MEETING THE ENEMY A feminist comes to terms with the Men’s Rights movement | Cassie Jaye | TEDxMarin

MEETING THE ENEMY A feminist comes to terms with the Men’s Rights movement | Cassie Jaye | TEDxMarin

Translator: Isabella Boux
Reviewer: Queenie Lee In 2013, I decided to meet my enemies. I was a 27-year-old, award-winning
documentary filmmaker and a proud feminist. And I was determined
to expose the dark underbelly of the men’s rights movement. At that point, all I knew
of the men’s rights movement was from what I’d read online, that it’s a misogynistic hate group
actively working against women’s equality. Well, the vast majority
of my previous work was about women’s issues. I directed documentaries
about reproductive rights, single motherhood, and the need for more girls
to get into STEM education. So when I learned that no one had ever
documented the men’s rights movement in a film before, I saw it as an opportunity
to continue fighting for women’s equality by exposing those preventing it. So for one year, I traveled North America meeting the leaders and followers
of the men’s rights movement. I spent anywhere
from two hours up to eight hours, interviewing each individual
men’s rights activist, also known as MRA, and I filmed 44 people total. And there is an important rule
in documentary filmmaking. As an interviewer, you do not interrupt. So I’m asking questions,
and I’m getting their full life story. And in the moment, I didn’t realize it, but now looking back I can see, that while I was conducting my interviews,
I wasn’t actually listening. I was hearing them speak, and I knew the cameras were recording, but in those moments
of sitting across from my enemy, I wasn’t listening. What was I doing? I was anticipating. I was waiting to hear a sentence, or even just a couple
of words in succession that proved what I wanted to believe: that I had found the misogynist. The ground zero of the war on women. A couple of times, I thought I had it. There was one men’s rights activist that said to me, “Just walk outside and look around, everything you see was built by a man.” Oh! That statement felt anti-women. I felt my jaw clench, but I sat quietly,
as a documentarian should, while removing all the space
between my upper and lower molars. (Laughter) After my year of filming, I was reviewing the 100 hours
of footage I had gathered, replaying and transcribing it, which believe me when I say no one will ever listen to you more
than someone who transcribes your words. You should write that down. (Laughter) So, I was typing out every word meticulously, and through that process,
I began to realize that my initial knee-jerk reactions
to certain statements weren’t really warranted, and my feeling offended
did not hold up to intense scrutiny. Was that statement about men having built the skyscrapers
and the bridges anti-women? I thought, well, what would
be the gender-reverse scenario? Maybe a feminist saying: Just look around, everyone you see was birthed by a woman. Wow! That’s a powerful statement. And it’s true. Is it anti-male? I don’t think so. I think it’s acknowledging our unique
and valued contributions to our society. Well, luckily, while I was making The Red Pill movie, I kept a video diary which ended up
tracking my evolving views, and in looking back on the 37 diaries
I recorded that year, there was a common theme. I would often hear
an innocent, valid point that a men’s rights activist would make, but in my head, I would add on to their statements,
a sexist or anti-woman spin, assuming that’s what they
wanted to say but didn’t. So here are two examples
of how that would go. A men’s rights activist,
an MRA, would say to me, “There are over 2,000
domestic violence shelters for women in the United States. But only one for men. Yet, multiple reputable studies show
that men are just as likely to be abused.” I would hear them say, “We don’t need 2,000 shelters for women. They’re all lying about being abused. It’s all a scam.” But in looking back
on all the footages I’ve gathered of men’s rights activists
talking about shelters and all the blogs they’ve written and the video live-streams
they have posted on YouTube, they are not trying
to defund women’s shelters. Not at all. All they’re saying
is that men can be abused too, and they deserve care and compassion. Second example. A men’s rights activist would say to me, “Where is justice for the man
who was falsely accused of raping a woman, and because of this accusation, he loses his college scholarship and is branded with the inescapable
title of a rapist.” I would hear them say, “A woman being raped isn’t a big deal.” It’s as if I didn’t hear the word
“falsely” accused of rape. All I heard was, “He was accused of rape.” Of course, rape is a big deal, and all the men’s rights activists I met
agreed it is a horrible thing to have happened to anyone. I eventually realized what they are saying is they are trying to add
to the gender equality discussion, who is standing up for the good-hearted, honorable man
that loses his scholarship, his job, or worse yet, his children, because he is accused of something
he absolutely did not do? (Sighs) Well, I couldn’t keep denying
the points they were making. There are real issues. But in my effort to avoid agreeing
with my enemy completely, I changed from putting words
in their mouth to acknowledging the issue
but insisting they are women’s issues. So here are two examples
of how that would go. A men’s rights activist would say to me, “Men are far more likely
to lose their child in a custody battle.” And I would counter: “Well, because women are unfairly
expected to be the caretaker. It’s discrimination against women
that women get custody more often.” Yes. (Laughter) I am not proud of that. (Laughter) Second example. An MRA would say to me, “Men are roughly 78% of all suicides
throughout the world.” And I would counter with: “But women attempt suicide more often. So ha! (Laughter) Ha? It’s not a contest. But I kept making it into one. Why couldn’t I simply learn
about men’s issues and have compassion for male victims without jumping at the opportunity
to insist that women are the real victims. Well, after years of researching
and fact-checking, what the men’s rights activists
were telling me, there is no denying that there are
many human rights issues that disproportionately
or uniquely affect men. Paternity fraud uniquely affects men. The United States Selective Service
in the case of a draft still uniquely affects men. Workplace deaths: disproportionately men. War deaths: overwhelmingly men. Suicide: overwhelmingly men. Sentencing disparity, life expectancy, child custody, child support, false rape allegations,
criminal court bias, misandry, failure launched, boys falling behind in education, homelessness, veterans issues, infant male genital mutilation, lack of parental choice
once a child is conceived, lack of resources for male victims
of domestic violence, so many issues that are heartbreaking, if you are the victim or you love someone who is the victim
unto any one of these issues. These are men’s issues. And most people can’t name one because they think, “Well, men have all their rights;
they have all the power and privilege.” But these issues
deserve to be acknowledged. They deserve care, attention, and motivation for solutions. Before making The Red Pill movie,
I was a feminist of about ten years, and I thought I was well-versed
on gender equality issues. But it wasn’t until I met
men’s rights activists that I finally started
to consider the other side of the gender equality equation. It doesn’t mean I agree
with all that they’ve said. But I saw the immense value
in listening to them and trying to see the world
through their eyes. I thought if I could get my audience
to also listen to them, it could serve as a rung on the ladder, bringing us all up
to a higher consciousness about gender equality. So in October 2016, the film was released in theaters, and articles and critic reviews
started to roll in. And that’s when I experienced
how engaged the media is in group think around gender politics. And I learned a difficult lesson. When you start to humanize your enemy, you, in turn, may be dehumanized
by your community. And that’s what happened to me. Rather than debating the merit
of the issues addressed in the film, I became the target of a smear campaign, and people who had never seen the movie
protested outside the theater doors, chanting that it was harmful to women. It certainly is not. But I understand their mindset. If I never made this movie, and I heard that there was
a documentary screening about men’s rights activists
that didn’t show them as monsters, I too would have protested the screenings or at least sign the petitions
to ban the film because I was told
that they were my enemy. I was told that men’s rights activists
were against women’s equality. But all the men’s rights activists I met
support women’s rights and are simply asking the question: “Why doesn’t our society
care about men’s rights?” Well, the greatest challenge I faced
through this whole process, it wasn’t the protests against my film, and it wasn’t how I was treated
by the mainstream media – even though it got
pretty disgusting at times. The greatest challenge I faced was peeling back the layers
of my own bias. It turns out I did meet
my enemy while filming. It was my ego saying that I was right, and they were subhuman. It’s no secret now that I no longer
call myself a feminist, but I must clarify I am not anti-feminist, and I am not a men’s rights activist. I still support women’s rights, and I now care about men’s rights as well. However, I believe if we want
to honestly discuss gender equality, we need to invite all voices to the table. Yet, this is not what is happening. Men’s groups are continually vilified, falsely referred to as hate groups, and their voices
are systematically silenced. Do I think either movement
has all the answers? No. Men’s rights activists
are not without flaws, neither are feminists. But if one group is being silenced, that’s a problem for all of us. If I could give advice to anyone
in our society at large, we have to stop expecting to be offended, and we have to start truly,
openly, and sincerely listening. That would lead
to a greater understanding of ourselves and others, having compassion for one another, working together towards solutions because we all are in this together. And once we do that,
we can finally heal from the inside out. But it has to start with listening. Thank you for listening. (Applause) (Cheering)

100 thoughts on “MEETING THE ENEMY A feminist comes to terms with the Men’s Rights movement | Cassie Jaye | TEDxMarin

  1. Wow, a very brave talk at a time when this kind of narrative is quickly demonized. Your honest approach is what is needed in this world. Well done.

  2. I now follow this woman, she deserves my following. Exposing yourself to the world and going against your past ideals for the truth. she is now on the way of a true humans rights activist.

  3. The issue here is that a woman has to say this. What would have happened if a man made this same speech? Just think about it. He would’ve been called sexist

  4. Its seems like most of the issues that would end or ruin someone's life permanently is mostly male issues. Female r mostly serious inconveniences. Mostly not all

  5. I stopped listening when you said , documentary film maker and you traveled
    so where does a documentary film maker make money on the type of films you do…and how is that enough money to travel the states

  6. she made a comparison to the man saying go outside and look, men built all that you see….and then says women gave birth to everyone

    apples and oranges… cant have babies…..but men and women can build

  7. mens rights ..womens rights…both sides are playing victim

    as I have said before…we have got to get out of this victim culture…..if we are all victims….who will save us

  8. Any man who feels intimidated by womens equality is a closest case, as most overly macho men are. However there's a good point if a man is going through a sensitive phase, even many women will ignore them and tell him to "man up". Most women when say they want a sensitive man what they want is for him to be sensitive to HER emotional needs, not a babbling cry baby going through a rough time who can't get his head together due to stress or emotional distress. Most men will also tell that man, "Man up". And honestly the best advice is get back on your feet and not wallow in self pity. Women can be better at thatt then men, they cry more often but pull their act together, cause everyone is supposed to give them a little emapthy or even symapthy. Women do have some advantages in traditional/modern culture. It's a clcihé but often true, if both are working I have seen women take their pay for themselves and half the pay of their man for costs of living. In that case many men are saying, "Equal means equal, right?"

  9. Of course they turned on you.

    They are still locked in that us vs them mentality. They only read stuff that agrees with their opinions and automatically disagree with the information that does not without even reading it.

    The world had gone mad. This happens in terms of politics, race and religion also.

    Identity politics

  10. I watched "The Red Pill" last night. It was made by this airhead and funded by MRAs. I recommend you don't watch "The Red Pill" or this Tedx talk if you value your blood pressure. Jaye adds no value to our culture other than perhaps fodder for mockery. Do a little Googling on the MRA's who appear in the film. See what they're actually like, and compare it to how the film presents them through painstaking editing.

  11. What I find funny that the comments are enabled on this video… When the talk is about a Left topic, these are always shut down…

  12. America, the country that champions freedom of speech, yet has so many groups so keen to close down contrary points of view. Thank you for your honesty, may it build bridges.

  13. I’d never, ever jump on the male rights bandwagon but I’ve had my life destroyed by a woman that has used her leverage to take my daughter from me. I’ve never done anything to harm her, only loved her, but my ex has been more effective at arguing and manipulating her out of my life. I’m finally going to the courts but I’m not expecting a fair shake. Sometimes it sucks to be a man, and for me, it’s been terrible.

  14. Well spoken
    This is how gender equality needs to be
    It doesn't need to benefit women's rights only
    It doesn't need to benefit men's rights only
    but has to benefit both genders

    I hope google translate translated that correctly XD

  15. I think its funny to note that after Cassie came out with her documentary she received hundreds of death threats from feminists.

  16. This explains how, scientific studies- in the social studies, are so biased.
    People just come up with their prejudice.

  17. A woman that leads, educates while seeking education, elegantly stands firm in the midst harsh adversity and does the toughest thing for a human to do and look inward for answers. Why can't this be feminism?

  18. I just wanna know why that 7k people dilsiked this video. I mean, if i had the oportunity to like only one video on youtube in my lifetime, i would pretty much give it to this video.

  19. 7000 dislikes are from the feminists who didnt want to hear you mansplaining about issues that are relevant to everyone rather than just one gender.

  20. Compassion for people, regardless of who or what they are. What an idea. Always the pendulum swings too far and the cycle continues.

  21. Finally a woman who realy understands that men have real problems in life and we are not the great white hunters history has shown us the great burden of expectations place on all the shoulders of men so thank you everyone for giving her and all those men the chance to talk and listen if there was more of this going on the world would be a much better place instead of us allways finger pointing to blame 👏👏👏 equality

  22. Sooo…you want a pat on the back because you were able to ascertain basic logic, and interpret basic English? This is what TED has devolved in to? I'm out.

  23. NICE SPEACH. Listen the secret is You have (it doesn´t matter female or men) respect in front of nature and respect the laws of the nature. When you do it. It comes back to you a thousant times.

  24. Dear God, If a woman ever makes it to President status in our country PEASE GOD. In JESUS NAME ..Let it be Cassie Jaye.

  25. Great talk. Maybe some feminists 'll take the opportunity to watch this and finally find out that Jordan Peterson and Ben Shapiro are not – as suggested many times – a far cry from the truth after all.

  26. Hate to put a negative spin on her insightful comments, but I just can’t help but shake my head at how bad we are at listening and empathizing as a people. I think the bigoted mindsets of past centuries have just been repackaged – it isn’t group x or group y to blame, it’s our hot-headed, short-sighted refusal to listen to someone outside of our made up communities. We could learn a lot from the Eastern perspectives on humility and poise lol, especially now

  27. Women want equality…yet where is the line drawn? Especially when the future is left out of the equation…like the children. Broken families does not make a good society. Just a thought to divorce courts of men and women.

  28. Common erroneous female prejudicial psychology : “Everyone’s against me… and men are holding me back….”

  29. There is hate for men and women. Only through respect and empathy for your fellow man will we make it just a little bit better for ourselves.

  30. The powers that be behind all of these social issues don't give a damn about either side , they utterly don't give a damn about men or women because their real agenda is to tear down society

  31. omg, she betrayed all us feminists. guess she wasn't a real woman after all. sad to see people deceive others in this way. we are fighters for freedom of women and do not want to be associated with this individual, wanting to be in the middle of the spotlight

  32. Sorry, had to start the video over, I spent the first 5 minutes just adoring this woman. She is as beautiful as the words that are coming out of her mouth.

  33. She became the target because the “enemy” are a bunch of unbalanced lunatics, many with an anti-male, anti-American, societal bias.
    “Women are natural liars”
    My mom
    One of the most important lessons I’ve ever been taught.

  34. I think as a society we need to acknowledge that there are advantages and disadvantages in different areas for both sexes. We shouldn't make it a contest, we should work together for true equality. I hope 3rd wave feminism can evolve into this ideaology already and both sides can amicably discuss issues without resorting to petty "gotchas!". I'm very happy to see a woman actually care about true equality; I hope we can have more women like her speak out.

  35. You can literally translate the beginning of her speech as, I thought Men’s Rights movement was 3rd wave feminism but for men. Men are bad. Women are good. Then finds out just how brainwashed she was.

  36. This is true, absolute intelligence and awareness.
    One of the only people I’ve ever heard that can highlight the importance about men’s rights without being a misogynist. That can fight for women’s rights without dehumanizing men

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