Marriage DIVORCE – That Cousin Show Podcast Episode #33

Marriage DIVORCE – That Cousin Show Podcast Episode #33

I mean, once you do get married, you
should have a divorce lawyer on speed dial at all times. Wow. Dude, Joel, you win. Joel WINS. WOW! You just made Josh explode his beer! That’s my whole goal in life is to make someone do that. I know what’s going
in the highlight reel… Okay guys, we’re all here. There’s a bunch of cousins in
the room; this is the most people we’ve ever had on this podcast. I count six of
us: three sets of brothers. We got two Vibbarts, two Danners, and two Guthries.
That’s because Mr. Matt Guthrie is back on the show here with his younger
brother, Josh, next to him on the couch for the first time in probably… What? A
couple months? I don’t know? How often you guys see each other? You know what… you’re on the couch.. Yeah. Too much. Aw I know this was going to happen! I’m just, I’m glad that you mentioned we’re
brothers because otherwise no one could probably tell. I can’t wait for our mom
to watch this because her – her boys as she would say, are on the podcast
together and for us to say something that makes her, cringe? Yeah, which is bound
to happen. Well speaking of families today we’re gonna talk about something
really important: Divorce. Keeping it positive! Anybody who has no idea of who we are or
what we’re talking about, in the past I have mentioned that I am currently
engaged and I’ve been doing a lot of studying about marriage and getting ready
for the ol’ plunge! And getting out of it… But no, Luke and Joel have been married
for a couple years, Matt has been married for almost 20 years now, right? Yeah, it’ll
be 19 this year. Wow. Comin up on it! So we have some experience – by the way, I’m the
oldest cousin. Yeah, they know! But Cody’s been in a long-term relationship,
Josh is single, and I am obviously engaged, so we have different
perspectives we can provide on this here. Before we get into divorce,
I want to ask the people here who are married, what the most distinct differences
between dating and marriage? What is the thing? Because it is a very cliche’ thing,
everyone always goes: “Don’t get married, man! Don’t do it!” I know like they’re half
kidding but the other half I go.. it depends on who you’re talking to. What is it? I
would say, I would say the bigger difference is from not living together
to living together, whether you’re married or not, you know, and so what is
the biggest contributing factor to living together that makes it so
miserable? people always say like you shouldn’t get married that’s what I mean
is in that context dylan already has his mind made up like what is like the
biggest like oh this is what causes problems we’re getting to the divorced
part you’re a second ok wait to be miserable with you what you’re asking is
of all of the challenges or difficulties that can come with either marriage or
moving in together oh yeah and I’m single but I have I have experience and
that never been married but moving in together but we can let we could let
Joel go thanks Josh yeah I mean it’s it’s a question that’s
like a huge umbrella term right because it’s gonna be different for every person
you ask that question every couple is different everybody has like their own
little things that annoy each other or whatever but once you live together it’s
like you find out like you get it depends on like when you start when you
move in with each other but if it’s like still sort of early on the relationship
like thank you everybody’s careful around each other making sure you don’t
like leave a mess in the living room or in the kitchen or whatever it’s delay
that format yeah yeah and then it’s a there’s a there’s a
turning point where all of a sudden you’re just like I I’m living with a
frat or a sorority girl mm-hm good I wish well I think Matt is actually in a
really unique position because like your high school sweetheart ended up being
your wife and so you’ve known your wife now was like since you were 14
or something so yeah you might with it’s apropos but it’s also a story that that
I believe people enjoy listening to as much as you enjoy telling so if you want
to give everyone a quick overview of your condition what is that what is that
what is the starting point in your mind of what where that story starts I want
to get wrong yesterday it states it yes it starts from yesterday no I think so a
couple of parts to that question I think you know we we so we got together in we
we met and kind of started creating yeah if that’s what you want to call it in
1990 mm-hmm and I was a it was the summer between my freshman and sophomore
year and the summer between her eighth and ninth grade year so you know and we
got married in 2000 so 10 years between the two and so I think the question you
asked there’s a unique perspective from it’s you know I when you know somebody
for that long it’s it’s not like like living togethers gonna you know all of a
sudden reveal crazy things you didn’t know about somebody right I mean it’s
like you’ve pretty much known them for half your life at that point I mean even
to get together that young in your whole adult life well right and I and I look
at it sort of the the other way to is and again I have a unique perspective
and I you know this is just sort of my it my take on it but it’s like when you
marry somebody you’re what you’re saying is they look this is the one person I
found that I want to spend the rest of my life with it’s hard for me to believe
that there’s something you could encounter once you start living together
whether it be and you’re like oh my gosh like you’re you’re my one and only my
true love but you kind of like to leave dirty dishes around the house not sure
this is gonna work out yeah right so yeah I don’t well I think your
assumption is that when you make that decision it’s like a like educated
decision because a lot of people say like you’re my one and only but it’s
it’s based on six months of knowing each other so it’s more like the duration of
time rather than the inclination to believe someone is your
it helps to get to know somebody yeah but the thing too is like I mean I guess
we’ll just kind of delve into the divorce part about this is that the
things that after all the studying I’ve been doing the last couple months about
getting ready for marriage I can’t imagine it when I speak about my fiance
I don’t ever think divorce is an option but I can’t imagine I’m the only person
who ever thought that and the divorce rate is like over 50% so there’s
obviously some like misconception going on somewhere and I’m always trying to
forget like what was it that someone didn’t anticipate like you said is it an
uneducated perspective of like oh I guess I didn’t anticipate the dishes or
like this person’s a human being with flaws and I don’t like that and we’re
married Luke what’s your take I I don’t I don’t know if there’s any like one
thing that’s like up to the rate of divorce like it obviously it depends on
the relationship but right I mean I think I think it’s just become more
acceptable so it just kind of snowballed an avalanche which is a cop-out answer
well you’re you’re a unique position of that your parents are still married yes
of all of ours our parent bar parents worked for ours Princeton to get
divorced so we were quite a bit older yeah but our parents right yes yeah I
was gonna say Joel and I are the only ones with would you like to be happy we
have we have no spur perspective on this situation no III from being an outsider
looking into divorce I could be totally wrong about this but my observations are
that I I think the major contributor to divorce is the fact that people are less
willing now to to sort of Bend and nice compromise yeah with their with their
significant other stuff that is ya know I think people I think people want to do
what they want to do with their life regardless of
everyone else so so so yeah selfishness yeah and I think from my perspective too
it’s it’s you know it’s not surprising to me you know Rhonda and I have this
conversation all the time about like you know people start these these statements
with can you believe that dot dot dot and most the time I go yeah I certainly
think that it’s like you know whether it be you know our kids do a lot of sports
and there’ll be somebody who’s never got a hit in their whole life I’m gonna be
like can you believe it that kid struck out I’m like yes that’s what they do
every single time it’s not surprising and so there was a there was an ad I saw
the other day there’s billboards and commercials this is taxpayer-funded that
that tells people that you should you should probably spend some time and and
read to your kids yeah and and so in a society where we got to remind people
that you might want to spend a little time with your kids is it that
surprising that people don’t stay married right to play devil’s advocate
and I don’t know if it’s just I don’t really like know what my true stance on
this would be oh yeah thank you tell me larger brother which is like there’s I
don’t know like what the historical record is for marriage like in in the
sense that we know marriage today but I always think so you know the divorce
rate didn’t always be 50% like you know back in 50 60s whatever it was it was
the divorce rate was far lower but I don’t that doesn’t doesn’t immediately
correlate to better to me because what it means to me is that the the this the
social impact of a divorce was was so negative that that people stayed in
marriages because it was just a real Scarlet Letter and so but that doesn’t
mean it was like necessarily a positive thing I think what happen of that ended
up in just real horrible abuse of relationships or at the worse in at the
at the other end or the non-extreme is just like really unhappy relationships
and so to me it’s like I think there is a degree of hey some of those
people certainly should have been divorced and didn’t because of the
social ramifications yeah but but I don’t but but like if you could say well
look for for a thousand years marriage has been a staple of society and the
vast majority of cultures because it has work these benefits well I think the
question you’d have to ask or the question that would have to be answered
would be is is this something that you could have worked out yeah you know if
you have somebody who is who is you can’t do anything about it they are
physically abusive and there’s no change in it obviously you know or even
emotionally or whatever but but I think you know he would ask most people it’s
like but it’s funny because earlier in the conversation we were making jokes
about how like you it at least should be an educated or you hope it’s an educated
decision to get married in the first place but let’s face it it’s a joke
because of a lot of people don’t and so in that case or they ignore it which is
the case a lot of times but what I mean is like how many people should have
never been in married in the first place because people make mistakes and if they
never should have been married in the first place is it like it’s like nope
you you got a deal no divorce like and those I think for those people it’s
probably often the best choice because like look you guys were young or you
made a pulse of decision or you got married for the wrong reasons and now
you’ve realized that whatever and so it’s like what’s the alternative just
live with your mistake well I think first of all you have to differentiate
between divorce with no kids and divorce with kids yeah that is a whole they are
two completely so i i i agree but and i understand why you’re saying that is
because now you have something other than your selves to consider but at the
same time if if two people truly I shouldn’t like don’t have a healthy
relationship and not even talking about abuse just they don’t have like a good
dynamic or or the ability to get along is
that an environment and the this single or the primary role model for a
relationship those kids should have are they truly better off in steeped in that
unhealthy dynamic I think that I think that’s a good question I think that
that’s like a hard question to answer especially ya know it’s not easy
it was my understanding that there was gonna be tricks in it like people I I
think like to everybody’s point like everybody’s saying you know like Luke
you said that you know I think you think maybe too many people are just jumping
ship too early without really committing and fighting through whatever problems
they have so it begs the question what scenarios you know what scenario should
you get divorced in what scenario should you fight it out I actually none kept
you off jail but I actually had have been studying and trying to speak with
my fiance about that say like what are the grounds for divorce and we came up
with three three primary ones infidelity physical abuse or like physical harms
not just you but to the kids as well and Lucky Charms there’s a chemical on the
wrong cereal right and divorce basic papers just waiting yeah exactly
now the third one would be if the partner is involved in some sort of
criminal or felony type activity drug dealer drug dealer yeah something like
that doing something illegal without you know it was a bit of three things but
even to your point and even those things were things that you can technically
work out even like extreme cases but I think those are the three primary things
about say this is grounds for divorce not immediate divorce thing well yeah
and I think so you have to nobody knows what the world looks like post-divorce
right I mean everybody has their sort of idea of what it looks like and so
there’s it’s it’s I think there’s always this assumption that I mean is is
potentially whatever’s out there better than what you’ve got now
I don’t profess yet but I shouldn’t be your measure is is because both are
unknowns like you don’t necessarily know how this is gonna unfold especially if
the if the foundation is questionable we and and in this scenario it is like
you’re you’re you’re considering options because it’s questionable well III think
in my mind the way I look at it is I prefer to believe that like when you
take wedding vows it’s not just a disappered – I prefer to believe that
when Jim left the podcast that she was in love with me Podcast isn’t about
restraining orders Josh I’ll make it I’m saying like like dude yeah no one should
go into marriage without checking a lot of boxes but it happens all the time and
because of that divorce should be a very okay option because otherwise you are
forcing people to live with their mistakes in a way that I think just ends
up compounding no III totally disagree with that
that’s no nobody’s forcing anybody to do anything it to me it’s it to me it’s
what what level of commitment are you willing to put into this because because
things can go wrong but things can get fixed if you are willing to commit to
fixing that and a lot of people aren’t and and I’m not and sometimes they can’t
be sure I mean I’ll give you an example if if if you get married and you hadn’t
worked this up before and one person said I really want to have kids and the
other person said I don’t want to have kids that’s a tough thing to get over
that’s a tough thing to work past there are other things though that you know
all right well well you know hey look your your I think you’re you know
drinking too often or I think you’re this or I think you’re that it’s like
alright well let’s let’s tackle that let’s see if we can get past it or you
know in any number of you know problems that people have in marriages I mean
it’s it’s it’s a it takes work yeah I mean they’re aiming and and again it’s
not like a like a steady line through the whole thing and there’s
and valleys and you got to work no well and any one of those times you can just
set up but it’s like let there’s you know this is a long journey no no I will
say this though not to misrepresent my own position and it’s coming off
probably slightly more defined or aggressive than I want to be because of
just the devil’s advocate position I think if you have made that leap or that
decision to get married then you absolutely should treat it as something
categorically different than pre marriage meaning breaking up is not just
breaking up anymore it is a divorce and the ramifications especially if there’s
kids involved is something categorically different and you there needs to be a
very sophisticated process to getting to that position but I do think that it is
a probe it’s appropriate far out more often than people tend to fit consider
only because I think making a fitting a square peg in a round hole in the long
run can do more damage that he calling it a day and and finding someone that is
right for you especially considering how how naive people are or impulsive people
are going into it I think I think though that this is the the scenario or a
scenario where you can apply an ounce of prevention is worth a pound or it’s like
I I think it’s all in how it’s set up right I think if you if you look at the
vast majority of failed marriages you can look you can look at them in the
beginning and be like yeah I believe that like no kid yeah exactly like like
I think the emphasis needs to be placed on okay
like you said yes marriage is supposed to be yes final like that’s it’s a
one-time deal and that’s it and I think people kind of treat it like dating 2.0
yes it’s like it sounds like it sounds like
the problem is too many people are getting married like you when you look
at how how many people get married so young and eat like even when it starts
out with the best intentions and they like date for a number a handful of
years like if you start dating when you’re 16 you can date for a number of
years and still get married at an age that will not like in your 20s you
develop into very different people and and to me the likelihood that you
develop into people that remain compatible is really difficult and at
times just not realistic I know you know I’m sitting next to a guy who got
married again in the prenatal unit so it’s a but but but the exception to
every rule but they remain the exception I think it’s kind of in it’s kind of the
same with what you were talking about Matt which is like the vowels part like
what does marriage actually mean and how much value are you actually giving it
and I know every case is different but I don’t want to get like into the
political sphere here but I’m completely libertarian when it comes to marriage
I want no involvement from any government contract saying this is why
I’m getting married I don’t give two squats about that for me it’s a very
spiritual and emotional aspect and that’s what it should be that’s the part
where it’s like okay there’s actually value here I’m actually committing to
you on a much deeper level outside of some contract that I signed with the US
government that’s what it should be but it’s not how long people take and that’s
the thing is that I think in a lot of ways I pushed that narrative more with
people say you need to ignore the idea that this is a contract you’re signing
this is an emotional investment that is going to require a lifetime commitment
come hell or high water and that’s how much value you should give it and on
another note it should not be so much focused on the internal I think marriage
is a part where you say you are now more important than me I think that’s the way
people should be looking at but a lot of times like you said people don’t look at
it that way they say this is just gonna benefit me because I like love and love
is great because it makes me feel good but I love like I
and we won for me you know it’s sort of that I mean I’ll full disclaimer I mean
I don’t make any judgments about what people have decided to do with their
lives yeah what what has happened pre divorced
post divorce whatever I mean people do what they’re gonna do
in life my life is judging people I don’t somebody yeah when somebody starts
pointing the finger I can go don’t know fast forward to this part you can hear
me say that yeah but yeah I mean and it is I mean you know everybody’s got to do
what they feel is best for themselves and and again you know we have our own
ideas of whether or not that’s legitimate or valid or acceptable or
whatever but you know I mean everybody kind of makes of it what they want to
make it I think it’s I just because look what you said don’t is right which
that’s how you should approach it if you don’t approach it like no matter what it
is – it is a government contract like apart
from whatever else it might be it gets it’s at least fat and then but that
should be the least of it it’s also this spiritual emotional investment but it’s
also like just a it’s just like a turning point in your life there’s no
going back from that that has a domino effect that I refuse to believe any
twenty-year-old understands like like there’s no 21 most 20 year old yeah sure
hyperbole but again like to understand like you are you are making this
commitment and you’re saying these vows that have such gravity that like to
truly understand that I don’t know I so let me ask you let me ask you this
because I was one years old I didn’t understand I couldn’t order the road so
so it’s a sin that’s accurate so so – man yeah well no it’s it’s Oh so
somebody does that you know they’re there some 20 year old bozo they can’t
make informed decisions they’re they’re not they don’t they’re not wise enough
or whatever so so do you think like where they end up you know from from the
perspective of wisdom and you know life experience and stuff is
impacted by those bad decisions early on in other words if they look back when
they say I got to where I’m at now because I failed at these things or
would they look back and they would say I wish I’d have never had gotten married
at those points and waited until ex and my ex point and I think therein lies the
issue because typically what happens is I mean obviously there are there are
financial considerations yes if you got kids you know it’s like you think you’re
leaving somebody you ain’t leaving them you’re attached to them no matter what
and so things get pretty complicated and so it’s not just like you cut you know
clean cut you split your said it’s it’s not but it’s also not like case to hit
together and work it out and like within a couple years I could be cool like no
it’s like it’s it’s sometimes you you can work it out and like or you can you
can have the best intentions to work it out but I truly believe that some people
either are or become incompatible and that creates a dynamic that is I don’t I
don’t disagree that is so unhealthy you would also agree that there are there
are plenty of people in the world who are divorced who probably look back and
said I should have worked a little bit harder than the public I think that I
100% agree and I also know that there’s a cliche of the stoic mother who made it
work through the 50s the 60s and whatever because that’s what you were
supposed to do who is dead inside I think another aspect to this and it’s
and it’s sort of the cultural the cultural aspect and like the
time aspect right like obviously times change and culture changes with it but
back in the day it’s like you were expected to get married young mm-hmm
to your point you’re obviously not really gonna make good decisions when
you’re young and it was frowned upon to get a divorce so yeah you’re gonna be
kind of stuck in that marriage and you make it work it’s kind of like you know
stiff upper lip yeah make it work right and like follow that
trail back in time like I don’t I don’t think there was ever a I can’t think of
a time of the top of my head where it’s like oh yeah just man like really get to
know your partner and like I think part of it has to do with the fact that
that’s how that’s how great life is now yeah honey exactly I mean I mean I mean
again you guys had that question the other day about would you go back 200
years if you went back 200 years like if you got it’s like now you get divorced
you’re like well I’m just gonna go be an Instagram influencers it was like where
you going I thought you were going towards a point with that I was I was
going towards a point where basically what Matt yeah and drove home was now is
the best it I mean it seems like the best time ever to sort of you know feel
your way through a relationship naturally and decide whether or not to
get married people are getting married later than
ever these days I don’t know I mean exactly that tyrannical patriarchy you
know we’ll see what the divorce rate does in the next you know 10 years or so
but and maybe that’s just evolution like maybe it’s that way and not because of
any other influence others and we learned from our predecessors I don’t
know but in the end I think that the dynamic between two people is so
incredibly complicated that you cannot draw a line in the sand you cannot say
you like divorce is good or is bad because there are times when we can all
agree it is good and or or it is bad like there are people that should not
stay together that creates such a toxic environment and that’s well III see here
in lies that and I and I think if you were to sort of wrap your head around
all the dynamics of this conversation again the difference is I I don’t
disagree with what you’re saying I think but or not I think what we’re saying is
that we people haven’t put themselves in a position to try to diminish the
likelihood that divorce is going to happen enough and that needs to be
worked on and so you’re right insert and so I think when you say is
repeat loop yeah I think I think when you say is divorce good and bad you know
obviously everybody has their own unique a situation and they got it’s nice but
it’s it’s it’s bad that that so things are hemorrhoids good or bad you know you
have to it’s bad that it happens so often so how do we try to avoid it
yes and the only way tried it is make people smarter so that’s not gonna
happen yeah there’s one perspective that I’m
nervous to ask about and it’s Cody’s perspective don’t don’t don’t don’t
because pockets over subscribe well my Cody gets here will you must be so
inviting that over there what are your thoughts on marriage Cody I don’t know
this is not podcast Josh talking this is Josh Josh Duggan I want to know you’re
actually I don’t yeah yeah no I realize that his his
better half is upstairs yeah yeah do you think it’s a dude who do you who do you
agree with more matter Josh I don’t know they both have a good point yeah I don’t
know who I agree because polar opposites like I feel I feel like it’s just a big
gray blob yeah I’m caught between what I really think and what I think I should
say yeah it’s like a wily Cody just ball well yeah it’s a very subjective thing
and they’re just there’s no answer that I’ve heard tonight trend like oh that’s
wrong like yeah it’s just different perspectives but yeah well it’s the
answer is as complicated as people are yeah go Joel I was just gonna say you
you definitely I mean once you do get married you should have a divorce lawyer
on speed dial Wow I’m not joking I’m not joking that
was not intentional that was that’s my cold going life is me spitting that was
a movie called Joel I know it’s going in the highlight reel is ruined two
microphones yeah I think I just spit no dude that was 100% unintentional and and
and it was really based on what he said Joel did his job well which is I didn’t
I didn’t anticipate that one coming good because I thought because well most of
its been serious and so I thought what’s funny to it is I think so in the stages
of marriage that you go through you know you go through your sort of initial you
know we were talking about this the other day I was you guys know that we’re
crazy involved in sports and everything and now I was just telling these guys we
this past Sunday we had to get up at four o’clock in the morning to leave by
4:45 to go down to Fontana to play softball
so you know the first part of marriage it was like we would have debates about
alright who’s going to get breakfast burritos and we’d have NFL Sunday Ticket
on all day long and then it would be we’d lay there and we would argue and
debate about who’s gonna go pick up lunch and then he’s gonna pick up dinner
we wouldn’t move more than four inches all day long and it was great you know
it’s glorious and then all of a sudden now you got totally different
responsibilities and and you know all that stuff so and then you know you have
you know your kids get a little older and things change whatever so I keep I
always tell Ronnie I said I always say I hope you still like me when our kids are
gone because we’re gonna go back to that time where all we had is right now
you’re so busy sometimes you have time to think about the you know if hey we’re
not on the same page or whatever we’re just doing our thing and all of a sudden
you know it goes back to that hey you know you’re just hoping
that that breakfast burrito play still let me spit again so anyways I yeah I’m
like I’m like because we’re gonna have a whole lot of time just you and I well
but yeah kids are gonna leave the housing as we go right oh yeah can we
adopt somebody yeah me yeah I’ll be available in you’re not
compatible no I mean you said it like half in jest but the but I feel like
that is one of the like precursors to the increased divorce rate is all of the
baby boomers what when they were like you know they when the baby boomers
first got married the divorce rate was like uh person and and since then it has
steadily increased and I feel like the empty nest syndrome is one of the major
precursors to that it’s one of the inflection points in that increase
because that’s exactly what happened that’s like a real a real problem gonna
happen yet yeah no but because I’ve heard that just listening to different
stories or reading or whatever like that that actually happens which is you
become so enveloped in that identity of being a parent and and facilitating
everything for your kids if it’s involved in being a parent that when
that’s no longer a component of her identity
you suddenly realize like holy cow we’re different people and we’ve never been
these people in this situation right I guess and it’s not and you’re gonna get
in your DNA of course and I guess I guess my response to that would be you
know is if you take your thinking and your logic to that to the you know it
sort of logical conclusion it would be eventually when you’re old enough and
you’ve had enough divorces you figure out who you can
– that that’s least likely to happen no what I’m saying is that that there’s a
lot that is difficult to anticipate and it’s but that’s the same for 1st 2nd 3rd
or 10th marriages that’s marriage no I’m not saying that I disagree I’m just
saying that given all of the variables included and everything we’ve talked
about there’s certainly a case to be made for divorce at times once sometimes
you don’t get along with your kids and sometimes you’re like maybe I should
just give up for adoption or you should maybe this or that there
are times in that probably benefit the kid but don’t you think it’s like I mean
I I agree with you that there are obviously times where like you need a
divorce like this is there’s no other two ways about it but I think it is not
necessarily good policy to promote the idea that it’s okay at any given time or
at the case of like those should only be extreme circumstances last resort yeah
it’s kind of like this is a we’ve tried everything
like Ludi like we’re at the point again the three things I mentioned earlier
infidelity something illegal those are the extreme cases anything outside that
and even those cases themselves I could say you could probably work this out
because I have this theory and I I’ve been around a lot of divorce I’ve see I
know a lot of friends and obviously my parents were divorced I think every
circumstance difference it wasn’t just like the oh that’s one thing that
happened or whatever I mean empty-nest I think is one of contributing factors as
well but I’ve come to the conclusion and it’s not true for every single case of
course but my conclusion is that someone in the marriage gave up someone
somewhere said you know what it’s not worth my time they stopped putting the
effort into it they said I’m out they kind of gave up
on the other person and that to me is a failure not on the marriage that’s a
failure on that person as a human being because yeah you can go ahead I was
gonna say but that could be so if you’re like dedicated to making that marriage
work and it’s your significant other that’s just like giving up and being
like I’m gonna do what I want I’m not gonna sacrifice anything mm-hmm
I’m just gonna live my life the way I want to live it and if that
you know hurts you it hurts you kind of thing mm-hm and and let’s say they’re
not they’re not cheating on each other it’s just like just doing whatever they
want to do it’s like just getting it’s on then it’s on the other person to make
that decision okay like I can’t like you know they they’ve tried to change that
person’s whines hey work with me like let’s compromise let’s you know be a
married couple mm-hmm it’s on that person now to be like all right I’m I
want a divorce because you’re not the person I want to be with the rest of my
life I think I think the other factor too is is what what were you able to
kind of figure out before you got married because I think there are people
who there are there were sort of signs there beforehand that got ignored and
they got married anyway so I think there’s you know and again if you listen
to you know there’s a lot of people who talk about the subject Ronde always
listen to dr. laura on the radio and everything in yeah dr. grandma Laura
right but you know sometimes you’re you know you listen that’s the sort of thing
and you’re like you’re like okay well here’s here’s the problem I’m having and
then you’re like okay well how long did you date this amount of time was he
doing that stuff beforehand well yeah you know and so you’re like look it
wasn’t like this came out of the blue like everything was great and all of a
sudden somebody some some behavior manifests itself that never existed
before you ever had any hint of yeah it’s like look there were there were
signs of this all and you ignored them for your own convenience I want to get
married whatever and it’s like that’s excellent and that’s not an edge case
like that that happens probably fifty percent the time well great yeah but
that’s my point is is in those cases like like if you suddenly realize like
divorce is a serious thing but but but it’s humans that are making that
decision and so what that means is it should be serious but divorce is
sometimes just a decision someone makes and it’s not made in any kind of with
any kind of real forethought that it should be made with in which case it’s
not I got that point it doesn’t mean like hey you stick it out through thick
and thin no matter what because you made that decision when you were not as
intelligent as you are now like for example I and
and I agree with that I think the problem is is is is people expect like a
ton of sympathy and it’s like well cry me a river you knew you knew this what
you’re sure but that be a different subject in is what’s expected post
divorce from an idiot but my the reason I but my point is is Dylan was saying
like in these extreme cases but look let’s say like you graduate high school
with your high school sweetheart you’ve been together for one year and your
summer like your post graduation summer vacation is to Vegas and you go to Vegas
and you get swept up you get married and in a year later you realize I’ve been
with this person two years I am 19 years old 20 years old and we shouldn’t have
done that plan your 80th every to me I would say
now I would I would say now consider these things follow this process but it
would be a pretty short one and I and then after if they’d if they got their
eyes cross forties run to the courthouse and get divorced do not spend more of
your time with a mistake then you already have
well I I and just I mean I think hold on sorry but my point is is because there’s
no abuse there there’s no infidelity there’s no criminal action and divorce
is by far their most best right answer but you just described a marriage
scenario that happens in the one tenth of one percent that is the far end but I
think that there’s there since there’s an area or a percentage of marriages
that are closer to that than anything on the other end Oh Joel I was gonna say I
think we’re going around in circles here I think we all agree pretty much the
same thing is that most divorces can be prevented by just making sure you’re
getting into a marriage that you want to get into they need like a Smokey the
Bear for marriage it’s only now speaking of marriages putting oil on the fire
how about prenups haha we don’t have that much time
– Cody scared himself take a drink when he said that you can spin again you know
like I know we’re like kind of kidding about this but I know enough time the
idea of as I’ve known you mentioned like if you go the no sympathy part because
divorce is a horrible thing to go through and so again it should literally
be the glass resort like we’ve mentioned yeah someone along those lines but when
kids get involved the thing that drives me nuts more than anything is custody
battles talk about we are in no way shape or form and advantage in this and
I never I told this is one of my exes back in the day about like why are men
so afraid of commitment in marriage like wait why is that
I said well statistically the it’s stacked against us 50% of marriages end
in divorce and of that 50% there’s like a 99% chance I’m gonna have to pay you a
crap ton of money and I’m never gonna see my kids how is that fair
so if anything this should be a guys go I should probably think about this a lot
before I commit to this person this is why again I’m like keep the government
out of it we can settle it later on but even that case it’s like I think people
need to realize that there’s a lot of damage that goes in not just financially
speaking but emotionally speaking to kids as well I mean Cody and I are
complete wreck because our parents got divorced I was 25 I think and I decided
to live with my dad you were already with yeah no and I think I think a lot
of people I mean sometimes I mean Dylan’s your point if if if people are
that or if guys or whoever are that afraid of commitment on like a legal
aspect then just don’t get married on like a government level yeah what what’s
what’s stopping you from making just draw paint agree there’s rules and laws
now like common law state yeah where if you’ve lived together in the same house
for 10 years you might as well be married because legally you you are
financially obligate and I I understand that but that doesn’t how
does that defeat the argument of if you want to be with that person you’re gonna
be with that person right you are a fighter ready they computer yeah you do
sit I’ll ride you like you can be I don’t think anyone is going to get
married to get involved no I’m not contractually obligated enough to the
government want a contract with the government yeah you get married I paid
extra taxes just for the hell of it I feel like I did too having divorced
parents especially in younger if they get along it’s one thing it’s it’s great
but for us it was awesome because as little kids it’s 2 Christmases to birth
see now that’s what I’m pissed about because we’ve never got that yeah you
guys won Christmas yeah because our parents stayed together we’ll be younger
yeah you’re yeah I feel like you’re a special case because that what you just
you just shut all your arguments right – hell no yes you did my only response to
this is like – I can’t wait I can’t wait so yeah I’m gonna get divorce from Ronde
and my kids are gonna just ball their eyes out I’m gonna go timeout yeah on
relationships because of my one primary example is such a great example well dude you left the house when you were in
kindergarten it’s all coming out now yeah I grew up on the mean streets didn’t get a word yeah spiking like
crazy anyhoo yeah well that was a fun exciting topic guys right there’s a lot
of a lot of fun energy here Dylan will overdub some farts in there somewhere
that was got a little deep yeah you know don’t come on the podcast I left I left
we were we were missing a set of headphones I left and I came back and
they’re like we’re gonna talk about divorce we’re on black hoods yeah Oh chanting
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2 thoughts on “Marriage DIVORCE – That Cousin Show Podcast Episode #33

  1. Nicely done! Great topic! My parents divorced and I always thought it was the best thing they could have done!

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