The INFJ fade. (or: Why We Get Ignored)

The INFJ fade. (or: Why We Get Ignored)


hey everyone I’m Frank I’m glad to see
you back at my channel watching yet another video today I wanted to today I
wanted to just make a quick video about how INFJs fade into the background
in social situations almost like you’re Marty McFly and Back to the Future
playing guitar and looking at your hand and it’s just disappearing right in
front of you until your dad beat you’ve probably been there where you’re in
let’s say group maybe not there maybe not your best friend group but then
again we don’t have a lot of best friends do we so you’re in a group of
acquaintances friends and all of a sudden you realize I’m not really a part
of this conversation I’m just an observer I’m like on the outside of it
too like this person next to me literally has his back toward me and
people aren’t like turning and saying hey man what do you think life is
happening you and you’re just being ignored you know but I want to tell you
that I want to kind of go into what I see the reasons for it why this happens
and to tell you you shouldn’t feel so bad about it it’s nothing personal
these people don’t hate you they don’t think that you’re like lesser then it’s
just the way our personality works the dynamics of it and something you might
be surprised about too so first of all this is just a basic introduce
well maybe better than anyone else is the taking in of energy rather than the
giving out of energy so in any situation you can be giving out energy or you can
kind of just be absorbing it and what we do best is absorb it and when you’re
doing this you don’t become you’re not really on anyone’s radar because you’re
you’re not giving out anything to be picked up and that’s just that’s just
what we’re good at that’s like default as an infj is to be taking in
rather than giving out now we can give out you’ve done it I’m sure that’s why
we’re called the social chameleon because there can be times where if
someone walked in and never met you before it say oh that person there is an
extrovert and they’re talking about you because depending on what situation
you’re in you can be all over the place INFJs are actually the most extroverted
of the introverts but that doesn’t mean that we always look like an extrovert
and actually our I think our default is to just be taking in energy and in the
dynamics of a group that means people aren’t going to really be engaging with
you until you give out some energy unless you have someone else who’s very
aware who is trying to get energy out of you but for the most part most people it
doesn’t cross their mind secondly this might be me going out on a limb here it
might be but I’m gonna put it out there anyway for you to ridicule and tell me
I’m an idiot I think that we listen so well and we
take in so well we absorb other people’s emotions and INFj’s are so intuitive
that we can you know read a situation I mean that’s our dominant function
inverted intuition we can take in all the information about a situation I kind
of just feel out what’s going to happen people may not consciously put this
together but they can be a little bit intimidated by it or put off by how
present you are how much you’re taking in and even if they might not be
thinking oh man this this guy’s taking in every detail they’ll kind of
subconsciously perhaps realize that you’re not just being quiet but you are
act taking in everything and processing it
and for some people they don’t understand that and it’s a little
intimidating because it’s a mystery they see you’re taking in all the stuff and
they have no idea what’s going on in your head I don’t know if you’ve ever
been called unreadable but many people have called me unreadable I do think
that we tend to be kind of mysterious and people don’t know what to make of us
and so they don’t want to engage with us because they’re really not sure what’s
going on up here and it’s not anything against
you it’s just they would rather have you make the first move and put yourself out
there and give them a little bit of a heads up what’s going on up there before
they start to engage because they have no idea I hope that can shed some light
on it that’s that’s my theory on it and it has nothing to do with other people
judging you or thinking you suck it’s just it has to do with how they’re
reading the situation and so my suggestion is if you find you’re in one
of those situations where you’re kind of fading away just put out a little
something so that people realize they can make sense of what’s going on in
your head and you’ll be surprised because they also along with that being
kind of intimidated by you taking in stuff they I think there’s an inherent
respect that we can get and that comes from not speaking much people really
respect that in my experience as I’ve gotten older I talk way less in social
situations not like I was ever a chatterbox but I just rarely talk I I
would rather listen and when I speak I want it to mean something and I don’t
want to just talk to hear the sound of my own voice or even if I think I have
an opinion to Express I’m often I will think before I speak
and I’m like does it matter if I express my opinion here and usually it’s no it’s
like what do I accomplish by expressing myself
now you might think that’s like a negative thing where I’m like Oh me well
I don’t have anything say no one cares but it’s more like actually just
recognizing that sometimes I don’t have things to offer even if my ego thinks I
do and to just talk for the sake of talking to express an opinion there’s no
reason for it I tend to only speak when I think it’s really necessary for
helping someone else understand something or to add something that I
know is a value where I’m like oh these people don’t see this thing that I can
clearly see let me share that with them rather than just saying oh you think
this will I think this well I think you’re wrong I don’t like that why
bother and that’s what most conversations are if you really look at
a conversation it’s people saying what they like don’t like usually what they
don’t like and then stuff that’s happened to them where they’re the star
of their you know stories but they’re usually mundane and don’t have a point
you can tell how much I like being around other people can’t you do all
that to say don’t take it personally you’re not really fading away they’re
probably more aware of you than you realize and they just don’t know how to
deal with you because you’re that cool that about wraps it up for this show
thanks for watching I appreciate it give me a like if you liked it give me a
subscribe if you subscribed it and give me a pat on the back send me a check in
the mail get a plane and write in a way peace
I’m never gonna end the video that way again

100 thoughts on “The INFJ fade. (or: Why We Get Ignored)

  1. 🔴 Here's another video you'll like: Unhealthy INFJ: 7 Signs You're an Unhealthy INFJ https://youtu.be/AwATt5_nXNM ⭐

  2. I also think that people can subconsciously feel that we don’t REALLY want to engage in the conversation. I feel uncomfortable when I’m in a group with people that aren’t my best friends and although I want to be part of the group and feel left out, I also know that I would be so anxious if they started asking questions and everyone looked at me
    It’s like I just want to FEEL like I belong . I don’t actually want to open up and have a discussion

  3. So spot on about taking it in. Some people take me as a bitch because i have the resting bitch face when i am listening, and i am Italian.. So, i am sure they are intimidated. And ignored.

  4. I try to push myself whenever I can to be included in a conversation, half the time it works for a while, and the other half it works the rest of the day.

  5. I'm INFJ ( I've tested 3xs on the MBTI within 7 Years , however got INTP(?) on Erik Thors Test . Ive always been really shy but not in Conversation .! I feel it's an apparatus to naturally engage n share Life Experiences of Individual POVs that shows what is occurring n happening around the World . N how we are different and so alike at the same time is what I'm trying to achieve in Synergy n Affinity with . N how it supports | secures , accentuates , contrast to up show another thing not aware of , maybe even embellish My own Independent Individual POV n Experience of Life n Living with more substance , meaning , more Tangible . I feel it's not the ' or My opinion thats so important, it's the common view of we are ALL Independent Individuals that have commonality n Community – we can share , by also Illustration (like an Artist painting , Everyone sees color n interpretes differently . However a Cat is a Cat , if it is a Cat in the Pic . So we would ALL have that common view) Artist meaning Creativly Free in Synergy And Affinity ~ Only in Good Appreciation n Gratitude for Being in a Free World (without evil troll mind agenda ) to be able to Express n Experience that (with Highest Purpose as an INFJ , which I feel Anyone can choose to be by changing their own mindset if they felt so inclined to do , Organically ) .

    I believe an INFJ is 1st an Artist | Muse – Illustrating Life n Lifestyle as an Art form n an Artistic POV outside the e" troll " box ., due to ALL the absorbing ' You mentioned , to have a persnickety ' n seasoned personal opinion , POV with Highest Purpose for Humanity (of course ), INFJ =
    ALLBeing in Cohesion with Creation And Providence, as One Independent Individual in Purpose . ALL of the baggage attached to that Freedom n Liberty , is what ALL those other Personality types having to mech n tech with (like INTP to prove The problem in the way is the Freedom to Be ! ) to get to the Sweet Spot INFJ Artist " Live style – Independent Individual with a perfect Circle selection ( afforded by having the Freedom to do so , To Actualize YourSelf ) of All things of His or Her own likes n dislikes , Loves n curiosities In True Apprecition n Gratitude of other Beings (to bounce off of sometimes too ) with their own POV n Living in Artistry too . +💗💙💥😊🌌 )))))))

    Whao that was long
    conversation , comment )

  6. I am an INFJ and this doesn't happen with me in the same way. I don't like social situations and would like to fade into the background. However, when i try, it's like people purposely find me and want to speak to me. There was an instance at college orientation a long time ago and someone I had met there earlier in the day said he purposely looked in the furthest corner of a room because he expected me to be there because of how shy I was. And of course, I was so we were forced to talk. I'm not sure if it's most infj people and I don't mean for this to sound self centered or egotistical, but does anyone else with infj type feel people always want to get to know you? I don't think I'm interesting. I find myself boring. But it's like even when I try to fade out and remain invisible, people gravitate around me to start up a conversation. People I've talked to and become friends with have told me before that they were intrigued by me and I have no clue why. So my experience is a little different than this. I would like someone to turn their back and remain in their own conversations, but that normally doesn't happen.

  7. Glad I found your channel. Infj hsp and realizing it's me a lot.
    Thank you for the thought and tip to put energy out. I at times don't know what to put out with energy or conversation because it seems so weird to say things that I judge as superficial or empty in purpose. Ill work on participating more. Lol wow, so simple and I overcomplicated it this much.🙄 #typical
    Thank you!😁

  8. Some friends I had just broke it off recently and I qas in the middle. As an infj, I absorbed each person's side of the situation and tried to piece it together. I like solving issues then complaining. I've explained to them to stop talking for a but since they were both upset and come back and discuss. But sadly, they were too petty and cut it off. I kinda knew it was gonna happen anyway because how much I focused on this and know multiple outcomes.

  9. Yes yes yes 1000% yes! Spot on and so eloquently said! I am posting a video that touches on some of these points! So cool!

  10. I always feel like a ghost and true fact for the friends factor. Lol mostly alone with my animals the best loyalty

  11. You mentioned ridiculing you …
    The fact is u r brilliant..
    So you have to know,if there is ridicule, it is Bcos understanding has not transpired..

  12. Can we please start an INFJ Camp where we can all meet up together once a year and have it just be us and not the others?! So we’re safe! I am actually super extroverted in a lot of ways.. so I do want social and connection.. but I’m not connected to anyone rightly because I see too much and know most people are just seriously not safe or stable or are dishonest. So I seem way introverted and sort of am.. but crave a safe place with others who understand. We need an annual escape place where we can all finally relax with others. People my whole life think I’m mysterious, but I’m actually an open book if people are safe. They just aren’t. Cause ….people lie and pretend. I can’t do that. Yuck.

  13. Dude. You’re speaking to my soul. Me in most social situations “Is it worth the energy of me sharing my opinion / will it make a difference?” 9/10 – it’s a no from me.

  14. This is the first time I’ve heard of INFJ and resonate so much with what you’re saying and the comments as well!
    Hmmm I’ll need to learn more about this, it might explain a lot about me and why I think
    small talk is dumb and being so choosy about “best friends” among so much more…. interesting! Thank you for this eye opening vlog 😶

  15. Am the only one who's pleasantly distracted by the reflection of the TV in the background and is curious to know what's playing? God damn this INFJ being 😉

  16. I think your my new best friend lmao…small talk is pointless to me…I want everything I say to be of value to someone…even as I write this I'm thinking it's pointless rambling because you already know…😂…so I will just say this…I completely relate to everything you have stated in the videos I have seen so far, I could so hang out with you because it would be an atmosphere of unspoken language which would be awesome…lmao ..thanks for sharing the life of us myserious ones😉

  17. I'm excited you're telling me exactly who we are and how to improve. But, I'm paranoid. So, I'm constantly trying to decipher if you're intentions are to truly help us, or are you maybe a secret agent for folks/institutions with authority, or maybe something less serious, like trying to impress a chick. For example, maybe the girl you like is dating a self proclaimed INFJ, and you created these videos as a way to enlighten her on why she needs to leave the INFJ and be with you, who happens to be an ENTP? Would a true INFJ truly invest time creating these informative, "how to" videos explaining our unique survival techniques that allow us to see through the evils of the world? I will say you've empowered me for the time being. However, for social engineers to create "normal" in society, the "abnormal" must be contained/removed/scapegoated/and/or transformed in order to fit societal modes. Our kind tend to rebel/retreat, thus not serving authorities directly and we usually lead others astray whether we are meaning too or not. Imagine being a bi-racial black male INFJ during times of heightened tribalism/more intense economic competition? Fucking nightmare but when you explained how we need to improve upon the opposite spectrum of our gifts, it gave me newfound insight into who I can become. I'll let you know if your advice helped or not. One love/God Bless

  18. The ppl in which you are speaking of resemble some struggles children of God/Christians have in their everyday-to-day-lives.. it's interesting I do see a similarity. Ppl not understanding the depth of their mind, aiming to seek the truth of our reality having high levels of spiritual energy. Yes many ppl are very intimidated, sometimes becuz they don't understand becuz they don't have this level of understanding and as higher conscience. Also, they are of the world as it says in the Book of John, "He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not." -John 1: 10, For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." -John 3: 16. It can be easy to become prideful, even arrogant which then attracts destructive/demonic behaviour for instance, so we must repent saying sorry for when we go astray from the Lord and His ways/ordinances. For Christians, the main battle is in our thought process that the battle of the enemy occurs, good vs evil. It is difficult as we walk a narrow road against the broad so there will be struggles along the way, but it is ultimately our choice. Jesus is the only way, truth and life who paid the ultimate price for our sins/wrong-doings to receive eternal salvation, He really is the Only way to true peace within☺️🙏 God Bless

    "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” -Proverbs 12: 18

    "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” -Proverbs 10: 19 

    "Wisdom is found on the lips of him who has understanding, but a rod is for the back of him who is devoid of understanding.” -Proverbs 10: 13

    "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” – Proverbs 11: 2

    "Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.” -Proverbs 3: 7

    "The godly offer good counsel; they teach right from wrong.” -Psalm 37: 30

    "Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” -Proverbs 1: 7

    "Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” -Matthew 7: 13-14

    "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” -John 14: 6.

  19. Video will be “short” even though it’s nine minutes long.
    While watching video: “It’s ending already?”
    So much good stuff was said. Need more…Part II?

  20. I sometimes wonder if I'm with a group and have to leave and go to the restroom if it's actually necessary to excuse myself.

  21. Exactly! I as a person can understand alot of things just because of me being an INFJ but ik how to talk and keep a conversation going I just choose not to because, chattering just for the sake of chattering seems pointless and I just wana be alone lol, but i can be a very playful person when u truly get to know me

  22. Good video, thanks for posting. I'm sure other personalities do find INFJ's hard to read. Of course much depends on the situation and the people around us. In the past I've been told I'm hard to read, unapproachable, intimidating etc., but I've also been described as being outspoken and a formidable force when I need to be. In some situations I have to be careful because everything shows on my face – often people will miss it, but more intelligent people catch it and may comment on it.

  23. It’s so nice scrolling through these comments and seeing there are people with the same personality type as me going through the same social struggles as I have my entire life. Growing up, it’s an intense feeling of being alone in the world because no one is anything like you. You feel as if there’s something wrong with you and feels really insecure to sit there in a group of people and feel like they don’t even know you exist, and then other time’s when you finally do speak up it’s like everyone in the room is gawking at you. Good to know I’m not the only one to go through these things

  24. My way of putting out energy is asking questions, you don’t have to talk for the sake of taking. People like to be listened to and if you ask questions they feel that you’re paying attention because you are. But I feel like it by doing that makes everyone aware that you’re still there lol

  25. I used to be infj went through 30 years but i never believed in the pessimistic part. I have found happiness in life and have been in a profession where im front in center and actually developed into infa without the optimism. It sounds strange but I can take in and then exude happiness to others.

  26. I’m so glad I found these videos. I’m feeling a lot less crazy. Never heard how I feel in words from someone else’s perspective and I always thought I was just “being shy” but in reality I’m an INFJ.

  27. This is so right on and explains SO MUCH with my whole social experience. All of the things you were saying are my exact thoughts my whole life. So good to know that I'm not alone and I'm THAT COOL:)

  28. 🤣 So funny! Happened to me exactly the way you described it last night! After the third time of being ignored, I just left! I actually start talking and they ignore me and talk over me. Happened all my life and I am pretty much done. Won’t accept an invite again. I no longer need this or friends like this in my life.

  29. As an infp I tend to fade into the background. However theres been numerous occasions where multiple people talking to me simultaneously. It baffles me that neither seem to even acknowledge they're doing this… Strange?

  30. I'm glad I stumbled on this video. I have always asked myself "do I exist?" I feel like a ghost. Like no one sees me, but I'm there.

  31. WOW, YOU ARE GOOD. Just saw your channel, and you gave my soooooo much. Just quit a job, because I saw they never understood me.

  32. Most social conversations I have to attend are usually not very interesting or mundane, so that I can't even say anything. Why bother? The think I don't like the most is a fast change of topics and people jumping into each others speeches and changing the topic again. They're not even interested what the other person has to say…

  33. Man, being an INFJ sucks..😩😂 I always feel like I’m ignored in social situations, and whenever I’m actually given the chance to speak, I make myself look like an idiot (I speak too fast and don’t use eloquent words, because I know I have a time limit until I get interrupted). I just need an INFJ friend because then we’d understand each other😩😂 Everything you said is accurate tho…😊💜

  34. Talking for the sake of Talking to others or,(“expressing yourself””) as the rest would say ………is a big fat Lie!! Only meaningful communication means anything and now I’m older now and when young I tried to fight my natural INFJ instincts because (to make my point quickly) basically people were telling me to be selfish ! and in the end I realised that I was bieng taught how to be an asshole!
    I had to hard slam that door shut and I can still remember the look of frustration ,and their version of “Depression” which when done in Public is called ATTENTION GRABBING BEHAVIOUR………I knew I was doing the right thing but up until I saw his face at the end I Knew I was doing the right thing!! 😉

  35. Talking for the sake of Talking to others or,(“expressing yourself””) as the rest would say ………is a big fat Lie!! Only meaningful communication means anything and now I’m older now and when young I tried to fight my natural INFJ instincts because (to make my point quickly) basically people were telling me to be selfish ! and in the end I realised that I was bieng taught how to be an asshole!
    I had to hard slam that door shut and I can still remember the look of frustration ,and their version of “Depression” which when done in Public is called ATTENTION GRABBING BEHAVIOUR………I knew I was doing the right thing but up until I saw his face at the end I Knew I was doing the right thing!! 😉

  36. Oh my god I love you. Totally described all of my thought process on "there is no point in expressing my opinion", and the rest too 😁 we are too "old" for most.. People either hate us either love us. They are indeed intimidated,unfortunately. Or fortunately?

  37. For me, I find I talk about deep subjects a lot, and so I don't have much to say when people are talking about superficial things. I feel I have to force a smile and small comebacks to superficial conversation and I don't like it. I rarely give my opinion on these things, so I'm not usually invited into the conversation. But if someone is talking about a subject I'm knowledgeable or passionate about, I light up and then everyone seems to give me their undivided attention and suddenly I'm some kind of "guru" on the subject. LOL

  38. First day on my training with my first job I was talking all day, i was the “life of the party” cause no one’s talking and I took the initiative to always start the conversation. Second day, I came back to my default, quiet and just observing. Then people start wondering why I am so quiet all of a sudden and I they caught me multiple times staring at nothing. Hahahaa

  39. Your totally awesome, I'm too am a INFJ. I tend to fade away lots with others. I absorb way too much with others. I find small chat boring I'm so much more than that. I find it superficial. Thank you for highlighting what I've been going through most days. Sadly people don't understand the "door slam ". This happens after feeling like your fading away. Xx

  40. On point, I feel like I can read everyone well and then no one can understand my experience or are like "whoa, where did that expression come from?!". It's intention to me that matters, not the chatter. My space is being violated so much it's driving me to a bad place when I know I want to be around other people. Not to talk, just to enjoy the energy. This made me feel a bit better, thank you. I feel so many times that I'm just wearing a stupid mask to tolerate conversations that don't matter to me or I'm alone and wondering where I can fit in for the sake of contributing to be helpful.

  41. lmao this is why im so bad at small talk and people are like "why dont u ever talk" bc i literally think anything I would say wouldnt be important

  42. I'm so grateful for your channel. It makes me feel less weird. So much of this is true and things I couldn't put into words before.

  43. People haven’t said I am unreadable, but am constantly being misread and when I tell people they are wrong some accuse me of lying

  44. INFJ here who grew up in a family of extreme extroverts. I was always taught being an introvert was bad/wrong and always felt looked down on. Thankfully a lifetime of trying to be something I'm not has made me a more well-rounded person as I become a mature INFJ. I try my best to be myself and not who others want, so I'll make more meaningful connections with others, but I can never shake the ingrained feeling that being myself is wrong.

  45. This is a great topic and gets you a subscriber!!
    Have faced this situation my entire life,.." being talked over ",..or " they just walk away in mid sentence ". It happens most every day and yes,..it's damned annoying. I am a soft spoken person,..if you can't get to sleep just talk to me for a few minutes and boom,..you're out. Am very monotone also, " you speak just like Morgan Freeman ", ex girlfriends and two ex wives have said. I like Morgan Freeman and would listen to that guy narrate a documentary about dog shit and he'd have my full attention. I tend to communicate outwardly exactly the way I need to receive,..I believe most people do. If I use my usual speech at usual volume and emotional tone,..I'm boring. I have to always be aware of short attention spans. I also have to be aware of lexicon/vernacular when I speak to most people,..they are not like me. For the most of it,..I have to be louder, .. more emotional,..direct to the point,..use common language,..keep it simple. This is difficult for me as I do not communicate as if " doing a hat dance at the monster truck rally ", normally. INFJ-T ( 93% introvert )

  46. idk if it’s part of being an infj, but i feel like i’m awful at keeping friends. they either drift away or we stop talking in this whole dramatic fight after a year or so. the being ignored part along with this makes me feel so lonely sometimes, and like i’ll never find my true friends.

  47. What you are saying around the 4 min mark is spot on. I'm also called unreadable, i tell them i can't even read myself lol. Some people are intimidated by my ability to absorb information, talking less is a good thing I've been starting to do a lot more.

  48. I am so glad someone sent me a link to this video! You are spot on and explain things beautifully. I understand myself a little better now 😊

  49. My early childhood is just a blur of people in action around me. I have always been in the audience, taking in what people are doing, how they feel and show, and categorizing them. It really is like a study, preparing charts and all. Once in a while i come across people i can't read, and they intrigue me, i wonder if they were infjs too.
    And i love your sense of humor, it's so subtle that people other then infjs won't catch it up

  50. I'm an IMMENSELY socially awkward man, lol. I want to socialize and I do try hard but I have a difficult time expressing myself in person, its easier for me to convey what I'm trying to say through writing/text. I find it hard making a connection with people and as far as dating, haha, its even more so. People just tend to think I'm weird 🤷🏻‍♂️ it does bother me a lot but i try to rationalize and think they're the ones to miss out. Anyone else feel like this or is it just me? 🤨

  51. As an INFJ, I tend to be on a different plane of consciousness most of the time. This leads to people ignoring me for the most. But the few people who matter to me know this and do ask for my opinion. We have a lot to offer to this world…

  52. actually its kind of funny, because people tell me that i'm like an open book, but when they tell me what they think is going on in my head they are completely off.

  53. The best visual representation of the mind of an INFJ I think would be the movie limitless! The detail, the multiple scenarios and outcomes, being able to read people….etc.

  54. I totally get you, I don't think it's negative at all. I'm an INFJ and I know exactly what you mean, I'm quiet as well when I am around people. I know that feeling of being in a room full of people and yet still feeling distant at the same time. I really appreciate your thoughts about an INFJ. It makes me appreciate myself more because this is how I feel when I'm in a thinking process. Cheers 😊✌️🙏😇

  55. I don't know if this is relevant to others but, I discovered that my speaking is not very tonal and when I was younger I consciously spoke in a softer voice though I was developing a deep one to be more likeable, so these and not that much confidence in earlier years probably didn't help me in social situations, though I'm very confident now and deepening my voice by the day, tonality is still challenging but I find listening to music to hear the tonal shifts and singing along helps.

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