The Kardasim Podcast (Episode 1)

The Kardasim Podcast (Episode 1)


The kardasim podcast the kardasim podcast,the kardasim podcast Listen if you want to hey everybody and welcome to the very first kardasim podcast wait, why do you get to introduce it? I’m khloe kardasim the host of the podcast here with my sisters bitches here with my sisters you literally did not. My name is Kim and I literally think that I should be the host of this Okay, Wow, I really don’t want to do this. I don’t know why we’re here Well, that’s too bad because kris said it would be a good idea to do this kris has nothing to do with this Okay, this is for us We’re gonna make this work omg you lied to me then You said that mom said to do this, you’ve already ruined the podcast by talking about kris. Yeah, that’s true. That is true I’m sorry, I take that backs strike one, strike one kim whatever. Okay. Okay. So what are we gonna talk about? I thought we were supposed to sing No, I’m not singing. Nobody is singing I have the best singing voice here. So I don’t know why that would be really a problem if i sang No, it’s not true at all so, omg I’m not gonna cry right now, so don’t stop being rude Alright, so if we’re here, I guess we should start with some topics. I thought you had topics. Yeah kim with the topics I know I’m the host. But you know you have to eat Well, I wanted to talk about what are we gonna do for the summer? Well, there’s this podcast. Um I’m gonna do some organizing. I like to organize my pantry and keep things nice things. That is such a lie I’ve been to your pantry Chloe all you literally had with Pharrell all if you don’t be Sally’s know yet I like your label thing and I like to keep things on it. I’m not here to listen to you guys both Okay, but yes what I’m gonna do now all summer. You stupid bitch. What are you gonna do? Yes, or no time sitting on the Sun. Well, thank you. Don’t sit on the phone You can’t chant me If you sat on the Sun Your vagina would leer those are so watermelon if I could sit on the phone get used to it when you burn in hell Anyway, what about you can get ass injections check. Well, yeah First of all, my ass is naturally Naturally made in a science lab somewhere So there is an element of natural accessibility and don’t tell me this or also organic Yeah, it is organic right Nate Nate is organically made there, but good for the environment It is because it has it gives off neurons. So that’s what you’re doing for the summer. I’m pretty sure well No, but yes or no, do you keep salads in your pantry or not? Absolutely. They wanna do that they rot I walked into your pantry Chloe You can’t tell me what I can with you. We don’t have very with my You know, what? What are you doing for? The summer? I told you I’m gonna go shopping. You didn’t tell us you’re telling you again. I’ll open you didn’t let me finish I didn’t even start So, how can you let me start if I didn’t even finish? I’m sorry. I’m gonna go shopping I’m going to get my ass Rejuvenated. Okay. Why? Because it always needs to be rejuvenated. Everybody knows that I actually agree. It’s like a chemical pill for your ass It’s actually really good for your well you would know because you copied me I think ah, so that’s how you would know I know that’s the only way that you would know, but after I go shopping and then I get my ass beat juvenile. Yay And I are probably gonna take like a trip on a yacht we’re planning. You’re going on a trip somewhere this yeah We’re going to go to like Pluto. I heard it’s in Europe somewhere. Really. How are you gonna get to Pluto? Okay. Well, first of all, you take a boat Courtney, it’s called all yeah, actually We’re gonna take it all the way out there to pounce on y’all. It’s like an island and you’re a person Well, that sounds very interesting for me. What I plan to do is like I said, I’m and continue organizing my pantry I’m going to go on a trip unlike you I’m gonna go somewhere that you know can actually go I’m Going to the Hamptons. It’s gonna be beautiful. I was thinking about taking Courtney, but we’ll see if she’ll go She’s she’s kind of being a thorn. I’ll go anywhere if you pay and No Okay, so she’s not going that’s that’s that’s over that’s dead. So I’m going to the Hamptons by myself and Yeah, you guys always throwing trips together But you never invite me you guys even had like spin-offs without me come first of all Maybe it’s because you’re in Pluto probably no, okay Okay, just because I want to go to a nice island in Europe, or do you want to go to Pluto with CEM? I? Mean you can’t come if you know me either. Okay, Wow what you want to be able to breathe on Pluto? Yes How could I not be? Okay. Oh my god. Do I need to pull out like an oceanography page for you guys? Sure. Do you need to learn like are we going back to grammar school to learn geometry here never went to school this room We went to rich school. Yeah Yeah, it is like mom Into textbooks. Yeah Taught us everything we know Okay, so that’s what we’re doing for the summer. Um, tell us in the comments with you guys doing the summer We’d love to know about it And yeah Not really Cortney’s literally not gonna read any of those and neither. Am I that’s like a lot of time do we have to do they have To leave Commons if they want to I said if they got to that is so much to read Depending on what platform you’re on you can listen to it like in a lot of places whatever I don’t really know you guys read speaking of reading. Have you guys read like any good books lately? Yeah Okay, tell us Yeah, yeah. Have you read? Oh My god the only thing she raises her Twitter feed Instagram feed, you know, I prefer Instagram if you if you knew me playing Johnson Why don’t you talk about your new book about uh, just like beautiful Listen To my holy home Bye, you know I am NOT writing a book about booty hoes. You stupid bitch You’re just trying to get at me for mistakes that I made in the past in the past You literally had like three to get one you did it. Just three days ago. Shut up Anyway, yes, I am doing some reading okay Um, I’m reading Kym’s old diary from when she was a teenager. Oh my god I bet I wind it out of I try I was gonna take that book and publish it Trust me. You didn’t want to now that the cats out of the bag. I’ve been reading it as well. I Read it first I read it first and then passed it on to Chloe Okay, fine, okay So moving on to the next topic We’re gonna be playing a little game that we made just special for this podcast called sell watermelon You don’t even know how to introduce okay, I’m sorry. I told you I Know oh my god. Let me do the intro my podcast dammit. We are playing Okay, okay, okay, I’ll shut up to it we’re gonna be playing a game called so watermelon are so not watermelon where we discuss Yes by topics and decide if it’s ly Ramona are so not watermelon, okay, so birth topic okay, now that you’ve ruined the intro the first topic is Spoiled children so watermelon are so not watermelon. Well, I Can’t say it’s so not water mom because I love Kim they would be rude if I were to play some not Spoiled and I’m not a child. I am grown. I am a spoiled grown person Okay, so you’re a giver to them? So, what do you think you did? I mean, I think It’s so not watermelon Wow coming from the know spoiled of us. Oh, yeah. I’ve never Taken anything for granted that I have Mm-hmm. That is a lie. Mm-hmm. Why are you lying to our audience? Just yesterday you you stole from my whole house. I’ve never touched any of your belongings Kim Ever oh my god. Well, listen, I’m gonna say spoiled children are so Watermelon, I’m gonna said it’s a watermelon, too Because I think spoiled children Learn from a young age what they want in life and they want it and they get it and they deserve it Even if they don’t deserve it, they have it. Yeah, they have it and they earned it You know, it’s not easy being a spoiled child It is really it’s watermelon at all because you are one and you want to be the only one proven? Look at my you’re always shut up Courtney. Yeah, shut up. Oh my god, bitch. Okay, so So it’s decided we all agree that it’s the watermelon Shut up Kourtney. I see you don’t even believe anything like don’t move your blips good function your mouth God Okay, the next topic next topic ask? Top lick. Oh my god it see now I can’t even speak and I got that from you car enough next topic athlete We can’t we literally can’t say this who said what is topic is topic even a word top topped It called subjective Okay, Ashley’s a watermelon are so not one of them I know what they’re so not what am I? Oh Ashlee’s Oh somebody Marry them that might ease better Well, you know what? Yeah, I agree Athletes gamma I agree. Yes, they make for great, you know Listen, I think they have good Qualities, no not watermelon. It’s been voted like honey. Let’s have a whole not their watermelon They work hard dribbling those balls and I mean like they’re thinking yeah, you know about that right Chloe Okay, moving on to the next subject. They are mediocre watermelon. It’s Average watermelon, you know the kinds that are like not green that I kind of yellow mediocre cookies water So watermelon, oh my god, no watermelon. I love to organize my cookies in the jar. Like why are you organizing all your food? I don’t know but it’s something that I do that listen. It’s something I picked up. I’m Chloe Let me this sounds just like you by the way. Oh, I’m Chloe. You stupid bitch Let me just take my coat use and organize Wow, that’s what I do for fun Your ration of me is just as good as your thing in chem course Oh don’t cuz you have those cookies in your and some are also Exactly. I love those cookies and I organize my cookies in a jar I take them on the edges and I do one by one and Ike this just keep building them up You’ve seen them like I keep them organized in that jar and then you eat them. Yeah, that’s why your friend Oh my god, my fat ass and I love it bitch unlike you and your flat ass Okay. Sure. You do have a flat ass. Yes, great. Yes In terms of card ask them. It’s very flat. I would funny Ethan cookie I would say cookies are so not watermelon because there’s not much you can like don’t give me that look like There’s much you can do with oh my god I’m just like they’re there you bite them and then it’s over with it’s not like regular food while you buy mark hem Yeah, what’s the point people say our Taylor cookies? Okay changing your appearance So watermelon are so not watermelon. I think it’s so watermelon I mean look at me I my hair is blonde and it was for the better, not ever It doesn’t work for everybody. I can buy exactly who I want to be Exactly, and then we live like, you know We live in the 25th century And we really have to start getting in it is it is a 25th century and we should do what we want to do Yeah, it is not the 24th century and Kim your hair looks stupid Okay Then why what century is it and blonde is my best look Like everybody knows that look so not do my are we are you really going to attack me? Right? Yeah. Yeah You’re really gonna what I’m doing you don’t need roots I don’t know how many times I have to tell you if it’s blonde Let it blend in with your skull Tim. Even when you have roots. It still doesn’t look good So what I’m going to say, if you have to change your appearance, if you do it, right? Nobody wants the frozen Let me do it Right, if you’re like me, or you could just be like me never have to change your appearance because I’m already perfect Oh my god. No, you just do it on that side and you don’t make it as obvious, but you change your appearance Tell me I’m coming clean. So watermelon are so not why not what an honor I think everybody is owed The truth, but you have to pay first What are you talking like if it’s owed to you? It’s almost like renting a car like somebody owns it and you were renting it from them So if you have the truth, you’re buying it. Let’s stop talking. Yeah, we don’t know what you’re talking. Yeah The coming said was almost biblical. So we haven’t even talked about it yet. That’s how much I’m not even gonna listen to that So coming clean. I think that I think it’s good to come clean If you’re not saying something that can get you in trouble like if it’s a lie, even me Is it the white lie say you did something so horrendous and that’s a white lie. Oh my god, that’s not coming clean then That’s like the I was like finish some thing. If you do something horrendous that can get you in trouble then I say don’t come Clean I If you literally killed somebody you wouldn’t come clean another step. I would not kill them Okay, so it is I think telling the truth and coming clean is so watermelon Sometimes is that what you’re trying to say? Yeah, if it doesn’t get me in trouble. Mm-hmm. Okay, so you’re fake Yeah, just like your ass. You’re both think I Don’t even know why I’m here. Okay So for our next segment, we’re gonna be talking about videos and projects are going on in themed GM So what we’re gonna talk about is two subjects. We’re gonna talk about the Pretty Little Liars spoof. Yeah in finale Okay series Valley an end of an era. We literally met them. Yeah, they were incredible We were like in a creepy mansion like oh my god It wasn’t that memorable for me. You mean it wasn’t memorable we Imagined did you knock somebody out? I thought you did like you got a ball ID. Are you? Oh, yeah, I have no comment. Oh Yeah, that’s right. You you can’t speak without your lawyer present or something like listen, right? Listen, I’d say was an incredible experience since it was something I’ve never done before Yeah, Nate that in a trip down Hannah that was soem that Hannah bitch she let me stay in a car I like her the nose because that was so Apparently a lot of people like her, but I think she’s the absolute Barb, we had to get you out of there and you were crying so much I thought the coffin was I could breathe through tears. So funny I was in there for a long time It was literally the best and none of you bitches even thought to even look Furby. Oh my god Are you really gonna start crying about that? It’s done We thought you went home, okay? She was just mocking me, but I’m gonna ignore that because I’m gonna be the bigger woman with the bigger ass anyway We got out of there and we got out of there, but listen, it’s it So what do you guys think about being this? Very finale do you think that they wrapped up things? Well in their story, I think I didn’t follow it from like episode 2 on Wow bang I never wanted to I used to be I used to really like those girls. Wait. There was like a raccoon, right? Yeah, there’s something crazy raccoon. Like I don’t want to spoil it for you guys But like it was freaking insane it was it there was like blood and stuff like that I imagine like what would we do if we were being tortured by something called? Be it’s be right there bad guy. I think it’s be okay. See like if we were being a Tortured by this sea person through like texts and stuff. Wouldn’t you just block the number? I mean like wet the thank you paid back the number, but you may end up dead the next day though How can you end up dead the next day if you just got a text and you read it? Did you see this that went down over here you get a text that says come to this place and you go there Of course, you’re gonna die. That’s like you might as well have just been like, okay kill me. They weren’t the brightest Okay, they weren’t the brightest not very bright at all. But it made for a good entertaining show following those dumb You know it is but what it is to you But they were so nice to us, even though they were like annoying they talk so much. Yeah I thought I was ready to leave as soon as I saw them Well, we got to yeah, like that was easy like we figured it out in like two seconds Yeah II think I love this figure that like Daris they’ve been doing this for seven years, and they couldn’t figure it out We got it in like 20 seconds. Yeah, we were Free to go but you know what? I hope you guys go enjoy that video. Give it a look Yeah the neck watchin, but for the next thing which is one of my favorite shows going on right now is diva Oh my god. Oh my god. The house is so good Taylor. Why is she on there? seriously, I House if I were in that house, I wish you should like visit Courtney and then tell Kourt a tell Courtney. Tell Taylor to go Because she’s literally the worst thing of that shit But I don’t think anybody can do anything just her right now considering what happened to her I was happy to see her go to the damn sunken Mariah thanked her. Yeah, like she won’t do that Like are we able to do like I don’t really like tea that much though, really? I won’t work out that much all those salads and no tea I said I don’t like it that much I have thumb tea you. Okay. Well Natalie what you didn’t I wrote it back you draw very thorough with my salads Cute so do you behalf? I absolutely love Brittany on that show Brittany. It’s So great. Yeah, she’s okay. I wish I mean I bet you guys wish you can dance like her I know I can I’m the best dancer out of both of you. Okay, that’s wrong If you want to tell lies to our listeners, I’m a master Okay, do you not remember being on Dancing with them and how that went? I won in sick. They asked you were giving him A body balm. Okay. Well, somebody didn’t watch clearly or in HD because I was like the best answer there Have you never heard of the up-and-down bounce? Yeah, I have they are supposed to bite your finger Thank you, that’s what sells it yeah, that’s why you lost sweetheart. So what I will say is Brittany’s amazing I think she’s incredible Nicki Minaj. I love her. She’s my girl die for her lotta kind of a bitch I have no I’ve got to say I like Lana because she’s like Kim because I don’t Is that why you like her – pretty much I mean like you don’t have great. Taste Chloe’s separate I have a feeling me and Lana would get along Probably probably uh, you know I think she makes good music when she featured with somebody but I am so over her and her Nicki Minaj though She’s like great but she’s annoying. Do you not I mean no She’s like, she’s like Bart’s her step and then she’s like featured in everything She tried to be in the song that I was about to write yeah, I didn’t even start writing it and she popped up and she’s like do you want did Nicki Minaj I hope So she can come kick your ass go. Oh my god. She can try. I’ll get like security. I’ll text it to her later we tech sometimes she sees the bad your toaster sometimes, you know, big-ass fact that she came in my house yesterday with Why do you guys meet everybody? You never tell me? They don’t want to what you wanted to meet the nigga Manette. Well, no, but like We did we know you and we did you a favor. Yeah Okay. So yeah, that’s a really good show. I highly recommend you guys check it out I think they’re gonna be doing more. I think it’s really cool. We’ll put links like in the show notes or whatever it’s done They’re called show notes, right? I turned out that Gibson comic III. I don’t really like this is just like winging it Is that what they call it? This is almost over when they sell winging You’re gonna be here for 20 more hours when they say winging it Is that like when you take a chicken wing and toss it at somebody? I’m pretty sure that’s where that word that like came from Sure. What’s the next topic? I? Actually, I don’t know come. Oh, that’s the end of the show. I’m literally really anything I didn’t have anything else but oh my god Okay Everybody thank you so much for listening. If you made it all the way through I guess less. Yeah yes, um if you guys like this let us know and we’d be happy to Well what we may do some more we’d be happy The kids crying bright I may or may not be here next time. Oh, we’re doing another one you’ll be here We’re gonna drag you in here Anyway, so thank you guys so much for listening that bendy cut atham podcast though watermelon You guys are off the watermelon get your fill watermelon t-shirt and all that. Good job Thank you for listening and have a good day. Play the intro outro music play the fucking outro music

100 thoughts on “The Kardasim Podcast (Episode 1)

  1. i got interested in kardashians becoz of Simgm production's Kardasims.But then,i found out that i will stay on Kardasims.They r funny and savages.and i like it

  2. ๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ค๐˜ฉ

  3. โ€˜If you sat on the sun then your vagina would literally dry upโ€™

    Omg Iโ€™m dead ๐Ÿ˜‚

  4. well โ€œMy ass was made Naturally….Naturally made in the science labโ€

    Omg The kardasims are more iconic than the Kardashianโ€™s

  5. Khloe: Whyyyyyy?
    Kim: Sheโ€™s mocking me but Iโ€™m gonna ignore it and be the bigger woman with the bigger ass

    Omg lol ๐Ÿ˜‚

  6. โ€œthey want it and they get it and they deserve it. even if they dont deserve it, they have it. itโ€™s not easy being a spoiled child.โ€

    /cries in poor language/

  7. I can't believe I've only just discovered this podcast. Please put it on Spotify! So good.

  8. I like how sometimes they call there mom kris if I called my mom by her name i get in trouble ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  9. If you sit on the sun your vagina would literally dry up ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ fav line so far lmao

  10. Iโ€™ve never laughed so hard watching a watermelon ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

  11. Kim – โ€œso your fake?โ€
    Khloe – โ€œyea just like your assโ€
    ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  12. Kim – โ€œso your fake?โ€
    Khloe – โ€œyea just like your assโ€
    ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  13. First, I love it when they fight ๐Ÿคฃ
    Second, Khloe sounds like my classmate named Matthew, he LOVES the Kardashians and always talks about them and omg ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

  14. I love Kourtney, sheโ€™s such a mood ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’• I love this whole thing, ily tysm for this lit content

  15. "If you sat on the sun… your vagina would literally dry up"๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

  16. Kourtney is like the only smart person in this group lmao โค๏ธโค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  17. Kim: โ€œMy ass is naturally…… naturally made in a science lab somewhere so there is an element of naturalisticityโ€ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  18. If you sat on the sun your vagina would literally dry out That had me weak ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

  19. Kim : are you really gonna attack me?
    Khloe : yes that's what I'm doing

    Dead ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  20. Iโ€™m pretty Sure they are Legit Fighting Without a Script (the Voice Actors) Cuz this sounds So Real!

  21. Ummm yawn this is kinda boring but ok its comedy i guess ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œok im done

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