MLT Podcast Ep 43 Victim Blaming, Watts, Communication, Observation

MLT Podcast Ep 43 Victim Blaming, Watts, Communication, Observation


welcome to the mean lady talking podcast
this is the podcast that tackles tough questions about relationships life love
and loss it may not be the advice you want but is probably the advice you need
and now here’s your host grief therapist motivational speaker relationship expert
best-selling author and attorney the not really mean mean lady yourself Susan J
Elliott I wanted to talk about when I get there this thing about how people
can easily be fooled and what you need to do in this age of over saturation of
misinformation bad information and I’m not talking about fake news I’m talking
about people that just get a hold of an idea and then they just start spreading
it like wildfire and acting as if what they’re saying is absolutely true and
they don’t like it if you don’t agree with them and it’s not only that but
it’s the amount of nastiness that comes along with it you see it on YouTube you
see it on Reddit you see it all over the place I want to ask people sometimes
what is wrong with you don’t you know well polite discourses how can you even
do that couple of podcasts ago I was talking about the Watts family murders
and I was talking about you nan watson her health issues and things like that
other day I was watching a documentary on children and relating to adults that
they have been molested and this documentary is actually interviews
people accused of child molestation and I have to tell you that I consider
myself between being an attorney being in the courts being a therapist and
being a psychiatric clinician being in and out
hospitals treatment centers rehabs mental facilities jails all kinds of
places to do psychiatric evaluations I consider myself a person who can kind of
read people and I know that when I was a clinician some of the trouble that I got
into was because I was reading people and I was disagreeing with some of my my
colleagues anyway I’m gonna get to that but I did some commentary on the Shannon
Watts and the fact that she had lupus and I believe she said she have
fibromyalgia and Lyme disease now I have lupus and I’ve talked about lupus being
a disease of distance because there is a lot of misinformation about lupus my
best friend at the time no longer my best friend and this is one of the
reasons when I told her that I had lupus she didn’t say anything and then a few
weeks later brought it up and teach body language I teach observation I teach
listening to people and kind of figuring it out I don’t do mind-reading I rail
against that it was something that was done to me by a gas lighter and it was
something that really was problematic in my first marriage so I don’t do my
reading but sometimes you put two and two together and you know in your heart
that is true so what I knew was that she had heard me say we were out somewhere
in in person and so she can jump on the computer and research things and I told
her that I have been diagnosed with lupus and about a week later we’re out
again and she brings up the fact that I have lupus and I didn’t know why she was
bringing up and she says well you know lupus is one of those diseases that they
arrive at by deduction meaning after they rule out everything else you’re
left with lupus and that’s how they figure it out which to me sounded like
there was doubt in her that I had lupus and I turned to her and I said well let
me tell you because I hadn’t shared this with anybody I said let me tell you what
my journey to the lupus diagnosis was and I said you remember when I fractured
my back remember I fractured my back fracture my
hand things were in healing I mean all kinds of things were going on with me
and I recount them and getting back out there but what I don’t recount and
getting back out there because this happened after it was published I was
having symptoms that were weird and wild and I felt that I had multiple sclerosis
and I had a friend when I was in my thirties who had MS and to be perfectly
honest I was horrified seeing her weeks after she she fell ill I couldn’t even
believe it was the same person so when I was having these symptoms and thinking
that I had MS I was terrified so I went to my primary care physician and she did
a physical and she did blood work she thought I have rheumatoid arthritis
and the reason she thought that was because the blood work came back that I
had a speckled a na which is a blood test and and speckled positive a na is a
sign of some autoimmune disease so she saw my swollen fingers you can see the
inflammation in my fingers when they are swollen you can see that when I’m in a
flare when I’m in a lupus flare which I didn’t know then what it was I know now
you could see the inflammation in my hands anybody you don’t have to be a
doctor you can look at my hands and you can see it when when one hand is worse
than the other you can see them and many times my right
hand is inflamed and the rest of me is not having a flare at all
so lupus takes on many many different variations so I went to rheumatologist
he asked me a bunch of questions now I’m thinking I have rheumatoid arthritis
I didn’t look it up I thought that rheumatoid arthritis was basically the
swelling in my hands because that’s what she had done when she was talking to me
about rheumatoid arthritis she had held my hands and when I jump when she
touched the joints she said I think it’s rheumatoid arthritis so I went to
rheumatologist and he asked me a whole bunch of
questions when a worldly symptoms different things you have dis you have
that now I had no idea where he was going or what he was asking or what the
answer should be if I wanted to have lupus so I just answered it and then he
sent out a blood work and came back and the blood
work that he did is called a double-stranded DNA and that was also
positive so he said that between my speckled positive a a my positive
double-stranded DNA and my symptoms that I had given and he said to me and I
remember the so clearly on the second appointment with him he said to me I
didn’t tell you this you told me this and then he talked about how I described
how I felt when I woke up in the morning and gradually felt better during the day
and then I felt bad again at night and he went through all of these things with
me every single symptom that I told him about he gave me a chart up just of the
butterfly rash but I’ve never had it really really bad I’ve never had sores
in my mouth there are a few other things that I’ve never had that are symptoms of
lupus when I first started on Plaquenil which is the first usually the first
drug that they give you well first he gave me prenta zone which is a steroid
and I started to feel better and he said to me if you have lupus and your joints
are inflamed and I preach one print his own before the Plaquenil kicks in you’re
gonna feel better and I did and many times when I’m in a flare he’ll say to
me if you take prednisone because I have one milligram five milligram tablets at
home all the time and he says and it goes away then you were flaring so I was
okay I was not okay I would flare now and again for the first couple of years
but the Plaquenil seem to be keeping it pretty much under control and then I
went into a flare and I got very sick and if you looked at me you would think
most of the time that I look fine I mean there were days I couldn’t get out of
bed and those days was scary to me my ex my first husband’s family lupus runs in
my first husband’s family his uncle died from it and his aunt died from it and I
remembered his aunt when I was in that family and she passed away when I wasn’t
in that family and she passed away from complications of lupus so I remembered
her she was quite small quite frail looking and I realized when I
had my lupus diagnosis that I was looking like her I didn’t look like her
back when I was part of that family I was young and healthy and vigorous
looking always been a healthy adult until this hit me and thinking back on
her and yeah she didn’t look small she didn’t look frail she was always cold
she had all these different symptoms that I have now and she died of lupus so
my friend said lupus is a disease of deduction I don’t know where she got
that from I have blood work I have the result I want to tattoo those results on
my forehead and say yes this is me I have lupus okay
are you all satisfied here here’s my blood work check it out I landed in the
hospital a couple of years ago and they could not tell what was wrong with me
but they knew something was wrong with me I was in incredible pain and I was I
hadn’t eaten in three days and my stomach was swollen and things were
going on nobody knew exactly what was going on and when they did blood work in
the ER that night an ER doctor comes in to me and the ER doctor says are you
sure you have lupus and I was like yes and he says because you’re a na is
negative and I was like okay that’s great but why am I so ill nobody can
figure out why I was so ill I almost went into the neck twice and in nine
days my tests were whacky all these results they did these t scores which is
basically to see if you have tumor if you have cancer somewhere in the body
they did in different places my T scores were all over the map and even though
the guy in the ER said to me are you sure you have lupus throughout the nine
days that I was in the hospital a nobody could figure out exactly what was wrong
with me B everybody knew something was wrong with me and C they started to say
that my tee markers being off and all these this other blood work I had fluid
in my lungs I didn’t have pneumonia I didn’t have a cold I didn’t have a flu
but I had fluid in my lung and I they wanted to go for a lung tapped it was
all these different things went on every single time something weird will come
back there were lupus you know throws everything wrong so the first night I
get there the guy is skeptical about how that guy have lupus but throughout the
nine days that I’m there the fact that they can’t figure out all this crazy
stuff that’s going on with me they keep blaming it on Lopez
well must be lupus she has Lopez that’s why it’s a Boompa so that was that so I
belong to a couple of lupus support groups people have different
manifestations of lupus people arrive at a lupus diagnosis in different ways I
don’t know how people can say to other people you don’t have it with
fibromyalgia I remember working in psychiatric services with a woman that I
thought was one of the nicest most competent clinicians I’ve ever worked
with and she did not believe that fibromyalgia was real she thought it was
psychological and I know that that was an old-school way of thinking 20 years
ago but it’s not now so when the Shannon Watts case people were saying well why
didn’t they find lupus in the autopsy how would they find lupus in the autopsy
you would have to have an inflammation in the body and if you’re not in a flare
it’s not going to be there and people are idiots just complete idiot sometimes
and then other people were mouthing what they heard about fibromyalgia 20 years
ago it’s on the hip up above this and that and the other thing that Shannon
Watts talked about was having Lyme disease and when I was first diagnosed
with lupus and I just told I didn’t tell a lot of people because of some of this
stuff and a woman that I know gave me this long explanation about how she
didn’t think I had lupus she thought I had Lyme disease she asked me how it was
proven that I lupus but she just went on this long tear about how it wasn’t
really lupus it was Lyme disease so I don’t know what was going on with
Shannon with the lupus Lyme disease I know she mention Lyme disease in one of
her videos but I don’t know how people can say oh she’s a liar she had
Munchausen she tried to make those kids be sick Papapa I don’t understand how
people are so nasty to a woman who was murdered when she was 15 weeks pregnant
so I brought this up before now how this dovetails into child molesters honestly
I was watching this documentary I was blown away and if I can find it I will
put in the show notes and I know that the last few the last few shows I have
not put the minutes in minute five this happens in
tennis happens but I will try to remember this documentary because it
blew me away you come into the documentary this is young good-looking
Minister talking and he’s saying things that I found distasteful about how
children who are troublemakers they try to bring ministers down and ministers
are always trying to be around trouble children to help them and so it brings
you in and I did find his remarks off-putting so there was something about
him that I didn’t like I thought that maybe he was being racist he was talking
about children of color who were troublemakers it wasn’t quite sure where
this guy was going but there was something that I didn’t like about the
way he was saying but I wasn’t thinking that he was a child molester
turns out child molester oh my goodness he describes his molestation to the
point where I could I couldn’t even listen I was like oh my god oh my god
and he tells the woman who makes a documentary that people are easy to fool
and he talks about Christians being especially easy to fool because they
want to believe the good in people and I remember going on Twitter and some of
you some of you who have heard about my little Twitter cyberbully thing the guy
in Ohio who was really stalking me in on my case and trying to get me fired and
all this other stuff he was angry because I had posted something about a
pedophile Minister and he had written to my boss and said that I was accusing all
these ministers of being pedophiles and Papa Papa this Minister was saying that
it was very easy to fool Christians because they don’t want to believe that
their ministers are pedophiles and I thought of the cyberbully guy when I was
listening to this guy this second guy oh my goodness this is where my own
expertise my own people sense kind of took a high polygraph results are not
admissible evidence we all know that this guy comes on and before she
introduces him she says he took and passed a polygraph he comes on he was
accused of adultery with a woman he comes on he took and passed a polygraph
and in my mind from working in retail as a young person when I had to I had to
give polygraphs well I had to be in the room when other people administered
polygraphs and I had to take polygraphs to be in management in pharmacies
because your hands have access to drugs and money so they want to make sure that
you’re not a drug addict and that you’re honest so I had to take a polygraph and
then when I was system manager in a pharmacy I had to sit with new hires
when they were given polygraphs so I know that 99% of the time even though
they’re not admissible they’re pretty accurate and if you remember in the
Chris Watts interview the woman said they asked him to purposely lie and he
does and she says kind of went off the charts and she goes well that’s good
because it shows that you’re not a good liar and then he proceeded to lie his
way through the entire polygraph and they said to him you failed polygraph he
was like I promise you I apologized a this guy comes on Delta rapist took him
passed the polygraph he comes on he describes what he did to this woman he
lied through that entire polygraph that he passed when he describes what he did
to this woman you can’t believe that he was able to not only pass the polygraph
but when he tells the story before you get to the point where you know that he
did you the rape you believe him I believed him I usually can look at
people I can look at the way they are talking Judge Judy will always say she’s
a truth machine my kid you say that about me I used to just sit there and
look at them and say look me in the eye and as soon as I did that they would
fold and I could tell absolutely when they were lying so I’ve
always considered myself like Judge Judy a truth machine I’m telling people lying
I do with clients and therapy I do with clients in the law I do it with her
opposing counsel when I work with Family Services when I’m working with
sociopaths and Psychopaths and narcissus I can tell when you’re lying
but this guy I mean totally fooled and then the last guy was just a sadist a
brutal sadist I couldn’t watch the second part of it because it was all
about sadistic child molesters I just couldn’t I just couldn’t do it but it
was fascinating and so all of these child molesters or the rapists that guy
who did the adult rape he said that people were very easy to fool he said he
would go to people that he knew and go you know me do you think I would do that
and the minister would say that he would go out into the community and he would
work with all these different groups and all these different people where he
didn’t molest anybody but he had just line after line after line of people to
stand up and vouch for him this man would never touch a child and
improperly in his life swearing on their life swearing on their Bible swearing up
and down I know this Minister he’s a good man
he’s a a wonderful man and he would go to them and he would say look they’re
trying to ruin me they’re trying to put my my congregation in jeopardy my career
and this is all I know and I guess he went into seminary when he was right out
of high school and he was saying to people he this is all I know is the
ministry and he would have people lined around the block to vouch for him the
second guy said basically the same thing and he said people are so easy to fool
they’re just so easy to fool and he would talk about his lies the third guy
the third guy molested and beat up his son he was one of the sadistic molesters
he said that he beat up his son to the point where his son was so badly beat up
he had to bring him to the hospital and he brought him to the hospital and the
doctor said to him how did this happen and the father said he fell down the
stairs and the boy said we don’t have stairs and the wife said nothing because
he beat her up too so she didn’t say anything now I was in the emergency room
which I talked about in one of my in one of my
last few podcasts and my ex pulls me off the railing that I was hanging on to
Fidel life swung me around and my face had the newel post and I went to the ER
the next morning and the ER doctor did not believe that I fell down the stairs
that’s what I said and I wouldn’t give it up I absolutely wouldn’t give it up
and in this case and I can’t imagine this I can’t imagine not killing a man
who would do that to my child because it was his stepson I mean I would have
killed my kids biological father I wanted to kill him when he marched them
down the stairs had he left a mark on them had he hit them I think I would
have blown his brains out and this woman cuz this is what happens when you’re in
an abusive relationship she said nothing and the doctor believed him they fell
down the stairs that they don’t even have and the guy was saying how many
times he brought this kid to the hospital and they just didn’t believe
that he was beating him up they thought this was like the clumsiest kid on the
face of the earth and all of these people said people are so easy to fool
they’re just so easy to fool they’ll believe what you want them to believe
now this is sickos now how do you figure this out because we have the people on
the one side who are unwilling to say anything nice about Shannon Watts is a
woman on one of the YouTube video she’s so nasty I mean she says she Nan’s a
liar he hated her of course he lost his mind Bubba it’s like he she’s basically
rationalizing him murdering a 15-week pregnant woman I absolutely disgusting
and she doesn’t see what’s wrong with her she said she doesn’t have she didn’t
have lupus so I said to her how can you say she shouldn’t have lupus and she
said she’s a liar it’s been proven she’s a liar I don’t know where and she said
and if you believe her you’re a fool and as I’ve talked about in other videos
other podcasts I heard Shannon talking about being ill before anything before
she said lupus for she said fibromyalgia it took me a
long time to find the video where she actually named lupus the very first time
I heard her talking about being sick the way she described it I said to myself
she has lupus I had such a bad flare most of last year that there was a day
and I don’t have these days almost ever since I got out of my first marriage and
I just wanted to die because of all the grief and loss and everything that came
in and all the emotions that I was overcome since that day I had wanted to
die I had a day this past fall where I was
so sick so sick I couldn’t even go to the hospital so sick I was begging to
die and I was just calling out to the universe please kill me
that’s how sick I was nobody saw it nobody saw me unable to even swallow my
own saliva my stomach was roiling it was cramping
it was spasming I couldn’t even swallow a speck of saliva without his doing that
I was in a cold sweat I was freezing I was hot at the same time it was
disgusting absolutely disgusting and I’m laying under the blankets and
I’m shaking and I’m quivering and I’m I’m just the sweat is pouring off my
forehead and then it’s turning ice-cold I’m soaking wet like I’m sweating and
I’m soaking wet and the minute that the sweat would would come up it would be
cold and I’d be freezing I was shivering and I couldn’t even get out of bed oh my
god I want to die I just want to die and nobody saw that nobody and it came
and there was a month that there was a day the month before where it was almost
that bad not quite as bad as it was that day that was the worst to have ever had
but it was bad the month before and most of last year I was sick with his
free-floating noise I couldn’t get it under control I didn’t
know what to do nobody saw me nobody was here when I was going through that and
the next time I went out I look perfectly fine if I said to you I wanted
to die two days ago I was so sick you would’ve looked at me like I was out of
my mind so what is it should we be skeptical to the point of that lady
which I wanna sign hands a liar chosen ocean and don’t know who she is
don’t know who proved that Chanel was lying I belong to look at support groups
and almost every single time people come in and say nobody believes I have lupus
I mean it’s disgusting I’m not gonna run around and sava lupus if I don’t have
love as I was a healthy my entire adult life I never said I had anything I mean
I didn’t get as much as a cold in many years and a couple of years ago because
of lupus I had pneumonia I couldn’t get rid of every time I get sick it’s a
bigger deal than it used to be just has gotten bad bad bad so how do you tell
the difference between okay that person says that Shannon Watts is a liar
she’s very skeptical and nasty she told me that if I believe Shannon I was a
fool I was like I was like well how can I not say the fact that you don’t
believe Shannon makes you a fool I hole comes up with this stuff do people just
not think and I know being a lawyer and a therapist people don’t think but the
other thing is what about all the people that believe these child molesters who
swear up and down you know me I wouldn’t do that I mean it sounds like the same
people who thought they knew Chris Watts it was a psycho killer sociopaths
Psychopaths and like how do you balance the two things not being crazy and
skeptical like the lady who’s saying oh I think she’s a liar
she’d have lupus yeah Munchausen she was a hypochondriac
she had those kids on all kinds of medication they didn’t need yada yada
yeah you know how do you how do you guard against being that person versus
being oh my minister would never molest a child
where do you come okay so now I’m going to tell you now I’m going to tell you
observation preparation cultivation surprise gpy B observation observation I
tell everybody it is so important to observe put down the damn phones and
listen step back when you’re in a crowd of people I don’t care if it’s a family
friends work out on a date whatever put the damn phone away it is important to
try to read people and I said and I admitted fully at the beginning of this
podcast that I believe that I have absolutely great observation skills I
have great sixth sense and I’ve talked about feeling the vibe of a sociopath
who lived across the street from me and I didn’t get to really confirm that
he was a sociopath until he started dating one of my clients and that’s a
whole other story that I won’t go into care
I might have talked about in some other podcasts but when he moved in I don’t
know what it was he didn’t look creepy he looked like a normal guy he was a
lawyer he had gotten disbarred for a whole bunch of extortion in debt and and
theft and all kinds of crazy crap but he was a lawyer hook gun but disbarred but
he looked like a normal guy I didn’t know anything but it’s disbarment until
my my client started telling me about it there was something about him I got this
creepy crawly feeling and when I saw him I cross the street I have that sixth
sense that I talk about in the GP wipey work ball talked about if you do
observation it is like developing a sixth sense if you’re anywhere hang back
listen to people look at people notice their body language notice the eye roll
notice the frown notice the shrug listen for unhealthy communication I give you
so many examples in getting back out there of healthy communication I can say
over and over and over again until I’m blue in the face and hoarse that getting
back out there is not a dating book and if you wait to buy it and you
wait to read it before you’re ready to date you’re going to be in trouble
you’re going to miss the lessons things like healthy communication and other
unhealthy patterns between couples happen in other places they happen at
work they happen with family and you might be guilty of some of them go get
getting back out there and read the part unhealthy communication and then start
listening for the way other people are engaging and unhealthy communication are
they talking about other people are they going are they saying oh that one and
this one and but Papa is there more you language than I language are they using
never and always and all those things that I talked about in getting back out
there and in the workbook cool there and read about body language I talked about
act as if I’m pumping up the section on body language in the new workbook but
you could go on to YouTube you could go on to many different places and learn
basic body language and what it means do the observation put the damn phone down
do the things that I suggest in the workbook about honing your observation
skills it is very important I’ve been at this a long time I’m trained as an
attorney I’m trained as a psychiatric clinician I’m trained as a therapist and
I absolutely believe that second guy on that documentary it blew me away
so I’m not full too often but I can be full so if I can be fooled you could be
full don’t be a skeptic like that lady where she’s like everyone no she was
like no everyone doesn’t know that that’s another unhealthy communication
thing everybody knows no everybody doesn’t know lady chill the hell out and
there’s no reason to say if you don’t know that you’re a fool I mean this is
gas lighting this is nasty you don’t want to be that and you don’t want to be
the oh my Minister would never abuse a child you don’t want to be that person
if somebody comes up to you and says oh you know me it’s like hmm do I really
hmm I don’t know you have to hol know observation skills anybody who has taken
a boot camp with me understand that I am huge on observation think about if you
normally hang back and don’t say anything start talking start inserting
yourself in conversation and see what people who normally think of you with
somebody who hangs back see what they do if you normally talk a lot hang back see
what see what they do I talk in the workbook about people trying to draw you
out and get you back where you belong because you changing the dance you
changing what they know you to be upsets the apple cart and they try to get you
back to where you belong so you have to guard against that you have to be really
really dedicated to observing staying an observant mode no matter what stay in
observation mode if you’re out to dinner with people put the damn phones away
look at a person in the eye listen for how they talk to you how they talk to
waitstaff how they react when there’s no phones around or people I’ve seen people
sit at dinner in restaurants and they’re showing each other things on their phone
like why do you need to do that in a restaurant why can’t you just sit and
talk to and look at each other to have a healthy life
you must hone the observation skills you must you must you must because otherwise
you’re going to turn into skeptic like crazy lady or you’re going to turn into
my minister we never unless anybody and you don’t want to be on either one of
those spectrums it’s scary scary scary scary and if somebody tells you that
they have lupus of fibromyalgia or something like that don’t go don’t go to
the internet and go oh oh I’m gonna find out about this I was healthy most of my
adult life I have no idea why people were so invested in me not having lupus
or proving that I didn’t have lupus or trying to trip me up I don’t want to
have lupus I didn’t want to leave my job last year because I had to go on
chemotherapy and I was throwing up on the train I didn’t want to be throwing
up on the train in front of a morning New York City morning commuter crowd
yeah and I’m going up into my laptop bag thank you
yeah that’s what I want to be doing I didn’t want to be in bed dying in a cold
sweat and wishing I was dead okay so I don’t know who these people are they
think oh sure I’m open alarm there idiot and they don’t have any right to
question me I would not choose this if I had to choose a disease to have this
wouldn’t be it and I have blood work that I feel like I should carry around
with me and just show it to people look I do have this actual blood work that
says I had this boy and the T markers you know when I was in the hospital that
they went through everything to try to figure out if these were actual readings
I had surgery a week after I got out of the hospital that I didn’t need to have
because I didn’t have cancer but mighty Marcus was so screwy that they really
felt like they needed to go in and do a biopsy and have surgery which I did I
would not put myself under the knife if there was no reason for it if I didn’t
think that it was a chance I could have cancer so that’s another way of thinking
about people thinking about questions thinking about asking things this person
who’s been healthy all of her adult life she has been running to the doctor with
this ailment that ailment another ailment and suddenly she’s in the
hospital for nine days and week later she’s up having surgery and then she’s
over here having immunotherapy ask yourself is this what a normal person
with no psychiatric history would put herself through no of course not of
course not if it doesn’t make sense it’s probably not true so me putting myself
through all that for no reason not true I put myself through all that because I
have lupus and lupus was kind of running the show anyway you have any more
questions about this and I do have more I do have more on all of this stuff and
I’m working hard on the workbook so that’s coming soon and I will make that
announcement never a skeptic nor a oh yeah I believe that at face value be
learn to observe observe please do that you

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