The Kardasim Podcast (Episode 4)

The Kardasim Podcast (Episode 4)


[Music] the car death and her dad simpad cast a card awesome podcast listen if you want to okay welcome back to our podcast hello my little watermelons this is Chloe we’re calling them watermelons now I thought it’d be cute we didn’t even agree to this I thought we were gonna agree I make my own decisions on my own part I can’t we say you little oranges you little orange sodas No welcome back you little orange what if they’re not even coming back what if this is their first time listening we can’t just like assume I’m not assuming anything okay I’m just saying hello to my little watermelon that’s the name of my fan base you can call whatever you want to your fan base let’s not argue you guys let’s just keep it cool wow are you like a news in no no I’ll still tell you the goth if you with me but I’m just saying let’s keep it cool my little watermelons you’re out there listening so how have you guys been what have you guys been up to sort of new cladded jog today thumb feeling good you started a new clothing line you did know you know I’m seeing more than anything people talking about that little Bop as they caught about yeah oh my God if I swear I think they’re doing it on purpose I don’t think they even like the song but they’re just trying to piss us off yeah like trying to bring back bad memories right I feel like my soothing voice that’s like traumatization a reminder every video now it’s at the beginning yeah that was really odd up so it why so it’s within our own company if they’re doing so thanks a lot it’s a masterpiece yeah sure okay so and nothing else to do with you guys no we literally see each other every day okay but we all have life whatever okay so I guess that means go to the next segment Chloe don’t make it weird it means get it first segment Chloe well the first segment with me asking how life was but I guess there’s nothing going on that’s an introduction yeah that’s not even a segment segment one playing would you rather so you guys um let’s see would you rather go to jail for a year or live in your car for a year okay so like what kind of car because we do have a stretch limo I hope and I think I’d be able to fit like everybody in that maybe you’d be alone but limos if I was alone Kemp limo isn’t something that we have it’s something that we rent I’m talking about like you know your car like you’re one of your you know your Bentley okay I can live in that for a year no okay you’re so dumb I could live in my cars for like a year if I wanted to I would be in jail at least you could go to the toilet they got like gaming systems in there now it’s not bad oh my god don’t go to jail kid what if the car was an RV I don’t know listen isn’t a dirty I I mean I don’t know I I love my car but I don’t know if I want to be in there for a year I want to go to jail for a year either than either I think I would survive in jail to be honest it’s would you rather you think you would survive in jail and would I rather I’d rather not answer this question I would live in my car for a year yeah I think I do my car I’d make it in jail you probably would Courtney I could ya know lie but like yeah you start a prison gang you can’t you can’t drive to wherever you want to go in jail so I live in my car I be in jail and my gang would be called the water moans that’s cutthroat crap me okay so we’re gonna go to the next thing would you rather be ten minutes late or be 20 minutes early for everything okay well 20 minutes early I like to be on time oh my god that is such a nerd answer no it’s not why would it be 10 minutes late I’m not a thumb diva because it’s like whoo when I’m rebuttable who wants to be okay it’s irresponsible to be there early like what if it’s a surprise party and it’s like oh now I’ve come here to 30 minutes right party the surprise would not be ruined by me being there early the party’s still there no I mean but you know I mean it’s you I’m surprised that’s just bad planning on their part if they know there’s gonna be a party arriving early and ruining the surprise cuz it was my 21st birthday are we really yeah how did I mess it up you arrived and you said oh my god there’s a party going on in there I think him Wow exactly we need to get over it I will never it was my okay you can drink now like you weren’t before I was right here I would arrive ten minutes you’re far too late that’s your first beer you would arrive yes I would arrive at like ten minutes early late oh so you would arrive ten minutes early thank you No ten minutes late I got my words mixed up Chloe oh my god I would arrive there with a letter in it David bitch it’s not a word no arrived okay he’s like dry out the way that’s the way that you properly say it arrived okay anyway uh done with that subject so 20 minutes early these bitches like if 10 minutes late cuz they’re irresponsible would you rather have the ability to fly or the ability to read people with mind um I could read people pretty easily no I probably just want to fly you cannot read people easily you do not read the reading stupid bitch in my presence see so I’d rather fly over that let me do it here from in front of your crate would you excuse me hey would you rather fly or read people’s minds I already know how to do both sound excuse me sometimes I feel like Kanye you know get past that she just says she knows how to do both what do you mean you know how to fly how do you fly I really read your minds okay nothing you said you could fly though you said you could do both the abilities how do you fly an airplane oh my gosh you can’t fly an airplane we’re not you can’t fly no are you a pilot Courtney we’re talking about the ability to fly you’re no I ditch pilot to fly the plane god oh my god wings to fly Chloe I didn’t say they had to be visible or whatever oh my god have you seen Davidson Lane all he does he doesn’t need wings he just like levitate I don’t believe in that phony Sh okay he levitated we’re different under its feet so what are you thinking about Kanye I was saying that I think he could read my mind like that’s how in sync we are uh-huh it’s not her to do and it’s so crazy how that band is called in sync – mm-hmm Kim way nothing it’s just you guys share a special connection evasion we visual connection he reads my mind okay so would you rather drink a cup of spoiled milk disgusting or pee your pants in public oh oh so I guess you want to pee your pants in public they’re both disgusting I didn’t say I wanted to do either cuz you’ve done both I’m sure bitch we both have okay exactly when I peed my pants in public neither with that yes you were with not I’m sorry were you 20 no I wasn’t it may be I’m 21 and you ruined my birthday are you really gonna bring that up again I didn’t you brought it out girl anyway that was a different story I’d rather see her pants I’d rather drink spoiled milk milk yeah cuz I mean think about spoiled technically after the expiration date I can still do like a day out the expiration date technically that’s bio that is gross we’re just a just a sip of this world know yet then drink a cup well there’s different sides of cats I do a shot of boiled milk what if you peed your pants in public and then quickly like jumped into a pool if that’s something you’re into it like is that something you’d rather do okay so you’re saying you’d rather pee I’m saying if you consider obstacles then back be an option that you want to pee your pants no I’m just saying okay what if it was raining and people wouldn’t even know then would you rather pee your pants in public or drink a cup of oil first of all I would never let any of my clothes touch the rain like because they might shrink and show your fake ass are you really gonna judge me on fake asses well I guess so that’s it for that segment that was great and now on to the next segment am I able to do the lead-in no well you just did it poorly but you did it anyway okay so next segment that’s the watermelon where we discuss just got Jade that oh my god every second not every single time every single time just me of every time I look at you even that’s in that segment is not so watermelon where we discuss things if they’re watermelon on where we discuss five topics and we decide if they are so watermelon or so not watermelon know how to look down at their notes to get that because she Oh looking at knows I have to study unlike them I like to be prepared twenty very I don’t even know what that is go pee in your pants okay what is studying oh my god alright for topic number one I don’t even know okay delayed gratification absolutely not that sounds sexual is that like no ground people like delayed gratification no I don’t like delay gratification if I do something I better get some credit so if you want to delay if you get delayed gratification like I think if you’re actually good at something you shouldn’t wait for the gratification I don’t want to do something ten years ago and then just get some gratitude for it I want gratitude throughout those 10 years yeah I want to know mm-hmm so it’s not it’s not so watermelon yeah done our time on I think it’s bold okay like that might be controversial found out watermelon but so now watermelon it’s it’s both it’s both it’s not it’s so now I’m on the next topic is mathematics so not watermelon I don’t need to discuss that honey if you’re good I don’t even like good friend on my radar no does not compute when do you need math like you don’t listen I understand maths important for certain things measurements and all of that but if you ask me X Y Z equals watermelon I’ll just say well dad wonder since that would actually make sense or size equals y equals water my like that keep that diamond does 25 carats versus 15 carats window Tommy come home like that’s the couch yeah I can’t stand it I I did what I had to do with math and I just got out I can’t stand it though not watermelon but you know to all those people are good at it you have a gift special watermelon I’d I’d like to take a good bite golden watermelon mm-hmm so changing your appearance so watermelon are so not watermelon so watermelon so I believe in having Fitness and changing your body to get that revenge body I think I think changing your appearance is so watermelon why is it so not watermelon because somebody doesn’t know how to do their roots for one yeah yeah I mean that is a problem that you do have okay no I mean you don’t know how to do so maybe it isn’t your own mother are you to change when your own mother can work blonde hair better than you I wouldn’t talk him so why are you still talking about you Courtney you gonna back me up this isn’t about me Courtney you weren’t talking about me there’s a reason you’re not blonde right now Kim I’m down I’m talking about someone in this room figure it out Courtney really okay the first thing I have ok riddle solved is Chloe okay okay you know what sometimes so you for you to change your parents so not watermelon but for me and like everybody else I think it is so watermelon to change your appearance yeah I mean I was wrong about you know I like to show the difference between you know my forehead and my scalp I don’t like that I’ll blend together and look like a ghost but I guess for who we do that I don’t know I don’t know if somebody in this room figure it out right Courtney the fact when you change your pants you bitch you should have had my back you just don’t touch this I have everyone’s back yeah when you’re stabbing that of it next topic potato chips so watermelon are so no I told you to turn off your fucking phone thank you put it on some you know damn well you didn’t put on my voice is not silence hey thank you can I’m just living my life yeah you just living your life but you’re being irresponsible you should have got here twenty minutes early oh man maybe like a reminder nothing to do with it okay show up ten minutes late and look what happens she showed up ten minutes late and her phone went off during our podcast my podcast excuse me oh my god it is not the topic I did I said potato chip oh no I don’t know no they’re so not watermelon there’s no water mouth they’re doing so watermelon they’re like a tree I’ll tell ya why cuz it’s not a tree it’s actually like an addiction you can’t just have one anything could be an addition I know it’s like ass injections you can’t just have one well I guess though but if I can you’re not the Jordan one potato chip then you’re on the potato ship train you can’t get off those sounds group that’s so hormone that’s so not watermelon okay so I think it is the watermelon yeah fries are so watermelon because no no I don’t know no they are so watermelon you think there’s no watermelon because they’re like yeah fries are because they’re like the sister tato chips that’s a potato chip the fries on the topic okay but like fries are you gonna go up top we’re not talking about how potato versatile okay we’re talking about potato chip now do you like potato chips what how can potentially how the hell can it sing lyrics oh my they are so over that Burt you’re telling me those can do vs. there’s the vs. no stupid very ok potatoes aren’t Kanye they can’t do vs. oh my god you literally make no sense in your argument is so dumb okay okay you didn’t take your phone Rick in French buy it and get off my potato chip bag bitch because I’m gonna eat all those chips okay last topic swearing in public so watermelon are so not watermelon I think if it weren’t fit when would it warrant it so like somebody tries to come at me okay for example say you’re at like arrested I’m a nice person when I’m not around you guys you just bring out the words than me I can’t help it I think that’s just you Chloe uh-huh I think that’s you ringing out your side I bring out the bus the number one I don’t understand you’re the one that stays on your phone whenever we’re off on vacation that’s everything I think we can all admit that sometimes we can have a little sailor mouth sweet custom stuff I curse a lot I don’t swear in public though this is dim America and we have a right to use our voices no if I say to the waiter give me the napkin mm-hmm I think that’s fine but like you’re not it technically you’re like not in public when you’re in arrest okay do you guys remember when we worked at a fast food restaurant for like a day and we ended up in jail yeah now I feel like they were taking away my like ‘man man to like yank definitely I mean I they definitely mess with your Amendment I said yes I cursed that bitch out because she deserved it okay yeah I mean like she wasn’t a burger with fries I went to give her phthalic again being in a restaurant is not the same as being in public because you’re like in a place a public restaurant okay but it’s not outside not at home you’re in public gym if you’re outside you’re in public but if you’re inside somewhere you’re not in public you’re dumb you’re very dumb look up the definition of public okay so so watermelon for a curtain public when it needed its water man yeah you know if I asked for Coke and I get a sprite I’d be like what the yeah I mean and that is the time when it would be necessary mm-hmm or if I get an orange soda mm-hmm versus a strawberry so man you really gonna go there if I had an orange soda I’d be like this is the best thing I’ve ever had and if I say if I got a strawberry thought I’d like this skin delicious no yeah I would toss it in the waiters face and be like what the fuck is that don’t curse if it’s not needed like that’s Deb don’t care yeah okay so now we’re gonna talk about the recent MGM video which with us all going to AB ulis Jurassic world and when I say fabulous I mean terrible I didn’t did you guys even know our money was going there no like Chris said nothing if I know I knew if I knew our money with being invested in some drastic whatever yeah I’m Clark whatever the hell mom was talking about yeah not have done it that place with just weird name we couldn’t even get a watermelon therethe so disappointing yeah like okay she was doing oh my god Claire was so annoying not stand her like yeah and what the hell was that like we don’t even know her yeah I’m her for like two minutes she wanted to hug the money out of us and guess what we fired her Jane yeah she no longer works at Jurassic world so like if you go there she’s not gonna she lives in a box somewhere not that there was much to work for anymore I mean that dinosaur frickin destroy yeah but everything’s kind of destroyed but like she’s not there yeah and that’s what matters some people died I think yeah somebody like she’s not there and we did our part I mean you guys could see it for yourself it’s freaking okay thing and Chloe like totally disrupting everything getting taken by the terror back yeah I’m sorry hey on the ground oh I’m so sorry that I was snatched by a flying dinosaur excuse me it’s a so much for being there for me by the way we did our like we did like everything Larry and Owen had my back more than my own sisters now that’s telling oh my god Chloe we did every 40 years to do like what are we gonna we gonna fly you said rest in peace when I was up in the air what kind of that Courtney Roseburg do ya like do you expect us to say oh she was horrible like rest in peace I know Wow how was it though like being up there like did you see a lot how big is the park it was great to see that my money with being invested in something so beautiful what do you think Cal it was terrible I could have dropped she had me for my ass injections I would have died you got you and you’re welcome because you took that from me oh yes yes for sure so thank you for having my back Clara knowin but you can see it for himself that these I have terrible sisters I’m happy oh you guys used your survival in fact yeah I mean that’s what we had to do mm-hmm that is how we survived we used our insects I and I knew I knew about the tripwire did like you guys didn’t but I swear I saw someone who threw a red flare at a dinosaur that was pretty much okay is that or is that not how you use a safety flare have you ever seen a flare be used yeah I’m pretty sure like is okay a safety flare is what they use like when they’re running right they’re doing track and they passed the safety flame I’ve seen them do that or and so I’ve tossed it and I did I was passing it to him safety first cam so you wanted the dinosaur to catch the flare and then it was gonna blow up okay but what about the tripwire that you knew about he needs to get from A to B and I was like okay Kim if he just comes over here okay I’m a stupid bitch so I’m gonna throw a red flare at a dinosaur that’s trying to I literally saved our life in but was bigger than the forest we were in CHEM you alerted our position yeah but good good for using your survival and sex anyway you guys can check out that video for yourself yeah and see and see that I saved the day yeah I literally saved our lives and Chris practically dropped us there yeah where was she yeah where was Chris like ready Chris go she said she went to headquarters but like aren’t there cameras allowed that with headquarters she just left us she saw we were dying is that why she was like I’m going to headquarters but she stayed on the ferry I mean I don’t think she knew that yeah you know what we don’t know how that dinosaur with that got out what if it was mom I bet it was mom oh my god she probably hit the wrong damn button yeah it was her I can still picture her up there like hi sweetie and then like hitting a red button oh my god that the dinosaurs okay so this was Chris’s fault yeah I think with her problems all like okay now we know we could tell Claire that she’s still fired but this was Chris’s fault yeah I was crazy mom thanks a lot mom yeah anyway I think that wraps up everything I thought that with that pretty good podcast you know as we discussed last time I’m a survivor and I’m a fighter Mike and that’s why I survived that dinosaur attack over your ass we’re not over it saved your life Chloe not you I use my survival in fact I use my survival inside and that is what saved us I use my instincts thank you guys that’s not a thing so so go check out that video thank you guys so much for listening this week you guys it’s the watermelon check out our other podcasts and go get our merchandise but don’t listen to that sking song yeah that Bob I hate it we got some stop it don’t you’re gonna give them a live performance are you kidding me oh my god bye everybody thank you [Music] you [Music]

100 thoughts on “The Kardasim Podcast (Episode 4)

  1. Kourtney-I have everyone’s back
    Khloe-Yah when your fricking stabbing it

    Most ikonik line (you see what I did there)

  2. i currently just starting watching “Kardasim” a day ago. i’ve seen all of the Kardasim Spoofs and now the Podcasts. i LOVE the Kardasims so much!! It’s makes me laugh so much and makes me super happy and i can’t wait till after to school to watch these videos!!❤️

  3. 17:16
    Khloe: Do you guys remember when we worked at a fast food restaurant.

    18:06
    Khloe: If I asked for coke and I got a sprite I would be like WTF.

    The hypocrisy Khloe but, So Watermelon 🍉

  4. 7:59
    Kim : "I'm sorry were you 20?"
    Khloe : "No I wasn't"
    Kim : "Oh my god"
    Khloe :"maybe I was 21 and you ruined my birthdaay"
    Kim :"are you really gonna bring that up agian?"
    Khloe : "I didn't you brought it up….. anyway"

    That was so watermelon 🍉 😂😂🤣

  5. * Kris joined the podcast *

    Kris : Hello Everyone—

    Kim : Oh my god you're ruining the podcast.

    Khloe : You've said enough mom.

    Kourtney : Yeah Kris stop being so rude

    Kris : What ? I was just saying h—

    Kourtney : F*ck you ( in the dullest tone )
    Kim : you're literally making our little watermelons uncomfortable.

    Kris : what watermelons?

    Khloe : Oh my god Kris, did you even go to school?

    Kim : Shut up Khloe you didnt even finish 1nd grade

    Kourtney : 1nd grade? Seriously?

    Kim : Oh my god Kourtney. It's the grades when you go to school. 1nd grade, 2nd grade, …

    Kourtney : Wow.

    Khloe : Mom, Kris should go back to school.

    Kris : All of you girls are equally smart.

    Kim,Khloe,Kourtney : … * looks at Kris *

    Khloe : Shut the f*ck up

    Kourtney : I'm smarter

    Kim : I can't believe what I'm hearing

  6. Khloe – Oh I’m so sorry

    Also Khloe – so fucking sorry that I was snatched by a flying Fucking dinosaur, exuse me.

    Me – 💀😂

  7. I literally sleep listening to kadarsim podcasts and it makes me laugh while i sleep nd then i fall asleep😂

  8. My 2 buddies and I listen to this on long car trips. 3 grown ass men, listening to these podcasts for hours. So watermelon.

  9. yay imma is a golden watermelon actually i'm little genius in mathematics thanks khloe kardasim and actually my bias is kim kardasim, love you shout out me in the next podcast

    -your uwu watermelon

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