I’m goin’ back to bein’ white.” And the guy goes. “Hey, you cannot change.
I went through whole ceremony.” “I am the only one
who can bring you back.” I mean, it wasn’t solidified until she put that black girl’s
right chain around her neck. That’s how you know. That was double middle fingers. That’s the necklace? I thought that was a screen,
they put the screen… No, that’s a real necklace.
That’s a real necklace, bro. That’s a black girl… She did the same thing.
She did a Little Kim thing. Do you think she got emotional when someone gave her
that chain? Oh she cried. By the way, go back to the… When she’s in the pink
right there, she actually looks like
a racist Sambo drawing. Ah, man. That’s crazy. She should be singing “Is you,
is you, is you, ain’t my baby. If you is come on
give me a kiss.” This is fucked up. You could see this woman is just
clearly mentally insane from… I mean… I could also see she’s white. Yeah, but she went and got like
beach ball tits and then was like, “This isn’t doin’ it enough,
let me get some tan injections.” Who like that though?
The breasts that big. Who like…
What do you do with that? I love big titties. No, that’s too much. Like real big breasts? Oh yeah, of course.
I don’t mind implants. Big implants are cool.
That’s crazy. Dan’s treadin’ light. No, I goes Double D. You get to E, you start
gettin’ a little dangerous. After G, I mean who’s that for? That’s gotta be uncomfortable. Like what do you do with those? You carryin’ weight
like you’re squattin’ three fifteen the time. Here’s the power of pussy… Let’s just sit back
and revel in awe of it. Cause she has some fuckin’ dude who looks like a fat
used car dealership owner who’s also sittin’ down next to
her and goin’ “You were black”. He goes, “Yeah, baby,
I’m black too. Look at me. Whatever you wanna be.
What are you sayin’, baby. Listen, I’ve got some black guys that say we’re black
we’re fuckin’ black.” Party of two, me and my wife.
We’re blacks. Yeah. So, you know,
bring us black food. Yeah, you know. I don’t know.
Jesus. Doesn’t he look like a guy
who says that? He don’t even know what food. You know, the other parts
of the meat or whatever. The other parts of the thing. How do you say that? What’s in that? Oh you’re gonna
feed people that. You treat me like a I’m a black man walkin’ in here. Hey, it’s me.
I’m a Nubian Prince. Fuckin’ leave me alone.
What is this fuckin’ guy? You treat my Queen like that? Tell me what? Go back to Africa?
Go back to Africa? I’ll fuckin’ send you back
to Africa. I would love to return
to the cradle of civilization. Original man.
Original man came through there. The white devil’s out there
tryin’ to steal your shit. Don’t make me put my big black
fist across your fuckin’ face. I’m gonna go home
and fuck my wife big fat ass. Fuckin’ fat ass. Black Italian. We’re gonna go home, she’s gonna
fry us up some grits and I’m gonna forget
about my day. I swear to God. I swear to God, you’re gonna get me
to fuckin’ sing us all a song. What? They’re runnin’
Good Times reruns on TV one? Well dynamite! I’ll tell you this. I’m done! I’m done! That information is… dynamite! Please pull the video up. Please say we have
audio of this guy. We’ve given him a whole life. Just from one picture
we got a whole thing. He goes, good news is didn’t
have to trade in the Cadillac. It’s the one thing that
made it to the other side. Cadillac holds up.
And my Brasure was doin’ good. And of course they’re from
some goofy fuckin’ nation. …havin’ babies.
You’ve been told by a doctor that your children
will be black. Yup. They said
they will be black. We are not having plans, but I am discussing labor with
my doctor with everything… Is she Swedish? That sounds like
some goofy ass Scandinavian. Did she get a surgery where they
sewed her cheeks to her teeth? Why is she talking like… She sounds, she sounds
Scandinavian. If you hear it, she’s like, “The doctor says
that we have the black baby, but they also,
they injection did not work.” It’s like Engrish. And also is my black boyfriend.
Dude, this chick is… I can’t wait till he talks.
I hope he just goes, “Ah, yeah! What up, what up?
What’s good, talk show?!” What if he Ali G’s it?
He’s British. Please just have his voice. That’s what we’re
all waitin’ for. This goofy shithead.
Can’t talk. We gotta hear his voice. Yeah, her fuckin’
Swedish chef voice was buggin’
the word out’ve me. flerky flerky turkey And the baby, the baby flerkin’
with the He was almost tradin’ places,
that’s crazy. Dude, what’s up
with his contacts. Ah, Hell man. Does he have fuckin’ contacts. He got a method man eye? How ever do you want it?
How ever do you need it? I’d like to identify
as a black kitten. Does he have a method man eye? Just one of ’em? Dude, that’d be so great if just
one of ’em was widened out. He’s got half his hair
corn road. Dude, that’ great.
That’s their first dance? Hey, let me take
my fang grill out. He goes, “Sorry, bro.
I wasn’t… I watched tales, I was
watchin’ Tales from the Hood.” Oh, the production was lovely. They had sandwiches
in the back for us. cappicola, prosicutto,
mozzerella Oh man. She should have stopped
right there with the massive tits,
not the huge tits. She should have stopped
right there. When she was white, when she was
in the white outfit lookin’ like a Dallas
cowgirl cheerleader, she should have stopped
right there. That’s when she would’ve
got that money. She would have got the baby
money shot right there. On the left?
Right there on the left. You’re tellin’ me there’s not
a low level Russian gangster
that won’t fuckin’ … Of course. You know my lady friend. She’d make herself a cartoon.
That’s fuckin’ crazy. But we say it goes that way
with all of ’em. You think she has
an ex-boyfriend that fucked her
when she was there and then she showed back up
and he was like, “Yes!” What happened to you? If you gonna let her get one
or two surgeries like that, that’s the moment
when you’re like yeah, perfect. I think she either attacks you
to fuck like Rambo or it’s you think
you’re against a mud wall and then she just
opens her eyes. You just see the eyes
and the pink. That’s predator! Dude, that’d be funny
if you were fuckin’ her and you were like,
“What the Hell are you?” What the Hell are you? She comes in the room and you get the three
red dots on your chest. If you completely can kill it.
She’s just in her face. What the Hell are you?
She’d suck his… We were talkin’ before you came
in early about Little Kim. She could have stopped
that surgery. If she stopped the surgery
at fuckin’ Notorious K.I.M. She should have stopped it
after the second one. She should have never had… Agreed. She should have put
whatever little breasts… but the squat joint
was the best. She should have never went
past Little Kim squattin’ down that album.
That was it. I think that’s no surgery. That’s no surgery. We’re tellin’ people
who’re gonna go for it anyway. People who are gonna go
for it no matter what. Michael Jackson could have
stopped at Thriller and been alright. Yeah, he was burnt, but yeah he
could have stopped at Thriller. He had the vitiligo after that. Yeah he had the vitiligo, but… And the fact that it wasn’t
as cool as it is now. She could have stopped
right there. There weren’t catalogs
tellin’ kids at school. Yeah, now it’s just… Like Sammy Sosa. She could have stopped
right there. Sammy Sosa is creepy as fuck. And that’s just
the cartoon version. That’s not even
the real Kim version. Kim could have stopped
right there and it was a wrap. Oh that lady’s weird tits. So she just went mentally insane
and then just fuckin’ was like, “I’m just gonna… How do I get
the most attention possible? I just dye my skin.” And druga dude down with her.

91 thoughts on “This Racist Plastic Surgery Is…Yikes (with Ali Siddiq & Chris Cotton)

  1. Hey guys maybe reshoot the promo at the end with staring at Dan jaw-agape. Or at least edit it to include some context so it's not just weird as shit.

  2. 5:30 The Italian Black had me in tears. I swear I watched it 6-7 times. My side is hurting. Party for two, me n my wife…we're fucking blaaacks.

  3. Yo. Production pt.: pan up on the monitor side… We don't need tho see dudes hands if we can see the pic monitor in the back n have any* idea of what they referring too in terms of commentary on images…. Unless there's done proprietary costs to showing googled / getty images. Just saying, kinda destroyed the groove… After all the godamn awkwardness…

  4. HOLY SHIT! This is legit – NO BULLSHIT, one of THEE funniest videos I've seen in my 35 years shitting on this planet.

  5. Big Jay. I fk w you. Been fkn w you since way back. Funny as shit. I tell ppl to check u out all the time. But, my man…
    TAKE THOSE GOT DAMN FINGERLESS MITTENS OFF

  6. Oakerson, on the strength of this, when u come to London I’m attending your show. This might b the funniest thing I’ve heard all year!

  7. When the gr8 Dan Soder references "Sweet Dee" and I am too familiar, I know I am of white trash descendants.
    Chicopee, MA (in)bred.

  8. This is great but fuck man do I wish Opie, Anthony, and Jimmy would just get over their egos and make another show what they could do together was the most amazing radio ever

  9. What's the difference between being trans and mentally being a different race? Nothing except peoples acceptance of it. Give it a while and people will be expecting me to accept this shit too.

  10. Big J better come out with a stand up special soon… I've been waiting for it longer than I've been waiting for this new Tool album…

  11. My nigga, on God that black Italian bit was some of the funniest shit I've ever heard. Haven't seen Big Jay since the Bad Boys of Comedy days. Nigga slimmed up looking like the Punisher and still funny as fuck.

  12. This is literally 12 minutes of absoltely harmonic, perfect, creative, improv impression galore. I wish I had friends with whom I could do this. Nobody I know can do impressions or has a sense of humor…

  13. Italian black guy holy shit!!! When Jay and Dan get ahold of a good premise it's fucking over. I can't breath.

  14. In this video:
    Black people
    Entertained by white people
    Entertained by white people
    Entertained by being black people

  15. This is the most hilarious thing I've heard in a while, HANDS DOWN. I laughed to tears. "Don't make me put my big black fist across your [email protected]#king face." 🤣🤣🤣 ❤️ THESE GUYS

  16. Am I the only one who thinks that the black Italians bit could've been a brilliant Key & Peele sketch?

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