B: Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of “Million Dollars, But”. My name is Barbara Dunkelman and today I’m joined by two of my best friends in the entire world: Jon Risinger and Adam Ellis A: So nice
B: Adam, it’s your first time here!
A: I’m an MDB virgin. B: Oh
A: So I’m excited to get into it I just want to give it a shot B: We’ll go slow. Jon’s little rough but that’s it J: A million dollars, but…
B: A lot of money
J: Don’t- Just let it go B: Gotta get one in
J: Every day of your life, randomly, once throughout the day, one object you touch… Explodes
B: Oh no
A: How bad of an explosion? J: Non-lethal
A: This includes people?
J: No, inanimate objects A: Can you imagine spending like, a year-
J: Getting a new console A: This new game station you know, and then you go to turn it on and the moment you hit the button it fucking explodes J: Just ashes B: I think it could be a cool party trick. You’re like, let’s see, you’re out on a first date You buy him a drink and then it explodes
J: So you’d have to really play it off You’re like “Magic!” like you have to make it like some trick you did on purpose J: Oh, reading a book! You read the end of the page. You’re just like quivering as you reach the page A: “Oh, who killed Dumbledore?” B: NOOOOOOO!! A: What if I had a tampon? B: Yeah, would you have like a ripple effect either? Like, let’s say you take one tampon out of a box and it’s just like J: Just a bunch of firecrakers exploding? A: This is the way I would get around this or maybe try to subvert it because I would have Every morning I’d play my sacrificial bongos…
B: In hopes that you would just burn that?
A: That’s what I’m saying! Explosions burned by morning, go have a nice day.
J: What are the days it doesn’t explode right away, and you’re just playing your bongos for like ten hours
A: At a certain point- J: Your girlfriend coming home to a super sweaty Adam One of these gonna do it sweetie, one of these is gonna do it B: One million one, one million two, one million three… J: So by the end of the day you’re just wrecked
B: The whole house just explodes J: All right so million dollars but once, every day of your life, a random object you touch explodes, would you take it? B: I couldn’t do this one. I would be too on edge the entire day
J: Adam? A: I think I might take it, but I plan my days around it J: I don’t think I would do it at all. I like not exploding things
B: Yeah B: All right gentlemen. You get a million dollars…
J: ‘kay B: But (mm-hmm) every day when you wake up, you either have tiny little t-rex style arms or giant long crazy big arms I’m just picturing you and your significant other and like a movie together And you go to do the whole arm reach-around thing and you end up just cuddling 20 people A: You’re reaching out the whole line That’d be awesome though like if you’re trying to sneak up on your girlfriend and you just come in with like a random tickle “What is this fucking hand doing? AAH it’s tickling me!” B: It’s like “Aw, babe! So romantic!” Or with really short arms, you’re basically suffocating yourself into their body trying to give them a massage One thing we’re forgetting about is driving. That’s both inconvenient with long arms and short arms J: Oh, no
J: I think with the shorter arms you just have to really be up on the steering wheel. The long arms… Would you then just have to have your long elbows sticking outside of the car so that you can grab the steering wheel with your long arms? A: You’d be clipping everywhere in the bike lane B: High fives would be difficult.
A: What if your friend also had long arms? B: You guys would just have to stand like a hundred feet away from each other to do that B: Best friends! B: All right guys, would you take it?
J: I think I actually wouldn’t at this point.
J: yeah A: I think I would if it was like leaning heavier towards the big arms? Cuz you can do so much with the big arms, but with little arms you’re so restricted B: There’s no way in hell I would ever take this one I like being able to function like a normal human
J: Yay regular arms!
B: Regular arms! A: So a million dollars, but-
B: That’s a lot of money
A: It is! J: Don’t interrupt him
A: Every emotion you have is flipped around. Sad as happy, happy as sad
J: Every normal reaction’s flipped Picking up a friend I haven’t seen in a long time, just start screaming in anger at them and saying “No!! No!!” And normally when you’re fighting you’re like, serious as you’re getting punched and everything, but instead B: Just getting pummeled in the face being like “This is great! Yeah!” J: He’s just so confused as he’s hittting you over and over again A: That’s a good tactic! Anyone would walk away from that J: I’m imagining you’re even like on a date, and you go for a kiss-
B: And you just spit in their face, “Fuck you!!” B: Say you’re having sex or doing something intimate
J: You’re having sex- J: But you’re just grimacing, [?], arms crossed B: “Softer! Softer!” A: All right say you’re with your wife, she just delivered a baby and the doctor hands it to you, and you’re just like “Fuck!” A: “Don’t want this!”
J: Or it’s even like I said, it’s the girl herself, who’s like giving the baby B: I’m just like “Woohoo!! Yeah!! Another one!!” J: “Did we give her an epidural?”
“No she’s doing this one her own.” A: All right guys. A million dollars, but your emotions are flipped. Do you take it? J: I’m already super socially awkward so I think I would totally take it cuz I’m already down the hole as far as I am B: I’m gonna have to say no to this one I feel like too much of my life is dependent on being able to act a normal human way A: I would not take this
A: I-, I pride myself on my emotional reactions to things. No way J: What a weird thing to be proud of
B: That’s what I think about when I’m thinking of you Adam B: Thank you all so much for watching this episode of “Million Dollars, But” We had a great time. If you want to play the game you could go to mdbgame.com and pick yourself up a copy Jon, Adam, thank you for joining us.
J: Barbara, Adam, thank you for joining me.
A: It was a good first time.
J: Yeah? A: Yeah, I would do this again J: Just need a little bit of a refractory period then we do it again
J: Got it A: Need a little rest
B: At least two hours Blaine: Hey guys. Thanks for watching “A Million Dollars, But” if you enjoyed this episode, you’re totally gonna enjoy our card game We’ve got the party game as well as the expansion packs available at mdbgame.com Just click the link that’s somewhere around here and find out what weird, awful, terrible things you and your family and friends would do for a million dollars, and you know just you can do a little bit of butt stuff It’s okay. Butt stuff’s good.