Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures – Burnie’s Jokes

Burnie: One of my favorite jokes when I was a kid is there’s three guys and they have bricks, they find a pile of bricks and they want to see who can throw bricks up in the air the highest. But they can’t tell from the ground how high they’re gonna go up But the ground’s all muddy So one goes “Hey if we throw them high enough we’ll see how far they sink into the ground. Whoever sinks the furthest went the highest” “Oh that’s good” First guy takes a brick, throws it up in the air Comes down, sinks like a foot in the mud Gav: Damn
Burnie: Second guy’s like “I could beat that.” Goes up, winds up, throws the brick up in the air Comes, and lands, it goes three feet in the ground Barb: Wow And the last guy goes, “I can beat that.” Winds up, takes his brick, throws it straight up And it doesn’t come down. (silence) So the other joke I liked to tell when I was a kid Gus: (laughing)
Burnie: I thought that was- I thought that joke was fucking hilarious. The other joke I liked to tell Gav: Wait
Barb: Wait
Burnie: When I was a kid Was this woman books– She wants to travel to see her mother And she wants to bring her parrot with her cause her mother loves the parrot But the only ticket she can afford is on the no parrot, no smoking airlines And you’re not allowed to bring a parrot on, and you’re not allowed to smoke on the plane. But she thinks ‘I can get away with this’ So she takes the parrot. She’s like “Shhhh.” Gives it a bunch of, like, food Puts it in her jacket, sneaks it on the plane So she’s on the plane, everything’s going great. Like you know they’ve taken off, and they’re at cruising altitude. Then the pilot walks back, comes walking down the isle, saying hello to everybody And he’s smoking this big cigar, which obviously he’s not supposed to do So he comes walking down the isle and he stops at the ladies seat and he goes “How are you enjoying the flight?” And she’s like “Fine, everything’s great.”
He goes, “Well we’ll be there on time so everything should be fine.”
She goes, “Thank you very much.” And then hears ‘Squawk’ “Polly want a cracker.”
And he’s like, “What was that?” She goes, “Nothin'” ‘Squawk’ “Polly want a cracker.”
And he goes, “You have a parrot in your coat.”
She goes, “No I don’t!”
And he rips it open And there’s the parrot, and he grabs the parrot and he’s like pointing at it, and he’s like, “You’re not allowed to have a parrot on this plane!” And she grabs the cigar out of his mouth, she goes, “You’re not allowed to have a cigar on this plane!” And he goes, “No parrots allowed.”
He opens the window and he throws out the parrot. She goes, “Well you can’t have a cigar!”
And she throws the cigar out the window of the plane. He goes storming off. She sits in her seat. She’s all mad cause her parrot got thrown out of the plane. Barb: Pet parrot died
Burnie: He’s back up there He’s flying the plane, he’s just like
(angry mumbling sounds) And then he hears (knocking sounds),
hears a little knock And he turns around, and there’s the parrot waving at him And guess what its got in its mouth. Barb: A cigar? Burnie: No the brick Thank you everybody! (general bemused sounds, confusion and silence)

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