Live recording | Episode LXXVI aka 76 | Michael Oldroyd Comedy Podcast

Live recording | Episode LXXVI aka 76 | Michael Oldroyd Comedy Podcast


hey guys how we doing tonight
Michael Oldroyd here the Droid coming to you live from my closet in New York City
very fancy very very exciting stuff here in the background you know very fancy
backdrop here very until I put a lot of work into it yeah so let’s frickin just
we’re gonna do this is like this prop here its microphone just to kind of give
it some spice give it a little spice give it to some spicy girl you know so
much better yeah spicy freaking buzzes I’m just getting warmed up here before
the dropping of the BOD key little pod key drinking a little Kim Buju I’m
familiar with this Kim bucho supposedly it’s a probiotic my chicks got me into
it apparently probiotic like this is good
for your stomach your GI tract your colon I don’t know oh so yeah where we
at today let’s pull up my document my agenda for today’s podcast little
podcast action yeah yeah on my one note write my one connote you guys like this
bb8 lid that I’ve got gone great glad to hear that alright I think we could get
started here in a little tick tock just a little tick tock for it a little sec
and see what setting this is on let’s do testing testing testing one two three
testing testing testing testing one two three okay okay
it’s like my robe appreciate that I appreciate that you like my robe very
nice very nice if you guys tremendous tremendous this is I feel good I’m
feeling very attractive sexy hey when you look good you play good and sorry
when you look good you feel good feel good you play good am i right guys can I
get an amen all right turn this baby up an is a just quick little on this hot
right thing a little okay great great all right
well without further ado I’m gonna get the music started so we can begin our
podcasts in case you’re wondering why I’m not talking cuz I’m playing the
intro music to pump myself up for this podcast where’s my freakin kombucha ladies and gentlemen welcome back to the
Michael Oldroyd comedy podcast coming to you live from my closet here in New York
City I’m very excited to be sitting in this wonderful this wonderful location
I’m trying not to brag my closet is big enough to where I could rent it out and
charge probably a thousand dollars that’s very cocky it’s arbitrary it’s an
arbitrary number but I know that there are people that would pay me a thousand
dollars to live here in the or in my closet all right I’m gonna just
rerecord the beginning of that podcast cuz that came out completely wrong what
I’m true what I meant to say is I think I’m gonna sleep in my pot in my closet
tonight because my girlfriend has pretty much taking control of my bed and I
think that I’m trying to make myself feel better because I’m not allowed in
my bedroom I’m not even allowed in my house anymore
and I think that I’m gonna need to move into this closet here so I’m trying to
look at the bright side my girlfriend today she called me to let me know she
was coming home from work she asked me what I’m up to I said I might go do
comedy she got so excited she’s like yes go do comedy it’s funny how things
change as the relationship progresses she was very excited by the idea of me
not being present very good stuff way to open up the box yes so I I say that
somewhat endearingly somewhat true and somewhat a little the story is true it’s
not somewhat true it is true but I think she’s just pulling my leg a little bit
you know what’s nice is I did go do the comedy open mic tonight just for the rep
for the practice he knows like basically I think as I was going to open like I
was like this is like going to football practice not every day was it fun to
force yourself you know we all do it for the big games right but I remember
thinking to myself practice pays off you know that hard work went in the grind
everyone sees the shine but they don’t see the grind so you know tonight I
reminded myself of that anyway I came home it was nice to come home to just a
naked creature in my bed you know I come home it’s dark it’s not even late
actually was like 7 p.m. so it wasn’t even that dark I don’t know I it was
kind of like after dusk and I just find my little creature there laying in bed
naked sleeping you know getting my sheets dirty you know
but it was nice I thought to myself it’s nice to have a little something like
that to come home to there was some studies about life and life expectancy
and all these things and apparently you live longer if you’re not alone I don’t
know I don’t know and you know what I’m just about enough I don’t remember the
facts at that article and I apologize for just saying that I think it’s
quality of companionship that leads to longer life some people are happy alone
and I think that if you’re with the wrong person see you might not live as
long as if you know I think that if you’re with the right partner for you it
can lead to a happier longer life quality of life too perhaps but if
you’re with the wrong partner it might do the opposite so I don’t think you
should just get in a relationship for the sake of it or to save yeah that’s
the end of that thought nevertheless so I’m wearing my little bb-8 hat here I’m
streaming this live on YouTube it’s been fun it’s been fun doing this little
YouTube stream I recently started streaming I recorded the last episode on
YouTube live from my droid stories account
I think it’s lol space droid with a Y space stories and I’m kind of getting
addicted to this whole YouTube live thing
thank you guys who have tuned in to the last episode or episodes last last one
was a lot longer than today is going to be because it had been awhile since I
released a podcast load into the universe and right now I haven’t really
had much time to build up another one so it’ll be a smaller podcast load you know
and that’s I’m gonna try to be more regular last week I came out with one
for the first time in like three months it was on a Tuesday it was supposed to
be on a Monday but forgive me it was a holiday and then this week back to a
normal way um I just releasing the actual iTunes
and Spotify eardrum podcast you know the audio version of it tomorrow morning
which will be Tuesday morning tomorrow will be June 4th
tonight is June 3rd and I’ll try to get back on a schedule or really some Monday
mornings for you ideal like like 7:30 1:00 a.m. Eastern Time got to do the 31
because at the dirty one right Michael Oldroyd 31 in college aka number three
in high school a KA the Troy take a look at that little BB a hat I’m worried that’s my droid impression that’s my
impression of myself right but nevertheless glad to be in the saddle
glad to be in the saddle and by that I mean my desk chair in my closet right he
has ride horses hey about a horse rider hey horses are fun you know horses are
fun yeah you know hey guys did you know white
horses are symbolic white horses are symbolic of good so yeah that’s a random
fun fact for you horses are cool my grandpa was a true
cowboy he was a surgeon in Utah had a bunch of land animals and horses I’ll
have to ask I’ll have to ask my dad if he had any white horses but he did have
a lot of horses and you know it was always fun hearing those stories growing
up talking to my dad and speaking of my dad I gave him up from my last week I’m
gonna do it again check out his CD called the journey him
and Tom Byrne put this together it’s a lot it’s it’s very soothing music you
can find it on iTunes and Spotify I’m not blasting this for any other
reason than I I truly do think that it’s a it’s a positive thing for you guys to
have in your eardrums you can find it for free my dad doesn’t get anything out
of this you know if you listen to it for free other than just the fact that
you’re able to enjoy the art much like my podcast I mean I I don’t make money
off this podcast at least right now maybe if I get it more a couple more
downloads I might start getting advertising money but I’m not doing it
for that reason I’m doing it because I like putting it out there you know I
like expressing my my voice and just radiating how I feel to the universe and
it feels good I feel comfortable I feel like I’ve gotten just I’ve kind of found
my own niche yeah I found my niche zero people listen it’s great though because
I found my niche now I am I’m happy you know I feel good guys to be honest and I
hope you’re doing well too I hope you having a good week hopefully you’re back
in the rhythm now that the holiday week is over it takes a little bit of time to
to adjust sometimes right it doesn’t sometimes it’s hard to like get back
into rhythm like you have that three-day weekend and then Tuesday if you feel
sluggish Wednesday feel sluggish there’s that whatever and hopefully you guys are
back to normal now I have said pretty much nothing throughout this entire
podcast so far aside from the fact my dad is a great musician and you should
listen to his music I think aside from that I’ve pretty much just been speaking
nonsense and it’s fun is it weird that I’m having fun speaking about nonsense
to myself by myself inside of a closet that’s when you know you’re either self
actual as I as self actualized we’re crazy and I don’t think I’m crazy I feel
good people listen to this we have a good time I’m almost at 10,000 downloads
which is really exciting we’ve got you know I mentioned it last week but
listeners from all over the world and pretty good rating on iTunes considering
the fact that I rated myself from a different anot
accounts no I did not do that but proof for the good people that have raided
this podcast I do appreciate that that’s awesome
I love the comments and interactions you know I’m on all social media so if you
ever want to freaking snipe the faecal is what I call it
aka shoot the shit it’s a word I came a little phrase I came up with snipe the
faecal if you guys want to get a little dialogue going hit a brother up
so speaking of social media are you guys on tik-tok have you guys ever have you
guys heard of the the cool young trending now called tick tock bro
tick tock tick tock are you on tick tock that didn’t rhyme but I don’t care tick
tock baby tick freaking talk that’s the name of the app it’s tik-tok
one word I just got on tick tock today I’m pretty excited I heard about it
yesterday when I was getting ready to perform at a show at UCB tick tock is
basically the new fine so you know how Instagram I guess bought fine I don’t
even know if that’s true but vine went away about a year ago I don’t know
exactly what day but if I don’t know why I know that much it was like a six
second video app and then Instagram came along and you can make vlogger videos
blah blah blah and nobody’s really heard about six-second stuff in a while tick
tock is basically like a vine I don’t know all the details I got on it I’m
getting a lot of views and I think it’s kind of like the younger generation
trending thing right who knows if it’ll take off but there’s like acronyms fyp
somebody wrote fyp on my page and i thought he was like making fun of me and
I’m looking at it right now that’s that background noises fyp I think is a
compliment means for your page so yeah I thought I had my first hater and it was
actually my first lover and I’m getting you didn’t view
so yeah get on tick-tock baby follow me on tick-tock the droid social media is
so interesting you know we live in a time where people will do anything for
views and likes and you know don’t don’t don’t step outside yourself guys never
overextend in any way don’t ever overextend for someone you’re attracted
to don’t do it for social media don’t do it for fam I’m all about lunging and
pressing forward and trying to become the best you can be
but don’t overextend do you know the difference when I say overextend what I
mean is don’t try so hard that you’re not being yourself anymore like try as
hard as you can while being yourself you know I mean don’t lose your soul in the
effort to like get Instagram followers I was looking at some of these videos on
tick-tock and people they are trying very hard they are trying very hard and
it’s it’s it’s actually a little bit hilarious to watch just just the amount
of effort people are putting into their tick-tock accounts I don’t know it to me
that’s a little I don’t think that’s cool you know I mean I I think it’s cool
to just make your effort within yourself I don’t know if I’m speaking to general let me let me put it this way if you’re
trying to court girl and you don’t just have normal interaction with her and you
know just like walk up to her and say hey how’s it going my name is so-and-so
how’s your day you know I think that that’s that’s all you have to do you’re
trying but you’re not like not being yourself or overextending if you just
see a girl that you like and you start like miming for her and you like to have
face paint on you like memorized work she’s gonna be that day and you like
have this elaborate mime act out like I don’t know if that’s like gonna be
attractive you know what I mean and that’s what people are doing on
tick-tock and Instagram the whole tide pod challenge is like a good example of
people trying too hard to get followers I mean I think it’s human nature to care
about likes a bit like I don’t know sometimes I care about like sometimes I
don’t what am I saying you know what I mean I there’s been times where I check
my likes you know but I’m feeling I’m feeling more just comfortable like right
now I’m just I’m happy with how things are going in my life so I don’t care as
much about Instagram likes does that make sense do you guys are you guys
picking up what I’m freaking putting down I’m feeling I’m feeling loose I’m
not on drugs and I just feel good it’s not cool my own life man I’m high on
this cam bucho probiotic drink California grape all right do you guys
think cam Booch is paying me I should pretend that cam bucho is a sponsor just
so I look cool so that it seems like I have sponsors you know I mean guys can
bucho thank you so much for the you know the sponsorship here I got to give it a
shout-out guys it contains 10% juice that’s not really a good thing I guess
I’m just reading random facts on the bottle here all right yeah that was the
worst promo ever ten percent juice guys that’s great let’s drink some more has a
little bit of caffeine apparently so that you stay up when you should be
going to bed right now it’s past midnight I should not be drinking at cam
Buju all right well let’s move on right get on tick-tock follow me let’s move on
don’t don’t overextend and eat Tide Pods let’s try – you are don’t don’t mind in
front of don’t mime for a chick if you’re trying to court her so what’s
going on in the world this week guys the st. Louis Blues just played the Boston
Bruins for Game four right so right now it’s tied 2-2 to st. Louis one boy I’ll
say I was a little nervous for the Blues after last last game the Bruins
absolutely up to them they really took it to them
in Game three and it did not look pretty at all so you know I have friends who
were actually at the Blues game at that game you know now I feel for them I felt
for them because like I know those tickets weren’t cheap assuming that they
paid for them I don’t know everyone’s got hookups from time to time
everyone has hookups what am I talking about some people get hookups from time
to time and maybe they didn’t really care they were just there to be cool and
maybe get some more followers on their Instagram account so they could like
look like a blues fan since it’s trending right now but I know there are
plenty of people out there that are diehard blues fans and they would do
anything for those tickets Tyler Shafer I’m gonna give him a
shout-out I think I mentioned him last week just had his daughter on the day
the police found out that they’re going on the day that they earned the
opportunity to go to the Stanley Cup super hardcore blues fan that’s it’s
people like Tyler that are causing me to I can’t be some sunshine patriot and all
of a sudden just claimed to be a blues fan even though I’m from st. Louis like
I’m happy I want to see them win but you know I’m not like I’m not gonna come out
of there I’m not one of these like chicks that come out of the woodwork
when a dude gets in a relationship and all of a sudden she’s interested just
for her own like pride no I’m not I’m not one of those whack-a-mole chicks
where you don’t get the analogy I’m not going to try to explain it but I’m not
one of those people that just comes out of the woodwork right I appreciate it I
want to see it for the city I want to see them win for the city and people
like Tyler chafing but as far as my personal attachment goes you know yeah I
mean I grew up actually in in the Bay Area so really the Sharks were my team
growing up but I don’t have any attachment to the Sharks either so hey
hey I didn’t know sharks could survive outside of water and just like on top of
ice it’s one since one could these sharks survive on ice you know not
inside the water you know the gills I didn’t know the gills work with oxygen
all right let’s move on yeah apparently they’ve done that’s why the blue is
freedom okay so yeah we’re talking about social media here’s a fun one
online did we live in such a digital age bumble was I don’t I think there’s like
new dating apps now I’m not on them you know because I’m in a relative I think
that’s how you is is that how it’s pronounced reli tion Shi P rel Italian
ship and so bumble was one of the the kind of cool ones that was that had
emerged as I was late and a seasoned veteran of the online dating world here
in old York City and bumble is evolving right bumble now has bumble bee FF which
is where when I tried when I got off bumble they asked me if I wanted to join
something called bumblebee FF which is a online swiping system to find friends
right BFF means best friend forever and what a weird concept because any online
dating that I ever done I’m used to swiping right for yes and left for no to
chicks right you get on bumble BFF and all of a sudden it’s just dudes on there
and it feels weird swiping swiping right for it to even though you know it’s like
a platonic deal it does feel weird and then if you’re swiping right for a
friend it’s like you know am I supposed to like look at these dudes profiles and
decide whether or not I want to be friends with them based on their
profiles like I feel like I’m being superficial like I feel like a friend
should not be based on like any it should not be based on anything how do I
say this like a friend should be someone that like if you’re gonna be friends
with someone it should have it should be nothing to do with like like what their
profession is anything like it’s not like dating where you know you want to
see so you want to date someone that you’re attracted to somebody that might
be a like a good life partner like when I was looking at the the bumblebee FF
thing I feel bad swiping left to anybody does
that make sense like I felt kind of like guilty being like yeah I don’t want to
swipe right to this fool you know I mean so I swiped right to every guy on bumble
BFF and I got a couple matches I got a handful of matches or whatever and one
dude and I started where this conversations do with such a creep I
don’t know if that’s creep may not be the right word just like desperate for
friends you know I was on there kind of like I felt like for once I felt like I
knew it was like to be a chick you know some girls like get online cuz their
friends tell them about it like yo you got to get online but they have no real
real interest in it that’s how I felt when I was on bumblebee FF and I felt
like this dude that I matched with was on there cuz he truly like really wanted
to meet a friend on there I’m not making fun of him by the way I think when I say
that I had everyone needs friends it’s hard to make friends in New York City
especially if you’re not from here and in Aly I’ll admit that like I have ton
of friends from you know come back home and causing and stuff in New York I’ve
been able to I’ve been fortunate enough to make some friends but it’s definitely
not an easy place because it’s so transient and you don’t see this I think
to make it true like it’s got to happen naturally right you can’t like force a
connection or force a friendship it’s easier to force a connection than it is
to force a friendship a friendship has to happen naturally it’s like a
relationship really where he you see each other over it like a certain number
of times outside of your like natural efforts and
then eventually like it happened so many times we’re like yo like wow this feels
he you talk you slowly build up you don’t have to try right it felt like
this dude was trying really hard to be friends with me and he kept like if I
didn’t answer him right away he kept following up with me and like kind of
making me feel guilty if I didn’t respond you know and I was like you know
this is weird man like I don’t have any desire
to meet up with this dude for coffee and like build a friendship you know like I
don’t know maybe maybe I was maybe I was on it for the wrong reasons maybe I
shouldn’t be on that app well I’m not really on it anymore I don’t spend any
time swiping I pretty much stopped my curiosity of Bumble PFF after that and
got on bumblebees bumblebees is have you guys heard of this one it’s the newest
one on bumble where you can join bumblebees for making network
connections and business connections and that has guys and girls on it and that
to me feels almost like when I come across that girl’s profile it feels like
I’m back on an online dating app and they’ve made it so that only the girls
even on bumble bizzle and the girl can reach out to the guy first to break the
ice or whatever so I find that weird because if it’s really just a business
connection why does the girl it should be a two-way street I don’t know weird
stuff I did connect with a few I met I I had a couple of connections that I met
on bumble Pez one of them in the world of comedy that I I haven’t he has like a
show I might might go check out this comedy show thing we had a good
connection there seemed like a cool dude you know he seemed like he he talked to
me the way a guy talks to a girl when it’s like a non-creepy type of talk you
know it’s like that perfect blend of like not trying too hard but still being
friendly and light-hearted so I was like yeah maybe I could maybe I could be
friends with this human being and maybe you have like a comedy a comedy
connection we might be able to help each other out in the comedy world but I did
have one I had one conversation from bumble biz so far on the phone ride this
is one dude seemed all about like trying to just grab grab a call with me you
know get on the phone and I realized as I did I was like okay cool you know he
works in the entertainment so I’m down like you know make some
entertainment connections and see what could happen right for similar – film
maker all this stuff right so this dude this dude and I are talking on the phone
I quickly realized based on my profile I guess he thinks that I have money
because I said I worked for a start-up that became successful little does he
know right that I that I’m not a millionaire but I think based on what
I’ve done in the startup you know one might look at that and infer that it’s
possible that I could be a millionaire from it right you know the deal that you
construct going into you know I’d something like that is what you know
dictates you know your ear you’re a financial success in the long run so
nevertheless I realized he was like looking for funding for his project so
yeah I feel kind of I felt misled you know the student was just trying to have
a sales call with me to get me to basically fund as much of his movie that
he’s trying to make as possible and then you know he sent me at like a deck you
know like like a like an actual like PowerPoint presentation on on this
entire deal and and offered to you know give me a finder’s fee if I found
somebody else that wants to invest so I guess it hey guys if anybody wants to
invest hit me up I’ll give you this guy’s name and and I get a finder’s fee
for it so that’s cool you don’t have to worry about the finder’s fee I get it
from him so yeah that’s that’s that’s as far as I’m taking that is I’ll I’ll give
it a mention on my podcast if anybody wants to be a part of something where
you’re helping making a film I guess it’s a feature film according to him
then if you want more information hit me up and we can make something happen I
can send you the PowerPoint presentation that you sent me all right so you know
I’m having fun just sitting back kind of talking about a couple these things try
some of these apps if you want a cool thing is if you’re if you’re married or
you’re in a really you can still be on bumblebees or
bumblebee ffs you know so that’s great that’s really all I’ve got written down
for what’s going on in the world right now which is really kind of I’m not
gonna say lazy but I just don’t think there’s anything going on in the world
that I care to talk about right at the moment so I’m just gonna move on to
what’s going on in the comedy world and I don’t really have much I got two
bullet points here you guys are in for a treat because I’m just not gonna have a
terribly long podcast my one update the first update in the comedy world is that
Kenan Thompson from Saturday Night Live if you guys remember from several
episodes back was talking about how he just doing that show bring him back
Kenan and Kel and apparently they’re reviving all that and apparently Kenan
just got some show was it NBC didn’t BC that’s giving him his own show I don’t
know I’m kind of confused but he’s got several opportunities or shows that he’s
a part of one of these is his show now and he’s also not leaving Saturday Night
Live I think we thought you know if he takes those things or takes one of those
that it’s a given that he’s leaving but they’re working with him to you know
have him stay and working on the scheduling so he’s been on SNL for 16
seasons if I read those facts right and and he’s sticking around so for the
Kenan Thompson fans out there I’m sure you’re excited that he’s not leaving
Saturday Night Live and you’re gonna be seeing more of him on TV so good for him
I would say you know he’s worked very hard and seems like a nice person I’ve
never met him but I get the vibe that he just kind of works hard and does the
right things you know what I mean and you know it’s a it’s an assumption you
know I’m just making the assumption based on the five that I get but
assuming that’s right then I’m very active for the guy because he seems like
he deserves it you know I you know I’m just going with my instincts guys at the
end of the day you can only you so much research before you just
need to just turn your brain off and say look I I’m just gonna go with my gut
here you know what I mean I’m just going with my gut I don’t know anything about
team Kenan Thompson other you know I assume he works out and he seems like a
nice guy so I’m happy for him right I don’t know I my gut is usually right
right don’t overthink stuff right just just go with your frickin instincts is
what I’m trying to say even when you’re voting yeah yeah hey Joe Biden this guy
yeah I like his haircut you know let’s vote for that guy yeah oh
it’s Democrat I’ll come on up bug to Democrat all right I don’t know um yeah
instinct sir you can you can you can trick yourself out of stuff I think by
overthinking it right let me give you an example dieting and supplements and all
these things come on you know what I mean
do you really need to do you need to read 3,000 pages of crap about diet
trends that are constantly changing that you ever noticed that like something
that’s unhealthy now is healthy six-month months from now and then six
months later it’s unhealthy again it just goes in cycles I don’t know if it’s
not on a six-month cycle but it’s like Deena you’re just chasing you’re just
running around in circles just freaking eat what you think not what tastes good
well we what you think is healthy I don’t know if that’s good advice well
that’s how I live my life you know I haven’t been an athlete I don’t need
trainers to tell me like what exercises I should be doing
I already know my body I know how it’s affected by diet and rest so I I manage
my entire sleep cycle exercise output and diet myself based on what I can tell
my body needs like I I until if it’s hung like if you have a craving for
something your body probably needs that thing you know
this is my dieting advice I throw the book I don’t think I’ve ever run a
single book on diet and I I had 4% body fat when I was playing football and I
think that’s that’s pretty good you know that’s my clam – if you want to hire me
to be a personal trainer I will I put together a workout plan for
myself and can make some modifications for others if you want to get tricked
you want to get trained and workout slash diet advice from a dude that
played football and track on the Division one level but has never read a
single book on dating or exercise feel free to hire me you know a freelance I’m
not certified I’m not a certified personal trainer I’ve never gotten any
kind of a certification but I am willing to give you some advice if you’d like to
know and you know what I go off my gut I go based on my gut instinct that’s
that’s I guess that’s a little scary because I think that’s what Donald Trump
does I think he’s also yeah I think Donald Trump also goes off with his
instincts for everything does no research on it I think just just blurt
stuff and shoots from the hip yeah yeah I try to I guess I try to have a balance
you know all right let’s move on you guys are funny you guys are funnier and
even here I don’t know I don’t know if you’re actually laughing or not but I
assume I assume you’re giggling to yourself just because I’m confident in
my ability to create humor even though I’m not like being hilarious right now I
don’t know maybe some of you do think oh I’m just being myself I’m not trying to
be funny and I guess sometimes that’s one let me create some humor so the next
update is Kenan I already did that one the next update is ramp Capital LLC do
you guys follow them on Twitter because I do and I am excited because this is
one of my friends I’m not going to say who one of my friends or multiple
friends I’ll keep it anonymous male-female who knows but they are
behind the ramp Capital LLC Twitter account maybe
actually me maybe I’m the one behind it who knows but the account is at 97
thousand followers it’s been grown organically and I think you should check
them out it’s a stock market basically is an account for people that follow the
stock market or are involved and appreciate the trending you know stuff
in the world of finance and it’s all like a parody like sarcasm account so
it’s a it’s a comedy account based on what’s happening in the stock market so
it is relevant and it’s it’s intelligent humor and it gives me a very excited
very excited I’m not gonna just gonna say boner that’s too easy I guess maybe
I’m getting older but I’m excited to see that it’s doing well and it is it is
pretty cool so check out ramp Capital LLC I guess the actual handle is its
rant at it’s at ramp Capital LLC yeah okay cool it’s one of those accounts
that is grown nobody knows who the you know who’s behind it right accept the
idea and I feel honored for that reason I feel cool as a result of that so I’m
just kind of shouting now myself really I cuz cuz I feel cool alright so that’s
pretty much all I’ve got written down in the world with the comedy right now I
haven’t watched any comedy specials lately but like I said before I think
people like Mike Tyson make me laugh harder than ya than most comedians you
know I was actually thinking about this recently this is this is unique and I
think this has to do with exactly what I just said sometimes people try too hard
to be funny and it takes away from true humor right like you see someone I saw
Brad Pitt once be funny but he wasn’t trying to be
funny right he was just being him so then like did something that was a
little bit like silly innit it made it a lot funnier and I think
it’s because he was grounded from a real perspective right we’re always chasing
humor somewhat it almost comes off non centered you’re like desperate for the
laugh and it can be I don’t know you see some comedians that are chasing the the
laugh too hard and they kind of like I guess it’s kind of like that whole twit
that when I was talking about chasing social media likes too much like it
becomes unattractive to watch somebody like so desperate for that for that
laugh you see a lot of camisa just like too desperate for the laugh and like it
becomes a little repulsive and it’s I was at an open mic tonight and people
were kind of like putting themselves down self but I think self-deprecating
humor is funny from time to time but just because you put yourself down
doesn’t make it funny right you got a like it actually makes me cringe to
watch people put themselves down if it’s not done in a funny way because I don’t
like to see someone do that to themselves I don’t like to see the point
I’m trying to make is is that you can be hilarious without being like
self-deprecating without being like super dirty some of the funniest people
that I’ve ever known are the most confident right the Greg bracy’s out
there who I’m gonna have as a guest on episode 85 to honor well he’s doing
I mean I’m honored to have him on my show but I’m honoring him as well by you
know inviting him on episode 85 when it comes up here in the next couple
episodes but he’s been a big influence for me and I think he’s a good example
you guys don’t know I’m so I well some of you do some of you do but personally
he’s just he’s a very confident dude I guess the best comparisons I could make
– that type of attitude where the confidence is just it’s hilarious
they’re not even comedians but they’re they’re so funny oh the Mike Tyson being
one Michael Mike Tyson Michael Tyson also guys the people that I’m talking
about are Mike Tyson who’s the other guy Michael Tyson
now Michael Irvin is who I was trying to say and sterling or Shannon Sharpe like
those guys when I watch like those two dudes Michael Oren and Shannon Sharpe
commentate on ESPN they don’t put themselves down they’re so confident
they’re almost cocky but they’re so passionate when they speak that it’s
hilarious it is so funny and I think that that’s that’s more natural for me
because I come from like a background of sports and I’m kind of just I was
talking about on stage a couple months back I’m just I’m tired of like felt
like for a while I was like I feel like I couldn’t like be as cool as I really
am so that I could like maybe be more
successful in comedy and I think that’s stupid
I’m just gonna I’m gonna just stand up and shine my lights on and and let let
that be kind of the center and grounding of my humor because it’s really Who I am
I am a confident dude I mean I’m hopefully I’m not cocky I think I have
to got swag alright enough about me let’s talk about something else what
else is going on oh this is this is the section about me so I guess I guess I am
supposed to talk about me but yeah it just feels more natural just uh just to
be cool you know just to sit back and be chill about it and not have to put
myself down you know there’s time and a place for it
you know I think it’s when I talk about like my struggles with girls people find
that interesting because for a long time I did struggle with women and every guy
does like every due to creep at one point so I think that that’s kind of
cool I put myself down I don’t really tell stories about how I was when I was
successful like when I self-actualized with women and
you know actually like overcame my my difficulties those those really aren’t
funny I so when I when I do my standup lately I have at least been focusing on
the days when I you know like was terrible with girls and in those types
of scenarios and awkwardness and things it’s not really relevant anymore but I
can relate to any dude that’s going through that you know and trying to like
you know get past that phase because I’ve been there and I think every guy’s
been there yeah when I when I when I get on stage and I say every dude is a creep
and or was a creep at one point I’m so I get some giggles but like everyone locks
in like especially everybody every guy looks at me and you can tell he’s like
listening very closely what I say because that he’s like yes this guy
knows he knows that I’m a creep I like this guy yeah anyway so yeah what’s
going on Mike omniupdate so you know the improv group I told you
guys about – nice we had a big show last night our biggest show yet actually was
it the pit the striker which is the big theater here in New York for the pit
peoples in Improv Theater very cool place thank you for everybody who came
out to support us last night Sunday night so much fun it was a
combination of sketch and improv and stand-up I had the honor of closing the
show doing like 20 minutes of stand-up which was which was awesome the crowd
was really cool and it really was a great opportunity for me to not just
showcase but you know continue to hone the craft and you know new crowd new
people have never seen me before and yeah it was it was a lot of fun doing
the show the cast was very funny you know got a lot of big laughs everyone
had a good time you know audience performers and you know it was just it
was really cool you know so check us out we got an
show coming up June 14th that one’s gonna be at the pit loft I don’t know
what time it is it’s on my Instagram account you freaking putz if you’re
wondering I love you that’s an in term of endearment I call my girlfriend a
putz all the time I call one of my best friends a putz
Jimmy berry olace so freakin putz means I love them all right I need to start
writing a blog but I just don’t have enough time so that probably won’t
happen what else do I have written down about my life in comedy Oh one bit that
I’ve been working on that I’m having fun with his talking about how when my
growing up my mom super nice lady she’s an angel
her name is Angelina it means little angel and that’s exactly what she is
she’s my little angel and she spoiled me with love but growing up I was a little
I was a little terror from time to time and my mom is a strong person she’s not
you know she has a she does have a backbone and when I would really annoy
her as a kiss she would throw shoes at me I think it’s partially a Filipino
thinks you throw her slippers and stuff and I have this joke where I talk about
how you know for a kid it’s scary right like obviously I don’t think anything
bad can happen with a kid getting hit with a slipper but I do this act out
where I said like my mom throwing these these shoes at me at high speeds helped
train me because I would like have to dodge them and stuff it trained me to
like become a punt returner someday in high school I was a punt returner in
high school I was like it made me more more athletic like you know I felt like
neo from the matrix and then I started doing this act out where I’d start
bending over backwards as my mom you know with the idea or the visual that my
mom’s throwing shoes at me and I’m like dodging those bullets from from the
matrix oh that’s a fun act out when I when I like really feel it I remember
the first time I did that and I did the the matrix you know move and just feel
cool I felt I felt cool you know I loved the matrix you know it’s just a double
whammy right you guys seen the matrix it’s
one of my favorite movies I you know I love I love Keanu Reeves everybody loves
Keanu Reeves there’s all this stuff about him in the in the news right now
and online about like all these cool things that he does has done over the
years for like zero credit and it’s just coming up you know they say the truth
comes out in the end and you know whether that’s a good truth or a bad
truth whatever that truth is it’s so cool when someone like Keanu Reeves who
probably never did it for the you know for the press or for the the recognition
these things are coming out about which says even more about him right that’s
why it’s so cool so I think a lot of people are are realizing how awesome
Keanu Reeves is I’ve always known he’s awesome you can just tell it’s that gut
instinct thing you know memorize I don’t need to do research to know Keanu Reeves
is awesome I just know he is and then the research comes along and verifies
the fact that I was right you know but my gut has always liked the Keanu
anybody that hates on him you know saying oh it just plays himself and
movies he’s one dimensional as an actress I don’t know what the hell their
problem is a who cares I like watching him on the big screen I think he’s a
better actor than any of the other fools out there that apparently have
versatility I don’t know I want to watch more Keanu Reeves movies makes him John
wick 10 I don’t know yeah so Keanu Reeves if you’re listening shout out to
you dude for being awesome and I’d love to be I’d love to work with you you know
maybe we could do a flick together yeah I I think you’re awesome when I
genuinely mean that and yeah you’re one of my favorite actors dude Constantine
is one of my favorite movies every single one of my girlfriend’s that I’ve
ever had has always put me down for liking Constantine they’re like that’s
it they’re like you would like Constantine I think Constantine is
badass Shia LaBeouf is in it Shia LaBeouf dude I like him too I love
I love his speech where he’s like just do it you know like do it your dreams
are out there do it I saw all these remixes
I was like fascinated by that video recently and I was watching like someone
made some remix where he like did it with like in the movie like they did a
scene from I think it was a Return of the Jedi with Yoda where he was training
Luke Skywalker and then Shia LaBeouf was there like in the background yelling do
it you know as Luke’s trying to use the Force to lift the aircraft but
nevertheless yeah Shia LaBeouf I think you’re cool dude
I’d like to be a nun flick with you as well if you’re listening both of you
guys if we could do one together hey how about a Constantine – I’m down you know
maybe we could just tear it up together you know that was that was an awesome
flick I think I think Shia LaBeouf got religious I don’t know you guys say
anything about that I think Shia LaBeouf got a little got a little seed plan in
his heart you know I Google is Shia LaBeouf
religious I think that that’s that’s worth a Google am i right like that is
worth a Google you know hey do you guys think Michael Oldroyd is religious oh
it’s a rhetorical question just maybe like answer answer to yourself and then
just wonder forever you know all right yeah freakin Shia LaBeouf on kion oh
let’s do this guy’s it’s wicked Constantine – yeah they think I’m I
think I’m a loser for liking those flicks my ex-girlfriends do guess what I
don’t care Constantine is awesome what’s giving up
for uh all right let’s move on yeah so updates already talked about how my
girlfriend gets excited when I’m not around I took her to a concert this is
what I was gonna mention this in the last podcast I took her to see Passion
Pit like two weeks ago or we can half ago
guys like Passion Pit I’m up there I’ve always thought they’re a fun band the
first time I saw them in the last time I saw him before this concert was like
seven years ago at Firefly the Firefly music
festival in Dover Delaware fun little Music Festival in the woods it’s like
the East Coast version of Coachella I told my I said that on the phone once
and my girlfriend like was like no it’s not I guess it’s for her perspective you
know no type of comparison the code to Coachella but nevertheless Passion Pit
was there and they sing like two songs and then the lead singer had to cancel
the rest of their part of the show because his voice was he was like losing
his voice so that was really disappointing you at that fleeting you
know that fleeting moment there and finally got to have the full
full-fledged concert here right on pier 17 it was on top of this like it’s like
building so it was like out by the water exposed on a rooftop beautiful night and
you can see the skyscrapers everywhere I had it on snapchat I think you guys if
you follow me on snapchat you probably saw some of the updates from that
concert but it was awesome really cool stuff to to appreciate that you know and
the lead singer was was being genuine I could tell that he was really happy to
be there I guess he went through some trouble a while back didn’t think he was
gonna be touring again not exactly sure what he was referring to but it was it
was a lot of fun you know and you know it’s nice to treat my girl she cuddled
me that night you know I’m sure I took her to that concert so guys if you’re
wanting to know how to you know get through to a chick I’ll take her to a
concert or something yeah all right getting down to the end of the podcast
here this is cool this is exciting I’m gonna give you guys a couple of dates on
the football stuff I streamed a workout yesterday here on lol space lol droid
stories right and I kind of hurt my wrist over the last week or so from
lifting so I’m icing that baby up and taking some ibuprofen trying to nurse
that as I you know get back in shape here I
don’t want to have to lose too much time nursing this little this little pain but
it’s it’s I don’t know maybe it’s the fact that I’m getting older and I don’t
know I don’t know what the deal is but it’s nice it’s not fun having it it is
what it is though you can you can watch how I I think anybody watching that
workout might you knows a younger dude would be like I’m grinding through that
you know um you know I’m not backing down but that’s that’s such an immature
way to think about it you gotta you gotta know your body right go with your
gut instinct and thank goodness I stopped when I did yesterday and didn’t
try to push through it because today that the wrist is super sore anyway um
that’s I don’t know if you guys find that interesting at all but here’s
here’s something that’s interesting one of my old teammates his name is Jamie
Vaughn right and we played he was a walk-on at Mizzou with me and we started
the same year back in hoe six and he he tagged me in this post the other day
called the ten day football challenge you know how they those posts go around
where it’s like remember the ice bucket the MLS ice bucket challenge or the ALS
ice bucket challenge well this dude I guess is starting I don’t know if he
somebody attacked him in it or out where it came from but you know he tagged me
in this post called the ten ball challenge where I’m supposed to post ten
days a picture every day of a meaningful memory and football something that
brings up something significant in my days at football so I’m on day three I’m
actually committing to that nobody that I’ve tagged so far as opposed to
anything I think everyone’s like see there’s no way I’m I’m doing that I’m
too cool to make posts but I did tag Darnell Terrell from my high school who
ended up getting a scholarship to Mizzou and then my buddy caleb medley is who
you guys know from past podcasts and then too
Tagg my buddy Scott Lou Hauser so you know Scott and Caleb have both been on
this podcast and yeah we’ll see if anybody that I don’t think a single
person that I tagged will commit to it but you know it’s fun it’s fun putting
put football pictures out there from from the younger days and you know just
kind of catapulting those into the universe why not right
so here’s something that I forgot to mention last time I took a trip to
Mississippi actually a couple weeks ago and that was really cool reconnecting
with some of those southern routes you know I you know Walter Payton and Walter
Payton went to Jackson State down there and I believe Jerry Rice grew up in
Mississippi was his dad was a bricklayer that’s where his hands got you know kind
of like tough to catch footballs you know I just always happen to catch
bricks growing up and I forget where Jerry Rice Jerry Rice went to
Mississippi Valley State University if I’m not mistaken and that’s where the
Niners drafted him from but rice was my man growing up I wanted to be the next
Jerry Rice got to meet him you know got personalized autograph from him I think
I told you guys that story before he was always humble super hard worker he was
like the Michael Jordan you know or Jerry Rice was like the Michael Jordan
of football to me at least especially in the world of wide receiver I growing up
I knew I meant Terrell Owens as a kid in trouble you know Jerry Rice was torella
was his mentor they ever tell you guys the story of Terrell Owens I saw him at
a Golden State Warriors game actually when I was a kid me and my best friend
her DePaul were there together here today you know the Indian my Indian
buddy we’re at a Golden State Warriors game we’re seeing a season I saw this
dude from the other side of the the it’s not the Oracle Center or whatever I was
like that looks like Terrell Owens over there so we got up and like went to the
like concessions or whatever and I saw the guy that looked like Terrell Owens
and I was like standing there looking at from the side I was like is that trelles
all of a sudden turn around jump down goes blue right so he knew II saw he saw
us they’re like creeping on him or whatever you know spying on him and he
he was playful you know enough to call us out on in a funny a fun way you know
and I was like excuse me I’m sorry to bother you but are you Terrell Owens he
said no but you could tell it meant yes but he had like a smile on his face so
you know it was pretty funny he had braces at the time actually and I was
like I can I can I have your autograph and he’s like yeah sure and I was like
awesome do you have a penny like now so I didn’t have a pen but I did get to
meet him and he was funny to me so yeah he was he was a Jerry Rice’s apprentice
at one point but he went off and became a little more he was a showboat Jerry
Rice was humble and and very classy Jerry Rice was like a Lexus you know and
Terrell Owens was was like a you know a dude with a spoiler on his whip and 26
inch rims and all these things you know and definitely tremendous tremendous
athlete I think that the current day Terrell Owens is Odell Beckham jr. right
so interesting stuff it was cool to be down in Mississippi I saw you know one
of the the big high school stadiums you know it looked like a little College
down there you know I don’t need I think it seems like 20,000 people I mean it
was like Friday Night Lights literally Odessa Texas and it was cool too I’ve
got a connection down there somebody who plays football down there so it was cool
to reconnect with that and I told you guys a couple weeks ago when I when I
played catch with my buddy there who lives in this building with me he played
football at UCLA and we were talking about he was a wide receiver there and
he told me he’s had dinner with Jerry Rice before so he pretty completely one
of me on everything I just told you guys about Jerry Rice
I guess he knows Jerry and his kid kids and you know through coaches and his
family’s involved football so you know that was cool to hear that you know he’s
got that connection and he walked on to UCLA actually got some legitimate
playing time so that was really really fun he might join me and my my flag
football endeavors here with this team that’s uh getting off the ground you
know here in a couple weeks we’re gonna have our first game you know I’m gonna
get my feet wet and see where we go right
who knows maybe from their trial for the Giants maybe I got a maybe I got to dip
my toes in the water of some semi-pro ball first I don’t know there’s a league
starting out here and there’s gonna be a New Jersey team so I know we’ll take it
a step of times kind of play it out see how I feel but speaking of UCLA did I
tell you guys about my friend Evans dude students my biggest fan you know Irvin I
wouldn’t be surprised if Irving is the only person who’s still listening to
this podcast right now Irvin what’s up dude if you’re listening
send me a message let me know if you heard this because this urban Yee you
hit me up more than my girlfriend bro you know you you I appreciate the love I
appreciate the Facebook Likes in the comments you know and the coffee that
you sent appreciate that band drinking the coffee that you sent so that’s
awesome but yeah urban congratulations you graduated from UCLA last year I see
you I see your updates on Instagram you’re always at UCLA girls like
volleyball games or softball games so that’s cool your support and maybe
you’ll be able to snag one of those chicks one of these days why from a
little baby who knows man crazier things have happened you know so
I guess do I want to end with anything you know what I’m tired I’m gonna go to
bed it’s 153 in the morning anything that I have here I’ll push it off til
next time but I appreciate you guys tuning in
and I hope that I hope you have a good week we’ll try to make this thing more
regular and yeah frickin go blues and yeah I mean maybe by the time that I do
another podcast perhaps the Blues will be world champions we’ll see I guess
we’ll see but signing off has the Droid and I have
a good week that’s that’s my best impression of myself
hi guys peace

1 thought on “Live recording | Episode LXXVI aka 76 | Michael Oldroyd Comedy Podcast

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *