Geoff: Here’s another prob–here’s another thing to watch out about this guy. I had a cat, it was aWeSomE, kitten, aWeSomE. Gavin stuck his finger up its ass… Michael: Yep. Geoff: cat has been a dickhead every day since.
Gavin: It was an accident! Michael: Put his finger in its asshole! That happened–look at this, that happened! Geoff: There was pEneTrAtIon( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) !
Michael: He– Michael: The cat was– Geoff: The cat has been wrong ever since!
Michael: The cat– Michael: The cat was, fuckin’, in heat… [came] up to Gavin, asshole in the air AND HE PUT HIS FINGER IN HIS ASSHOLE!
James: Well, that–that– James: Whoa, that is what I’m saying- Gavin: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?
James: Whoa, that is what I’m saying. Gavin: It backed onto–
James: I’m saying let your cats outdoors– Michael: IT BACKED ONTO YOUR FINGER, WHY WAS IT THERE!? Jeremy: YEAH, WHY YOU’RE DOING THIS!? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Gavin: I’m not! I was just p– Geoff: Gavin’s like, “I don’t know, I just stuck my hand like this for a while and eventually…” Michael: (continuing) “I put catnip on my finger and I kept waving it around near it’s asshole…” Gavin: A cat–a cat in heat doesn’t anally rear onto a finger! Michael: But it DID! James: Right, I–I know hang on, what–no, don’t worry about that. So how are you justifying this? ಠ_ಠ Gavin: I was picking– James: If you just said, “Oh, the cat was in heat and I was just pointing, and it just got involved…” I would have gone…”That sounds weird but…”
Michael: That’s what he’s arguing AGAINST. James: Yeah, I know, yeah, so go on. Gavin: The cat just slipped! I was picking up the cat… (audience laughter) (audience applause)
and all of a sudden, all of a sudden the tip of my finger was warm! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (audience applause) That’s all I have! I don’t know, it just got hot. Michael: All right.
That’s all I have! I don’t know, it just got hot. That’s all I have! I don’t know, it just got hot. Michael: (repeating) Got hot. Hey, thanks for coming! James: Was the cat looking back at you? Gavin: I quickly pulled my finger out and washed my finger- Geoff: It made a fucking sound NyAaAaAaAaAaAa~ Geoff: It was horrifying. And if–if you–if it–why were you–why did you pick the cat up and go like this: “Shh, shh, shh, it’ll all be over soon” ? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) James: I honestly cannot…
Michael: I’m pretty sure he said: “Just let it happen.” James: …scenario that justifies putting a finger in a cat’s arse. Geoff: “No means yes!” Gavin: I, I can’t. I can’t explain. James: So, hang on. Can we, just from you… Did you put your finger in a cat’s arse? Gavin: The cat…cat arse…
James: No, no, no. Yes or no– James: it’s a yes-or-no question. It’s a yes-or-no question. Was your finger in a cat’s arse? Gavin: Well on paper, yeah! But… (audience laughter) Gavin: the cat slipped—
James: How? Gavin: I was picking up the cat–
James: What’d you mean the cat slipped? Jeremy: (repeating) THE CAT SLIPPED! James: It was on fucking ice skates!?
Michael: There was a banana peel! (laughter) Geoff: Y’all know how klutzy cats are! Michael: Whoooooa! Geoff: Always slipping! (voices overlapping)
Michael: ALRIGHT, I HOPE I DON’T FALL ON SOMEONE’S FINGER! Gavin: Alright, let me re-enact it in real time! Gavin: Aww the–ooh. Let me wash my hand. It was like that! It was a m–split-second mistake! James: I’ve–I’ve… Michael – I mean I feel like, I feel like there’s a difference between accident and mistake. Mistake means, like, you did it and you regretted it. An accident’s like “I had nothing to do with that, it just happened.” Michael: Well, thanks for coming to watch Off Topic.
Gavin: Thank you very much! Jeremy: Thanks, guys! Michael: Thank you London, we’ll see you tomorrow!