Hello I am Natasha Lyonne I play Nicky Nichols on Orange Is The New Black. And uh … I am now going to proceed to interview myself. Here comes trouble. Well when I was a little girl, which is, I want to say 97 years ago, I was on a TV program called Pee-wee’s Playhouse,
with Paul Reubens, Pee-wee Herman. And I played opal, who would later be called Opal-O. I remember there was an episode called, “Ice Cream Soup,” and I had to eat this ice cream soup one day and I was so excited because I was like, “Ooh, ice cream!” It turned out: It was some sort of a chalky substance made out of cardboard, dirt, and dust. It was disgusting and salty and tasted like glue. Sawdust. I hated it. I will never eat ice cream soup again. Four thousand fur coats. Just kidding. Nobody wears fur anymore for all the right reasons. Sometimes I do wear vintage. Marbles. No. Uh, AI, organs that lead to immortality, perhaps? Do check out Yuval Harari’s books. They’re all stellar. Sort of a futurist and a historian. Oxymoron, it’s not. Ya know, it means I get to eat a lot of snacks with no consequences. So, it’s an imaginary idea. Ya know, I’m not big for showing skin. And I look back at my youth, and I think, “Show a little flesh, kid.” Too late now. All blazers for me, thank you. That we’re, um, all … descended from syrup. No pants. Put your pants on. No, but seriously, if somebody walks around with no pan –
underpants,and a t-shirt, I’m like, “Do me a favor… …let’s just call it a wrap.” When I met you, you were wearing bottoms. And, if you’re going to take off your bottoms You also have to take off your top. Dracula or Frankenstein? Please do choose, thanks!