The Best Parenting Tip Of All   | FBLM Podcast

The Best Parenting Tip Of All | FBLM Podcast

– On some level, is not
the best parenting tip of all to sort yourself out first? – Well, that’s the first
chapter in my book, is to look at your patterns,
look at why we do what we do, examine something I
call the critical voice, because that tends to merge with our parenting a little bit too much, so the first chapter,
the first part of my book is all about sort yourself out. – How can someone do it? Someone’s listening to that and they go, okay Rangan, okay Philippa,
I get it, but that, but they don’t know where
to start or they’re in this kind of, the treadmill of modern life, they’re
busy, they’re just trying to get home, feed the
kids, get them to bed, get to bed, do their emails, get back, they think, well where do I start? – You start with charged emotion. So, we can all get in the practice of being a little bit
more, noticing our moods. Noticing when a mood feels
particularly charged. So, if we have a charged
emotion, reaction, to our child, because
this is a parenting book, but it can be to anything. Maybe we feel particularly
self-righteous, or something, or just really charged up. What I ask people to do, is to stop. Don’t just assume that charged
emotion has got something to do with a scenario that’s right in front of you right now. Stop. Look at the pattern of
that charged emotion. Trace it back, where does it come from? When did you first feel it? I mean, my particular charged
emotion is when somebody accuses me of lying, when I haven’t lied. I just go mental. And I know, I can remember
once, as family of watching University Challenge,
and I said the answer and nobody heard me. And then I said I said that,
and they went no you didn’t, I just flashed. I just went “YES I DID!!” And I said, “oops, sorry,
overacted a bit there”. And then tracing that back, I realised my parents never believed me. Whatever I said, they never believed me, so I sort of didn’t know
whether I was true or not. I didn’t know whether my
experience was really my experience or whether I was kidding
myself the whole time. So it was a very powerful thing,
and that would trigger me. So that’s the sort of
thing you can do – notice when you feel particularly
self righteous or just really irritated. What’s that charge about? Why are you so irritated because your kid has put
a sock on inside out? Why does that really matter? Trace that back, trace that back to your childhood. So, noticing a charged
emotion is a really good way of beginning to see how your
past is affecting your present.

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