Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations – Tony Robbins  [podcast]

Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations – Tony Robbins [podcast]

I’m Oprah Winfrey welcome to super-soul conversations
the podcast I believe that one of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself is time
taking time to be more fully present your journey to become more inspired and connected
to the deeper world around us starts right now world-renowned life coach Tony Robbins
he believes deep down in his soul we all possess the power to transform our lives and it starts
with a decision I spent a day at Tony Robbins seminar a few years ago and I will say this
no one can motivate like this man Tony uses an intense process to pinpoint what’s really
holding you back in your life Tony Robbins says his goal is to stop the suffering in
our lives oh my goodness so millions and millions of people come to see you all over the world
all searching for many different things some are coming because they want to master some
form of achievement they want to transform their body their money their finances their
relationships but I think underneath it all what we’re all looking for is a life of fulfillment
of life that has meaning and I’m kind of like a Trojan horse you know you people what they
want but I know what they need and I make sure they leave what they need and what they
need is the life that’s about more than just themselves as long as we’re just focused on
ourselves there’s only so much pleasure you can get from food or sex or music or anything
but what we really have a beautiful experience the first thing we want to do is share with
somebody we love because sharing it magnifies that absolutely right everything gets better
when you share it yeah right how did you I mean I think it’s interesting in the documentary
I am NOT your guru yes first of all I want to say that since I last saw you I think you
use the f-bombs more than I am recall the laptop I think you’ve become a big bomber
what most of us do opers we use softeners to not deal with something so how’s it going
pretty good inside they feel like hell there’s probably more direct word for you yeah so
I’ve learned to do in time is to get people out of the softeners – what’s real what was
done you know as far back as some of the oldest psychological approaches is to use a direct
word so you open I don’t call people words as you notice yes these words will jolt them
into reality from the very first frames like tony is using the man’s come out to commit
suicide yeah so sayings sweetheart yes what everybody else is doing okay you start with
this young man in the audience it was about to commit suicide he strive applause he’s
tried it twice this is what I was thinking I was watching if somebody is truly mentally
ill like is truly depressed does a moment like that change them a moment doesn’t do
it a change in your core beliefs people we go to kill himself when they believe that
living is more painful than dying people do things for very specific reasons I’ve not
lost a suicide knock on wood and 37 38 years out of thousands and we followed up two and
three years later this film I wouldn’t let him produce the film unless he was going to
wait at least a year to follow up with all the participants see whether were a year later
and watch the whole film you see changes yeah so how do you know is it something that you’re
feeling or you’re sensing it’s the it’s when they create a completely different meaning
and you can see it in their body their mind in their spirit and then of course set up
a coach who follows up and stays on top to make sure that they’re continuing to grow
and expand and combination those two makes it really lasts okay so also the work that
work there’s a moment in which your life changed there’s a moment when you say I do I love
you it’s over let’s begin and people feel to realize that change happens in a moment
and your whole life can change by a car accident but your whole life can change also by the
meaning you gave that car accident meaning they’re people who lost their arms their legs
and their happy human beings and they’re people have everything on earth and they live their
whole life and suffering so anything that is possible for you you can change the way
you see it or your perception of it in an instant yes and you can wired an instant when
people have a lifetime phobia or a fear some jolt experience happen from then on they can’t
go on a bridge they can do anything that’s a lifetime pattern was learned in a moment
what makes that happen is the level of emotional density that’s why I use the music that’s
why I use the intensity as language Dutch you use everything that’s humanly possible
to bring you to a level of emotional intensity where your nervous system learns because look
most people are wired for fear they’re wired for worry they’re wired for stress they have
a high way to upset and they have a dirt road to happiness I was one of those people I had
forgot me first well that’s what I want to talk about where did this come from your ability
now to be one of the world’s great leaders in changing human development actually well
I appreciate come and I am it comes from a desire to not see people suffer because they
suffered so much myself you know I think you know I had a pretty rough childhood and my
mom loved the heck out of me but pouring soap down your throat to throw up smashing against
the wall to bleed and I had to figure out how to figure her out it made me a practical
psychologist protect my brother and sister and so nothing fulfills me more than to see
someone light up see someone end their suffering and if I can play any role making that happen
I will okay so would you say suffering really is the greatest malady that we all have as
human beings I would say the biggest drug is not alcohol it’s not heroin all those things
are out of control however a lot of people it’s problems because most of us are so afraid
we’re not enough and for afraid we’re not enough are deeper food that’s a core a core
we’re all afraid for not if I met you have same people I’ve met right at the core there’s
a place where people feel they’re not smart enough young enough Ault enough rich enough
funny enough something enough and it’s the worst feeling because underneath that our
fear is then I will be loved and love is the oxygen of life and so what I try to do is
show people how to end the illusion of loss during a trip to India visiting his friend
Krishna gee Tony Robbins had an epiphany about suffering and how our emotional lives can
be divided into moments of pain or beauty Tony believes we must tend to our suffering
immediately work through it and then aspire toward a beautiful state so there’s either
suffering or beauty you’re either living in that space of stuff yeah and suffering might
be stress frustration overwhelming beauty could be happiness in a moment might be creative
it might be driven it might be hungry you might be playful it might be grateful but
if you’re in beautiful states you do what’s right automatically absolutely are in a suffering
state you struggle and so suffering is everything that it’s so suffering is like fear it’s like
being in the state of being afraid it’s one of the core suffering states right the fear
of loss yeah the fear of less the fear of never okay so how do I regardless of my suffering
is I don’t think that I’m gonna have the job that I want ultimately the life that I want
how do I end that that’s the most important question of all yeah the answer that question
sounds overly simplistic but if I asked you what changed your life at various stages and
ultimately was a decision a decision where you wouldn’t tolerate something any more the
way someone treated you the way you treated yourself consider look at the decisions we
make who you’re gonna spend time with is one of most important decisions of all it determines
who we become we become whole we spend time with who you’re gonna love gigantic but I
can’t control what’s gonna happen to your lover or your husband or your wife or your
children you can’t die there are things beyond our control yeah I can’t control it’s going
to happen to your finances what I can help you control is the one thing you can control
not the outside world that’s your inside world yeah the most important decision is to end
suffering yeah if you decide you’re gonna enter this I mean you won’t feel it again
it just means when it comes up you let go of it immediately and the way you let go of
it as you recognize what’s going on I’ve always said the most you know the most selfish person
someone to commit suicide because they can’t think about anybody but themselves to be depressed
you have to be focused on yourself so suffering comes from excessive obsession with yourself
and some sense of loss less than ever so when you see that you can go wow what am i what
am I having the illusion of loss about right now what am I thinking I’m gonna have less
up right now what am i perceiving is less of my life or I’ll never have because it’s
an illusion and if you all you have to do to shift from that is first you have to make
the decision that says this is how I live we all get we tolerate so if you look at what
we tolerate in relationships in our self businesses in our bodies and our lives and so you have
to stop me the moment we all get oh you just drew here it is okay here is we’re gonna end
suffering sit up straight I’m ready sounds so simplistic but it’s true it’s a 90 second
two-minute rule max that says I know sufferings are gonna come up because the human mind is
not designed to make you happy this brain is two million years old that you’re not sure
okay and use all the other words for suffering cuz a lot of people are like frustration sadness
guilt depression anger overwhelmed stress most achievers would never say I’m fearful
they go I’m stressed stress is the achiever word for fear if I follow your stress it’ll
leave me your deepest fear okay does it make sense yeah so the brain is designed to make
you survive it’s two million years old it doesn’t have a saber-toothed tiger to worry
about so not worry about how do I look what do people think of me so we make up this stuff
to suffer about inside of our head cuz the mind is not making happy it’s saying survive
fight or flight but you’re more than your mind your spirit when you take it over all
you have to do is say this is not tolerable because life is too short life is too little
short to suffer to feel sorry for myself to feel lonely to feel depressed to feel pissed
off to feel angry it’s too short and in those states I don’t solve anything when you’re
pissed off and frustrated really you’re gonna find a way to make your relationship better
when you’re worried and sad and feeling like beating yourself up cuz you didn’t do enough
or you have taken care of yourself enough you’re in such a lousy state your energy so
low that you’re not going to follow through it takes high energy to make change so when
you’re not suffering when you’re in a high state of love or creativity or gratitude or
passion in those states you can get the solution it’s like I made this decision that said and
this is just in the last year over it’s changed my life so much if I always have some beautiful
life I’ve always been so grateful even the tough times I’m grateful but I decided if
I can’t find ecstasy in this moment whatever this moment is having lunch talking with you
walking to the forest whatever it is if I can’t find it in this moment than more helping
more people changing more lives building more businesses none of that is gonna make me happier
so my goal is crying to EXCI when you’re suffering it’s hard to jump to ecstasy so our first
step I go to his appreciation almost almost moment right here anything okay the wind the
look in your eye yeah laughter we just had yeah something that I could appreciate because
the minute you appreciate you get out of your own self you stop if I always tell people
most of your suffering comes from expectation right trade your expectation for appreciation
your whole life changes in that moment some free ends in that moment but see most people
have a blueprint yeah of how they think life’s supposed to be right and when life matches
the blueprint I received people tell me something happy about and they’ll say well I’m not happy
about much but tell me one thing like oh I’m happy about my children happy about my relationship
and so I’ll say why and they’ll say well because my children are the way I want them to be
when life matches your blueprint happy yes when life doesn’t match your blueprint you
have some pain yeah life doesn’t match your blueprint but you feel helpless to change
it yeah that’s when you suffer that’s when it’s the long night of the soul that’s the
dark night of the soul that’s when people feel like things can’t happen and the delusion
is it just the mind taking you over when that happens you either have to blame someone which
is the most people do they blame the environment too they blame someone else or they blame
themselves blame doesn’t change anything or your other two choices or change of frickin
life do something or change your blueprint like you say to a young man most people have
this expectation that they can do more in a year than they can they overestimate what
they can do in a year and they understand they’ve been doing a decade or two or three
put your hands on your heart if you would okay all right feel your heart close your
eyes are really breathing hard those at home could do the same so they can test the stuff
and those are all them think of something that’s really bothering you I deal with is
7 or above and you really want to resolve it and you have Wow could be a relationship
situation a business situation kids whatever breathe in your heart and actually physically
feel your heart if you look filling with blood and oxygen feel the beauty of your heart ah
yes I’m getting a heart exam because you get to hear that the strength of your heart yeah
feel the beauty the strength and through what you’re grateful your heart has guided you
to do in this life so many beautiful things especially you mm-hmm and your breathing and
feeling that I want you think of three things one at a time just for a couple minutes we’ll
do a short version you’re gonna have a couple minutes but ah things are really grateful
for but something that could be little or big but if you step into that moment you can
feel it right now like you’re there yeah yeah breathe it feel it enjoy it fill up with it
and then think of a second one that you can feel really grateful for and see it through
your own eyes as if you were there and really take it in okay and think of a third one I’m
fine with it really you’d really enjoy feel like it was a blessing such a beautiful blessing
in your life sometimes coincidences are great because we know we didn’t create them we were
guided right yeah yeah so as you continue that with your eyes closed breathing there
yeah and ask yourself about that situation with stayed reading your stay in that same
feeling so you’re in a beautiful state and just ask yourself in that situation all I
need to remember is all you need to focus on is all I need to do is what in that situation
that was bothering me breathing in my heart feeling the same beauty all you remember is
wanting me to focus on is the all I need to believe all I need to do is what and your
heart knows the answer can you feel it do you know the answer is appreciate that I’m
even in this position to even have that as a dilemma yeah yeah and how does that feel
now when you think about it it feels like done yours is only a three it’s really dramatic
is when it’s a 10 or 9 or an 8 and people will bring it down to a 1 or 2 or a 0 not
just one quick way you just ended suffering around that little issue but take a minute
or two yeah and all you’re doing is you’re using the power of your heart and your mind
together alter your nervous system my heart and my mind together yeah because they’re
unified when you breathe like that in your heart with the focus on the heart and then
by thinking things you’re grateful for and bringing up that your back to your nervous
system the thing that kills fear it kills anger and gratitude yeah and then while you’re
the midst of that in this beautiful state of being what the do is easy all and you ask
myself what do I need to remember what I need to focus on what’s really true what do I need
to do and you know I know some people see this I’ve known this on another level III
call it changing your vibration yes right and that you know the moment I start to feel
anxious or whatever I bring myself to a moment of gratitude I wasn’t doing three but a moment
of gratitude and it literally changed you it’s hard to be upset and be grateful it’s
a thing because you’re not suffering because you’re a beautiful state yeah literally change
your frequency do you know and you can see that in the brain it’s physiological yeah
Brady’s in the heart together yeah ultimate wisdom is found in the heart we forgot through
poets first example and here’s the secret it’s like being poetry into you it really
is but it’s saying I am NOT gonna tolerate this anymore I am in charge it’s taking a
hundred percent responsibility for your experience of life okay so let’s talk about another great
moment I love in I am NOT your guru but I was shocked I literally like my mouth was
open like oh no don’t make her do it the woman who stands up and you asked her about her
father and she said my father is a wonderful loving beautiful the most amazing guy he treated
me like she was described how her husband abused her and I brought up to her I said
it’s two-way street how did you abuse him and I got her acknowledge it and then I wanted
to see where her challenge was and I knew where it was yeah and I said whose love did
you crave most whose love did you enjoy most her father’s and she describes how perfect
it was and I said he treated you his little princess to me yes she says yes and I said
he really screwed you up major he made you believe and I used some colorful language
he made you believe that you even have to do anything for love that you’re entitled
yes she admits it she goes yes he made it so that no one gave him a chop they said no
man ever has because no man is ever going to do what your father did right that’s a
different component and then she describes the entries with how he talked about how she
really wasn’t connected to him but you know she doesn’t heart to let him go and so I said
to her she goes she goes oh my god I’m so glad he’s not here I said I wish he was here
because I like to send you free he said he would be free yeah and she I said the fact
let’s do it right now pick up your phone I know and I guess I gasped I go literally I
was on my treadmill gone don’t do it don’t do it you don’t have to do it and then you
said to her you don’t have to do it right don’t do it for me don’t do it only to fulfill
if when you leave here you’re gonna say Tony made me do it don’t do it then she did it
yeah it was transformational say Lisa now why in that instant was it necessary or important
for the person to make the move then because you said to her you already know what the
truth is but you know how many times even yourself or someone you know yes you’ve seen
them come to the truth yes and me too and then they know it you know what’s right and
if you don’t do it in that moment you get out of state and then you go home and you’re
in a different state in fact I think there’s a chemistry to transformation I found this
isn’t just my concepts it’s a couple of people’s concepts but it’s kind of simplified in my
own mind the first step to having that transformation is usually satiation doesn’t matter you don’t
have to have any wrong with your life if you’re satiated if your favorite meal was steak and
lobster and you had a breakfast lunch and dinner for six months I guarantee there’s
nothing wrong with that but you’re gonna be sick of it you’re gonna want to change something
and you start looking for an option I may not act because it’s not enough pain some
people don’t need enough pain some people Jax not because they’re satiated most people
have to go beyond satiation to dissatisfaction right we’re the same thing I was doing that
was fulfilling it’s not just empty now it’s actually a little painful I can’t I can’t
take this anymore right third one is threshold if you get enough dissatisfaction there’s
enough leverage in you there’s a part where your brain goes no more not in the day not
another hour and out of the moment people relationships will stay way beyond the time
that yeah because by the time most people divorce they’ve been miserable for five six
seven years yeah both people are miserable it’s not fair to either one but they do it
because they’re so afraid of the unknown the uncertainty and if threshold you get the insight
Oprah you get the truth usually it’s not my mother my brother my sister my boss my coworkers
it’s me Oh Lord yeah I got a shift what and you know the truth so now I got four of the
five when that truth shows up an opening and that opening is only there for a second and
it’s a scary open because you don’t know what see on the other side and if you got momentum
if you got guts in if you train yourself when you get the truth you act on it you jump to
the opening not knowing that’s on the aside just trusting it’s got to be better whether
you are cuz it’s based on the truth yeah and the uncertainty when most people do is they
go I don’t know I’ll do it later yeah and when the hole closes you get to start over
you get to go back to wait till you’re satiated enough again and just satisfied enough again
and hit your threshold enough again and you finally get the truth again and when you have
the truth again or maybe a little different truth and the openings there some people feel
bad about the fact that I didn’t do it last time and they get through there it’s a habit
and it closes again some people never jump through I used to kick people through but
now what I really do is I invite people I bring a right to that opening and I make sure
they step on their own if I do it for them you know I found five six years have a great
life and seven eight years later they go back to smoking or drinking they go Tony didn’t
do enough programming on their something right it’s easy I make sure they own it because
that way if they work that hard for it and they go back they got to pay the price and
most people don’t want a piggy yeah well that’s what I noticed and now you’re saying if you
don’t do it because of me no don’t do because you’re here you’re in the moment everybody’s
watching your hype do it because you know it’s the truth and don’t do unless you absolutely
know it’s true and I don’t want people when they kind of I make it so it’s authentic you
and I both know you yeah everybody’s got large both leaders today yeah social media everything
else yes but we’ve seen of people you know what it’s real or not so people who come to
I don’t know you you what’s wonderful about what your organization does is that you all
follow up you stay in touch with the people they come there’s a six days your transform
you literally are like on a high leaving there you’re more than a high though you’re integrated
it’s the difference because you’ve actually decided what you’re gonna believe what you’re
gonna value what’s implied it also comes with some clarity about it without a doubt about
what about who you been how did your old values come about yessum pleasure yeah so they were
unconscious we consciously use pain pleasure once we decided we want we linked pleasure
they pain two things we don’t want to be a part anymore we get in our bodies so you don’t
think about it and we like pleasured how we want to be that’s our true nature so it’s
almost like Dee hypnosis it’s yeah it’s like I’m programming it’s exactly right it’s people
reprogramming it’s exactly but you’re now consciously saying this is who I am and this
is how I’m gonna live my life and there’s no end don’t be that everything life is continuous
growth you don’t I always tell people the training never stops right I mean if you think
that you’re deluded if you’re you know Ray Kroc used to say if you’re green you grow
if you’re right you’re right it’s constant never-ending improvement of yourself and I
teach people that daily you have to prime yourself you have to do something for ten
minutes minimum if you don’t have ten minutes you know other life that’s good if you don’t
have ten minutes you’re going to give to priming yourself that’s why you want a beautiful beautiful
family I’m his first time I wake up in the morning yeah you always ask me how you sew
up all the time what problems I attend all these seminars teach all this but the real
reason is you pride yourself i prime myself that’s what I’ve done for years it’s like
I changed my body this radical breathing pattern or movement there’s many ways to do it but
then I do through ten minutes and I do it usually goes more because I’m enjoying it
yeah but ten minutes is how I get myself to do it three and a half minutes of pure gratitude
about three things and I pick one of those three to be simple because I don’t want to
be the astronaut that you know he went to the moon that was his idea adventure and then
they all come back or depress cuz what do I do for the rest of my life yes so the wind
in my face you know my children’s faces anything and the reason for gratitude is the two motions
that messes up the most are fear and anger yeah and you can’t be grateful and fearful
simultaneously don’t go together and you can’t be angry and grateful simultaneously so if
you literally start today cultivating that this the partner is talking about creating
a highway to happiness yeah and then I do three minutes of my three to thrive what are
three outcomes and results I’m really committed to and I see them as done and fulfilled and
in that day I usually get something at six months to 12 months out something is a little
bigger and then what I feel is fulfilled and done and I give thanks for it and you’re at
the end of those ten minutes usually it’s 15 or 18 for me I am so wired now I’ve done
that for years it’s been the base of me what’s different was suffering is measuring it moment
to moment Oprah and then the third one for me is okay how do I love more because love
to me as an action if not a word it’s not emotions like if you love you act accordingly
so love and what can I do in a living way and that what can I be grateful for and that
little three-step process ends the suffering okay alright that’s good bring on Sage how
long has it been now 17 this is our 17th year isn’t that amazing I know it’s crazy so how
has this idea of suffering or being able to decide not to anymore change the relationship
between the two of you taking you to the next level I I think there’s just there’s more
space I feel more space inside myself and so I feel that we’re both more present you
know because there’s just when there’s that constant chatter inside your mind there’s
just that distraction and you’re reacting or responding because you know just you’re
reactionary to what your mind is what you’re believing and I really feel like there’s just
there’s I don’t know there’s more of a benevolence there’s we’ve always loved each other who’s
have the most beautiful relationship but there’s definitely more of an ease and present for
someone when you’re suffering and when you inside yourself inside your how can I be present
for you on stage that wouldn’t do that yeah so you say you care less but love more explain
how that’s possible it’s completely possible cuz carrying was actually worried based you
know I was fear-based I mean I was constantly the care that even though I was loving him
and the actions may have actually looked loving it was so it was driven by I was concerned
about his well-being us concerned about his body I mean when he gets out there and he’s
on stage for 72 hours in a weekend I you know physically what that actually takes out of
him I didn’t realize how much I was actually holding on to the chatter was constant inside
of my own mind in being able to just turn that volume down and it’s interesting it’s
a lot of times I may actually still have the same actions it just comes from a different
place it comes from a truer place with inside my own being okay so what is the thing that
most your relationship I think the fact that we have a shared mission and vision for not
just our life but our love and we’re both kind of the same stuff and you know it’s it’s
undeniable unquestionable our love for each other so it’s unbreakable there might be disturbances
in life or challenges in life but it’s never in question I I was born to love this man
and that’s very clear to me and vice versa so I think when you have that base and it’s
not you don’t have one foot in the door and one foot out the door there’s that ease and
then you navigate from that place she’s pure soul that I know I don’t know any better human
being and I’m not exaggerating all and I’ve had the privilege of meeting millions she
is one special soul and she’s pure love she’s on goodish love and she’s as driven as I am
as Missha driven as I am I’m just a little more physically aggressive of life okay so
what is the most difficult choice Tony or decision you had to make to fulfill your destiny
Wow great question and think about that answer could make it accurate I know there’s so many
along the way her prime I think at one stage it was probably I love people so much I want
to please people so much it was the willingness to not please people to do what’s right and
that sounds overly simplistic but probably am getting a divorce is one of those because
even one of the day I was being married I knew wasn’t right that I didn’t want to disappoint
her it sounds so stupid if it’s the truth and I think the willingness to end that and
to take whatever brunt and how people would respond to that because I never said you should
stay in a relationship you’re miserable but people look for a reason to be upset and and
I never would have found the soul of hadn’t done that you know and if you if I look at
my life and say well my life without Sage everything else would be dull by comparison
and I’m not saying that to blow smoke I mean this is the gift of my life I I feel like
this is where I fill up so I can go rip open the moment for every human I can meet who
wants it and and then I I fill up somewhat with that for sure because it’s my mission
but I feel up even more here Wow so what is the number one rule you would offer someone
to becoming their most authentic self because this is really what we’re all looking for
how do I just be more of me I think it’s it’s allowing yourself to be spontaneous instead
of responding to how you think you’re supposed to be we’ve all developed an identity a sense
of who we think we are and who or not you define yourself how many buddy who you think
you are but who you’re not and those definitions were usually made 10 20 30 40 years ago and
we rarely upgrade them unless we have an abrupt experience that makes us really what our lives
and I think to consciously decide who am i today what do I stand for what am I here for
what am I here to give what I’m here to learn what I’m here to grow what I’m here to enjoy
I think to me and then to spontaneously try things cuz I think the most important decision
is saying I’m gonna enjoy this moment right now it’s the only thing I have that’s real
life’s too short to suffer and if I just keep doing that with each moment things unfold
in a way that’s you know beyond magnificent and it’s easy to teach harder to apply but
it’s a discipline and if you do it and you start measuring at moment to moment you will
get addicted it’ll be a positive addiction because the liberation is beyond what you
can describe what you have to experience it Wow thank you it’s been beautiful having this
conversation thank you thanks for having us thank you [Laughter] I’m Oprah Winfrey and
you’ve been listening to soup

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