Gus: I told not to interrupt me again Joel. Gus: This is what happens when you mess with the king, baby. Burnie: All Hail King Gus. Gus: So, like I was saying, I had the Tyrannosaurus Rex in a headlock. Gus: About to finish him off, when suddenly… Gus: Goddamit Joel, what now? Burnie: He said you’re not wearing your crown. Gus: How do you know? Burnie: Uhh, yeah he is saying since you don’t have your crown on… Burnie: You’re not the true King and you don’t have any power over us. Gus: Oh come on, he said like two words. Burnie: He also said it’s time we rise up and revolt! Burnie: (chanting) NO MORE OPPRESSION!! Gus: No, wait wait wait hold on.I have the crown, I swear. Gus: I, I think I just left it in my office. (whoosh) Burnie: No more oppression! Gus: Okay, an infinite hallway with doors. Gus: But which one’s my office? Gus: Hmm, okay, uh, uh huh, mmhmm… Dark Chocolate: Oh, hey sugar, how about a dance? Gus: Uhmm, no thanks. Where am I exactly? Dark Chocolate: You’re in Dark Chocolate’s world now, baby. Dark Chocolate: Have you met the Girls? This is Chocolate Chip. Dark Chocolate: And this one is Thunder. Gus: Gross, you named them? Gus: I’m just gonna go, you look like you’ve got a satisfied customer already anyway. Miles: (whimpers) Please help me!! Gus: What the fuck is going on? Any one of these could be my office. Gus: Maybe this one? Gus: Hello? Gus: Helloooo? Gus: Huh, I always thought it would be smaller. Gavin: Hello there, do you work here? Gavin: Do you know where I am? Gus: Me? It’s your brain. Gavin: What? It is? Gus: Man, this is fucked up. Gavin: Huh, always thought it’d be bigger. Gus: Everything is so messed up. Gus: ‘Sup monty. Gus: What the? Gusbot 3000: Access denied. You are not supposed to see this. Gusbot 3000: Yet. Gus: Well, that was weird Gus: I got a good feeling about this one. Gus: Where the fuck is my office? Barbara: Hey look, it’s Barbara, everyone’s favorite- Gus: Nope. Gus: Geoff, is that you? Geoff: Of course, it’s me buddy, who else would it be? Gus: Kinda hard to tell, to be honest. Geoff: You ready to go on our double date? Gus: Double date? With who? Geoff: With these two, fantastic ladies Dumb: Hi, I’m Dumb. Cunt: And I’m Cunt. Gus: Nooooo… Gus: …oooooooooo! Gus: Seriously, this is getting ridiculous! Goat: I know man, this grass tastes like shit. Gus: I’m never going to find my office! Goat: Gee, complain more. At least you’re not tied to this one spot. Gus: I don’t need a talking goat to put my life in perspective! Gus: Shut the fuck up. Goat: Wait don’t go. Goat: I can help you. Goat: You said you were looking for an office right? Goat: I was just in one. There was a shiny crown, that tasted like the worst grass ever. Gus: A crown? I need that. Which way is the office? Goat: Umm, well, I’m not too good with directions. It’s a goat thing. Goat: But if you emancipate me from this stake, I’ll show you the way. Gus: Okay! Goat: That’s better, I’m not used to standing on my feet for so long. Goat: Or ever, really. Goat: Let’s go! Gus: Whatever you say, talking magical goat. Talking Magical Goat: Okay, this is it. Gus: Are you sure about this? Talking Magical Goat: Yup. Talking Magical Goat: My goat instincts tell me so. Gus: Finally, my crown! Gus: Ah, The Fulcrum! I should have known it was you. The Fulcrum: Yes, ’tis I. The missing piece of the world. The Fulcrum: And my evil pet: Flatpush, the Platypus, trademark. Gus: Give me my crown Fulcrum! The Fulcrum: Never! The Fulcrum: I am the new ruler of the podcast land! Talking Magical Goat: You were the one who locked me up. You’re a jerk you know that? The Fulcrum: I don’t care. I’m King now, and that entitles me to be a jerk! The Fulcrum: Now, bow before me subjects! The Fulcrum: Bow, and be subjected! Gus: I’ll never bow down to you! The Fulcrum: So be it, I’ll deal with you two myself. The Fulcrum: Flatpush, attack! Talking Magical Goat: My eyes!! The Fulcrum: (evil laugh) The Fulcrum: Prepare to die fool! The Fulcrum: Hey, no fair. Not the face, not the face. Gus: Goat, help me, get him off! Talking Magical Goat: I’m just a magic talking goat, what can I do? Gus: Don’t you have any other magic powers? Talking Magical Goat: Hmm, lets see… The Fulcrum: Nooo!! Not baaa-ad. Gus: Phew, we did it! Gus: Man, thanks for your help goat. Gus: You’re the best Talking Magical Goat: Hey, no problem. I think that we both learned today tha- Whoa. The Pizza God: Behold. I am the pizza god. The Pizza God: You have freed me from my imprisonment. The Pizza God: As a reward, you may have the hand of my beautiful daughter… The Pizza God: Princess Pepporonella. The Pizza God: You will marry and rule the land of Pizza together. The Pizza God: Ushering in a new era of peace and happiness. Gus: Sweet. Pizza God: (Gasps) Gus: Mmm, It’s good to be The King. Gus: So tasty. Gus: Hmmm, oh, come here, yeah.