S1 E5 The Wedding and Honeymoon! / Full Beach Theory Video Podcast

♫ ♫ MUSIC PLAYING ♫ ♫ Michael: Welcome back to Beach Theory Michael: Excited to be here. Becca: Yes. I’m excited to be here too. Michael: And you’re really cute. Becca: And you are too. Michael: And today, we have a special treat. Becca: And we’re talking about our honeymoon. Becca: The last episode, we talked about our engagement. And how difficult it was. And I left something out by the way. Becca: I left out that… Becca: The whole honeymoon…not the whole honeymoon. The whole engagement Becca: I was praying like crazy. Becca: Please help me to resist temptation. Please please please. Becca: So tempting to all the way. You know like… Becca: All the time. Michael: Prayer got you thru it. Becca: And that’s really like, I honestly think that’s like how I got thru. Becca: I like, I actually don’t think I could have done it. Becca: Like it was so hard. Becca: We were both praying a lot. Becca: Help us resist temptation. help us to not Becca: give in. And just go all the way. Michael: And right before we got married, I bought a fifth wheel trailer. Becca: By the way, this might be PG-13 Michael: It won’t be PG-13. Michael: It will be PG. Cody: You got the word “might”. You know. Michael: So we’re joined today by Cody Crabb. He is our sound engineer. Becca: And brother in law. Cody: Hello. Michael: A mastermind of all things audio. And music and things. Michael: He wrote the theme songs of The Beach House. Becca; “Just Pause the Game” Michael: And “When Adventure Calls” Michael: So he is…you’ve heard from him a lot more than you think you have actually. Michael: But today is really exciting. Michael: We’re going to talk about the marriage. Becca: Our wedding day and honeymoon. Michael: So… Michael: See my family came into town for the wedding. From Oregon Becca: Yes. They were all there. And we had bought in our engagement…I had Becca: I had actually three thousand dollars leftover from scholarship money and stuff for school. Becca: Like I actually had leftover money because of Becca: How many scholarships and grants I got. Michael: Oh and I remember another reason why we waited until May second to get married. Becca: Cause school was out. Michael: Cause that was literally like days after school got out. Becca: Yes. That was when like ten different people that we knew were also getting married. Becca: Because they wanted to wait till school was out. So that they could get married and have the wedding and Becca: have the time they needed to prepare for it while also going to school. Michael: So my sister’s a photographer. And that came in handy. Becca: Yes. Oh here’s our engagement pictures. Michael: So our engagement pictures, yeah we got those taken and it was really fun. And we also got amazing wedding pictures. Becca: Yes we did. Michael: Like, they charge thousands of dollars to do wedding stuff. Michael: And they gave it to us for free. Becca: Which was really handy. Michael: So we talked about how we like only spent like three grand total on the entire wedding. Michael: We got a lot of free stuff that made it really like… Michael: It might look fancy or nice but really we just got hooked up. Becca: And so we had three thousand dollars. And we’re like Becca: Where we going to live once we’re married? Like… Becca: I have hiccups now really bad. Michael: So we bought a fifth wheel trailer. One bedroom fifth wheel trailer. Becca: Something like that. Michael: Like thirty two foot or something. We parked it in a trailer park in Mount Pleasant. And I was living there Michael: weeks before we got married. Becca: And we’re like, this is our home. Becca: This is where….like this is…it’s our own home. Becca: And it was actually really nice to have something to call our own at that time. We were teenagers basically. I was a teenager. Becca: You were just barely out of your teens. Michael: You were nineteen Becca: Yup. Michael: when we got married. Becca: Twenty two. Michael: And you were nineteen when you got pregnant? Becca: Yes. Becca: We had a honeymoon baby. Michael: Were you nineteen when you had James? Becca: No. I was twenty by then. Michael: So that morning, we got up and we did photos Michael: We did photos the night before actually. Becca: Yeah. We did photos the day before we got married. And the first look we had those pictures. So Michael got to see me for the first time. Michael: It’s always awkward. Like, I know i had a really hard time with the first look.Cause what reaction are you expecting out of me? Michael: Am I gonna cry? Becca: You better cry. Michael: Honestly, I feel like every time I look at you it’s like the most amazing beautiful thing. Michael: And so how can you improve upon perfection? Michael: So you put her in a white dress Becca: You see why I like him. Michael: She’s all dolled up and it’s like well I can’t Michael: like her anymore. So, Michael: I’m just going to keep smiling. Becca: I just smiled a lot. It was so… Becca: so happy. We both were so happy. .. Becca: We were so happy that we made it that far. Michael: Yes. It’s more like a relief. Finally. Becca: It really was. Michael: Right. Becca: Such a relief that we were able to make it to that point and Becca: still have not had sex before we were married. Becca: That was so difficult. Becca: We talked all about that in the last episode if you didn’t hear the last episode. Becca: That is drama. Yeah. It was very difficult. And we talked all about it in the last episode. So… Michael: Episode five. Becca: And everything leading up to this is basically Becca: everything leading up to this story. So if you want to hear the rest of the story, go back and listen to some of our older podcasts. Michael: Our life began the day we met. Michael: So we got up early and we went to the temple. Michael: The Manti Temple in Manti, Utah. Becca: And ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to get married there. Becca: My parents got married there. That’s part of the reason why I wanted to get married there. Michael’s like, I don’t really care. Michael: I said you pick. Becca: As long as it’s in the temple right? Michael: Right. Michael: So we got married in the temple. We had a lot of family there that day. Becca: Yes. All my brothers and sisters and all your brothers and sisters right? Becca: And your Mom and Dad. And my Mom and Dad. Michael: Both my Moms and both my Dads. Michael: So, and grandparents. It was awesome. It was really special day. Michael: Then we had a luncheon at the church. Michael: We had like spaghetti or something didn’t we? Becca: Yes. And I think it got burnt on accident. But we had burnt spaghetti for lunch. Michael: And then after that, basically we all just liked worked right? Becca: So actually, what we did is we had luncheon at the church, it was spaghetti and it ended up being a little bit burnt. Becca: And then…I do. Cause I was like oh no! Becca: But then we left actually. Michael: Where did we go? Becca: We went to Snow College, to my ceramics class. Because I had made a wedding cake. A three tier wedding cake. Michael: So all these after we were married. Michael: So we got up in the morning. We got married that morning. And then we went to the luncheon we’re married. Michael: We’re driving around together. Alone. Becca: Putting our reception together. Like, putting it all together. Michael: And we went to the luncheon. Then we drove to Snow College. And picked up the ceramic wedding cake that you made. Becca: Cause I wanted to have it on display. Cause I had made it Becca: kind of for the wedding. Like I wanted to have a really cool Michael: Her wedding…or her cake ceramic cake abilities in the first podcast episode. Michael: So she made this amazing wedding cake out of ceramic. Becca: Wedding cake 2.0 ceramic wedding cake 2.0 Michael: And it looks good. And I wanted to eat it. Becca: Yeah. Michael: Just kidding. I knew this one was fake. Michael: That was some stuff we left out of our dating. You were doing ceramics a lot. And we hung out a lot. Becca: That was the first argument. Becca: That we ever had. Michael: She was trying to teach me how to do pottery. Becca: It was the first time I ever saw him get really mad. Like, and it was really. Michael: I was not really mad. Becca: It wasn’t like, he was really mad, but he did not like yell or scream or take it out on any body. Becca: He was mad. Michael: I think it was exaggerated in her mind. Cause she’d never seen me get upset about anything. Michael: And so even though it was mildly annoyed like I said. Becca: I was like, he’s mad. He’s mad. I’ve never seen him mad. And I was freaking out. Because he was freaking out. Becca: Well, you stormed away. That’s mad. Michael: I walked away. Michael: Why did I get upset? Becca: Okay let’s tell the story. I’ll tell the story. Becca: So I had had like three years of ceramics and I had…I wanted to teach him how to spin like a Becca: bowl or a plate on the pottery wheel Becca: And I was trying to teach you how to do it and I was trying really hard and he just wanted to have fun. He just wanted to play. Michael: You were micro managing me. Becca: Yes I was. Becca: Because I really wanted him to succeed in it. Becca: Not realizing that it was bothering him. Michael: I was playing with the wheel, I was playing with the clay. And I was having fun trying to mold it in my own way. And I was learning from my mistakes. Michael: And she was like, no you have to do it this way exactly and I was like no I wanted like figure it out. Becca: And I had had a lot of experience with it. So I was like, I bet I can teach him how to do it perfect the first time. Becca: Like I really wanted him to do it like perfect. Michael: So yeah, that’s micromanaging. That was frustrating. Becca: He was doing it and trying to do it and try to have fun and trying to have fun and then eventually he just was like… Becca: He stopped talking. He stood up and he stormed away. Becca: Stormed. We were in the ceramics like the humanities building at Snow College and he went all the way back to my apartment Becca: Without me and that had never happened Michael: I just needed a break. Becca: It’s true. And now I’m like, oh, I know you so much better. Becca: If I would have known. I just didn’t know I was annoying you. Michael: Well, that’s part of the learning process. Michael: We had to learn what our limitations are. Becca: And so he just stormed away he didn’t like explode at me or anything he just… Becca: Stormed away and I was like, oh no, I didn’t mean to do that. Becca: And then I was like, are you okay Michael? And he was just like… Becca: Silent treatment. Not because he was trying to be like not talking to me for a long time. But because he was trying to Becca: Not explode at me. You know? Becca: And that was really good because we’ve practiced that ever since then really. Michael: It needs to be said here that I don’t explode. Becca: No, he doesn’t. But that was exploding for Becca: what we had experienced up until that point. Like in my mind. It was like he was so mad. Michael: See when I think of exploding I think…(growling sound) Becca: Right. And I think Michael: I don’t do that. Becca: You’re right. And I… Becca: The way I explain things like even people that like even the family that live in our house Becca: They’re like, you don’t really get mad. Like both of us don’t really get mad. We just Becca: get tense and we debate. Becca: And sometimes we step away because we don’t want to debate. Knees in my baby belly, Michael: Your baby belly is on my knee. Becca: It’s just like we… Becca: I don’t know. We’ve always both taken the stance that hey if we’re getting to a point where we’re too angry that we cannot talk to each other Becca: Nicely or not even Becca: We’re not even making real points with each other Becca: We’re just saying things to be mean. Like we don’t do that. Because we just… Becca: I think we both respect each other enough and we love each other enough that we want to step back from the situation Becca: until we’re ready to deal with it and that might take an hour. Becca: But we usually don’t sleep on it unless we’re so tired that there’s no getting anywhere until we get some rest Michael: And then we come back and say: “I’m sorry I over reacted.” Becca: I was wrong. Or this is why I was upset even though this makes me sound bad I still want to explain it to you and Becca: 98% of the time we understand it and we’re like, I feel that way sometimes too and we’re not neither of us are perfect Becca: So it’s okay, you know. Becca: That was when we were engaged Michael: So yeah, we went to get the cake. Michael: that you’d made. Michael: I just think it was interesting cause we’re driving around alone married. Michael: And I think that both of us are kind of like Becca: What do we do now? Becca: We could do anything. Michael: Everything is legal. Becca: And we knew when we got back to the Becca: reception people would have a little snide remarks like oh what if you two been doing? Michael: Where’d you guys go? Becca: What did you do? Blah blah blah. Becca: And we were both like… Michael: Nothing. Becca: No, this is love. Stop talking to us. We don’t want to talk to you about that. It’s none of your business! Michael: But we didn’t. We literally did nothing. Becca: We did nothing. Michael: Literally. Becca: Nothing other than holding hands and we kissed probably but that’s it. Becca: Didn’t touch anywhere else Michael: So, it was just like we were still engaged. But I think we were both like Michael: Let’s just wait until tonight. Becca: Let’s get after the reception. Becca: We have a lot of things to do before it’s time for that… Michael: That was a long day. Becca: You thought it was a long day! I was like…I’m so scared. Becca: What…let’s make this go as long as possible. You’re like, let’s leave Michael: Yeah. Michael: The reception took forever. Becca: We got to eat cake, we cut open that cake. We have some wedding videos. Oh my cousin sang us a really good song Michael: Oh yeah. I love that song. Becca: There was another song that’s like our song. Michael: Every time we hear it, it reminds me of the wedding. Becca: (SINGS ‘LUCKY’ BY JASON MRAZ AND COLBY CAILLAT) Becca: Right? That’s good song. Becca: That was one of those that was playing on the radio like 98% of the time that we were engaged Michael: So a lot of wedding pictures your brother Andrew made a wedding video asking everyone to give us wedding advice. Becca: Ryan looks like a baby in it. Michael: I think Ryan said something like…I want to get married or something like that. Becca: Now it’s my turn. Something like that. Michael: Good luck. Ten years later, he’s still looking. Becca: I feel like we need to stop teasing him about it. Michael: I don’t tease him. Becca: Or rubbing it in. Michael: It’s a thing, it’s a fact. Anyway, I want him to get married. Becca; He just hasn’t met the right person yet. Becca: Anyways. Michael: You know he’s been with us from the beginning too. Michael: He was on our first date. Becca: Yes, he was our go-between guy. When I wanted to find out something about Michael, but I wasn’t quite comfortable asking him about yet Becca: I would ask Ryan and Steven a little bit too Michael: More Ryan. Becca: More Ryan and then Ryan would go and say hey, so how do you feel about this? Becca: And then Michael would say how he felt and then Ryan would come back and tell us. Michael: That was more from the very beginning. Becca: Very very beginning before we were like really communicating. Michael: So, we got back to the reception place. Got everything all set up. And guests started to arrive. Becca: Yup, it wasn’t set up exactly how I wanted but. Becca: We didn’t have a lot of money to deal with. No. Michael: Like out of our wedding clothes? Becca: We stayed in our wedding clothes I think the whole day. Michael: Okay. I just remember helping set up the booth. Becca: Maybe you did. Michael: Well it might have been the day before that we got it all set up. Becca: Oh it might have been. Michael: We had a tree, and it was like willow Michael: And it had all these branches hanging down and people would take money and clip it to the tree. Becca: Yeah. That was nice. Michael: The money tree. Becca: I wonder how much we made. Michael: I don’t remember. Becca: I remember it wasn’t very much. Michael: We got a lot of money. Michael: I remember like a year or two after our wedding we found a letter that have never been opened. And it had a check from our wedding. Becca: For like five hundred or a hundred dollars. Michael: I think it was like fifty bucks. Michael: But at the time we were poor. Michael: Right. And I remember thinking if this works. We cash the check and it worked. Becca: And then somebody called us. It was a distant relative. And was like, Becca: Did you just cash a cheque? Michael: I don’t remember that. Becca: Yes, and we were like, oh Becca: Yes, we just found that letter. Michael: They want to make sure it’s not fraud or something. Michael: Oh and we missed sending out a whole bunch of invitations. Becca: Oh my goodness. I think we didn’t send out half of them. Becca: Because they just got lost in the chaos Becca: of finals. Cause we were in the middle of tests. And we were… Becca: It was really hard planning a wedding and going to school at the same time. Like, that was difficult. Michael: But the wedding was good. Becca: Yeah. We had the whole family there. We took pictures. We can show you some of the pictures if you’re watching the video right now you’ll be able to see. Becca: So we’re uploading it on YouTube if you’re listening to the podcast. Michael: We have a video. You can see our beautiful faces the whole time we’re talking. Becca: And some pictures of this time. Because we have a lot of pictures. Becca: Oh we have some of cutest engagement pictures. Becca: And we have really cute pictures just from our wedding day. And then Becca: Also from our reception that night too. Becca: With all the family there. And some videos. So those are fun too. Michael: Are you ready to move on from the wedding? Becca: No. Michael: I was so ready to get out of there. Becca: Isn’t this typical? Like this is exactly what happened almost ten years ago. I was not ready to move on from the wedding and you were. Michael: Let’s go! We got an amazing honeymoon planned you guys. We went to Hawaii for three weeks. Michael: Then we went to Australia. Michael: And we toured The Great Wall of China. Michael: It was the most glamorous… Becca: Our honeymoon was very similar to as much planning as he put into the proposal which was none Michael: And we justified it by saying we’ll go there for our one year anniversary. Becca: Your dad didn’t he say we could go to Florida he has a rental property in Florida. Becca: No, and he offered it for our honeymoon. Michael: Did he really? Becca: Yes, but the thing is we were like well… Michael: We need to go there. Becca: We have very limited money and if we went there we just wouldn’t be able to Becca: have a lot of fun because we didn’t have a lot of money to deal with or to use. Becca: Yes, seriously. Becca: We spent it on a fifth wheel trailer. Becca: Our home. Michael: We bought a house.We got that. Becca: That’s gone. Long gone. Michael: So our fancy honeymoon was at like… Becca; One hour away. Michael: I didn’t want to drive that far. Becca: There was literally no other hotels in between that hour Becca: He’s found the first hotel he could find. Michael: There was a hotel in Spanish Fork right at the mouth of the canyon. Becca: That was like the first one. Michael: Why? Because it was a hotel. Michael: It was literally nothing else of interest. Becca: You trying to get me to go swimming skinny-dipping in that hot tub. Michael: I’d never do that. Becca: I know but you tried to get me to. Michael: No I did not. Becca: Yes you did. You tried to. And I was like, no! I’m terrified! Michael: I don’t think I would have done that. At a public pool?! Michael: Maybe you’re making stuff up. Becca: You should have seen the look I just gave him. If your just listening, I just gave him a look. Becca: Cody, does this feel awkward being in a room with us? Cody: No. Becca: Okay. Good. Michael: So, we checked into this hotel and we stayed there for two nights or three nights? Becca: We were there for I think four total. Michael: Four days and three nights? That sounds about right. Michael: We didn’t really do anything. Like… Becca: Are you kidding me? Michael: Like we didn’t do anything other than hang out in the hotel. Becca: And you know what we were doing. That’s all we did. Becca: Rewind a little bit. Michael: Okay. Becca: So, let’s get serious. Because I want to talk about some things that Becca: Oh my goodness. This is going to be really hard for me to talk about I think. Michael: You don’t have to talk about it. Becca: But at the same time I think other people have gone thru this. Or Becca: maybe have experienced this. And it would be Becca: helpful maybe? Michael: It’s up to you. Michael: Now, I don’t know what you’re about to say. Michael: I’m just saying. Be careful. Michael: We still want to keep this advertiser friendly. Becca: Like I’m not thinking anything terribly bad. But Becca: Michael was very excited for our honeymoon. And I was terrified. Like Becca: terrified. Becca: And… Michael: Was it because you thought I was really like a murderer or something? Becca: No no. It wasn’t that at all. It was Becca: all growing up Becca: there were…had two separate experiences were Becca: Something bad had happen to me. Becca: And like, Becca: I had…and it was something like sexual. Somebody had done something sexual to me like neighborhood boy type thing. Becca: And Becca: that Becca: when I had heard that…well, I was very young so I went to my mom and I was like, “Hey Mom, this thing happened.” and she was like “What?!” Becca: She didn’t freak out that time but she was very clear that is a very bad thing. And he should have never done that to you. And Becca: So you Becca: Got to protect yourself. And make sure to tell me if anything like that happens again. And just so you know that’s bad. Like don’t let that happen again right? Becca: And so like, in my mind Becca: I kind of wasn’t prepared to Becca: Have sexual things be alright. Michael: Cause you’re whole life had been blah blah blah Becca: Like I had really really difficult time switching my mind set to. Becca: It’s okay. Becca: You’re married. Michael: Right. Becca: Like Becca: And it’s weird, because all the time we were engaged I was like Becca: having a really hard time resisting that. Becca: But when it really came down to it and it was our wedding night, I was Becca: terrified because I Becca: I couldn’t switch my mind from this is not okay to this is okay now. Michael: Right. Becca: And It’s… Becca: I think because of that, Michael had expected things to be a certain way or Becca: I guess Becca: I was confident in all ways except that way. Becca: And Becca: It was very weird because I didn’t expect that. Like I didn’t know Becca: what I was gonna be like. I didn’t know Becca: anything. Becca: I didn’t know anything about anything. Becca: I mean I had taken a health class. Becca: That’s about it. Becca: I’d close my eyes and plug my ears. Michael: La la la la la. This is bad. Becca: No. Really. But like that’s kind of what I was saying in my mind. Like this is bad. This is bad. This is bad. The whole time in health class. Michael: Well and growing up in a strict Mormon family LDS. Becca: I was sheltered. Definitely sheltered. And Michael grew up in Florida. He got lot more Becca: Comfortable I guess with ideas like that than I did. Like, Becca: I’m not saying he was like raised in a terrible way. Or that he was Becca: exposed to like things. Michael: No I think it all comes down to Michael: how the parents do it. Like my mom Michael: talked more openly about that type of stuff with us. Becca: In general, I feel like men kind of Becca: have more information because of their anatomy. Like, than women do. Like… Becca: If that makes sense. Like… Michael: Right. I just think I was more mentally prepared. Becca: Yeah. Michael: And I think that you had just Michael: been so afraid and so scared that you almost… Becca: I mean your literally my first kiss. Becca: I had done nothing. Becca: beyond with you. Michael: So I want to talk really quick about Michael: The way that you were raised and what your parents talked to you about Michael: Like, what could they have done differently that would have prepared you better but still been appropriate Michael: So that you’re not like… Becca: Honestly, I think I just from the two experiences that I had Becca: I was just terrified. Like it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t like they didn’t prepare me Becca: it was just like I think that they kind of prepared me for the worst, but Becca: but then in their Becca: sexual life Becca: And I really don’t want to get into anything like that. But all I’m saying is like they were very very private Becca: They were not like… Michael: Which is appropriate. Becca: She wouldn’t like sit on his lap and kiss him or anything like Becca: There was like…they would any time Becca: My parents got remotely close to doing something physical, my mom would slap his hand and say “John!” Becca: “The kids are around.” Becca: And it was just very difficult so like and I never like accidentally walked in on them or anything like that just didn’t happen. So I… Becca: My experiences were very limited and then in the media, like if I saw a movie, I would say oh, you know Becca: That’s a bad movie if it has a sexual scene in it. Like Becca: and I’m gonna Becca: Close my eyes or I’m gonna fast-forward it or I’m gonna turn it off like that was my mindset all the time Michael: But see there’s this fine line between Michael: sticking to your values and Michael: Being moral and and having chastity, but then there’s also a level of you need to be educated Becca: I need to be a little bit more prepared probably. Michael: Because you also don’t want to go in blind thinking Michael: Having absolutely no idea Michael: What you’re getting into and then being traumatized because you were not prepared Becca: I think that the only previous experiences that I had had, we’re traumatizing Becca: So, I after our honeymoon I was kind of traumatized Becca: Not on purpose. Like it was no one’s fault. It was seriously, no one’s fault. It was just Becca: because of my previous experiences Michael: And for the record, Becca: Lack of experiences. Michael: I didn’t do anything on our honeymoon that make you uncomfortable. Becca: Actually that’s another really good point like the whole time, He was like… Becca: Whatever you feel comfortable with. Whatever is comfortable to you. I’m not gonna do anything that you don’t like and he was Becca: complete Becca: gentleman in that way. It really was. Like and there was nothing…I guess the sad part about all this is that Becca: There was nothing that he did that was bad. There was nothing he did wrong, there was nothing that Becca: Should have traumatized to me. You know, like… Becca: (heavy sigh) I don’t know… Becca: It was…everything was perfect. Everything was natural. Everything was good, but Becca: It was my mind that just could not switch from being like Becca: This is bad to this is okay. That instantly. Like… Becca: And it literally has taken us ten years and we have made progress like we’re at a point where I’m comfortable. Like… Becca: And honestly the first at least year of our marriage, I was not it was out..it was so far out of my comfort zone. Michael: We never even talked about it. Michael: Something we did but we didn’t talk about. Becca: Well and I think that… Becca: He had certain expectations. Michael: You couldn’t even use the word sex. Becca: No.I would just say make out. Michael: Yeah that was your code word. Because you were too uncomfortable even saying it. Becca: it’s almost like a bad word. Like I was almost raised saying that’s a bad word. Don’t say that. So I it felt so uncomfortable or like… Becca: body terminology, even I couldn’t even say the name of Becca: body parts like Becca: That’s how Becca: Sheltered I guess but…and I don’t ever want to look at my parents and say oh you did it wrong. Like, you raised me wrong. Becca: Because it wasn’t their fault that.. Becca: Those things happened to me, you know? Becca: And with the information that they were given Becca: From what did happen Becca: What did happen to me? They did their very best to Becca: help me through those things and like Becca: Make sure that I had enough information to defend myself or to not let that happen again. Becca: But I think that Becca: Unintentionally it gave me too much of a lack of information and the only information I had was Becca: This is bad or this is like I wasn’t ever told things like Becca: Really getting into detail or I don’t know. I just never was told what was Becca: Okay, or how you could maybe feel the Spirit of God, like well doing something like that like you’re creating Becca: it’s really to create humans, you know, like Becca: I think it was just such a Becca: Taboo subject Becca: Unless you asked about it and every parent does this differently. Every parent is gonna have to face Becca: Talking about these things, right? Becca: But like they did the best that they knew how and I know that Becca: it was good like the way they did is so, I don’t know I just… Becca: Hard to talk about Becca: Ah…what are we doing? Michael: We’re just going to reset the camera for half a second. Becca: I cried. Michael: That’s okay. You’re allowed to cry. Michael: Yeah. It’s alright. This is real. Becca: This is the stuff you can’t talk about it vlogs though. Becca: I’m just saying like… Becca: You can’t. Michael: Actually to be perfectly honest, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about this. Becca: To anyone else but me and you. Becca: Not even my Mom. Becca: And that’s saying something. Michael: Yeah. Michael: Well, that’s one of the things that I think I’m most excited about the podcast. Michael: Is because we’re going to be telling Michael: intimate lessons and things that we’ve learned and experience that we’ve never shared with anyone. Michael: Not for any other reason than it’s just not… Becca: It’s a private thing. It’s just not something you’d go around talking to the world about which is what we’re doing now. Michael: Well we’re talking about it now for many reasons but it really comes down to why we’re doing this podcast in the first place. And that is Michael: we feel like, Michael: we’ve learned a lot thru our life experiences and we have something to offer. Michael: to other people going thru similar things. Becca: And I should clarify. Becca: I was never raped. Becca: That was not the extent of what happened to me. Becca: Like, it was not that bad. Like… Becca: If I look back at it now, it’s just like I was touched in the wrong place. Like Becca: that’s the extent. Michael: Yeah. Becca: That’s the extent. Michael: When you were four? Becca: When I was four, I was touched in the wrong place. And when I was Becca: eight or seven or something. Becca: Like other things happened. And it was not… Becca: Never. Becca: rape. Like it was not to the extent. But…. Becca: But the way it was dealt with Becca: scared me so badly that I was like horrified at the thought of what is beyond that. Michael: Right. Becca: And so, I was just like…well I’m not going to find that out. I mean, I’m going to be ultra careful. And I’m gonna… Becca: I’m going to make sure that I don’t sin. And I didn’t go around kissing people in high school. Like, that was never something I did or… Becca: You know. I don’t know. I guess those were defining moments for me and I guess I looked at them like Becca: these things happen to me before I was eight years old. Before I was baptized and that makes me who I am because I’v chosen Becca: every since I was baptized to be very Becca: virtuous. And careful. Becca: And so in high school I did nothing bad. Like, nothing Becca: bad. And then… Becca: And then just…I couldn’t have predicted that it would affect me so Becca: much or so badly. Like… Becca: I would like to hear your side of the story on this too because Becca: I’m sure you’re like, I’m sure you have some stuff to say about what you went thru too. Michael: You mean during our honeymoon? Becca: Or what you thought about how I reacted to things and stuff. Michael: Well honestly I expected Michael: apprehension. I expected it to be something you were scared and that’s why I was so careful to be like hey… Becca: I think I had warned you. Hey, I’m I don’t know anything Michael: Freaking out. Becca: I’m freaking out over here. Michael: And I was like look, we don’t have to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. Michael: Like that’s not what I’m expecting Michael: You know, I just love you. Becca: And we only talked about these things like days before the wedding. Like we didn’t talk about like deep Becca: Sexual things or anything. Michael: Right. So we just let everything happen evolve naturally Becca: He’s like, I think the only thing I asked him was like Becca: Okay. Are you gonna let me like I really want I’m scared. Becca: Like I want you to help me to feel comfortable and then the only other thing and he’s like, oh, yeah Becca: I’ll do whatever like you’re I will let you take the lead Becca: He said that I will let you take the lead whatever you feel comfortable with. And then Becca: The only other question that I asked him was Becca: Should I get lingerie? Becca: He was like, Becca: yes. Michael: No I did not say yes! Becca: Yes you did! Michael: No. I did not! Michael: I never would have said that. Honestly, you surprised me with what you had brought. Michael: I said do whatever you want. Michael: I don’t even remember that Michael: To be clear. Michael: You’re embarrassing me though. Becca: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Becca: But that’s what I thought you said. Michael: I guess okay, so my takeaway from all this is Michael: How can we as parents, Michael: Make sure that our kids are more prepared than you were. Becca: Also not too prepared Becca: Like, it’s just a balancing act I feel like. Michael: Like I said, it’s a fine line Michael: Between being moral and clean and having a preparedness and an understanding of what’s coming so that you’re not traumatized Michael: I think that’s all I can say. Michael: Because I believe you can I believe you can do it. I believe there is a balance and you can do it Michael: in the right way. Becca: Like, there are certain things that I am just Becca: terrified of. Becca: Or mortified of even now and like we’re just working through these things. One thing at a time. And Becca: thankfully, he’s like very patient with me. Michael: Hey you know, when she made me wait a month before she said yes to marrying. Becca: You figured it might have to be a patient guy. Michael: Set the tone for the whole marriage. I got to be really patient. Michael: with every thing. Becca: But I think… Michael: You’re worth the wait. Becca: It’s just like what we talked about earlier, you know. We have to be able to communicate really well, and if we hadn’t, I think you would be very Becca: frustrated. If I hadn’t communicated to you how I felt or why I felt a certain way like Becca: You would… Becca: especially in the beginning of our marriage have been very frustrated as to why I was so apprehensive or Becca: Maybe I didn’t love you, you know, like things like that, but really that’s that wasn’t the case at all. It was the opposite Becca: I was I love you so much. But Becca: This is a switch I’m not used to and I Becca: Can guarantee though Becca: That there are probably a lot of other people that feel the same way Michael: Oh yeah there are. Michael: Absolutely. And that’s why you know, I just think it’s Michael: Important to know the balance. To know how to communicate that and educate your kids Becca: And I do. I want to be able to teach our kids and make sure that they Becca: Like maybe hearing this podcast would help them. You know what I mean? Like… Becca: Just because they there’s emotion in this. Like it’s not an emotionless thing. Like it’s so full of emotion, and it’s so full of Becca: experience and just I don’t know Michael: Well I believe… Becca: It could be a very very peaceful sweet amazing thing Michael: I think it’s a very sacred thing. Becca: And sacred thing and on the other hand it can be the complete opposite Michael: Absolutely. Becca: So it’s like you kind of have to Becca: be really careful with this. Becca: And not flaunt these things around or like be, you know, a lot of people aren’t careful with it nowadays Becca: I’m just glad that you were willing to be really careful with me Michael: I love you. Michael: I think that we should end this video. But I want to do it on a happy note. Michael: So you should tell a story about what happened after our honeymoon Michael: First thing that we did when we got back. Becca: So obviously we were the first…I was the first one in my entire family to get married. Becca: And Becca: that was awkward coming home because everybody is like Becca: we know what you did basically. Michael: Right. So we drive back home. Becca: And my Dad he is…bless his heart. Becca: But he is so no filter. Like he will say whatever. Michael: He really is. Michael: But it was great. Because we drove back home. We went to the trailer. That was our home. Michael: In the trailer. Michael: And your mom and dad like hey, you guys are back. Okay. We want to come see you guys and say hi. Michael: Bring all your presents from the wedding that you haven’t opened yet. Michael: And we’re like yeah come over. We want to see everybody. Michael: And so… Becca: And I was like, this is going to be so awkward. Becca: This is going to be so awkward. Just seeing them for the first time after our honeymoon. And they know what happened on our honeymoon. Becca: So I was like oh. Becca: And I was like, you know what? Becca: I’m going to stuff my belly. And make myself look nine months pregnant. Becca: So I did. I stuffed my belly. I had some overalls and I Becca: I stuffed my belly completely full. It looked really nice and round. Like it was… Becca: Somewhere. It’s really old blurry picture but… Michael: It was the perfect thing to break the ice. Becca: Yes. Michael: For when your parents came over. Becca: And boy did it break the ice. Becca: I have never seen my dad laugh harder in my entire life. Becca: Than when Becca: when I walk in and I’m kind of backing up towards him and then I turn towards him and he’s like Becca: Bwahahaha he just starts laughing so hard. Becca: I can’t even…like there is no way of… Becca: I wish we were recording that. That would have one of those best moments to record. Becca: It would have been… Becca: Like I have never seen him laugh that hard. And you’ve seen him laugh hard. Right? Becca: But It was like Becca: And it was one of those laughs that Michael: It was a belly laugh. Becca: When you thought he was done, Becca: he would start all over again. And then when you thought he was done, he would start all over again. And went on for like three minutes and I was like Michael: I think there’s a deeper reason why he got so much joy out of that joke specifically. Becca: Yay! Grand kids. Michael: I think it goes even deeper. I think that there’s always like Michael: there’s a worry in a parents mind that their kid is going to get married. And it might not be a good marriage. Michael: Right? Like if my kids get married, I might worry that maybe they…you know whatever Michael: And so for you to come back and you still got your sense of humor. Michael: And your still goofy and funny. Michael: Right? Michael: Not like, oh mom that was terrible! My husband is abusive. Like… Michael: You didn’t come back saying bad things. You were joking and you were having fun. And you’re making your dad laugh. Michael: I think it just brought them a lot of peace to know that you were still you. And you are still happy and it was good. Becca: And we had gone past a huge milestone in our life. Michael: I think it just really made them happy. Becca: Oh man. Good times. Becca: Awkward, good, surprising, shocking Becca: happy times. Michael: Well, thanks you guys for listening. Becca: This was an intense episode for me just so you know. Like Becca: and honestly, I really have not talked to anyone Becca: about this stuff. Because Becca: it didn’t… I don’t know it just never got brought up or Becca: never felt really comfortable enough to talk about it. Michael: But next time we’re going to talk about Michael: after we got married. And the adventure we had. Michael: Moving away from your family for the summer. Becca: And honeymoon baby. Becca: I got pregnant right away. Michael: And so you were sick a lot. Becca: I was sick a lot. And Michael’s like Becca: who did I marry? You’re not the person I married. Becca: Oh you’re just not the same. what happened to you? Becca: Over time he said that. Michael: Alright. So stay tuned next week. We got a lot more fun coming your way. Make sure to follow us on Michael: Spotify and Apple podcast. Eagle podcast and Anchor. Michael: And also subscribe on YouTube if you want to see this video. Becca: If you want to see pictures of all these times. We have wedding pictures. A lot of wedding pictures and Becca: engagement pictures and fun pictures in this episode specifically. So, if you’re just listening to it, it might be worth the watch on YouTube. Michael: And we really appreciate you guys feedback. So, if you have anything you want to ask us. Michael: Or thoughts or whatever. Feel free to post it as a comment on… Becca: Questions. Or things you want us to debate about. Becca: Maybe we should talk about all of the fights that we’ve ever had. Michael: We should do a podcast were we fight. Becca: Yeah. Michael: It would be great. Becca: Let’s fight in front of them. Michael: It would be fun. Becca: Okay. Let’s do it. Cody: Can you maybe do that one on your own? Becca: I don’t know if it could get much more awkward than the one we just talked about. ♫ ♫ MUSIC PLAYING ♫ ♫

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