Live recording | Episode LXXXII aka 82 | Michael Oldroyd Comedy Podcast

Live recording | Episode LXXXII aka 82 | Michael Oldroyd Comedy Podcast

we’re in the heaven is my theracane hello hello this is hey this is michael
Oldroyd michael droid tuning in michael Oldroyd what’s up what’s up testing one
two three Jen what’s up you are uh that you on YouTube they’re getting ready to
fire up the engines brought to you by our sponsors Gatorade and Wonder Woman
guys this is a Wonder Woman garter belt that I caught at a wedding in Alaska a
couple years ago so that’s a good sign it means someday I might get married
hmm until then good times alright whoever’s tuning in I appreciate it I’m
just getting ready to fire up the engines I got my happy coffee mug I
don’t know if you can read it cuz it’s backwards isn’t it great when the tea
string gets caught in your teeth and then you’re like oh cool floss
it’s like floss if your teeth are really spread apart if you had really good
teeth though this is too wide for the in-betweens this this worked for Michael
Strahan know when he wants to floss that gap in fact he could probably fit an
iPhone liar he could probably floss his teeth with
an iphone wire because his gap is so big seventeen live AF streaming on you
streaming on YouTube live I’m not gonna be doing any interacting here on uh
seventeen live AF today but you guys can turn in follow the podcast if you want
it’s the micro little droid comedy podcast we’re on spot
stitcher actually I don’t even know front stitcher and when I say we I mean
me to be honest I I don’t even know what stitcher is is it a podcast I’m pretty
much on every live streaming or whatever you’re streaming podcast function that
you can get and by way I’m talking about droid entertainment we’re a collective
group or whoa we all are part of the droid entertainment vessel if you will
um let’s see you’re getting ready to kick things off here in a tick you guys
can just kill me whoever is anonymously on YouTube right now I appreciate you
tuning in everybody ready to go we’re ready to fire fire things off we’re
ready to put this out into the ether into the universe let’s make sure that
all the audio let’s make sure that there are no technical difficulties I’m just
gonna go ahead and do a quick breathing exercise to get myself in a zen-like
state I said what what in the butt I said what what in the butt I said what
what in the butt I said what what what to do it in my butt in my butt you guys
remember that song by Sam Sam well I’m sorry that you can’t hear too well Jen
that’s too bad YouTube I apologize if you are not able
to hear but that’s just kind of that the best audio quality is obviously going to
be post-production I’m recording on a Yeti blue microphone here the reception
can be spotty but if you want a crisp sound you can wait until the actual
podcast comes out Spotify is probably the most universal platform and most
well if you’re an Apple user it’s on iTunes
and just type in Michael ultra comedy podcast and you’ll probably be aroused
in a non-sexual way maybe you’ll be sexually aroused – I don’t know I mean
comedy can be seductive laughter is attracting humor is attractive I I was
attracted to an 82 year old woman once they had a great sense of humor and it
was non-physical but it was still sexual so you know it was based on her sense of
humor so I think we’re ready to fire it off guys so let’s do it and by the way
this this episode is somewhat there’s no rating on it but it has the ability to
be explicit I don’t know what’s going to come out of my mouth so I apologize in
advance and if this is a crowd that can’t take the edges being pushed and
then I recommend you turn off that podcast ASAP
so we’re gonna get started now welcome to the Michael Oldroyd Company podcast
let’s do this how now brown calf how now brown calf unique New York unique New
York I’m a big deal I’ve got many
leather-bound books ladies and gentlemen welcome to the michael Oldroyd comedy
podcast episode number 82 Roman numeral L x-x-x III aka Double Deuce there and
as I am talking of a new follower on Instagram that makes me very excited you
guys to Reese I mean he gives me a boner I don’t know about you guys but it
really gets me or I want to get new followers speaking of
that if everyone could just take a moment out of your today and give me
something that I like to call the turbo follow I’d greatly appreciate just a
quote turbo follow that work if you’re not already do you follow me on every
single platform that exists well I guess not exist I’m on more than I’m gonna
shout out but it’s pretty much at the Droid everywhere the th e Droy d think
that droid as in r2d2 or BBA from Star Wars I’m on twitter at the droid
Instagram at the Droid YouTube at the Droid I’m live streaming from YouTube
right now I’m also live streaming from 17 live AF it’s an app on your phone
it’s Detroit feel free to give me a tick-tock follow if you’re on tick-tock
it’s at the droid tumbler I actually don’t know I assume it’s the droid but I
could be wrong maybe it’s Michael Oldroyd Pinterest I don’t think I’m on
Pinterest LinkedIn I’m on LinkedIn but don’t feel free don’t feel like you need
to follow me on LinkedIn for heaven’s sakes LinkedIn is an interesting
platform actually yesterday I was doing comedy I was talking about LinkedIn now
I think it’s the best dating app out there and somebody in the audience said
oh thanks man I work for LinkedIn it was actually a female and was very exciting
we bonded over LinkedIn and yeah that’s not really a story with any kind of a
punchline but it is a fact and it’s interesting because in New York City you
will see people that work for all the big companies around the world
everything you’ve heard of snapchat the snapchats the Facebook’s the LinkedIn’s
the googles so it’s kind of fun that any night when I’m performing I could be
performing for really anybody and that really tickles dine fancy it tickles my
fancy it makes me it pushes me you know you just never know who’s watching I
guess so welcome back feel free to give me a
follow I’m on Pinterest I don’t know what it is don’t follow me on Pinterest
yeah I think that that’s probably that’s probably it I’m gonna make a flyer to
handle people after shows that has every single one of my social medias just
alright guys welcome and let’s give a shout out to our sponsors right the
theracane I don’t know if you guys have heard of theracane but it is a company
out there that makes an apparatus that you can use to massage your back when
you don’t have somebody to do it for you and by massage your back I mean
theracane is not a sponsor I wish though I don’t have any sponsors
at the moment of the Michael Oldroyd comedy podcast so I just give shout outs
to random companies that I like basically companies that that I would
endorse whether or not there’s money involved you know why because my
credibility to my audience is based on honesty and trust by Zeus I don’t need
to get money involved you know if theracane wants to throw me
a couple dollars or a few magic sticks to rub my back with and awesome but
guess what I’m doing it because I like you theracane not because it’s some sort
of a quid pro quo situation here speaking of that is anybody into
cuckolding cuckolding is how i wanted to start off my last podcast and I’m gonna
start today’s podcast off with cuckolding I think cuckolding is a
phenomenon that is sweeping the nation as a new porn genre and what I can say
is definitely a weird a weird genre but there are some people out there who are
into it I know somebody who actually participated in a cuckold thing
apparently there’s terms he was not the bull or maybe he was the bull I guess
the bull is the husband who watches I don’t know so I had a buddy I went on
spring break stuff will usually go and one of the guys in our group very
bad with women I was bad with women myself but not as bad as this guy this
guy was horrendous with women what if I am talking about myself nevertheless we
were down in Florida and every night you know his his attitude was you chicks
broke chicks right I’m gonna get I’m gonna get a number and I’m gonna hang
out with chicks I’m gonna get laid tonight guys I’m gonna get like that was
his mode of operation as M OD on guy never got laid the guy I think he got
one girl’s phone number Oh actually there was a night this is fun before I
get into the cuckolding story it was one night where he got one girl’s phone
number on spring break and him and another dude on our trip who also had
zero game I’m not gonna give any names away right but both of them were going
to team up and they were gonna go hang out with these girls
all right this girl he got her phone number she’s got a friend
my buddy and our other buddy we’re gonna team up and you know I heard them I
heard them saying dude which two how should I respond you know doing the
whole text thing finally they’re like alright we’re leavin dude we’re gonna go
hang out with these chicks he was like three or four in the morning right and
I’ll be darned they come back about thirty minutes later and all the guys
were laughing were like dude why you guys back so quickly and they’re like ah
they wouldn’t respond these chicks ghosted us I’m like let me
see this text history right so he shows me his phone and the girls responded
like four hours before that and said yeah let’s hang out and these dudes
didn’t respond to them or give them an update they just started driving over
there at 4:00 a.m. and I’m thinking dude they’re asleep
dude that like these girls fell asleep I don’t know if I’m telling this story in
such a way that makes sense right now it feels a little disconnected but just
know that these guys were so disconnected with humanity that they
couldn’t they didn’t even realize that it’s important to
not wait until 4:00 a.m. after four hours of no texting an update and when I
said that they were probably sleeping they got excited right they’re like you
think like like somehow that’s oh so they’re not rejecting us you mean that
there there might be a chance in the future there was no chance in the future
that was their only chance they blew it but this one buddy who hadn’t been laid
in I don’t even know how long years months I don’t know right
he calls me several months later one day over the phone
right I get a random phone call from on my pickup and it goes Mike dude I’m like
what’s up man what’s he got for me right this dude goes dude I got laid last
night I’m like by the way this is the cuckolding story guys are you are you
intrigued so he says dude I got laid bro I’m like wow you know like who would
have thought this guy right as a younger guy that was my I would have thought
that as an older chap now I think this guy is the limit for anybody you do
whatever you want in this world no holds barred but back then I was kind of
astounded I was happy for him because it was something that was important to him
right and I said okay well tremendous tell me the story right he goes well I
was out I was out last night and I was at the bar I started talking
this girl at the bar was going well and I said do you want to come back to my
place and by his place he meant his parents place because he was still
living with his parents at the time and the girl the woman the woman said yes
believe it or not and they and what I say believe it or not what I mean by
that is if you knew this guy you would think that no woman would ever say yes
talk so anyway she she gets in the car with him she gets in his old whip right
gets in the old whip and they’re driving back to his parents place and my friend
noticed that every time his car made a turn another car made it turn behind
them and he said I think someone’s following us right and she
said oh yeah it’s fine it’s my husband no no no problem and he just kind of
went with it I don’t even think he questioned her he was just like really
husband but he didn’t want to like mess up a good thing so he anyway they get to
his parents place he gets out of the car the husband behind them who had been
following them also got out of his car and immediately the husband approached
him and said thank you so much for doing this you know we’ve been we’ve been
looking forward to this for a while and we just needed to find someone who who
was willing to follow through right and my buddy is such a weirdo that he was
like oh no worries right so he takes this husband and wife into his parents
house basement and proceeds to have intercourse with this woman while the
husband is watching and on the pull-out couch right there’s some pull-out couch
in the basement if I’m not mistaken at the time and he tells me this and I’m
just in disbelief you know I’m I might my mind was actually expanding it’s like
the first time you learn about a black hole and you can’t wrap your mind around
the complexity and the ever-evolving ever-evolving vortex that exists in
front of your face right and I was astounded I was intrigued that was happy
and concerned at the same time glad that he was okay right that this wasn’t some
high stir or in that highest both criminal situation where he was gonna
get robbed or something and he seemed happy so it seems like a win-win-win
situation the trifecta where all three parties walked away from that situation
happy and that is the closest thing to cuckolding that I’ve ever experienced
I don’t know about you guys but it is it is a thing that exists and I don’t know
where it comes from maybe it comes from boredom maybe it comes from finding and
exciting to see your partner get railed by someone else maybe maybe you think
it’s attractive to know that your partner’s attractive to others I know
that when Jessica and I broke up it turned her on knowing that I was with
other women and that was unique that was a surprising scenario she broke up with
me and when she learned that I was mixing it up with the ladies it aroused
her so quick I asked her if she’d be into cuckolding you know in it like
where the woman’s watching and she was like absolutely not because that way she
does have feelings for me still and that would be too far but nevertheless it was
enough to get her stimulated and intrigued her but it was a byproduct
that I was not intending or going for but hey it sounds like when you live in
honesty guys and you you’re straightforward with people the world
has a weird way of coming back around and rewarding you with pleasant
surprises so that’s a little bit of about cuckolding and the mindset behind
the cuckold errs nevertheless let’s get started you guys you guys ready for the
freaking episode 82 I’m gonna continue this trend of the numbering deal I’m a
big fan of numbers as I mentioned last time and I did forget last week was
episode 80 when I forgot to give a shout out to my man scenario Alexander my
college teammate at Mizzou who went on to play in the NFL for a few different
teams the Chargers did I know he was with the Chargers in San Diego for a
while Dan area Alexander mr. forty five inch vertical he made me oh sorry forty
two inch at the time maybe it’s 45 later but in college he had a 42 inch vertical
made me look like a putz my vertical was 35 which is actually pretty damn good
anybody that knows anything about vertical leaps is probably aroused and
either not believing that I could do 35 inches but when you’ve got guys that are
great of athletes as I was surrounded by at the University of Missouri it makes
you better right it forces you to be better so 35
inches for me 42 inches for Janerio he was a couple inches taller than me as
well had a long wingspan and it was cool there was a new story that they did on
me once and they interviewed scenario on the as part of the story and they were I
don’t know if you guys have ever seen that news story that was put out by KOMU
a while back about my work ethic and you know that never die attitude and all
this stuff and Janerio was talking about how he’s like we used to tell Mike you
know well you know quit with these jokes you know just play football and go to
school right that’s what he said on TV let me tell you something he never said
that to me in real life I don’t know why she said that on the news
maybe because it sounded like what he’s supposed to say but dinero you never
told me not to do that maybe I don’t think maybe you did tell
me dinero maybe my memory is is lacking because I got smashed in the head by
Sean Witherspoon so many times and I have CTE nevertheless though going with
that trend we are an episode 82 I want to give a shout out to my man Martin
Rucker from Mizzou he’s always been a big support and just a tremendous
athlete a great teammate of Mizzou for all the guys you know we all we all
loved rock him and chase Kaufman were just studly studly tight ends shout out
to chase the two of them were the thoroughbreds that led the tight ends on
our team and gave guys like John Kissinger you know a good a kind of a
thing to shoot for John Kissinger was a big friend of Chase Daniel they lived
together and this was the guy who used to go around saying hey hey old Roy your
Hornet dog I enjoyed your knee that’s where that’s where I got the you horny
phrase from he also gets used to know he knew I
worked hard he would mess with me every day who said hey Oldroyd are you taking
steroids I was like do I really look like I’ve been getting bigger because
I’ve been working hard man thank you for noticing he’s like no you know I was
like you think I didn’t I’m getting bigger guess he’s like no he would tease
me and the girls loved kiss you know I don’t know what it was guess if you guys
don’t know guess he was a very loose dude from San Diego his dad played in
the NFL owes a full ride scholarship tight end laziest dude I’ve ever met in
my life didn’t care about football at all went
through the motions loved to pretend that he was injured so he didn’t have to
work out and you know III remember I just I just remember thinking he had
long hair he was a little overweight and he would say he reminded me of like a
really laid-back apostle you know what I mean like if Jesus had like a party
apostle like an acaso just didn’t you just like love to drink wine and like
laugh now a good time yeah you look like like oh just an apostle that liked to
party you know that’s what he reminded me of John Kissinger so moving on I did
give a shout-out to Martin Rucker he’s always been he actually came to my
my Kansas City comedy special recording which was really meaningful for me and
he he carried the crowd much like he carried defenders on his back when his
playing at the University of Missouri truck truck tee ruk basically it was
like this the drum of the audience like his laughter was so loud and contagious
that it made me look funny you know when I would tell jokes and yeah I I just
felt like like I could just like see raka the audience is hitting a big drum
you know the way that he used to whenever we when we toured up against
like Kansas and teams like that but yeah rook was was a story he was good at
handling the the attention you know there was always people one
talk to tea rock you know I mean and rut gave me some advice about the ladies
guys he mentored me and helped me overcome my lack of confidence with the
ladies and he was always good to me I appreciate Martin Rucker he’s a good
man and a good teammate and he ran for a political office up there in st. Joseph
Missouri he’s got a family now real happy for the dude so tier oak what else
though guys John Taylor was another number 82 that I was a big fan of back
in college actually not just college but growing up he played football for the
49ers ironically as I was getting ready to record this podcast this week I saw
John Taylor in some highlight tapes he played with Jerry Rice and Joe Montana
John Taylor had uh I think he had a really important touchdown in the
Superbowl against the Bengals back in like the late 80s I forget the whole
last Drive but when Joe Montana and the Niners came back John Taylor I think had
a really pivotal touchdown in that comeback or in that game that led them
to that W so good old John Taylor Jo HN great name there my brother his name is
Jonathan John and John Wright Jo HN versus Jo and
Jill jo a chicken is the is different spelling different meaning but book by
John John so Jo Ann Wright it’s always interesting to see which spelling you
are with the name John every time I mean a John I’m like hey which John a new Jo
energy which n right and when they say if they say Jo and I say ah good one the
best one because my brother’s name is Jonathan is your name Jonathan and
they’re like yes yeah and then if they say it’s Jo HN I also say oh that’s the
best one that’s the right spelling that’s the way it’s spelled in the Bible
John the Apostle so John the Baptist so no matter what it’s good is what I’m
trying to say right no matter what it’s the best one
and I love you that’s coming from Michelangelo Oldroyd to divine humorist
aka number three you know Michelangelo was the divine craftsman and we’ve
talked about that before so I’m gonna move on but I am making flyers for my
comedy right now I was thinking of having the catchphrase the divine
humorist not sure but uh Jessica my ex girlfriend is helping me with some
flyers and some marketing materials are you guys bored alright let’s talk some
more about football I can’t believe them how many minutes am I already into this
freakin podcast we are 20 minutes in I I don’t want to talk too much but you know
I can’t help myself this is fun and it’s stimulating for me anyway we talked
about Janerio gave him my shadow talked about the news story uh Nerio he was
good friends with Jay Mac yeah did big things at Mizzou did big things
afterwards what if I just repeated everything that I already said what if I
like talked about rock again and then Denari oh and then asked for another
turbo follow and then I what have I told you the cuckolding story again wouldn’t
that be heinous I think some of you guys would want to hear that again
in fact I I wouldn’t be surprised if there was like a live group sending like
live up-to-date messages asking questions you’re welcome to do that
anyone who’s watching feel free to ask questions about the cuckolding story or
anything else either way we’re gonna move on so we got some stuff going on in
the NFL this this week so that’s exciting I think we’re we what week six
now always always a doozy right that we’re in the thick of the season so
let’s let’s hit you with the trifecta as far as high school college in football
eureka high school is still having the winning streak
we had another game last Friday after homecoming we won
whose big game tomorrow night Friday Night Lights once again I think we’re
playing Kirkwood and if I’m not mistaken Jeremy
Maclin is coach or coaching at Kirkwood now under your Farrell Shelton who was
our high school football coach at Eureka so coach Sheldon
took the job aka coach Kilmer from varsity blues aka Jon Voight took the
job with Kirkwood a few years back and every year we want to kick their ass
even more now but how crazy is it that Jeremy Maclin is coaching under my high
school football coach all tried Sutton you are the Achilles ya bags what were
you thinking what were you thinking that’s my impression of coach coach
Shelton there so I hope we kick Kirkwood’s ass
this tomorrow night it’s always it’s always a big game and that’s where we’re
at with high school football what else Mizzou homecoming game this weekend very
exciting I was reading in this invitation I got from the varsity
letterman group it’s a group for the varsity athletes that one earned their
letter and got their letterman jackets at the University of Missouri I can
proudly say that I did get one my freshman year running a race by kicking
a Kansas athlete out of a scoring position
by beating him at the tape right there in the 600 meter dash indoor so that was
a big deal for me to get that letterman jacket you know to be able to be invited
back to these they have like an entire itinerary if I if money if money and
time were not scarce meaning that you know if my career was further along in
comedy and I could focus on yeah I used to be a phantom around the world which I
kind of already am I would go back to homecoming and do that fun itinerary
this weekend I don’t know it’s always good to go back to Columbia Missouri
especially for homecoming we’ve got a big big one this weekend and I’ll
probably watch the game at the alumni bar here in New York took the week off
and watch it here home last week wait no I didn’t I was
tracking the game on score the SD at the ESPN uses it’s called the score I was
just following updates because the frickin game wasn’t being brought to
broadcast what the Frick you know what the Frick guys all right
so I’m excited for homecoming hopefully this one will be nationally broadcast if
not I’m gonna just jerk off with my flashlight so with that said with that
said we’ll talk about the NFL the 49ers played Monday night that was they kicked
ass the 49ers are doing really well this year I think they’re four and one now so
I guess this is week five that were going into they beat the Cleveland
Browns Odell Beckham jr. did well skip up that cross earring that he’s got on
his hanging down from his ear I don’t know it puts his helmet on and off he’s
less flashy now I’ve noticed that he’s getting older he seems to be a little
more serious about the game I saw a video that I liked of Odell Beckham on I
see he’s like all over my Instagram feed probably because of the stuff that I
follow and like including him and he there was a girl who was who had a
disability and he was entertaining her and dancing for her and kind of making
her happy and I I really liked that one of the things that I liked about that I
do like about hotel is I think that he was humbled after an injury that he had
and it did bring him closer to the big guy upstairs when I think of something
about being humbled there’s something about being humbled that brings a lot of
us back to that central theme that I often times talk about without being
preachy it just happens on its own there’s no it’s like fate or something
but I do like that he’s that he’s grounded in that you know you know it’s
about I like it when a football player isn’t doesn’t think that they’re the
center of the universe I talked about that even last week and the team is
bigger than they are putting you know putting the higher powers above your
is humble and it’s it’s likable it’s it’s it’s it’s it makes you want to
follow their story and that’s how I live my life you know I was humbled and one
of my buddies John when he first met me he was like you he was like how are you
so humble Oh first of all thanks that’s nice but
the reason I’m humble is because I’ve been humbled I’ve been absolutely
knocked on my ass in this life time and time again and I truly had my world
shaken to the core and had to rebuild from from Ground Zero you know and I
think when that happens it is a very humbling thing you realize that none of
us nobody is is you know above you know being cocky nobody is really has the
right to be cocky about anything you know you quickly realize that a lot of
the success that you achieve comes from the help of others of course you have to
work your ass off too and give yourself a pat on the back for that and be proud
of those efforts be proud of those achievements but you got to keep the
bigger picture knowing that it’s it takes a lot more than just yourself to
create success so that said I have been following Odell Beckham jr. Odell
Beckham jr. has a tattoo of Michael Jackson and it says greatness and I saw
that when he was out I saw some picture of him icing something like his leg or
something after practice and like okay that’s what’s up I see you I see you obj
with the MJ tat yeah you know recognizing greatness as long as Michael
Jackson is innocent then I’m you know 100% cool with that if not Odell Beckham
jr. I hey I wonder what he thinks I would
her I assume that he got that tattoo before all this stuff came out about MJ
this is just a hypothesis but if he if that’s not even true you know
is it isn’t one of those deals where he’s like oh man I got to get this
tattoo removed now because I think like what do you think do you think that obj
thinks that MJ is guilty and if he does think that he’s guilty does he want to
get that tattoo removed that’s that’s what I’m trying to say let’s move on to
the New York Giants Eli Manning was still benched last week and Daniel Jones
in the Giants did not come away with a win last week so hey we’ll see does
anyone know who’s starting this weekend are they gonna have Daniel jones start
again I assume they will but I wonder how many losses they’ll give him till
they throw Eli Manning back in the mix kind of an interesting thing that the
Giants have goin there I’ll talk about my my relationship and in my my workouts
here in a bit but in the meantime chase Daniel and the Bears they played in
London it was his first full start I saw a picture on Instagram that he posted
humble stuff chase posted a picture of him and his wife in London have a nice
having a nice night out before the game they did not come away with the win but
from what I could see Chase played really well
they barely lost to the Raiders I chase had some really good numbers that he put
up through two touchdowns an interception
I had improv practice so I had to miss the game which I was really kind of
upset about because I really wanted to see that but you know at the same time I
got a I gotta make sure that I’m not letting the comedy piece falter but if
you follow my youtube channel or linkedin you saw that I’ve made some
content this week about the chase Daniel mindset and what I felt made him
successful I think it’s worth taking a look at you know I think it’s worth it’s
it’s content that can be digested and learned from and appreciated that just
appreciate it but actually used to your advantage I don’t talk about things like
perseverance and hard work those are kind of my staples I think those goes
what those types of things go without saying I really get into the objective
side the way of really Chase’s mind how it appeared that he approached the
game I’d love to have him on as a guest on this podcast to validate that that’s
actually how he sees it but that was my perception of Chase and I thought it was
a really good takeaway speaking of the bears I meant to mention it last week
when I was in Chicago shout out to my man number 34 Walter Payton got blessed
rest in peace to this day when I was in Chicago I’ve still never seen more
jerseys worn of anyone than Walter Payton still to this day people rock the
Peyton sweetness was his nickname you want to talk about unselfishness you
want to talk about putting the team above yourself you want to talk about
not complaining working your ass off putting your brothers ahead of yourself
Walter Payton was the epitome of this he was the opinion me of giving back to the
community standing for something that was good being classy he was me it was
like a Jerry Rice as far as work ethic goes one of the greatest to ever play
the game Terry Steve my high school football
coach I talked about how Walter Payton was I think either the toughest or
something of that nature the toughest player that he ever had the opportunity
of watching play against the night that Payton passed away was was our last game
my seventh-grade year of football Eureka and it was a night game was the biggest
game of the year and it was the night that Walter Payton passed away and we
dedicated that game to to sweetness aka number 34 always want to give him a
shout-out always want to keep that name fresh you know they talked about certain
things you never want to forget one of those people is Walter Payton and what
he stood for his legacy lives on they say I leave I don’t know if they said
this is what I say but I think what you do for yourself you know that that what
you do for yourself in this life you bring that with you to the grave but we
what you do for others lives on you know that’s what goes on that’s the things
that you do that are unselfishly good that you put in the lives of the others
that is the part of life that continues you know so whether that’s you passing
that through your kids or three or four or the people that you affect positively
those are the things that you know when when I when I die which we’re all going
to at some point sadly you know I want to make sure that everything good that I
had inside of me everything I’ve learned all the all the good stuff that I was
able to extract in this life I would like to be able to pass that along to
all of you somehow you know I’d like to make sure that everyone is able to reap
whatever benefit there can possibly be from my existence you know and then I
can you know it’s like shedding that outer that outer layer like the opposite
of the snake you know like snakes show their skin well I want to shed I guess
it’s part of the reason I do this podcast is maybe you guys can take
something positive away from it at least and speaking of football I did have a
fitness assessment yesterday so I live in this really cool building I live in
the building of my dreams I live in a building the when I was a kid I can’t
imagine living in a cooler building in New York City than I do and it’s not a
brag it’s an accomplishment for for hard work and one of the we have this like
basically Division one facility downstairs athletic facility and one of
the things that they offer is a free complimentary fitness assessment so I
took them up on it yesterday and this lady it was so cool to make the
connection with this personal trainer she Judy I’m not gonna say her name well
Christy I’ll say right and a super cool lady she she’s my age she swam actually
for Florida State go Seminoles Oh anyway she was a she was one of the
best swimmers in the world she had a career-ending injury or at least an
injury that really held her back much like my knee we talked about our
injuries but she was doing fantastic things there at Florida State she she
went on later to train with Michael Phelps and you know Olympic caliber
swimmers in Baltimore Maryland I guess there’s a big swimming community in
Baltimore maybe Baltimore’s like the swimming capital like the way that New
York is for comedians anyway we were talking about my physical
fitness at age 32 we did this entire body scan where we measured my body fat
we measured out like my muscle to fat ratio in different parts of my body and
we did an analysis on the way that my my ten aesthetics work like when I’m
jumping and doing step ups you know because of my knee that was injured
several years ago she had a ton of really positive things to say and a
couple like slight Corrections that I hadn’t thought of that I’m dying to
incorporate in my training but I was pleasantly surprised I my body fat was
at like four percent when I was at Mizzou and I thought that after I
started playing I felt like my body fat has to be like 20 percent right now I
was pleasantly surprised it was actually 10 percent so I’m a lot closer she
explained that I could use some you know about 10 pounds of muscle and just get
rid of maybe one or two percent body fat so just gained a little bit of muscle
and just you know keep building the explosiveness without damaging my knee
but when I told her that I was you know starting to get back in shape and
actually considering playing football again and testing the waters it really
got her excited and and it was a really cool it was cool sitting down with her
and kind of like talking about all this stuff she was you know friends with a
bunch of the players at Florida State she you know so
definitely kind of a cool connection to have and you know just I’m thankful to
have this building here is a dream come true this is why I actually moved into
this building and if you guys watch any of our Midwest sketch Bandits videos
there was a video that we made at a gym and that was that was the gym here at
this building so that’s the latest on the football training I was sick for a
couple weeks but this last week and a half I’ve been getting back into it so
my body is starting to get the engines turned back on I did squatter ly er this
week the glutes are taught is what I’m trying to say the glutes are taught the
mind is strong I’m watching a lot of football I’m immersed in football and
entertainment and each fuels the other it’s an interesting thing electromagnets
it’s an electromagnetic force that is transpiring excuse the cough what the
heaven guys uh anyway so let’s move on let’s talk about other sports and then
we’ll get into what is going on in the world and take it from there you guys
are so cool for sticking through all of this fun freakin stuff you’re really
making me excited here the Cardinals st. Louis Cardinals won last night they beat
Atlanta it was a do or die game it was the last game of the series they’re in
the playoffs as as you probably know already and in the first inning they
scored 10 runs that is something I didn’t even know was possible I don’t
even think that’s ever happened in the history of baseball maybe it has but if
it has I haven’t heard about when I saw that I thought it was a joke right it
sounded exaggerated but Wow unbelievable so I’m reppin the Cardinals shirt right
now as you guys can see I’m excited for st. Louis they always seem to pull it
off in October they’re always in the mix they have an unbelievable program them
and the Yankees have more World Championships than any other team and
they’re both still in it so it’ll be interesting and that’d be cool to see a
Cardinals Yankees pennant time will tell we’re getting closer right the NHL is in
the thick of it now the Blues won their first game at home recently a couple
games in now I want to see a Rangers game at Madison Square Garden Jessica’s
been saying she wants to go see one we are friends and we’re not friends with
benefits if you guys are curious we’re actually I’m withholding the wii
week from her right now but we are on great terms continuing to strengthen our
friendship we are living together we got a good symbiotic relationship I am
rotating the crops with other women it’s so ridiculous to hear myself say she
broke up with me though guys and we’re making this situation work right now
it’s on the table where we’re cool about it you know I had a little episode in
Chicago with a with a lady and Jessica never listens to my podcast but she
listened to that last one to see if I’d give away any juice on that chick in
Chicago so yeah I had a lovely time with a a damsel in distress in shy City after
the wedding and that’s not for your eardrums guys alrighty then any whom did
you guys know I’m a tutor now anyway that’s random we’ll get back to that
another time so back to sports the NBA guys so there’s some game in Hong Kong
or something of that nature somebody said something one of the players said
something or coaches about supporting the anti yet the anti-government protest
that has been going on there to support human rights and it actually created a
frenzy there was a little bit of some friction that transpired and yeah it’s
worth doing a Google search at some of these news updates I’m not fully
informed I was gonna read the headlines to you cuz I’m lazy but they’re catchy
headlines you can decide for yourself I heard about that you know if you want to
do more research on it but some about NBA in Hong Kong and some somebody
saying something political outside the scope of basketball
actually created some havoc and a little bit of testy waters over there there was
a press conference and one of the ladies I was watching this video on Twitter one
of the ladies said something like are you gonna be after after the backlash
are you gonna ever be making political comments again somebody stepped in and
was like hey you can’t be asking those types of questions and one of the
basketball players pled the fifth you know pleading the fifth is that’s that’s
an American right it’s not necessarily a right anywhere else legally right so
keep in mind the United States is pretty awesome because we have things like the
Fifth Amendment and a lot of the amendments in my opinion freedom of
speech things like that you say that stuff you can’t speak your mind in a
place like China it’s a communist country you speak here my he end up
getting shot in the face sometimes in in a place like that so just just count
your blessings guys if you live in a free country and if you don’t I’m gonna
send some blessings that way if you feel like you’re living in fear or that
you’re wanting to get out so there was an NFL player that got in a car crash
today did not sound good I didn’t see the guys name but never
good I think he was in critical condition he looks like he’s gonna live
but you know that stuff’s always crazy I mean it all it all can end not just your
football career but life just with a stamp of the fingers so there was
another NFL football player that was requesting to be traded so I guess this
is becoming a trend now I guess is becoming okay you know commande where
people are just like yeah okay I’m gonna do the opposite of Walter Payton you
know Walter Payton didn’t actually I don’t think he wanted to be drafted by
Chicago when they first drafted him I’m not sure if that was his number one
choice it’s cold in the winters there but you know what Walter Payton sucked
it up and was a man and deal with all the bullshit you know about guys
like Marcus Allen who had an entire career
sitting on the bench because of what was the the owner of the Raiders I’ll he’s
no longer here on earth he passed away but orgas allen didn’t request to be
traded like Antonio Brown and I don’t know it’s just it’s an interesting you
know it’s it’s just we live in a free country right so I guess I’d be a
hypocrite if I said they don’t have the right to exercise that but it’s just
it’s it’s it’s it’s unique to see that type of mentality where players are
being more vocal about stuff you know I guess taking more ownership and saying
whether or not they want to be with a team I mean hey it’s a two-way street
right I guess it is a relationship at the end of the day and it takes both
parties to be on board so I wanted to play something for you guys that I
thought was really funny I don’t know if I’ll be able to find it but I’m gonna
try my my ex-girlfriend Jessica I interviewed her and I just I asked her I
said Jessica you know who’s your favorite athlete right and it was so
funny to me to see her response so yeah I think I think I’m gonna play this
freakin for you guys let’s see videos videos on my iPad who would be my
favorite athlete let’s see yeah here we go I’m gonna play this for you guys it’s
pretty funny so yeah that’s just she’s a funny chick
you know probably the funniest girl I’ve ever met in my life I think she’s a
thousand times funnier than the marvelous mrs. nasal there was a time
when Jessica came home from work she was excited she had like a you know like
when people say they use the term as a kid like oh yeah I’m hyper right now and
they’re like acting all weird or whatever Jessica comes home and she
jumps into my arms I’m like y’all she just assumed that I’m gonna catch her
you know just no didn’t even I had no choice but to catch her right because we
it’s a hardwood floor I had no choice but to catch her and I’m like don’t
Jessica like what are you doing I like my I’m not even like I just got up from
sitting all day like I don’t wanna hurt my back and then she runs to the other
side of the apartment and then she starts sprinting at me I’m like oh my
gosh she does it again right and I’m like I had no choice but
to catch her and I’m laughing and I’m about to drop her because I’m laughing
so hard and she keeps doing it and it was I don’t know maybe it was one of
those you had to be there things but I was crying I was literally I don’t know
cuz just the fact that she would just trust me that I’m gonna catch her
like I like no no fear just so so ridiculous
she likes to buy and sell stuff on a Michelle go to Chinatown and buy
something from like some person on the street and sell it and she like it’s
it’s like kind of bad you know like it’s kind of one of those deals where it’s
like she doesn’t say that it’s brand new she but she doesn’t say it’s used either
and she doesn’t say that it’s they’re authentic but she doesn’t say it’s fake
either so she just keeps it up to the to the viewer buyer beware guys there’s a
tear mother buyer beware definitely one of the most unique people I’ve ever met
in my life and I just she’s like you know she was hurt when she came into
this relationship and she had like a broken wing and
I always make the joke with her we laugh about it that I nursed her back to
health so she can fly around the nest now go fly around see what other guys
are out there fly back home do you know it’s very unique situation that we’ve
got but nevertheless what is going on in the world that’s we finally made it to
the first part of my podcast 50 minutes in I am finally talking about what’s
going on on the world now so today is actually mental health day around the
world did you guys know that so shout out to the people that are taking an
active approach their mental health there’s no I think everyone should you
know do doing about some sort of an evaluation who knows maybe you get some
free mental health sessions through your job or your insurance allows you to
speak with some sort of a therapist from time to time I think therapy is like a
really big thing it’s a lot bigger in New York than in other places my
therapists are my friends and my family so I apologize to them for letting me
dump you know whatever I need to talk about from time to time on them I’m sure
they would prefer me to hire a therapist from time to time but I I just I I
prefer to jump on my friends but never nevertheless being heard is important
and I think therapists therapy is something that I encourage there’s no um
there’s no shame if anything you should be proud of it for taking an active
charge of your personal taking a personal accountability for your mental
health and going and getting help if you if you need or feel that it’s helpful
for you in any way you know I respect I’ve got people that one person that is
friends with me when side doctor today actually to get some help because he was
having some anxiety and he needed he needed some some help so I loved knowing
that he was seeking that and taking an active approach so shout out to Mental
Health Day think about it good stuff maybe maybe you know somebody that could
use that pusher something maybe you can talk to them maybe you guys think I’m
crazy right for doing a podcast and speaking into this
microphone where anyone in the world can listen and watch me but I hey I don’t
feel crazy so I guess that’s good I don’t know
I guess what is the definition of crazy you know is it an objective definition
right is is it subjective because if you’re crazy kind of hard to to decide
whether or not you’re crazy internally because it feels subjective when you’re
the one deciding but objectively speaking I don’t know and speaking of
that I still haven’t seen the movie the Joker and you guys seen it I heard great
things definitely want to see I’m gonna try to see it in the next couple days
it’s perfect for this time going into Halloween I think it’ll be pretty cool
nevertheless what’s going on can you guys believe that Donald Trump was
cuckolding with Ukraine I mean it’s crazy I can’t believe that they want to
you know impeach this guy for cuckolding Ukraine that’s uh I don’t know you know
we’re making progress on this when I say we dare it I don’t know you guys think
he’s gonna be impeached I think he’ll be impeached but will he be removed from
office that’s always hard to do I mean Bill Clinton was impeached but he wasn’t
removed from office and you know colluding with Ukraine or talking to
them about trying to get dirt on the Biden’s is that the worst is that the
worst thing ever I don’t know what I think DT I don’t think Donald Trump I
think Darnell Terrell I mention him a couple podcasts back but the big stuff
whether or not he gets impeached is right now what’s trending is he pulled
out of defending the Kurds I guess wants to save some money says
that we’re fighting their battle or whatever and there’s already fights
breaking out turkeys invading people are upset they feel like that they’re being
abandoned the Kurds have been with us for a long time
apparently his excuse to soften the blow was that they didn’t help us during
World War two so that’s the dumbest reason I’ve ever heard in my life for
that is so irrelevant now you know that’s like saying like if if I had the
opportunity to work with somebody today that’s like saying that when I was in
elementary I don’t want to work with that guy anymore because in elementary
school we had a you know he didn’t give me some of his gummy bears at lunch you
know what I mean now obviously world war two as much
bigger magnitude than a lunch fight at school but what I’m saying is that was
decades and decades it was a long time ago I don’t think the people in office
in that country are even relevant anymore and I’m not relevant but but
active like he’s not dealing with people that were part of the were around during
World War two he’s dealing with people today so I think that that that excuse
is heinous and it just shows what an idiot that he can be from dumb time I
heard something about Iranian women not being allowed to go to soccer games
which is really sad I think there’s some protesting going on about that
just bad consequences for a woman I don’t know it’s it’s crazy we still live
in a time period where there are parts of the world where women are viewed as
second-class citizens it’s um yeah it’s crazy
um nevertheless though I should read some of his tweets I feel like Donald
Trump’s tweets are absolutely non-presidential there so hope not
classy there so like is the president really tweeting this right now I love
how I’m gonna pull his Twitter account right now it always astounded me to go
to this because first of all he only follows 47 people right he’s the
president of our country he’s only gonna follow four he said way to be a leader
of the people right what is that noise oh it’s my gatorade Oh see you know what I think this is a stupid
idea to read his tweet so I’m just gonna tell you what I remember saying that
that was ridiculous he said that somebody sucks at Fox News on Twitter
right he said whoever does the something at Fox knows sucks I mean it’s very very
nice Donald Trump to say that someone sucks I used to talk like that in
elementary school the teacher immediately told me I can’t do that
anymore so I don’t know what else he said that oh yeah they’re talking with
China right now about this whole tariff war and he’s uh he said I think China
wants to make a deal the question is do I want to make a deal it’s like he’s got
to throw in that he’s got the upper hand there that he feels that he has the
upper hand just to kind of kind of like cattle prod
you know I mean just to kind of like show like hey I’m in control here I
don’t know I think it’s uh there’s a difference between creating the illusion
that you’re in control and actually being in control I think he tries to
create the illusion that he’s in control room maybe he’s under the delusion that
he’s in control nevertheless so I think it’s more professional to know when
you’re in control and not have to always you know not have to always flex like
you like you are right but I don’t know the art of war is an interesting book
and there’s all kinds of different philosophies on on it you know they say
the battle is won before it’s ever fought positioning is half the battle
too so sometimes positioning is posturing maybe he’s just posturing to
prevent as a part of as a part of his positioning whatever all right um
snakes and Gators guys he might be feeling the mobile thing you guys hear
about that and they give me a boner maybe they’ll put some snakes and Gators
around the around the wall of Mexico I mean great stuff great stuff I don’t
even know where that came from did he actually say that who knows let’s move
on because I don’t really care anymore to talk about trauma last thing I’ll say is people are still
trying to get his tax returns I have a feeling his tax returns I think the
reason he doesn’t want to show his tag returns is not because he did anything
illegal it’s because he’s embarrassed to show that he’s a fraud
you know I think that it doesn’t want the world to know that he’s actually not
very successful and he’s either in debt or was net neutral and net negative like
for several years I think that’s the real think he I don’t think he’s worried
that people will find out that he did anything illegal he’s worried about the
perception of his strength and the perception that people have of him
because they view him as like financially successful I think he’s a
fraud and probably owes money and I bet you his net worth is negative and that’s
that’s the part that people don’t realize and that’s that’s the true
reason that I don’t think he was to give his tax returns out there speaking of
money did you guys hear that Warren Buffett is
predicting a stock market crash he didn’t I didn’t see a timeline for this
but his company has already Berkshire Hathaway has already cashed out of 60%
of its portfolio Warren Buffett’s a smart dude and I’m not gonna say just go
buy that start cashing out luckily I’ve cashed out of certain things I’m not a
hundred percent invested in stuff because I don’t fully trust the stock
market I don’t I don’t know if now is the best time to invest even though the
stock market appears to be doing well there’s always like an aftereffect or
third there oftentimes is and who knows what the after-effects will be the
future is very unclear right now and I just I don’t know even though the stock
market appears on the surface to be doing fine I am a little nervous and
warren buffett predicting this kind of solidifies that for me now hopefully not
everybody in the world listen to this podcast and gets afraid and sells
tomorrow and then the stock market crashes but I would recommend
liquidating some things always have enough to where if there’s an emergency
in a stock market crashed that you’re able to survive and live III do
I think that I mean we’ve already been through one Great Depression they are
predicting I’ve heard that a recession could be coming interest rates are
unexpectedly dropping right now which is good in some ways but it’s surprising
it’s surprising right so it’s good if you’re trying to buy a house it’s good
if you trying to buy something you know and put yourself in debt but just I know
the waters ahead are a little foreign and a little unknown right now so I
think being cautious would be wise that’s my best advice being cautious
would be would be wise so yeah yeah I’m gonna use the same words that Big Daddy
used when Jon Stewart tried to propose to Corinne in the movie Big Daddy he
goes you’re not proposing are you well think about it
you know so so I guess to clarify what I mean by that you’re not going all in on
the stock market are you well think about it you know you’re not liquidating
all your assets are you well think about it you know so I don’t know just think
about it is what I’m really trying to say we’ll see if this trade war gets
better I mean it could be billions of dollars and tariffs that continue to go
down if this war escalates this trade war apparently we’re having a potential
trade war on exports with Europe – so now it’s not just China but Europe’s
getting in the mix of this trade thing I don’t know we’ll see we’ll see if you’re
as strong as your flex appears to be Trump you know we’ll find out you sure
make it hard on yourself though brah you make it hard on yourself I don’t think
it’s good to make people hate you and then try to do business with them you
know people don’t really you know people want to do business with people they
like so I don’t think that the approach of having the world turn their backs on
you first and trying to fix all the problems is
necessary to go but hey to each his own right Bernie Sanders had a heart attack last
week did you guys hear so I it doesn’t seem to be serious because he’s still
running but it is affecting a little bit of how he goes about his campaign so I
hope he’s doing okay but yeah it’s it’s a little bit of a blow Bernie’s Bernie’s
uh i saw a funny tweet about Bernie I said if you really believe in taking
from the rich and giving to the poor then why don’t you follow people like to
follow people back on Twitter because he’s got a ton of followers on Twitter
but doesn’t follow them back so it’s an interesting question to pose which is if
you really are about not profiting on the backs of others what it’s you once
you follow your followers back you know if you really do care about their best
interests give them that that one-to-one ratio that follow for the follow I don’t
know interesting funny tweet though what else
is in the news Matt Lauer you guys hear about this Matt Lauer now there’s a
woman out there trying to write a book about how they had an affair and all
these things and he came out and made a public long statement he like went into
detail about what happened to kind of defend himself
here’s the sad thing guys is the fact that he felt like he had to do that is
sad the reason I say that is he’s got a family right this was an affair and he
was having to go into like descriptive detail about having anal sex with this
this Wilma had an affair was it’s like she’s mad you know it’s sad you know I
mean I wonder how him and his wife were handling this and I don’t know maybe
they maybe his wife’s into him maybe she wants to coupled I don’t know that would
be interesting if if it actually turned his wife on you know and and she’s like
yeah let’s do it again and what if the deal-breaker was not the wife but it was
the woman trying to write the book the woman trying to pull out the books
like no I don’t I do not want to have sex again I’m trying to write this book
and get rich by throwing you under the bus
speaking of that anybody out there look anybody’s butt ever but looking is an
interesting phenomenon and I I wonder if Matt Lauer licked this chicks but
there’s something about bucket but licking it’s a it’s like an animalistic
instinct you know a dog sniff each others butts
it’s disgusting but at the same time like I get you know mean like I get the
thought because I’ve licked a couple girls butts and even though it’s like
like hygienic ly like kind of stupid there’s something about just like
looking at chicks but it turns you on it turns me on at least if she’s attractive
if I’m attracted to it so yeah yeah it’s interesting right about looking
phenomenon I talked about there’s this girl just benefits Maria it’s in my act
I talk about how I used to lick her butt and I didn’t even we’d even like each
other we’re just attracted to each other yeah
made me want to lick her but even more was hotshoe you know like I hate sex
anyway some woman received some sexual messages on an in-flight messenger on
Virgin Airlines recently and yeah that’s sounds like it’s not not for a virgin
type airline right it sounds pretty sexual to me that I know that’s not that
funny but here’s here’s something interesting and that’s sad if they were
unwarranted I mean nobody wants to receive once unwarranted sex stuff
that’s that’s not okay you know I’m not making light of that but everyone handle
stuff differently my ex-girlfriend Jessica actually
received a dick pic airdrop to her on the subway once a stranger actually
aired dropped a dick pic to her phone can you guys believe that people are
actually doing that now I mean it was me that did it but can you believe that
people are doing it how we met you know I was fishing and my
big was a nice stock dick pic photo now that was not me I would not do that to
strangers I only send a warranted dick dicks guys and if a dick pic has ever
been sent from myself thrown unwarned to do it it was done by accident I do not
send unwarranted stuff I think it’s rude and disrespectful yeah Anthony Weiner
how about that guy huh huh lesson in dick pics first time I heard that I
thought wow dick pic sir it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard
in my life and then couple years later I realized they when you got a good stock
photo and someone that is down to receive one what’s that what’s what’s
terrible about dick pics if both parties are on board right all right let’s move
on I did you guys know that kids can get away with vaping underage
one of the reasons that a lot of kids vape or started the vape is because they
could get away with it you know they had to be more discreet about smoking in
front of their parents because they don’t want their parents so you can hide
the smell from your parents there’s no smoke and sadly I think that that’s one
of the reasons that more teens were vaping the e-cigarettes that are causing
deaths so sometimes by trying to hide from the truth that creates more damage
and you know here’s a great example of vaping the anal sex that Matt Lauer had
right the collusion with Ukraine you know just doing the wrong thing
sometimes maybe getting it exposing that to the light when you do something wrong
maybe admitting to that instead of being dishonest I don’t know stuff comes a
little light you know I try to people are gonna find out that I licked girls
butts at one point in my life I may as well say it now and admit it you know
what I mean people are gonna find out at some point that I’ve sent dick pics may
as well admit it now rather than pretending to be perfect you know anyway
what yeah Shh
so apparently they pinned down some branded bootlegs these these vaping
things and I don’t know my girlfriend is always hitting something she she she
loves the vaping so so luckily hers is different than the e-cigarette she
doesn’t smoke the e-cigarettes more of the CBD or marijuana stuff I don’t know
if I’m supposed to say all this about her she might get mad at me for I mean
this is just one of my ex-girlfriends there’s no girl in particular that I’m
talking about right now but keep it keeping this as anonymous as I can
last thing last week I was talking about seeing like stats and perspectives what
was I talking about all I was talking about how statistics
are not always accurate right you get these statistics fox news or whatever
it’s like I want to see some accurate stats I don’t I don’t want to see this
like accurate is croc section bullshit stats I want to see God’s stats on
things I want to see all perspectives right hold enough I want to see the
Bruce Wayne’s like Batman equipment where he uses the the sonar and radar
from cellphones to see everything and create true visual live data I want to
see my life on a 3d flash drive you know I tell you guys that already I can’t
remember but I was talking to my friends about cool beats after in afterlife if
if you met God and you he was like healeth reflect on your life from their
perspective yeah how crazy would that be how would you view stuff from different
perspectives thank you Abby I’m per to the Jewish
community I was last NAB said it was one girl I know she’s she’s like she’s like
today’s Yom Kippur and as a result a watch man in the high castle which I
thought was uh actually kind of funny and interesting definitely a very
interesting show talked about in the past it’s been so long since I’ve played
video games but I did play a little Call of Duty World War 2 the other night
speaking of World War two and the man in the high castle games awesome what else
is going on in the world I found 11 came out you get anybody out there get the
iPhone 11 heyo I thought I heard there’s two versions of the iPhone 11 there’s
like a cheap version an expensive version the cheaper version is less good
like it’s like not as good as the iPhone X like the regular X so you gotta like
know which version you got but they got three cameras I figure you know I bet
those things take some really nice dick pics you know I think the iPhone 11 3
camera thing is only useful for two things sending dick pics and vlogging VL
og which I’m going to start doing I bought some vlogging equipment I’m gonna
do it on my two camera phone I’m sorry I didn’t I I didn’t get the three cameras
I didn’t know I didn’t know I needed to get three cameras to vlog all right
moving on Halloween’s gonna be freaking putz ha’s you guys excited you’re gonna
dress up what are you gonna do for Halloween Halloween is is is one of my
favorite times of the year hocus pocus right I was in this costume store the
other day and Soho I was just killing time after going to get some some
vlogging equipment from Best Buy and I saw this Harry Potter garb I saw my
Hufflepuff my house Hufflepuff basically like costume and then Bette Midler’s
which they have like a Bette Midler character what is it something
Sanderson’s sister I might I’m either gonna dress up as Bette Midler’s
character in hocus-pocus for Halloween or I’m gonna dress up as a Hufflepuff
and I want to get like a good costume you know I mean there’s like a 200
dollar like authentic Harry Potter costume
hufflepuff from from the actual Harry Potter store you know like authentic
I don’t want to get this watered-down bullshit you know the man or maybe I’ll
be st. michaelis cage you know they’ll be same Michael for Halloween anyway speaking of that there was a I did a
show last night and there wasn’t a guy in the crowd was very targeted very fun
and sued from India he had this unique hat on it looked like maybe that
whatever hat that that guy in a Latin or and I know it’s too different I know
that guys know I know Aladdin is not Indian but it looked like that hat that
the little monkey wore right and he was from India you kept on interrupting our
sets but he was actually so funny that it was fun like I didn’t mind and he at
one point somehow the topic of God came up with one of the comedians and and
this dude goes I might East and Amen time atheist right he said he is atheist
so that became like a theme of the show and it was very interesting he said
faith is a gift that he is yet to receive and there really resonated with
me because that’s super deep you know I was like you know I think that’s too
deep for this comedy show I thought it was pretty cool and it was a very honest
answer and I love that you know so the one thing I’ll always say is the last
thing I ever want to do is be preachy I think it’s pretty clear what my beliefs
are but I would never want to push that upon anyone because your belief has to
come from within and I loved that he said that faith is a gift that is yet to
receive some people may not want to receive if you’re atheist you may not
want to receive the gift of faith and if you are a theist you might also want to
receive the gift of faith and and this dude said that he did want to receive
the gift faith I asked him so I did my Nicolas Cage bit from City of Angels and
it was really cool when we made friends and he was very supportive and I think
oh yeah I think I made a new friend you know he seems like a really good guy
with a good heart and he’s searching and it was really cool was cool to meet him
so Harry Potter we talked about there was a news update why why what would
have happened if lily would have chosen Snape instead of James Potter and
speaking of love right it was really cool like you can’t hate Snape because
even to the very end he always loved Lily and sometimes sometimes though
sometimes love is about letting go you know and sometimes you can’t have what
you want sometimes you can love somebody with all your heart as Snape did and no
matter what you have to you have to be strong you got to be strong as a mofo
right and as do was so strong Snape was that he wrote it up in the very end and
never stopped loving her and did what he needed to do to to show his love to her
unselfishly so Snape is a badass so not all slytherins are evil guys my
mom took a the test for Pottermore and got Slytherin so I know a couple
slytherins and slow there in Zara they’re cunning but if you think all the
other ends are able you got to be careful because you’re giving in and
you’re kind of giving an evil right there guys bye bye judging others and
thinking that they’re evil you know so doesn’t mean you go along with the
slytherins if they’re doing bad things and you know and start doing those
things as well but do not automatically just write them off go right off the the
bad kids don’t dry don’t run off the kids that you think you know what I will
say without being too crazy here preach is the kids that like grow up and get in
trouble a lot in class you know it’s it’s interesting how society will go
caste type you or they’ll if you’re a good kid you can get away with doing bad
things if you’re a kid who always gets in trouble you can get in trouble easier
right both in the classroom and in society and do not count
out the criminals be like you guys seen that movie lame easy Rob don’t count out
Jean Valjean you know what I mean don’t count out the is the the Jean
Valjean of the world don’t count out the Catwoman’s right give it up for the
Bruce Wayne’s out there who who see the good in cat to see the good in Selina
Kyle who sees the a person who wants to start fresh but they can’t you know
right so definitely some cool stuff somebody offered me a weird part
recently we’re talking about Halloween and you know it’s kind of a fun night
scary movies all these things somebody reached out to me I get these offers now
on on on people reach out to me to offer me parts sometimes in things now
somebody reach out to me with this random part and they said I want I could
see playing this part in my in my film and you would be this guy who’s like a
devil in training and you’re like trying to like get this one person so I was
like I’m gonna have to reject that bro I appreciate you reaching out but I’m not
gonna do that like I know it’s acting but you know I don’t want to be
associated with that or embody that you know in any way so I appreciate that but
I’m gonna pass I’m a creature of light all right
so speaking of one last thing on Halloween which i think is really
interesting I met these two ladies and they are from is it Transylvania oh it’s
either Transylvania or one of those far away like what what’s the name of the
place that Adam Sandler made a movie with a you know it’s like that far place
Transylvania like the vampires or whatever anyway I met these two very
attractive twins downstairs in that workout facility that I told you guys
about and Wow Michaela and Gabriella super super
seductive very attract they’re teaching dance classes they got this show on
Halloween at the Playboy Club told you guys I’ve been there before here in New
York at one event like a year two ago my
buddy Brian and they’re putting on this show there and it’s like a Halloween
like spooky like I’m not like these chicks seem bad and good you know to me
but but good at the heart which is you know what all boils down to in the end
so Gabriela and Michaela Mike ILR whatever so I might have to go checked
out on Halloween and I don’t know it’s interesting
super super intriguing I have to get back to you guys on that and tell you
more about that event because as Halloween gets closer I’ll talk about it
next week again so what else what’s going on in the comedy world that Mindy
girl from the office she setting up this he was almost pushed out of a producer’s
credit in the office so that was cool to see that she wasn’t pushed out there was
some moving on or some Hollywood agent had some wrongful termination lawsuit
over defecation defamation over defecation I guess there was a rumor or
something saying that he pooped in some bathroom and they thought it was him and
they like fired him for pooping and stuff I don’t know what it was but it’s
either the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard in my life or it’s bad karma
but again you can never assume bad karma either right because that’s judgmental
do you remember when I was talking about that just a few minutes ago like giving
people the benefit of the doubt you just never really know unless you have all
the data all the information like Bruce Wayne’s sonar right only until then are
you in a position to actually be able to see and you know there’s there’s there’s
a tribe of indigenous people in Africa that they believe there’s there’s a
river that people swim there’s alligators in this river and they’ll
swim across it without fear and they basically someone was interviewing them
saying why do you guys you know why do you guys swim across this river knowing
that there’s alligators in there and the guy casually said and they translate is
that it’s because the alligators only eat bad
people which I’m gonna just say right now I don’t like that mindset like I
appreciate like not having fear like that’s cool like I respect that Jedi
mindset but you’re also being judgemental because you’re just assuming
that karma is right always you know you’re like you’re just assuming that if
someone like you’re just assuming that like if someone you know swims over
there and they if they get eaten by an alligator then they deserve it you know
and that’s and I think that judgmental and I think that that’s that’s pretty
narrow-minded in my opinion but who knows maybe it’s true though who knows
what else is going on Robert De Niro was suing some assistant I guess the
assistant was like sitting on the clock watching a lot of Netflix videos and
just kind of like getting paid and he found out and they like turn around and
tried to sue him assistant turn around try to sue him for a bigger lawsuit for
you know discriminating her based on the fact that she’s a woman for other stuff
so I mean that sounds horrible right I don’t know you hear stuff like that it’s
like do I even want money like that’s sounds heinous to me you know like
someone taking advantage of the system and then trying to flip it over on them
I don’t know I don’t know all this this story but I’m already gonna say if
someone’s if someone is sitting on the clock watching Netflix they’re doing
something wrong you know so don’t be sick and if you if you’re one of those
people yourselves that like I think it’s human nature to want to if you’re in a
salary job where there’s no incentive to like work hard or like if you’re not in
sales there’s a lot of people out there that try to like I think ninety-nine
percent of people out there probably like watch videos on the clock if they
can and just like wait for the time to pass so they can go home but I guess
don’t turn around and then try to sue your boss afterwards like that’s on you
you know and I mean like if if you get caught for that the lesson is like you
might not be in the right job right like the lesson is is go start your own
company or go follow your dreams I don’t think you’re in the right place if
you’re if you’re not engaged and you’re just kind of going through the
motions I don’t know maybe I’m being judgmental there so forgive me I I don’t
I don’t want you to be eaten by an alligator if you do that guys you know I
don’t want you to if you do that so what else Alec Baldwin bought some
fake tickets to the Statue of Liberty by accident recently which is hilarious to
me there’s people all over the city selling these scams if you ever go to
Times Square it’s it is literally the most bait-and-switch infested place that
I’ve ever been to in my life so it doesn’t surprise me that Alec Baldwin
you know is easy some more dude though so I feel like if it’s gonna happen to
somebody it is surprising for someone who’s been in New York as long as he has
for that to happen to him but anything and anything gonna happen
by Zeus Pete Davidson was in the like mention in SNL I guess he wasn’t in the
first episode or two and people were wondering what’s up and so this article
who gives a shit you know I assume he’s still in SNL or they would
have made an announcement he’s probably doing a movie or something I don’t know
he Davidson’s doing his thing who knows who gives a shit you know Kevin Hart
appears to be getting better he was in a car accident he’s getting physical
therapy now he’s talking about getting back on his feet to promote for Jumanji
always good to see that you know what I mean it’s always heartbreaking and
someone has to overcome that I have a friend you was in a car accident not
long ago in st. Louis Jen I hope you’re having a good week and you’re feeling
better you know it’s it’s always encouraging to hear about people who are
overcoming these you know these challenges that they’re faced with right
so what else is going on Taylor Swift was the SNL guest singer this last week
and I didn’t get to see yes but her new album was awesome guys I really
recommend it love her as a cool song and I’m super super excited to you know to
be able to listen to that while I masturbate
the monologue for that episode I forget the lady’s name but she did really well
and her bottle ugh was very sexual but it was very funny so you guys should go
check out episode 2 of SNL that monologue at least it was it was pretty
pretty racy there she was getting loose I talked about I still need to go see
the Joker let’s give it up for Rafael Joaquin
Rafael Phoenix I was talking to my buddy John recently told me I need to see
stand by me cuz River Phoenix his brother who had passed away later in
life was a big star in that movie and I’ve heard big things about it so I need
to see that I still need to see the last of the mohicans I heard that that’s a
really good one I like Dances with Wolves I may be the
last of the Mohicans will be a good one to see I’m gonna read a couple of my
favorite tweets for the week real quick I think that these are fun I know this
podcast is lasting forever and forgive me I try to keep it short but you know I
I’m having fun we’re talking whatever right so one of my favorite T tweets
this one came from the pitch I the tweet was ever since I saw the movie it I
still get a little freaked out whenever I see a clown chewing a child’s arm off
that’s hilarious right I mean that’s that’s good stuff
that’s juicy it’s it’s got a good little twist there next tweet I thought this
one was funny it was from men’s humor it says Mike is short for my sickle and
bike is short for Bikol I thought that that was really funny very cool so if
you guys want to call me my sickle or buy call feel free finally here’s a
tweet from ramp capital is my favorite one is the actually two more I’ll start
with the other one this one is from blame kappa JH b la ine CA PITC age I
don’t know him but at blaine capatch it says Glengarry Glen Ross implies the
existence Glengarry Glen Rachel I thought that was pretty funny
you guys know Glengarry Glen Ross there’s a movie with Alec Baldwin
speaking of that mofo years ago he plays this really cocky confident sales
executive talking about giving people golden leads and you choose this sales
team out and it’s just a huge prick to them so you guys like to check out that
movie if you haven’t seen it final tweet that I think was funny is from ramp
Capital LLC the tweet is thinking about dressing up as a sexy whistleblower for
Halloween I thought that that was pretty funny made me laugh and I I’m down I’m
down to see I’m down to see you dressed up as a sexy whistleblower I love sexy
whistleblowers I love sexy anything I love sexy twins from Transylvania you
know so what else is going on in in we can move on from what’s going on in the
world – what’s going on in my comedy world I released a little nugget of
stand-up on my Instagram account yes follow away you can see that I put a
little stand-up comedy out there it’s a little dirtier than usual just – cutting
deep you guys’ll you know wet your palate a little bit you know just kind
of keep it juicy make sure that you know that I still have the ability to drop
the hammer on that everybody likes a little dirty from now on you know him
will a little dark humor you know if you want to seduce a woman Herol will dark
and dirty humor and get those panties wet you know what else it feels easier
for me to get twitter followers lately which is really cool I guess it’s like
picking up a little momentum I don’t know but it feels good maybe it’s
because I’m constantly tweeting at Bette Midler about hocus-pocus I don’t know
maybe I had something to do it by the way can we please give it up for the
mole on the main characters neck I love that mole I’m surprised I didn’t like
incorporate that more into the movie hocus pocus you know I’m surprised that
I feel like I feel like a real witch would use that mole for something that’s
what I’m trying to say and I mean like I don’t know what the witch would use it
for but like she’s got a jar with that mole or a jar of moles I feel and uses
it in one of the potions hidden in that book behind that that all see
I or whatever it is I think that was that should have been like the first
thing that they addressed in the movie is that mole on his neck like I if I was
if I was Bette Midler which I might be for a ttle Halloween and if I was in her
shoes and you know I was trying to you know do what she was doing to that young
girl to look younger and and her brother came in to save her or whatever I think
I’m getting my story mixed up but uh I’d say okay you’re trying to save your
sister well if you let me get that mole off your neck you can leave with your
sister and we can call it square quid pro quo
you know cumin mole it we’ll call it square that’s what I would do if I was
Bette Midler anyway moving on well she’s going on my comedy world my buddy Dom
Leonelli is at New York Comedy Festival next month coming up very excited for
him it’s a huge deal it’s gonna be at Caroline’s we’ve been hanging out a lot
lately because I’m back to 100% of my time being put in the entertainment and
good dude you know we’ve been working our butts off he’s been developing his
YouTube channel as if I not just with our sketches but not just with our my
podcast but like just making different videos making content to put out there
so he’s been busting his ass go support him I’ve been I saw him perform at
Caroline’s over the weekend and we’re excited you know we’re having another
season come out with our Midwest sketch bandit stuff you can check us out on
IMDB that’s an update that’s really cool we’re on IMDB now so I got a couple more
little credits going on it gives me a makes me it look sexy you know I mean
gives me a little bit more clout you know yeah no big deal just uh you know
climbing the ranks and I am very big whatever yeah
it’s like having a bullring you know the bullring no longer it drops panties for
me so I got to figure out ways to make it happen on IMDB all right what else we
hung out last week we went to Maddie Smith’s birthday party she’s doing
really well in the comedy scene she’s dating my buddy Andrew Schiavone so it
was great to see a ton of comedians out last Friday night celebrating her
birthday Tonica media
were there you know very very cool to see so many people continuing to have
success in the New York comedy scene and you know it’s just it’s encouraging you
know people people sacrifice their lives to pursue comedy it’s not glamorous they
give up money they give up their health they give up the luxuries of life to try
and make it big and it’s just encouraging when you see people that
you’ve known who have been out here for a long time continuing to make headway
in the industry and it’s encouraging when it what happens to you as well you
know I feel I’m getting little pieces of traction here and there one step at a
time and it’s just I’m thankful for it I am appreciative and a big part of it is
is obviously people right I can’t be successful people to like my comedy so
you guys my audience my friends my fans my family my support so you guys are all
part of that and it’s it’s greatly appreciated it’s helping propel the the
engines forward right you guys are the wind under my wings baby and I had a
great show the other night I had a great show last night New York Film Festival
was last week and I was not a part of that I’m excited to be vlogging soon so
just keep keep an eye out for some of that stuff hey I have Adobe now guys I
have all the Adobe suite so I’m super excited about that I don’t even know how
to use it it’s so advanced I probably I have it I don’t even know if I’ll be
able to use it because I don’t know how to to do that stuff but if you guys need
something ask me maybe you can hire me to do an Adobe thing or teach me how to
use them one of the to teach me on Douglass trying to make my own marketing
stuff I guess but also I’m tutoring so if you guys need math tutors feel free
to so free to hire me you know I’m tutoring this high school student to
help preparing for the AC T I tried tutoring for chemistry and I wanted to
rip the hairs out of my head and I was not a help but when it comes to math
there’s just something about my math brain that clicks I guess it’s the
fact that I’m part Filipino I don’t know being part Asian whatever it is math has
always come natural and we’ll go through these math like practice tests and I’ll
just fly through it I hey I’ll be honest I know what I’m good at and I know what
I’m not right and one of the things I am not good at is reading right I’m not a
good reader but I am very good at math so hire me for math also if you want to
hire me to do a private event for you whether it’s a birthday or if your
company has an event coming up and you need a comedian and emcee era host doing
a lot of I’m doing a lot of shows where I do comedy and that I MC and host which
is really cool so I can host an event if you’re having a bingo night and you want
to have intercourse afterwards you know the intercourse will will happen
naturally but if you if you need somebody the host will will do that you
know host it for you will have will have a good time um other than that what’s
going on in my life before I wrap it up before I wrap it up before I see you got
a strap it up before you smack it up guys you know and I think those were the
word from the wise Missy Elliott I don’t know if you guys are familiar with the
Missy misdemeanor but you got to strap it up before you smack it up and if you
don’t you got to get the morning-after pill the morning after pill ‘i’m the
morning-after pill pili all right what’s going on in my life i had a random phone
call from uh i I had a random call phone call back in June from this number and I
texted the number back I said I just missed a call from this number and then
I never heard back from that person never heard back from whoever this human
was and and and then the other day I get a text from them like three months later
I get a text it says in church phone off right I responded back and I said who is
this never heard from them again so weird
stuff you know my mom told me that she got a phone call from herself today so
that’s you know technology is interesting technology is definitely
interesting my apparently my sister her dog is pregnant
so my sister has a dog snow cutest dog ever and she has a new dog that she got
I forget his name its Bo or something and my sister said that Bo keeps on
humping snow like I guess snows and heats nose a little older and there’s
like this constant humping and it like for the last couple weeks there’s been
just like non-stop like dog sex and neither the dogs are fixed for some
reason I don’t know why my sister didn’t do that but nevertheless they think that
snows pregnant now so I might have to get one of the puppies off her hands if
anybody out there is looking for a puppy it’s like it looks like I have a nice
type dog I forget the exact breed but it’s like that small cute whatever you
want to call it and I might be having a dog or two here in New York to help my
sister get a puppy off her hands so I think the moral of that is
get your dog fixed apparently they they did take care of both a they cut his
balls off and now I doesn’t want to have sex anymore apparently now he’s like
over it you know the main so that kind of sucks cuz snoby might be needing that
dick you know that sucks I feel bad for snow nevertheless so going back to
something that I meant to mention last week one of my buddies who is in Kappa
Alpha order right my friend Adam pallemans wedding we’re all catching up
one of the guys actually works for Google how cool is that and of course
this do the the new phone right i phone 11 with the free camera for dick pics
three three cameras for the perfect dick pic there but he works for goop when we
were talking about data yeah foresting stuff he was saying that basically we do
have the right to control what Google does have and doesn’t have a
and we can turn on whether or not we want targeted ads based on that so it
actually sounded very ethical maybe it’s because he worked for Google I don’t
know but I was ignited and I was proud of him for getting a great job like that
you know so kind of a worldly update there for you another thing going on in
my life is my dad he’s in a band in st. Louis he was he’s uh making some
progress in the music scene I mean he obviously had his album come out not
long ago and now he’s got a chair in the band which means that he’s a member and
it’s a it’s a jazz band and it’s doing what he loves and they give him solos
they let him play and you know they’re giving him responsibility and go check
him out look up look up hit up my dad mark Oldroyd if you want to go check out
his stuff in st. Louis he has a regular show now that he’s performing at and
sounds like he’s doing great you know he’s knocking some of the solos
out of the park he’s doing great things you know you know feeling good about it
feeling like he’s growing and very very proud of him for that and excited I
think he’s a great musician and the world’s missing out on his talent so
glad this glad to see that you know he’s having a chance to tear it up an STL
scene what else when I was on Wall Street a couple weeks back one of the
guys who gives tours there was telling me that they like the Mizzou Business
School students more than Harvard because the Mizzou students interact
they engage ask questions or interpersonal and they were saying that
Harvard’s like just quiet and disengaged on their phones
some people are either too too scared to look stupid and ask questions but I
thought that that was pretty awesome you know I thought that was pretty awesome
to see the Missouri’s like well-liked and respected and appreciative and you
know sometimes these big names you know you pay less money it’s like what are
you actually paying for it you’re just paying for the perception you know
sometimes I’m not saying Harvard’s a bad school I’m not saying everyone went to
Harvard is just paying for perception but you got to think about and ask
yourself those questions sometimes the functionality the practicality
they’re getting out of it or you just paying for a piece of paper that looks
cool or you’re just paying for the brand or just spending a shitload of money to
buy a piece of piece of paper that gives you what you think is credibility I
guess you got to think about what you value their next point my buddy my buddy
Danny we were looking at my now that I’m like pursuing comedy full-time he was
looking at the amount of like the apps they use most on my phone per day he
said like in a week I spent eight hours on Twitter like I spent a full day on
Twitter reading and being aware of what’s going on in the world so that’s a
that’s interesting I guess when you’re a comedian you gotta like know what’s
going on I don’t know you don’t have to do shit you you have to do anything you
know I mean whatever it’s just what I choose to do um I told you guys that my
ex-girlfriend Jessica is in love with me again we’re on good terms and I wonder
if she’s home right now I’m recording in the in the in the closet where she likes
she likes to come in here and masturbate sometimes as do I now that we’re not
hooking up anymore we gotta like find a place where we keep masturbating with a
little bit of a little bit of a peace I guess but we’re on good terms she’s a
she’s a good a good one to have you know on my side
she’s like Catwoman she’s like my Catwoman in some ways you know Selina
Kyle speaking of that whole thing I showed
you guys this garter belt that I caught a while back that’s pretty cool right I
guess it means I’m gonna get married at some point I don’t know time will tell
right time will tell time will tell um I got the garter belt
more than once actually but I’m enjoying until that I’m enjoying um I’m enjoying
just mixing it up with the ladies I had a teacher in college tell me you know
you be a blade boy forever Michael his name
was Carmen menaces and I guess if there’s anyone that I should at least
consider taking their their word it’s a guy who understands economics very well
on a high level I guess there’s three things on a like
an economics curve said I can’t be a playboy forever so we’ll see I’m still
going up we’ll say I’m hanging on by threats you know I had a I think that
we’re actually getting ready to the end here I can’t believe I haven’t Jones for
almost two hours unbelievable I don’t think anyone’s gonna listen to this
whole podcast if you are still listening your God bless you guys staying at your
awesome god bless you either way God was even if you’re not getting this podcast
in your inch eardrums speaking of that uh my buddy Irvin I’ve talked about him
before and he said a couple real nice things to me recently you know I think
he’s getting to know me you know he’s he’s my friend and he supports my comedy
a lot he he’s he gave me a good engagement right now my social media is
always commenting on stuff but he said he thinks that I see the best in people
and that I give people the benefit of the doubt which glad to know that’s
being perceived because that’s true I you know I always try to see the best in
the people I was trying to assume that I can’t see everything he and he said that
he thinks that Oldroyd equals love which is uh so I use this to try to marry me
or what you know urban if you’re listening I really appreciate that
compliment man that’s uh I’m gonna have to say that that’s I’m gonna have to be
humble enough and then say you know I I can’t
sometimes I might match up to a closely in some ways but you know love is
perfect I can only try my best to to live up to – what / what that perfection
is I’m not you know I’m not perfect I try but thank you for the compliment and
do remember when I said I think urban I
said you know like what you know there’s that song what if God was one of us like
what if urban is secretly God guys you know what I mean
like I don’t know if you remember like urban is a you know like if God is like
one of the most unexpected people ever Irvin a would be she would be the most
least likely candidate that’s God but it’s very possible that anything’s
possible guys you know I mean I told you this deed like shows up in my life and
creates value in mysterious ways urban works in very mysterious ways
right now I’m helping him I’m helping him find love actually there’s a I’m not
gonna go into much detail because it’s personal but I’m basically hitch for
this dude you know Will Smith and just fulfilling the role of Cupid right so
I’m out here to help guys build up their confidence guys you know we all have the
potential in us and yeah if there’s one thing that I can do I’m gonna start
offering private lessons so if there’s any guys out there that want practice
they need a wingman it’s just I think the hardest thing for guys to get over
that is that fear of rejection so if you need a wingman to go out with you and
kind of take one for the team and get some of the conversation started or help
you you know kind of like help you revamp your your dating profile I’m out
here you know I’m a independent contractor you know I mean you can venmo
me guys my venmo follow me on venmo – it’s at the droid th e Droy D and if you
if you do that feel free to just bend mo me some money – you know I’m not here am
I here you know this is my my crowdfunding announcement you know I am
funding everything myself my career my dream my love for all this so if anyone
wants to just venmo me some money to help support me or maybe just buy some
other things on my Amazon wishlist why do I have to get married for you – why
do I have to get married to have a registry right I mean some of my
favorite porn stars have an Amazon registry and their fans buy them stuff
so I am too if anyone wants to buy me so
most of all though on my wish list or just been with me some money you know
and and just give me the turbo follow you know follow me everywhere at Detroit
I’ll take it and I’ll give you the follow back we’ll do a one-for-one ratio
I actually have this system in place where I have private accounts so even
though my ratio looks good publicly I secretly follow you from like a secret
account so that it’s still like an equal ratio and I like your statuses from my
secret account you know I have a really good ratio on one account a really
terrible ratio on my other accounts and it all cancels out right it’s like is
that karma I don’t know if we’re getting back to a theme of the of the talk today
so anyway yeah thank you guys for tuning in and I hope you have a great week I
will see if Donald Trump gets impeached and freaking go to heaven guys from
Michelangelo droid peace mm-hmm that wasn’t interesting that was an
interesting would end I don’t know I made those noises now I’m embarrassed
but you know what it is what it is just just deal with it right
have a go a guy’s piece oh my gosh I’m exhausted I went way too long it’s did a
hour and 51 minute podcast oh my juice well you know what it was
fun get to talking they’re having a good time with it it’s cool Jen I got so much
to catch up on I see that you’ve been messaging non-stop from the last hour I
do appreciate that and yeah yeah you listen to the podcast I’ll probably
release it it’ll probably be out by tomorrow morning on Spotify for
everybody on 17 live af thanks for for tuning in
whoever is on YouTube that’s been watching thank you you’re still on i
whoever’s on youtube right now you probably are
actually there I beg you you just turned it on and then you walked away from the
computer so if that’s true either way I do appreciate you tuning in um yeah it’s
fun you know it’s fun doing this stuff and I do appreciate you guys as support
so I’m gonna end the YouTube stream now have a good week peace love you

1 thought on “Live recording | Episode LXXXII aka 82 | Michael Oldroyd Comedy Podcast

  1. Truly Awesome!, I totally liked it!, See this New Album 'Monish Jasbird – Death Blow', channel link , doo check ­čÖé

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