How to Build Confidence and Self-esteem | Aubrey Marcus Podcast w/ GaryVee

How to Build Confidence and Self-esteem | Aubrey Marcus Podcast w/ GaryVee

– Do not fucking confuse
confidence with ego. Ego is fucking insecurity. It is not confidence. (yelling) You got your perspective. (crowd cheering) I just wanna be happy. Don’t you wanna be happy? (bright electronic music) – Gary, what’s up, my man? – Life is good, brother. – [Aubrey] It is good, isn’t it? – Yeah. – That’s one of the fucking things that, I’ve had the opportunity
to get to know you not only in the professional context but also just as a homie. And people always ask me,
what’s he like, what’s he like? And I have to say, man,
you’re fucking happy. There’s no doubt about that. – Yeah. – You are one of the
busiest and happiest people, like if you would turn the dials
of both of those things up, a lot of times those
things don’t coincide. But for you, they do. – And I think the thing
that I’m conscious of is off the screen, I’m
real happy, too, right? Like, I think one thing
that’s really been interesting is as awareness around
an individual grows, a level of responsibility
comes along with it. I’m definitely at a point right now where I really am being
thoughtful of like, look, there’s a lot of eyes on me. And a lot of people who are not happy are putting their eyes on
me, and I’m helping them through that. And I need to be
hyper-sensitive in my own self of articulating things
that I’m unhappy about. But what’s been really interesting is I’ve been really on this kick for six or nine months. I’m struggling to be unhappy because I’ve come to
realize it’s unbelievable how simple my life is. If I genuinely wake up in the morning and eight to 10 people
are actually still alive, I’m just struggling to
be upset about stuff. I don’t know what else to say. I struggle with, my perspective on life is very simple, which is it’s such a blessing. It’s so rare, you know? Last time we were here, I made a video with you guys, and in there I talked about the 400 trillion to one. And that micro piece of content which I’ve chopped up and used, it’s one of my most successful
pieces of content ever, happened in this building
a couple years ago. And I’ve really, I’ve
always internalized it. I finally articulated
it a couple years ago. And I continue to internalize it, which is, I am happy, because
I’d like to understand, I’d like somebody to sell me
on what to be upset about. – Well, it’s a failure of perspective when you’re upset. – [Gary] It’s a failure of- – It really is, and if
you can keep perspective like you are, in line, you are happy. – I’ll tell you what’s
really emerged, entitlement. I was parented in a really, and my circumstances put me in a place where I just don’t think
anybody owes me anything, not society, not the government, not people I do nice things for. That’s a killer. – [Aubrey] Yeah. – People struggle so much,
when they do something nice for somebody, they think that
person owes them something. I’m desperately trying to give more value to every person I ever cross paths with and never ask for anything in return. That is literally the
framework of my life. My great hope is that I can bring more value to people than they bring to me and I’m never in a dire situation where I ever have to ask
for anything in return. – Well, you keep yourself in
that abundance state, right, so you’re not in need. You’re not desperate. You don’t have the expectation,
oh, I’m giving this transactionally so that I receive this. And then when those
expectations aren’t met, then you have the hangover
of that expectation, the sadness that comes
from chasing that thrill of hoping to get something
and then it failing. Instead, if you just give and have the act of giving be the gift itself, like, oh, I helped this person. – And I’m in that in a lot of ways. That’s right, and then
it’s the same reason I’m an entrepreneur. Being an entrepreneur is the win. And I believe we’re living through a great era right now where people are looking for the money and the things you can buy with the money
from entrepreneurship. And that is why I believe that in the next decade there will
be an enormous conversation of people being unhappy entrepreneurs during this generation. – [Aubrey] Yeah. – Because it is so in the air in your Instagram stream success and the perception of success. And I really started
to articulate something that feels really true to me, which is, how do I, you know, I can only be
responsible for myself. I hope it encouraged others. But how do I start making happiness the true north star, not money? I don’t know what else
to say, like, not stuff. – Well, anything that you
place outside of yourself for happiness is going to
be a dead end street, right, because that thing is something that you’ll have to constantly chase. That’ll be the rabbit that keeps you on the greyhound track,
always running around. Oh, if it’s money, well,
then you’re gonna need more money when you get money. And you’re gonna need
more and more and more, and you’ll keep feeding this thing rather than recognizing that
happiness lives within us as soon as we acknowledge it. – And for everybody
who’s watching right now, do not confuse this
for a lack of ambition. I’m ambitious as fuck. I just am really happy with the process. And I’m also super
weirdly happy with losing. – ‘Cause that’s the process. – I lost to you in pool and
in, what is that thing, again? – Sauce.
– Sauce. (Aubrey laughs) – I beat you in free throws and darts. I’m sitting here, and I only
wanna play sauce and pool. (laughing) And I think there’s
something in that, right? The Rangers, New York Rangers, and the Yankees have
won world championships during my fandom. The Knicks and Jets have not. I do not watch the Rangers
and Yankees anymore. I’m diehard on the other two. I’m in it for the process. Like, I watched, I was at the airport. I took a, I told you off
camera, I took a red eye, which I’m trying not
to do, for my own body and rest and all that. But I did, and I was in San Francisco. And the Warriors game was on. And I actually just don’t
consume a lot of stuff in general. But I watching this Warriors game, and I grew up in the kind of
tech boom of 2005 through 11. And I’d go to San Francisco a lot. And when I tell you not one fucking human in San Francisco knew
who the Warriors were in 2005 to 11, not one. And I’m watching this game. It’s the end of the game, and I’m watching these fans celebrate. And there was just this wild feeling going through my body of almost like, a really funny mix of, I don’t know. I find it crazy when people
become bandwagon fans and think that they’re successful through their team’s success. – Yeah, they use the word we when they’re talking about a pro team. – Yeah, and I do that as well. (Aubrey laughs) So I don’t wanna be a hypocrite. But I’m literally talking about, you don’t like the team or care about it. Then they start winning championships, and you’re going to games, and then you’re making fun of hardcore Houston Rocket fans. And I watch this play out on social and in culture, and
I’m like, I don’t know. I just, I think a bandwagon sports fan is one of the great tells
of somebody who’s insecure. And it’s just something that has always run through my mind. Literally, when I think
about the Bulls fans and the Cowboy fans of
my high school years in New Jersey, when they were good, just a lot of those
bandwagon fans in my school are not happy or successful. – Well, when you attach your identity to some other thing and then that identity makes you good, whether or not that thing is successful or not, so if your identity is
a sports fan of X team and you only feel good about yourself when X team is there, because it’s like you had some fucking insight, and it made you smarter
or it made you better or made you something that
your ego can latch onto as, like, I am superior to something else, and if you’re in it for that, well, you might get a thrill
every once in a while. But you’re gonna have a
lot of fucking heartbreak, rather than being in
it, as you were saying, being in it for just being a fan, whether you’re winning or losing. The joy of being a fan is being a fan, not the fucking win. – It’s crazy, while you were just talking, where my mind went. It went to people’s social media profiles versus their actual truth. I am petrified that
everybody is a PR version of themselves on social
and that it’s now a thing, like a sports team. It was really interesting
where my mind just went. I’m like, fuck, that’s what’s happening. – Well, fuck, those
likes and those followers and that stuff, like, you
really meditate on that, I mean, the amount that
you get out of that, the dopamine, the validation. – But people are not posting because they’re petrified for it not to hit the metric
of their prior posts. (Aubrey laughs) Like, literally, humans
are not sharing stuff with other humans, which
is like the core thing of why this all worked,
because they’re worried that this picture of this coconut shake is not gonna do as well as the picture of them hiking. And so they’re literally not posting. I mean, to live a life predicated on, your success and happiness is predicated on likes or followers in a social network is a very vulnerable state but has always been our vulnerable state. Do not confuse this. This is not a social media problem. This is a human problem. It’s the same reason
that people buy Mercedes that they can’t afford or buy homes that they can’t afford or wear sneakers that they can’t afford. I mean, high school never really ends for 99% of people. – Well, that was that
initial tribal impulse, that evolutionary biology that said, get along with the tribe. Make sure the tribe likes you. You won’t get exiled, and then the tribe will take care of you. But now there’s no actual tribe that’s hunting for food and foraging for fucking berries. But we’ve universalized it to social media and the entirety of the world, so it can become this paralyzing thing that our brains, which were used to the Dunbar number,
which was 150 people, the maximum amount of people that you could actually give a shit about in your tribe, really, is
what the psychologists assume, but now it’s, like, everybody. And that’s kinda fucking overwhelming. And I don’t think we’ve really adapted. And I don’t think people are really keen to how much of that social
pressure actually affects us. – And the modern day parent is blaming the network, not the way
they’re parenting their child. – Right. With extraordinary forces- – And I wanna stay on this, I apologize. This is a very big thing for me. There is no social network. It’s a platform. Everything on Instagram
was done by a human. People are like, Gary, I’m so crippled by this bullshit. And I’m like, delete Instagram. (laughs) I’m really, really, really passionate about accountability. We need to, we need to, we need to put, we need to put it in the right place. We don’t need to look the other way, where there’s systematic issues. There are. But we have to put
accountability on a pedestal. Back to lack of
entitlement, accountability, much of a kissing cousin
of lack of entitlement, is such a driver for me. Every time something happens bad, I’m like, that’s my fault. And that makes me happy, not sad. It makes me feel empowered. – Yeah, I think what we have to recognize is this is an extraordinary force. The access to social media
is an extraordinary force. Doesn’t mean it’s good or bad. It’s just a force that exists. So when you have a force
that exists like that, it’s the job of parents,
it’s the job of me and you, it’s the job of everybody
who’s talking about it to just remind people, this
is a strong force, everyone. Use it for good. Use it how you want. But be mindful of it. These are the ways that it
can actually be using you. These are the ways that
it can almost drag you, like a drug addiction, right? It’s fine to have a few glasses of wine. But if it’s a bottle of wine every night, then the wine is using you. You’re not using the wine. And that’s the exact same way you can look at social media. – I believe that is absolutely true, and I believe that we struggle when new things happen in our society to fully wrap our heads around them. The internet is the
biggest impact on humans. You have to assume, you know, fire, I’m talking on a real level here, the internet, we are all super lucky. If you think about how long humans have actually been around, the airplane seems pretty intense. There’s a ton of shit
that has happened, right, electricity, the printing press, but it’s on that level. – Bigger. – [Gary] There’s a lot
of people who, right? – Yeah. – There’s a lot of people who don’t live, and I’m looking at this room, everybody kind of in an age group where, we’re living through the beginning of the platform that arguably is one of the one to five biggest inventions and
impacts on humans ever. And so that’s intense. It just is. In some ways, certain
generations had world wars and other things. Ours is this incredible
acceleration of technology. And look, this may seem mundane for somebody who’s watching
this in 1,000 years, ’cause the robots took over. And there’s just a million
things that could happen. But we’re in a very special time. And right now, we have
gone into chapter two. Chapter one in 2005,
six, seven, eight, nine, about all the maturity of the
internet was nirvana, right? It was all good. Look at all these people doing well. Super cool, super nice. The cliche thing that always happens is what’s happening right now. Now we’re demonizing it. America and humans love to build shit up and then tear it down. We loved building Zucks up. Now we’re loving demonizing him. And then we’re gonna love
for him to come back. This is what we do. I just really, really, really want people to stop blaming Instagram. There is no Instagram. There’s you. You don’t like it, don’t consume it. It’s free. – Yeah, I mean, just the same
as, don’t blame the wine. – Don’t blame the wine. – [Aubrey] If you’re
the one who uncorks it. – 100%. – You’re the one who drinks it. And I understand that there’s pressures. And I understand that
there’s addictive tendencies. And I understand the way
that the brain works, and I understand that it’s not easy. And some people may have it
rougher than other people. And all that’s understood. But fundamentally, it’s your hand. It’s your bottle. It’s your corkscrew. You can make a different choice. And if you need help making
that different choice, fucking go get help making
that different choice. Still, though, I agree with you with that accountability. We have to remember that
this isn’t about nerfing the whole world and
saying, oh, video games and fucking Instagram, it’s all bad, and it’s ruining kids. No, these are extraordinary forces. So let’s acknowledge those, and let’s just teach and coach and help people out. – Sugar is an extraordinary force. – (laughs) Yeah, it is. It is. – Right, I think that’s right. But I think right now we’re in a
very convenient state, and everybody’s throwing around judgment and blame like it’s free. And we need to, I feel a huge sense of responsibility to articulate accountability, lack of
entitlement, and positivity, ’cause I believe in it. And I understand, by the way, you know, it was funny, there’s a
very interesting thing going on here right now, which is there’s an extraordinary amount of people that are content or happy. They just don’t communicate, right? Negativity, by nature, is
louder, has always been. Your grandmother who’s
miserable was louder than your grandfather, who’s content. The problem is, now words are
being documented at scale. This has always been the way. There’s nothing different right now. It’s just that we can’t look
at our grandmother’s tweets. Fuck, if we could. (Aubrey laughs) I mean, my grandmother was one of the most super negative people I’ve ever come across in my life, in my life. Just unbelievably negative. Everything was negative. Every good thing that happened
was a conspiracy theory. And I used to be mad at her. And then I had to remind
myself as I got older and more thoughtful, I’m like, this is a woman who lived
in the Soviet Union, who went through World War Two, and who saw some shit
and who lost her husband and who had a, ’cause I knew
my great-grandmother, too, had a negative, negative mother. And you become more empathetic as you become more thoughtful. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that my grandma would’ve been spitting fucking venom on Instagram if
that shit was around in 1957. You know? And so I think we need to get
into some real conversations. And right now the conversations are lazy. Social media’s bad. It’s Apple’s job to restrict it. And that’s cool. I’m fine with a level of platform and government involvement. I’m fine with that. But you’ll always be disappointed if you think some big
force is gonna save you. You’ll always been disappointed. So just solve it for yourself. – That’s what we, but that’s, people make money off that idea, as well, which is one of the things that, in the health world, is
really challenging to look at, when people give some kind of diagnosis for every little thing and give some magical cure that’s
outside of someone’s control. – Like apple fucking
vinegar or fucking celery fucking vinegar or, I see all this shit, and I’m like, what the fuck? – Well, in anything, it’s like, this thing is out of your control. You can’t fix it. Oh, you’re having a
little trouble focusing? Don’t worry, we got you covered. You’re broken, you’re broken. All of the messaging coming across is you’re broken, we can fix you. You’re broken, we can fix you. – The end, the end. Somebody, the end. – [Aubrey] Yeah. – And I’m like, you’re not broken. – You’re not broken, that’s the secret. Nobody here is broken. – Nope, we all suck shit at a ton of shit. We all are actually good
at a couple of things. Spend all your fucking
time trying to figure out what you’re good at. And if, god forbid, one of those things is something you actually like, too, you’re off to the fucking races. And in 2019, when you can make a podcast or an Instagram account or a Shopify store around Dragon Ball Z and make
73,000 a year doing that, that’s real. What I just said is real. That’s fucking crazy,
that if you pod committed, you have a job that you don’t like, paying college debt that
you’re pissed about, but instead of coming
home and having a beer and watching Netflix and
playing fucking Fortnite to escape, I get it. You wanna escape, I get it. What I’m saying is just take a step back. Listen to me for a second. Come home and start building
your Dragon Ball Z eBay account by buying shit on
Craigslist and flipping it, start a podcast and go
Dragon Ball Z episode one, here we are, du du du. Start an Instagram account
around Dragon Ball Z, build, build, build, build, build, build, build, build, build,
if you fucking did that around somewhere 12 years ago, loved Black Panther, somebody did. It was a rare comic book. It wasn’t the biggest of the world, but somebody loved it. But they didn’t think
that they could build a business around Black Panther. What they didn’t know was 10 years later, Black Panther was gonna
be made a feature film that was gonna completely
penetrate culture. If she or he had a podcast
and Instagram account that really was the nichest of niche Black Panther fans which
made no fucking sense 10 years ago, but it had its 43,000 people that fucked with Black Panther. When that move came out and
had that huge marketing budget, that motherfucker would’ve
gotten 50,000 bucks to market the fuck out of that movie on his Instagram, Snapchat,
Facebook, Twitter, podcast, blog. And that same person right now is still sitting in their cubicle making 79,000 a year, hating life. I’m fascinated by that. – It’s interesting, it’s almost like we all have the chance to drill our wells. And we drill our wells through our effort, through our sweat, through our focus, through our intensity. But the water table may be at 300 feet. So if we don’t go deep enough, if we’re just kinda casually
fucking with Black Panther instead of really going
deep and continuing to dig- – [Gary] Yes. Yes. – We won’t ever hit the
water of being lucrative or the water of success. We may pull up at 200 feet. We may pull up at 250 feet
and not get any water. – And, so there’s no confusion, somebody’s gonna go 400 feet. The great thing is that we can all do it. The bad thing is we can all do it. So now you’re competing with the world. There’s a lot of people
that started wine videos in 2008 after mine popped. Every liquor store in America started their wine show. They just weren’t good enough. (Aubrey laughs) Right? There’s a lot of people
trying to do Gary V videos on Instagram every day, a
whole, whole, whole lot. A lot more of those
than wine shows in 2008. But they’re not good enough,
’cause it’s not true. The only way to really win is to be true. – You gotta be it, man. You gotta fucking be it. You know, I had an interesting
thing happen last night. So yesterday I was out shooting hoops so I could hopefully beat
you today, which failed. I lost. – By the way, when we play the tape, I genuinely think after
you drilled that first one, the subtle way I passed
it back to make you move- – [Aubrey] Yeah, yeah,
you fucking threw me- – And then we talked about it. – [Aubrey] And then I laughed. – I really believe in that shit. – (laughs) It worked. – I believe the majority
of victories that I’ve had in physical sports things have been completely mental victories,
non-physical ones. – Well, all right, so Gary throws the ball with the wrong spin, so I
have to go reach for it. But I deftly actually soccer
kick it back to myself. And actually what fucked with me, too, was, all right, I see
Gary playing that trick. I know what it’s supposed to do. But look at how smooth that was with that soccer kick. So I’m starting patting
myself on the back. And I’m all in my head. (laughs) – Because the brain is
the operating system. And what happened was, I
stopped the ebb and flow of what was naturally gonna happen. And then you are so in the brain, too, that you almost
over-corrected, and away we go. And I pull off a stunning victory. – (laughs) Well, in my efforts to try and prevent that from happening, I’m out there shooting
hoops in my backyard. And I’ve lived at this house
for almost seven years. And in the front of the house,
there’s a drainage ditch. And the drainage ditch
has some embankments. And it has some places where the drain kinda has a tunnel. And I just would think, all right, this is a drainage ditch
in front of my house. I never thought another thing about it. Well, yesterday there’s
a kid on a BMX bike. And I’m out there shooting hoops, and he is just ripping
through my drainage ditch, jumping over the things,
hitting the embankment, riding it like a vert
ramp, and then going back and peeling out. And I was like, whoa, I never saw the front of my yard as a
BMX fucking terrain park. But he did, because that’s what he does. He was clearly, he is that dude. He was the dude who could
see that as a terrain park. And whoever you are, right now, wherever you are, you’re the dude that sees something that
someone else doesn’t see, that the owner of the
fucking house never saw once. I had no idea. I was like, that’s just the annoying part that if I fall off the
driveway, I’ll get stuck. But I didn’t see it as a BMX terrain park. But we all have that ability. We all have something there. – I’m such a fan of what you just said. Honestly, usually when I go on podcasts and things of that nature, I’m trying to answer the questions, I’m thinking, I’ve
already done it once here, I’m listening, so I’m
thinking of new things to say. That really stopped me dead in my tracks. And I’m gonna tell you why. I’m obsessed with perspective. I genuinely believe you find
what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for bad right now, it’s a piece of cake. If you’re looking for good right now, it’s a piece of cake. I’m just asking you, what
the fuck are you looking for? Please, just a very simple question. And by the way, I hate, in a lot of ways, I hate the way I talk because it’s super simple. And I’m sitting right now,
thinking about the kid who’s listening to this. And she or he is in her room right now, ear pods in, listening to this. And they’re miserable because
their dad’s an alcoholic or their mom’s this,
or real shit, you know? Tough stuff. And they’re like, ugh,
it’s so, like, fuck you. It’s not that simple. Yet it is. One thing I don’t do well
is talk about my problems, which manifests in many ways. It manifests in being taken for granted in my real life and in my collective life, my outward life. I got fucking problems. I’ve got lots of problems, real ones. I grew up with lots of the stuff, lots and lots and lots of stuff. I just am not capable of going into it. I don’t get going. I can’t get there, and
so one of the things that I try to remind kids, I’m like, take me out of the equation. Don’t even use me when
I’m saying these things. If you know one person
that has ever gotten to a happy place that dealt
with your circumstance, there is a blueprint. The end. There have been people, Night Train Lane, legendary football player,
was thrown in a dumpster the second he was born. Went on to be one of the
great football players of all time, dated every
actress in the game, was Red Fox’s body
guard, iconic gentleman. Dumpster. There’s all sorts of circumstances. – And we all have our fucking dumpsters. – [Gary] Everybody’s got a dumpster. – Every one. – And you know who has dumpsters? I apologize. You know who has dumpsters? Kids that have too much. You wanna talk about who I’m actually getting hit up by? It’s not the kid in the hood that saw me with Gunna, and
they think I’m cool now. And they’re like, how do I get out of the, it’s kids that are trust
fund babies who are sick. Listen, and I know this,
I never judge somebody that comes from a shitty circumstance. I’m a cheerleader. I’m an underdog guy, right? I cheer that. I see, I meet you, and we’re friends, and then we’re at a dinner party and my friend comes over, goes,
you know who that is, right? That’s the grandson of
fucking Howard Hughes. I immediately judge that person. Nothing that person ever
achieves I’ll give credit to. That’s me, that’s actually
how I see the world. I will not fully give
credit to my own children because of that reason. I really, I’m being very transparent here. I would much rather, in
a world of the internet, where the internet
doesn’t care who you are, I would much rather, in
2019, come from too little than come from too much. Not in 1984, ’cause there was no internet, and all those relationships
and all that money really mattered. But I believe that we’re living in a very funny time,
where clout, reputation, work ethic, a lot of different things are starting to be put on
pedestals, not just money. And earning your keep and who you are and what you’re giving to the world, and I think we’re living in a
very interesting transition. – Well, I mean, whatever you have, it changes your start position. And that can be overwhelming, right? It’s all about what you
do with what you have from where you begin. – And by the way, it’s
all perspective, right? For me, as somebody
who takes so much pride in the process, I wouldn’t have wanted to start on third and a half base. Somebody else is sitting right now, is like, I’m pretty cool with it. Pretty pumped pops made 50, you know? – Well, you just said-
– And that’s fine! – You start on third and a half base, you better fucking hit it 500 feet and keep killing it, right? – Or, by the way, but here’s
where it’s really fun. Here’s where it gets super interesting. Or not. And guess what? Who the fuck are all of us? (Aubrey laughs) You’re on third and a half base and you end up on second
and a half base, and what? And this is actually the punchline. I want, actually, if
somebody’s listening right now, if you’re somebody who’s like 50, 60, 70 and you started on third and a half base and ended on second and a half base but you’re pumped as
fuck and happy for real, please email me. I’m really, I just
wanna know that insight, because I actually think
it’s the reverse of me. Excuse me, I think it’s similar to me, which is, what actually happens when you can calibrate judgment? I believe one of the biggest reasons that I’m one of the
forefront faces of all this is ’cause I can handle the judgment. You know how much hate I have? There’s a video right now of a young woman doing a motivational speech. She crushed it. It’s going a little viral on Twitter. I’m getting destroyed by the comments. (Aubrey laughs) They’re like, yeah, fuck that Gary V guy. I know that’s who you’re
freaking making fun of. That hurts. And most people are folding their chairs when they get judged like that. I’m not, because I know
every one of those people who said that have never met me. I can handle judgment
if you don’t know me. If Caleb and Nick Dio
thought I was a dick face, then I would have a real problem. – Well, then it’s a truer reflection. But even still, it’s not the truest. We, ourselves, are the
truest mirror of ourselves if we actually are fair
and we actually look without the biases that we all bring. Then we’re the only ones. I mean, Bode Miller was someone
who taught me that, right? – [Gary] So true. – He was like, if
someone pumps your tires, they don’t know you. If they congratulate you on that, like, he would get congratulated on finishing a race and
he didn’t like the race, he couldn’t take that. He’s like, well, I didn’t
fucking ski it my best. And he would ski his best sometimes, crash or not finish well, and
everybody’d be like, oh, sorry, man. He’d be like, fuck you, man. I fucking skied my best,
you know what I mean? – Man, honestly, that just
got me fired up about Bode. I’m the same way, man. It’s unbelievable how I just, I do not take the accolades, and I do not take the hate. I’m just fucking in the middle. I’m in my own head. – It’s really a reflection
of who’s saying it. It’s not even a reflection of you. It’s their projection of you. – I’ll be honest, you’ll appreciate this. It doesn’t even go that
far, bro, honestly. I’ve got ear pods in 24/7. Can’t hear shit. (Aubrey laughs) From my mom to a stranger,
just don’t hear it. I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m in a very fucking place, a very interesting place on this. You know what it’s driven by? Empathy. I know they don’t know me. They don’t know me. They just can’t fucking begin to know me. I hate Scotty Pippin. I don’t know Scotty Pippin. So I understand it. I fucking hate Scotty Pippin. I despise Tom Brady. And I actually know a lot
of people that know him, and sounds like he’s a fairly solid dude. (Aubrey laughs) I still fucking hate him. And so if I’m willing to do that, then everyone’s willing to do that. – And everyone gets permission to do that. – And that’s it. And so, but I think judgment is on tilt. Judgment is like fucking,
I’m telling you, man, that’s all we’re doing now. People are just fucking hot
taking each other 24/7, 365, casting judgment at scale. Judgment is on tilt. Judgment has momentum. Judgment is the undertone right now. And honestly, I wanna push so
against it or calibrate it. – [Aubrey] I feel you. – I’m just, I’ve lost so much momentum in judging somebody, you can’t imagine, over the last five years. Everybody does it. It’s a human trait. But mine doesn’t get going anymore. I’m just like, I don’t know
anything about anybody. – That’s true. It’s hard enough to know ourselves, let alone somebody else. To really have a clear view of us, who’s looking in the
fucking mirror back at us, to really see that shit, I mean, that’s hard enough work,
let alone somebody else, another entire human being and all the pressures and all the urges and all the things. – And the amount of
hypocrisy people spend, just like, oh, fuck that
guy, look what he just did. And literally, they did
that shit yesterday. I just see it every day. It’s crazy. I’m just shocked by people’s ability to be such insane hypocrites. – Well, the ego needs to
put them in a position where they feel superior. The ego only judges itself
in relative position. So no matter what, if
someone’s uncomfortable with their relative position, they’ll have to make a fucking adjustment. – But bro, we have to
fucking redefine ego, ’cause for some reason a lot of alphas like to think ego’s decent. Let me just explain this very clearly to everybody straight up,
from one man’s point of view. Ego is insecurity with makeup on. So we need to redefine ego, because when people hear ego,
40% of them are like, yeah, but the fucking ego, like they think there’s a lot of good with that. Do not fucking confuse
confidence with ego. Ego is fucking insecurity. It is not confidence. It’s fucking insecurity. – Yeah, yeah, always, ’cause it’s always trying to put yourself in, as I said, not absolute position,
not where you absolutely know who you are and absolutely
know what you’re doing and you’re not phased by other people. It’s all relative. It’s all based on some fucking delusional Wizard of Oz sorcerer game where you’re trying to
create some structure and some rule book for life itself, in which this person is below you or this person had this advantage or this person had this disadvantage. Playing up your disadvantages
is also another game. Like, oh, well, I’m in the
most disenfranchised group of the disenfranchised group
of the disenfranchised group, so basically I can’t lose. And you were in this enabled group. I mean, that’s something
I get all the time. My dad was a successful
commodities trader. He went insane before
Onnit was ever successful, and I never got a dime from him. But some people will go look up my father. Oh, he was a commodities trader. Look at this fucking rich boy. Of course you created on it. – [Gary] Of course. – And I’m like, and then that’s a way that they can build themselves above me. – I built a huge business
for my parents and get, I fucking took 22 to
34, gave up my entire, this is insane to me in hindsight, gave up my entire best dude years to spend every minute in a liquor store to build a business for my parents, left at 34, had no money, so much so that VaynerMedia started
in the conference room of Buddy Media, ’cause
I had no fucking money to even pay rent. And all, and a small percentage of people, anytime I say anything, is like, but daddy’s liquor store. Or, and then it manifests, or he was given four million dollars. I read this shit sometimes, and I’m like, and honestly, I mean it, I’m like, fuck, man, I feel bad. For that person to want to say that because it makes them feel better that they’re not willing
to put in the work or they’re unhappy or
whatever is going on for them, that makes me feel, like, sympathy. Honestly, this is what
I’m trying to tell people. This is a good cut topic. There’s a lot of you out
there that are happy, that are successful, and one of the things that’s happening is
you’re putting out stuff, and you’re being crippled a
little bit by the comments. And you get angry. And we’ve created this term trolls. I don’t look at it as
trolls, I really don’t. A lot of my friends back in the day were like, why do you feed trolls? I’m like, because I respect
other people’s points of view, and I wanna learn from conversation. Everybody now is just like,
trolls, trolls, trolls. And any negative thing you get, people dismiss as hate, haterade, trolls. I fucking read that shit. I read it because I never wanna become a caricature of myself. I need to calibrate it. It definitely doesn’t bring me down. I wanna understand it. It allows me to adjust. And I have to adjust,
we all have to adjust. I just think there’s a lot of things going on in the system. But I really wanna get
people’s minds more quiet because it is just one big game of, are you valuing other people’s opinions or are you valuing your own process? And just the validation from others is a no-win game. And I don’t know what happened. I mean, I know what happened. Parenting and circumstance
and environment. In hindsight, my ability
to navigate high school without peer pressure, which
is what I did, straight up. It’s been fun for my high school friends to be hitting me up on Facebook and stuff like that nature, you know, they’re just like, yeah,
you really did do that shit. I just didn’t give a fuck. I was selling baseball cards. And by sophomore year, you
said something in the gym. You’re like, I was into Magic. – So into it. – And then you’re like,
and then I gave it up. And literally where my brain was, I’m like, yeah, ’cause
you’re a good-looking dude. And you got to high
school, and you’re like, I’m not getting fucking
bitches if I play Magic. – No, Gary, let me tell you
how it actually went, happened. – [Gary] Please. – I was playing. I had my little Magic
circle out in California. I used to play at this
fucking Johnny’s Pizza. And there was this one fucking kid who would just always be
beat me and take my cards. – [Gary] Dominate, yep. – Whatever, I would battle him. I would sweat, and we’d
listen to Rolling Stones. And I’d usually lose. But nonetheless, I was
fucking feverish about it. I was in it from the drop. And then when my parents were like, hey, we’re moving to Texas, I
was like, no, we can’t. Nobody plays Magic there in Texas. It was like my circle. – How old were you? – I was like eighth grade. And I was wrecked. – This nerd Aubrey is my favorite Aubrey. – I was fucking- – [Gary] This is my favorite Aubrey. – I was fucking wrecked, because then there wasn’t internet, there wasn’t an app that I could go, like- – [Gary] Right, it was over. – Find the Magic the
Gathering circle near you. – [Gary] No, you were done. – Or some fucking Tinder for
Magic the Gathering players. – [Gary] Yeah, yeah. – No, there was nobody,
and I got to fucking, went to high school- – Dude, I went to college
and lost every friend I had. We didn’t have phones. (Aubrey laughs) It was over. These kids don’t get it. It was over. – Yeah, and that was it. – And that’s when, so what happened? – So I didn’t have- – So you came here, and what happened? – There’s no players, no players. – [Gary] So what happened? – And then- – [Gary] You leaned into sports? – Slowly, yeah, leaned into basketball, leaned into girls, also did, did, for sure, come. – [Gary] Yeah. – But nonetheless, I probably
would’ve stayed contiguous. – To my point, I didn’t give
up baseball cards for girls, ’cause I was quiet. I was like this. And to that point, it’s
really funny, though, I gotta be honest with you. There’s something happening with me in the last three to four weeks where I’m starting to get ambitious. I am starting to see the fruits of my labor. I am starting to see young, alpha dudes start to throw around words
like gratitude and empathy and kindness. And it’s really starting to
really make me feel good. And it’s really fucking with me. It really is exciting. And I do think, you know, much like, there’s a real interesting reason that I gravitate towards you. You have some strong points of view that are not fully accepted. You, Ferris, others. And I don’t consume a lot
of content, so I don’t, I’m gonna tread lightly here, because since I don’t real,
it’s very top line, right? But everything’s cool in moderation, as a simplification of me, melted. I think you’re talking about things that are gonna really show that
you’re historically correct. And I think you’re gonna help people. You’re giving people permission. And as somebody who was
super affected, also, by his mother on the Nancy Reagan kick and has never fucking done
a single drug in his life, I’ve never done anything, anything. I’m inspired by it, I mean it. – [Aubrey] Oh, thank you, brother. – I mean it, ’cause I’ve seen you do shit, again, ’cause I don’t really consume. I’m very funny in my process. But I know you’re up to something that is a different thing. It’s a different category of things. One thing you’ve touched on in the past that has hit my radar, I think I’m talking about parenting and insecurity and truths that people are uncomfortable with. I think America’s unbelievably
uncomfortable with sex and drugs. And I know that you’re playing
a little bit in that space. And I’m- – That sounds really fun, but (laughs) it’s a little less fun, but yeah. – It’s less fun, it is less fun. You’re doing it from
a far more thoughtful, really, really thoughtful,
mental place, in my opinion. – Sure, yeah, from a soulful place. And what we’re talking
about is psychedelics and open relationship, right? – And I think you’re creating safeness. That’s what I think you’re doing. And that’s what I’m trying to do. I think we have an entire generation of people that are
trying to be successful. And I have enormous
ambition to redefine it. I just really want people to be happy. And it’s so much more fun to be happy. It’s so fun to be happy. It’s super fun to be happy, bro. And I don’t mean pretending to be happy, and I don’t mean what everybody’s doing, which is spending all
their time to appear happy. And so I’m, yeah, I’m
really in it right now. I’m in a zone. – And you know what? The key, one of the keys
that I find to happiness is when, happiness lives in the moment, in the moment you’re in. And really, happiness is
acceptance of the moment you’re in. And whatever process that might be, and just recognizing that. And whenever you’re doing something for some other reason and projecting, it’s harder to be happy. There’s a good example
of this this morning. This morning, I’m taking a
fucking selfie in the sun. I don’t do that often, but
I was like, ah, nice sun. It’s an important day. I’m gonna take a fucking selfie. – [Gary] That’s cool. – And there was a butterfly that came, and I don’t get a lot of
butterflies in my backyard. This butterfly comes wafting by me, and I was like, ooh, sweet. I can get a selfie with the butterfly. (laughing) Right? And so I spent this time
moving myself around, and it was this magical moment where there’s this butterfly
fluttering around me, the sun was just shining. I could’ve just breathed
and enjoyed myself. But instead, I’m fucking
chasing this butterfly around with my fucking selfie camera. And then I wake up and go,
that was really stupid. – [Gary] Or was it? – (laughs) I don’t know. I felt like it was. I could’ve enjoyed the butterfly. – Because I’ll be honest with you. I’ll be honest with you. What you just said is something I’m thinking a lot about, which is, not that we’re, and
you didn’t demonize it, but society is starting to demonize, like, live in the moment. Right? There’s this photo that went viral as fuck like four years ago with the Pope. And everyone’s taking a photo. And there’s that 88-year-old lady, and she’s just looking at it. And everyone’s trying to make
it to be this great thing, and I was like, she didn’t
have a fucking phone. (Aubrey laughs) Like, why are we making letters on a, like if I sent you a really nice, three-sentence text tomorrow,
how much I enjoyed today, right, which now I’m not gonna do, ’cause I said it out loud. (Aubrey laughs) But why does putting it on a piece of paper and sending it as a note, because, what, because it made it seem like I put an extra two minutes into it? Like, we’re starting to do things where, I think it’s awesome that you
chased around the butterfly. I think it’s funny. I think it’s funny and interesting. And I don’t know, I don’t
wanna fucking stand there and just take in the butterfly. (Aubrey laughs) I think it’s fun to
chase it with the camera. That was just fun from a game standpoint. Butterflies fucking move quick. That shit was hard. (Aubrey laughs) I don’t know, so, again, this goes to the current
that we live in society, where right now everyone’s
like, just take it in. I don’t know, I wish I had photos of me at baseball card shows. Do you know how fucking pissed I am? Let me say this right now. Do you know how sad I am
that I don’t have photos from 1989 to 1992 at the 87 different baseball card shows that I had, ’cause I’d like to see them. I’d like to see them. So, cool, I’m glad that
everybody’s demonizing selfie sticks and all this shit. But I promise you in 39 years while you were making fun of those people, they’re gonna be thrilled to look at it. And their kids are gonna be very thrilled to look at it. And I’m super sad, ’cause
I don’t have jack shit of my childhood. My throwback Thursday
game is wack as fuck, ’cause I got nothing, ’cause us Russians, we
didn’t really take photos. And so again, there is a yin
and a yang to everything. And we should be the judge and jury of it. And back to your point, if it was cool for two minutes to chase
it with the selfie, cool. And if you’re like, fuck it, I’m an idiot. Let me take this in, cool. And that’s you, and that’s it. But everybody is taking everybody else, like, I’m watching people see one piece of content and be like, yeah, that’s what I’m doing now. I’m gonna sell my phone and write letters. And they do it to me in
the other way, right? They’re like, Gary’s right,
and I’m gonna do this. No, I’m putting out my perspective. Filter that through you, take the good that works for you from that, leave the shit that you don’t like. Most people aren’t as competitive as I am. What’s that fucking
hockey thing called again? – Sauce. – Dude, I’m still kind of in it. I wanna go back and play sauce again. Not everybody’s that,
that’s why I love this. I love competing. And business, for me, is competing. And I wasn’t built enough
to be in the league. And by the way, all those years where I was sad that I wasn’t an athlete, now I’m the happiest
that I’m an entrepreneur and not an athlete, now
that I’m really in the game and the world. I feel bad for these athletes. You’re super competitive. That is your high. That is what gets you excited. And when you’re a rockstar, Mick Jagger’s still doing it. But when you, Kobe’s not playing what he was meant to do. He’s a child still. And look where he’s going, to the business world to
get that fucking feeling. So I don’t know, I don’t know. – I think what you’re saying
is a really good point, though, because there’s
a way that you can put a hierarchy of value in your life and valuable situations, right? And saying that if you’re taking a selfie that it is of no value because you should be taking the present moment, which is instead, it’s still a judgment. It’s still you putting
a hierarchy together instead of just going out even further and bursting out of that and being like, there’s no judgment for any of this shit as long as you’re not hurting anybody. – You wanna hear a
secret thought in my mind that I’m desperately
hopefully will happen? This is a very weird
thing I’m about to say. I’ve never shared this. There’s a very big part of me and a conversation I
consistently have with myself that secretly, though I won’t force it. This is where I really know
how to play with myself. (laughs) I secretly hope I wake up one day and don’t want to buy the Jets anymore and don’t wanna work the way I wanna work and wanna do something
else completely left field. And I can’t wait to wake
up, look in the camera, and be like, I’m out, and leave and not give a fuck what anybody says. (Aubrey laughs) Oh, he figured out that he couldn’t do it, so he did this. Or see, see, you can’t work like Gary V. He got burned out. Like, don’t give a fuck. If I genuinely in my soul feel it, I can’t wait to go build
fucking sandcastles in Peru for the rest of my life. – And that’s- – And that’s an empowering,
you see where I’m going? – It’s so fucking empowering, man. – [Gary] And that’s it. – Because we get trapped by the identity that we formerly created. – Tom Delyew said it. He pegged it for me in a
podcast, on my podcast. He flipped it on me. He goes, you know what your superpower is? I’m like, what? He’s like, you don’t judge yourself. I’m like, fuck, you’re right. And that’s what that was. This is why I’m so hot
on this judgment thing. The great blessing of my life is that I don’t judge myself. I hold myself accountable. It doesn’t mean you go and be reckless. I’m not delusional. When I fuck up and I suck, it’s just that I just don’t over-judge it. Everyone’s tearing themselves down. The fuck are you doing that for? Everybody else is doing that for you. Stop beating yourself up. Like, what? – Yeah, it’s like we have this idea of what we should be, what
we’re supposed to already be. – [Gary] There is no should be. – Look, whoever the
fuck you are right now, whoever you are today is tomorrow’s idiot. Tomorrow you’re gonna
look back at yourself of yesterday, last week, last year and be like, oh, yeah, I was still just figuring it out. And you’re always gonna be
in that fucking position. – [Gary] Forever. – Forever. – And parents, if you’re
listening right now, ’cause you know that to be true, stop being a dick. – [Aubrey] (laughs) Yeah. – ‘Cause you know that you’re 57 and you don’t have anything figured out, the fuck are you
pressuring your 19 year old to figure it out? Can we just fucking eliminate that? Honestly, maybe we can do it right here. You’ll get a lot of listens to this if this is the true moment in society where we eliminate figuring it out. There is no fucking figuring it out. There is no out. It doesn’t end. The fuck are you talking about? What, getting a job at an accounting firm when you’re 23, you’ve
figured it the fuck out? Getting married at 29, you figured it out? What the fuck are we talking about here? There is no figuring it out. – It’s an endless,
infinite loop of figuring. – And so if you’re a 57 year old and forcing your 22 year
old to figure it out because you wanna look
good to your friends that your child figured
it out, not you want your kid to- – [Aubrey] Ah, the secret. – Ah. – The ego gets activated again, ’cause you can shit on those
other parents whose kids- – You should know better. You love your child? You should tell them to
never figure it the fuck out. Just live. And you know what? Can we take another turn? – [Aubrey] Yeah. – Another big thing that is, ’cause it’s funny where my
body just went with that, all this talk leads to
me getting hot on people not buying things. I feel people are unbelievably good at trapping themselves in unhappiness because of things they buy based on a lot of things
we just talked about. I don’t know, I don’t want people to buy the kind of homes and cars they’re buying that puts them into a place where they have to then take a job or stay at a job they don’t want to. I’m really hot on this right now. I really, really, really, really want people to stop buying homes,
or homes they can’t afford. One of the funniest moves,
’cause I’ve said it once, and I got inundated. And I did it, and I
see everybody doing it. Almost everybody on their first home buys something that completely stretches the living shit out of them, like to the bare. And meanwhile, there’s usually five rooms in that thing that they don’t even use. I wish that there could be a new rule. Somebody a little bit more in the trenches in home buying, can somebody create a rule that, like, leave 35%. Whatever it is, go 35% down
so you’re not so stretched, ’cause what happens is the next day, everyone celebrates you. You have a new home, you’re all set. You’re now fucking golden
handcuffed like a motherfucker. Nothing can happen to you financially, or you can’t make your mortgage payments and live the same lifestyle that you like. – And if you tried to make a switch and go to your passion, go to something that you really wanted to do, build fucking sandcastles
in Peru, guess what? Well, that means that you have to get rid of your house really quick or change all this momentum, all this debt, all this accumulation,
all this depreciation. It’s actually gonna restrict your freedom. And freedom has to be
one of the highest things that we can put- – [Gary] Number one. – Number one, right? – I think purebred entrepreneurs
love freedom, number one. I love freedom, number one. When people say to me, what
does success look like, and I get this asked a lot, I always say the same
thing pretty consistently for a long time. Being able to wake up and
do whatever the fuck I want whenever I want, the end. That, to me, is number,
freedom is number one, two, three, four, five, maybe, this is the first time I’ve
ever made this connection. Maybe it’s because I was
born in not a very free place that subconsciously wired
some way into me that, I mean, freedom, bro. By the way, that’s why
candor and transparency are at my core. That’s freedom, too. – That is 100% freedom. – [Gary] That’s why I film everything. – Imagine if you were trying
to hold some shit secret. Like, I just published a newsletter, and it was called Five
Uncomfortable Truths. And it was the middle of the night, and I was like, you know what? There’s some shit that
people don’t know about me. – [Gary] Boom. – And then, so I just
fucking put that out, like, here we go. – [Gary] So smart. – Hah, isn’t that nice? And everybody, feel
free to tell the truth. It’s okay. And if you don’t like
me because of my truth, oh, yeah, one of my truths
is that I’ve been addicted to sleeping medication for the last year. And I run a fucking human
optimization company. – [Gary] Good for you. – That’s tough, it’s tough
to admit that, you know? But it’s the fucking- – Tough? Do you know how many people
you just helped with that? Dude, that’s incredible. Dude, I’m really proud of you, bro. – Well, thanks, brother. – It takes an enormous amount of strength to do something like that. – But it’s so liberating,
that’s the thing. – It’s Eminem’s last
scene in the movie, bro. This has been figured out a long time ago. It was called Eight Mile,
the movie, go watch it. (Aubrey laughs) It’s a rap battle. That is life itself. You’re up against it. First move, shit on
yourself in perpetuity. Then nothing else is left to anybody else. You’ve now won. Because when he makes that transition to, but there’s something
I know about you, Clarence, that’s how I live life. When people judge me, I’m like, what’s going on in your life? The reason I don’t judge anybody is I don’t want people to do that to me. That’s the real game. That’s the 1% game. When people spit hate, I’m like, what’s going on in your life? (Aubrey laughs) What are you up to? And the reason I called my brand Empathy and the reason some of my friends have helped me through this feedback, why I realize a lot of times
it’s actually sympathy, not empathy, and I’m trying to learn all these things. My mom has a Russian saying, and basically it translates to, everybody’s got some shit
in their chicken hen. Russia was fucked up. But I believe in that. And I think the fact that you can do that, what you understand,
there’s a lot of things, but one of them is, I said it earlier, everybody
sucks at a lot of things. – No doubt, man. And it’s just about- – [Gary] Who’s this
fucking perfect person? – And it’s just about embracing that. Embrace the fact that you
suck, and enjoy the suck. – Aubrey, Aubrey, let
me tell you something that I think you and I represent. And we’re not all the way there yet. But I have a real interesting observation. I believe that everybody thinks
things are super fucked up, and I think this is the beginning
of an incredible century of human behavior. I believe what we’re
living through right now, that when we look back at this video, we’re gonna be like,
fuck, we were so young. Fuck, we looked good. And we’re gonna watch this
exact video in 60 years, and we’re gonna be like,
fuck, this was right. I’m so positive about
what I’m about to say. This level of lack of privacy, some people like you and I
are starting to understand it so well that we’re leaning
in in the other direction. There’s always a reaction
and a counter-reaction. I believe that everybody’s
about to figure out that there’s nowhere to
hide, which is gonna lead for everybody being more transparent, which is gonna lead to people realizing they can’t hide, which is gonna eliminate so much of the hypocrisy. And once everybody
understands that the skeletons in their closet are actually
gonna be exposed anyway, we’re gonna start transforming into a lot of the radical, what people think, when you say your stuff, like
open relationships, I laugh. I’m like, that’s gonna
be the norm in 100 years, ’cause the shadows were what enabled. – Yeah, the ability to hold
privacy, to keep secrecy, to not get caught that allows these games- – [Gary] 100%. – These games to exist. – Systematic racism is
gonna have a problem. – [Aubrey] All these things. – All of these things, so I don’t know. I’m pretty thankful, and I’ve
never been more optimistic in the future. I mean that. I mean, this is very healthy. I really do. – I think it’s funny, too,
people who are super paranoid, and they put the little
tape over their computer and stuff like that ’cause they’re worried that somehow fucking the forces that be are gonna catch them jerking off, okay. If fucking Apple wants
to come out with a video of me jerking off, congratulations. – That shit will go viral. That shit’s gonna go viral. – Congratulations, Apple, you win. I jerk off, like, what do you want? – That would be the best
thing that ever happened to your brand. – (laughs) Apple leaks
fucking Aubrey Marcus webcam jerk off video. – You hope that happens. That’s exactly right, and that’s where this is all gonna go. Like I keep telling everybody, I took a lot of heat the
last three or four years. There’s a lot of content
of me out there asked, as this started bubbling up, Gary, what about privacy? I’m like, nobody gives a fuck. And the whole room would gasp. I’m like, that’s not me. That’s not my opinion. I’m telling you based on your actions. Fuck Facebook, posted on Instagram. (Aubrey laughs) Like, what are we doing out here? What are we doing out
here, you know what I mean? People talk. You know all your friends
that were gonna move to Canada when Bush got reelected or when Obama got reelected or the ones that are saying it now when Trump gets reelected? Where are all those fuckers? None of people, I mean, I
know thousands of people that told me that, both parties. That’s why I used all the presidents. They’re not in Toronto. They’re still right the fuck here. So you know how many people tweet all sorts of things and then are living a completely, just, let’s get
a little bit more thoughtful out here. – Yeah, yeah, and just fucking recognize the human nature of just, everybody always in the process of figuring it out. – You could have had a period
after the word nature there. – That’s it. – Humans, humans. It’s why I’m a good marketer. I understand people, right? And the reason I’m
happy is I’m so grateful as somebody who’s really good at it that I didn’t manipulate it for bad. I’m trying to manipulate it for good. You know what I mean? – [Aubrey] Yeah. – And when you manipulate for good, you’re not even manipulating. You’re just exposing, and you’re allowing for different conversations. Let me say this, because you have a very thoughtful audience. You have a good crew of peeps in here. This is real, what I’m about to say. We have to rally around this. If you’re in a good
place, we have to start sharing more of it. Everybody’s spitting hate,
and everyone’s accepting that. Then you have people that
are spitting positivity, and people are shitting on those people. Like, I get shit on. I’m watching this, this is amazing. We have to make positivity louder. But positivity has to be
grounded in practicality. The reason I think my voice
can be unique at times is because positivity
often becomes delusional. – Well, you become the
one who is positive. And when you become the
one who is positive, when you have those negative thoughts bubbling up from the shadows, you better stuff those motherfuckers
away in a drawer somewhere, because you’re the one
who’s positive all the time. Share your whole fucking journey. And if you’re mostly
positive, fucking great. And if you’re mostly
negative, don’t blame it on other people. Just say, hey, I’m in a
fucking tough spot, world, but I’m figuring it out. And I appreciate all of you
positive motherfuckers, too. – That’s another thing. Everybody thinks everything that we share is the final score. When you’re sharing that
you’re struggling at night, I view that as the other team just went on an 11-0 run. But it’s still the second quarter. – Yeah. – And I know you called a timeout, and the whole crowd booed you. But the true fans didn’t. Go pay, this is such a good analogy. Go pay attention to this. Go watch, go to a basketball game. Watch the home team go on a terrible run, and pay attention to
who boos and who cheers. Very interesting insight. And that’s what happens. When you sent that email,
there were people the booed. – [Aubrey] Sure. – And then there were
real fans that cheered. And that’s how I see it. And so, why is everything that’s happening in your life the definitive end score? It’s a process. Some chapters are good, some, if I was, I would’ve wished I could’ve watched my content
from when I was in school. Those were dark times for me. I hated school, bro. I hated the fuck out of school. The anxiety I had every fucking two months that I had to be punished,
’cause my mom would ground me. Back to, this is where she did it great. I think one of the reasons I’m happy is my mom made me accountable
for the ramifications, even if it wasn’t, like, I was in school. Even though she knew that
wasn’t gonna dictate my life, she punished me. And that fucked with me. Who likes being punished? Getting Nintendo taken away
for two weeks fucking blows when you’re 14. – Wow, deep. – [Gary] Yeah, man. – That would’ve fucked with me bad. – Dude, especially when
you’re just getting your Tecmo game going, you know? (Aubrey laughs) I was just getting good at Tecmo Bowl. And then three weeks off the grid, and I come back, and
everyone’s fucking schooling me Bo Jackson style. I’m like, fuck, mom, see? So I don’t know. I think that’s right. I think people lack perspective. One of the things that
absolutely I’ve been sharing that has really been
valuable is when I meet 57-year-old homies, and
I keep reminding them, you do know that you’re gonna live for another 40 years? And like, why you wrapping shit up? Oh, because your grandfather did, and that’s what you saw. – [Aubrey] Conditioning. – Correct. News alert, it’s not
19-fucking-73 anymore. – [Aubrey] (laughs) Yup. – Right? Like, I’m sitting here,
I’m 43, and I’m like, fuck, man, yes, I know,
and everybody loves, you could get hit by a bus. I’m like, cool, and then I won’t care. But if not, like if I’m
going for another 55, if I’m going for another
65 with modern medicine, like, late second quarter. – You’re just getting started. – [Gary] I can handle an 11-0 run. – Just getting started, baby. – That’s right, but it’s real. – [Aubrey] It is. – It’s real, and I really want that. You know how many people
think they’re fucked up if they don’t have shit figured out at 30? Really fucked up. – It’s too late, it’s too late. I ruined it. I went left when I should’ve gone right, and here I am, and it’s all fucked. – I should’ve took that job. My friend from Michigan
State took that job, and he’s got a nice house in the suburbs. I fucked up. I thought I was gonna be a rockstar. I’m like, dude, you haven’t even started. You haven’t even started. – Yes, sir. – You know? What didn’t we get to in your paper? – We didn’t get to anything on my paper. – So let’s do rapid fire. – But I got Twitter questions and shit. – Let’s go.
– All right, let’s do it. – So one thing we wanna
talk about is the force that is the Chinese market
and how you view that. You were just talking today, I don’t know, is that public information about K-Swiss? – [Gary] Yeah. – Oh, yeah, so K-Swiss just got bought up by a Chinese conglomerate,
as you were mentioning. It’s a force. – China won. (Aubrey laughs) Let me just save everybody time. China won, and now it just plays out. I believe that. China will be the biggest
empire in the world. And that fucks with Americans because it fucked with people in the UK when it was happening to them, and I’m sure the Romans
weren’t pumped either, and Genghis Khan’s crew was pissed, too. Yep, and the many things
that we’re living through, we’re living through,
clearly, the early stages of the transition of
America losing its grasp as the number one alpha in the world. China’s bought up all the infrastructure around Africa already. And Africa’s not even
happening for another 30 years. China won. – That’s a hell of a perspective. So all right, so how do people- – [Gary] I think it’s gonna
be historically correct. – How do people, companies, other people, how do we leverage this opportunity? – [Gary] Yeah. – How do we, what do we do? – Start figuring fucking China out. Figure out how they do business, what their culture’s about,
how you can do business there, how you can do business
with them in other places, and also figure out that
plenty of people have won in the last 200 years that
didn’t live in America. The richest man in the
world was from Mexico a couple years ago, right? And what does that even mean, right? This is back to, you’re
gonna be quite easily happy. But there’s a sense of like, fuck, we’re not gonna be number one? Fuck. First of all, it’s back to we. You’re not America. You just happen to live in it. So yeah, but listen,
I spend a lot of time, we’re opening up an office in Singapore. And that is kind of, this summer. And so I’m gonna be spending
a lot of time there. I am highly interested in doing business and learning the culture
and foods and trends, and I think it’s exciting. – Yeah, I agree. – [Gary] Like, I don’t think has- – Everything’s an opportunity. – It has nothing to do with me. – This isn’t the time of war anymore. Like, when Genghis Khan
was fucking rising, that was a little scary, you know, ’cause he was fucking you up, literally. – [Gary] Correct. – Literally. – Correct. – China winning, it’s okay, everybody. It’s okay. It’s okay, they win the business game. Like, you’re okay. – [Gary] That’s right. – They’re not gonna come
fucking beat down your house. They don’t care about that. – I’ll tell you where they have a win, I’ll tell you what
America’s greatest weapon is and has been, and
greatest asset, Hollywood. Hollywood is America’s greatest ammo, the culture of America is
still the culture of America. And most people listening right now, if you for some reason didn’t like the last five minutes, here’s something you can latch onto. You will probably live all the way through your life with brand America and the American cultural
impact as the core ecosystem. The hip hop artists from
the dirty south of Atlanta become way more global stars. But we’re already seeing a
change a little bit, right? If you, like, look at America. Bad Bunny and Becky G
and K-pop stars, right? None of us grew up with
K-pop, Korean pop stars making 14-year-old blond girls
in Chicago scream, right? So pay attention, shit’s happening. But the American brand is a fucking beast. – [Aubrey] Yeah. – Like, a beast. – Yeah, you see that
when you travel abroad. – 0h, 100%. – [Aubrey] No matter what
they think about our politics- – There’s a status, yes. – Or business or whatever else, the culture, the movies, the music. – But China’s done shit. They’re innovating on AI. They’re doing shit. They’re building fucking
transportation hubs through their entire country. They’ve invested in Africa
and the resources there. They’re building great companies. They’re doing shit. Because they have a form of dictatorship and capitalism that allows
you to get shit done. China runs its country much more similar to the way you and I run
our companies than America. You don’t micromanage anything except when you have something
that you need to get done. – Right. – That’s what I do. I don’t micromanage shit. But then if I have an agenda, then it gets done, and it gets done fast. And that’s why China’s
getting a lot of things done. – That’s really fucking interesting, man. – [Gary] I know it is. – That’s a cool perspective. – [Gary] Thank you. – All right, NickPernith13,
how do you deal with distancing friends that
slow down your future goals? – First, by making sure that I’m not being an audacious dick. That’s number one, really, I mean it. All of a sudden you decided
you’re gonna be successful, and your homies aren’t
good enough for you. Don’t be a dick, number one. Number two, by trying to over, if these are true
friends, over-communicate the path that you’re on, and try to get them motivated and excited to be on it with you. Number three, after you did
number one and two heavily, ’cause these are friends now, number three is just
limiting the interaction. Maybe going from hanging out every second and every day to hanging
out three times a week. Limiting things that you feel are actually detrimental to you. – Right, rather than that hard cut that we think we have to do. – Yeah, everyone’s like, oh, my friend smokes too much weed all day, and this fucking loser’s
not going anywhere. Now I just started watching this content, and I’m fucking fired up. And I’m gonna be a fucking winner. Like, you’re out, Dominic. No, Dominic’s been your
boy for fucking 20 years. Don’t be a dick. (Aubrey laughing) First, I mean, but we’re all laughing ’cause we actually know this is happening. – [Aubrey] For sure. – And it’s funny, as the person that sometimes is making the content, that’s making that
happen, I don’t want that. I want this. This is the process. First, look at yourself. Are you full of shit? Second, try to put your
people on with you. Let’s do this together, let’s go. Try to hype them up. Then third, if that doesn’t work and you’re actually genuinely feeling it and saying, like, you know, I’m ready. I feel like I’m getting
sucked into that negativity or passiveness and I wanna
go on a different path. You can go do that, but you can still have that relationship. – Yeah, yeah. – And I’m just gonna add on
this, ’cause it’s important, I believe it’s even more of a conversation with your family. There’s a lot of people
right now really struggling with their transition because they have a negative mother or father. And it’s a force in their life that is really fucking them up. And I don’t think you need to cut out dad. But maybe you don’t have to answer every one of his calls where you know the call’s gonna be negative. – Yup, just limit it. Just limit it, instead of those hard cuts. That black and white, that binary thing, good for computer code,
kinda shitty for life. – [Gary] Yeah. – Kinda shitty for life, to have to have that binary philosophy, right? – [Gary] Yeah. – The person who’s most in control, and I know I’ve used this analogy, but most in control of
drinking isn’t the one who can’t be around a drink,
never step into a bar, never have a taste, ’cause if they do, they’re gonna end up
in a fucking back alley with a needle in their arm
and seven hookers, right? If you’re that mentality,
you’re not really over being an alcoholic. If you can have a drink and be moderate, you’re really more in control. And if you can be around
Dominic the weed smoker and have a good time
every once in a while, you’re better off. – 100%, or if you can take
that energy to something else. Like if you can deploy that
energy to something else, there’s also that part of the equation. But I agree with you. – Last question, @issicalbra asks, what is the legacy that
you want to leave behind? – That I gave more than to took. It’s very clear to me. I’m very passionate about this. I wanna guilt the world
to come to my funeral. (Aubrey laughs) I do. It’s very ludicrous. I’m telling you right now, I think about the attendance of my funeral often. I do, I think it’s the great scorecard. I think in sports. I’ve used a ton of analogies. I think everything could, the Mets were playing game
six of the World Series in 1986 in their home stadium, and the scoreboard said,
congratulations, Boston Red Sox, 1986 champions, because they were down three to one, I think the score was. They were down two runs,
and there was two outs and nobody on in the bottom of the ninth in game six of the World Series. And Boston was up three-two. And they won that World Series. If you’re 74 years old listening right now and you’re a fuck up through
and through, all the way, I think you can be the 86 Mets. I really believe that. I really think that’s cool. Yes, I’m optimistic. It’s also real. That’s truth. And so I think the final
score is when you die. And I think the scoreboard
is how many people show up to your fucking funeral. That is my perspective on life. And so my legacy will be, will Nick Dio, who spent meaningful time with me at some point in our
lives, hopefully forever, but if he goes on to,
will he feel so compelled when he’s in Arizona
doing whatever he’s doing with his life, that
when he hears the news, will he be so compelled,
Nick, how old are you? – [Nick] 28. – So off-putting, 15 years. So will 86-year-old Nick Dio in Arizona, doing his thing, when he hears the news
that 101-year-old Gary has gone, seven-time
Superbowl champion owner Gary Vaynerchuk has passed, will he feel compelled,
will he feel it in his gut that he has to go to that funeral, is something
I think about a lot, because it takes a lot to do that, right? There’s a big difference
between posting a photo on whatever the Instagram
is or the hologram he makes or the fucking VR world we live in, very different then,
’cause he hurt his hip, ’cause he works out a lot and now he has a degenerate hip and
fucking 86 in Arizona, and flying fucking sucks
or whatever the fuck we do now, time machine shit or whatever the fuck’s going on. Will he put in the effort
to go to the funeral? I think the level of value that I need to bring Nick Dio, 86, is a lot, a lot more than people
think to get him to get up and get on that plane or whatever. And that’s what I’m trying to do. – Well, you’re gonna have to scatter your ashes over that Jets stadium. – [Gary] For sure. – ‘Cause there’s gonna be a lot of people come to that funeral, brother. – I really hope so. And honestly, one of the
things to wrap it up, I also think that we need more people with ambitions like that. People hear that sometimes, and I’ll take, like, a Raz, and you’re
so full of yourself. I’m like, are you listening
to what I’m saying? I’m saying that I wanna impact people in a positive enough,
like, we need to have, I think people need to have
bigger ambitions on impact. Selflessness, you know, humility. These are things that
need to be attractive. I think that biggest
winners I know are humble. I mean that, truly humble when nobody’s paying attention, you know? How do they, like, bro, I
don’t have a lot of friends, ’cause I’m busy and I wanna spend time with my family. Do you know how much I, do you understand why I even interact with you? It’s how you interact with somebody when we walk into a
gym to play basketball. That’s, people are gonna be
nice to me, especially now. I watch everybody. I’m collecting data 27/7. How are people interacting
with other people? Who are they in their fucking soul? Are you smiling at a stranger when you’re, do you know my favorite
thing to do in life? I did it the other day. It just really hit me,
like, god, I love this. God, I love my fucking parents
and DNA and circumstance. Do you know how fun it is to walk in an airport and look at somebody and just smile dead in their face and get them to smile at you back? It’s nice. It’s nice, I like that shit, man. Positivity’s underrated, underrated. – No doubt, and there’s always
that opportunity to do it. When I told that kid he
was riding that BMX bike and cruising through,
and he was kinda ripping through my lawn and stuff. – Oh, I took note. I was like, you’re the best. – When I went to that and I was like, man- – My dad would’ve punched
that kid in the face. – [Aubrey] (laughs) Yeah,
like, you’re a sick BMX rider. – My dad would’ve ran down
with a stick and punched, like, I mean it. – [Aubrey] Right. – That’s so rad that you did that. So what did you say? – No, I just gave him a complement. I was like, man, you’re a
pretty sick BMX rider, kid. I didn’t say kid, I said- – Dude.
– Dude, yeah. – [Gary] And what’d he say? – And he was like, thanks, man. – [Gary] Thanks, bro. – Yeah, exactly, but he
was stoked, you know? And I was actually appreciative that he had the courage
to do that shit in my yard as I was shooting hoops. I got fucking tats, I had my shirt off. I’m fucking shooting hoops out there, like, I’m obviously, and he
was just fucking ripping it. And I was like, good for you, man. – And for that kid that’s
listening right now, if you also would’ve got punched directly in the face, both are right. (Aubrey laughs) No, I mean it, it’s the point, like, to wrap up this whole conversation, that’s what’s so interesting about life. It is not binary in that way, right? Like, it would be super acceptable and understanding to
many listening right now if somebody rolls into their yard and doing that shit with a bike and tearing up their
shit that if the person with tats and fucking diesel comes out and fucking creates some warfare, people understand that, too. And for that kid, that’s right, too. – [Aubrey] Yeah. – It’s all right. It’s all fucking right. – Just a choice. – Yep. – It’s a choice. – Thank you, brother.
– Thank you, bro. – I appreciate it, my man. Let’s have fun tonight. – Can’t wait.
– Let’s do it. – [Aubrey] Thanks, everybody, peace! (bright electronic music)

100 thoughts on “How to Build Confidence and Self-esteem | Aubrey Marcus Podcast w/ GaryVee

  1. I put tape on my web cam because I’ve never used it and a had some pretty tape. It’s blue with fishes on it<3

  2. I like when Gary has videos that are conversational not that his other content isn't helpful but this is really real and ive learned a lot about life listening to this

    Thank you

  3. I love this video very insightful and I love you Gary vee but please let people finish their sentences before you speak over them 🤣 I know it's part of having a creative brain but it's also a tad rude lol. Great video guys thank u so much

  4. showing ur insecurities to others esp on social media…….

    THAT HELPS FXXK LOAD to boost ur confidence

  5. Thanks for the video gary.

    How do you find the balance between giving / providing value for free not expecting anything in return, and being used by people taking advantage of your kindness and expertise and value repeatedly?

  6. The biggest takeaway from this video for me was how Gary said "there is no figuring it out" because there will never be one moment in life where you have everything put together, it's a constant process.

  7. I think that as soon as accountability enters the room , responsibility leaves by the window…. great ideas! You´re # 1 Gary!

  8. Aubrey is a great interviewer. He intently listened to Gary and went with the flow. This is one of my fave Gary content pieces ever. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  9. I love how he uses anime and comic references. Really resonated with me. I took Gary's and started making content around anime. It's fun as hell

  10. Freedom is it!

    Though I’m not Uber religious I’ll share a quote I saw. “Don’t judge me and my life. Remember God is going to talk to you about YOUR life, he’s not going to talk to you about mine.”

  11. The final score is when you die and the scoreboard is how many people show up to your funeral 💯.

  12. Gary is the man!!! I took all of his advice and used it to make my own YouTube channel!! I absolutely appreciate support from anyone nice!! Thank you so much for your support and time!!! Have a great day!!!

  13. I feel the most confident when I doing nothing!! ….. 🤣🤣🤣🤣….. Oh yea DONT QUIT YOUR JOB!! and oh yea GET AT LEAST 7 hours of sleep!! and oh yea HAVE FUN AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE!!

  14. like and like omg! so like i was working and like sell this like Im like!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣…. You sound like a californian 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆🤣🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆😆😆😆😀😃😄😆😆😆🤣🤣🤣🤣

  15. That was probably the the best podcast you've collaborated and produced to date Gary! Keep crushing it!

  16. Just super quick, some bandwagon fans aren't insecure, they just have a different level of interest in sports, or dedication to the hobby, possibly they even have a fluctuating interest level based on circumstance. I LOVE the Ohio State Buckeyes, being from there. And in my heart, loyalty wise, I will always love them over all other college teams, period. But now that I don't have cable and don't live around any other fans, it's been years since I've seen a regular season game. I'd still do it if it was easier, but my priority for consuming them doesn't go high enough to do whatever I have to do to see a regular season game over… watching a show I like or reading a book.

    If someone is a fan of whatever team is winning at any given time, THEY are likely insecure. But a lot of bandwagon fans either sort of like a team, but not a ton, or else don't care at all… and only start to care once the season is going really well or the championship run is looking great this year. I don't think in those cases that it indicates insecurity, it just indicates that the hobby of consuming X team's performance is only interesting enough to actively pursue once something unusually exciting is going on.

  17. OMG I saw the first video advertisement from you Gary. I know you're not selling courses :)) much love! Keep up the good work!

  18. Do not do not do not …. 🙁 sick sick sick are you a politician… business man or crazy racist……

  19. Every time I watch GV I hear that everyone is talking down on social media. I honestly don't hear about that aspect of social media as much as the positive ones. I do tent to unfollow culture / individuals I don't actually agree with. That could possibly be limiting my perspective. I wonder if I can broaden my perspective by following culture / individuals I don't agree with… ?

  20. The butterfly selfie was deep! When I was 22 or 23 (?) I survived an assault and then a few weeks later, I was physically assaulted. I went to sleep that night on my life as a young wife and mom to a 4 year old daughter. I woke up to a new life with no voice, right side, or memory. I am so thankful that I was obsessed with capturing every single moment with a camera! I didn't remember having a child, but I was able to take those pictures, form a bond with the little stranger that called me "Mommy", and create new memories – also capturing all of the new memories with a camera 😀 Huge fan of capturing the moment because taking in the moment isn't always reliable. As I write this, I do worry about what others think because I tend to share a lot on these comment posts and I've literally been through so much stuff in 40 years that its unbelievable! The fact that I'm a writer just makes people accuse me of lying more.

  21. I love your take on never having photos growing up same here man I feel how passionate you are about that lol

  22. Use and enjoy the SM platforms for what they are. Communication tools. If you're not happy then take the pressure off. Delete stuff you don't like. You're better off having 3 real friends than 3K fake ones on SM. Great interview 😎👍

  23. Dude aubrey ur the best interviewer of Gary vee Ive ever seen u were equally as compelling great job

  24. I think its good to have a balance somtimes we should just take stuff in but thats a personal thing its up to the individual to do what they feel they need to do

  25. Gary, really loved this episode. First time to hear Aubrey and i'm really resonating with both of your POVs, especially on the one about ego's just being a beautiful mask of insecurities. I look forward to hearing more!

  26. Definitley enjoyed this one. Super great content as always. Your content is motivating… and whats even crazier is when you actually follow through with the things your saying to do, life starts to change drastically! We appreciate your insight and the sharing of your perspective. Hope all is well guys!

  27. I'm the same way, If i know i'm not happy with something I will not take a compliment from someone saying I did great because I know I could've done better. And if I do my best and someone shit talks me then Fuck them because I gave it my all. I'm pretty weird because I ignore both compliments and criticism. I use a lot of the advice you give Gary and mindset wise we have a lot in common.

  28. Every time I try to watch Gary to be motivated, his positive outlook makes me feel like shit because of my negative outlook and i’m back to being unmotivated.

  29. Despite not having an interest in entrepreneurship (I am a student in medicine) I greatly value your videos. I believe your advices are phenomenal and can help anyone on their path to success.

  30. For most of my life, I've thought of myself as the '62 Mets. Thanks, Gary for pointing out I can still be the "86 Mets.

  31. This is truly an amazing motivation for every one of us. In order to survive the online marketing industry, confidence and self-esteem should go hand in hand. Competing with talented and amazing people is tough. But watching a video like this gives me a more focused mindset. 🔥🔥🔥

  32. Audrey and Gary, Thank you very much for this interview. I'm enjoying 30min – an hour long interviews so much.

  33. OMG YES!!! YES I've finally heard someone saying it out loud! Freedom is what should be valued the most!
    Not the money, but FREEDOM.

    I left my day job a year ago because I realized that every single day I'm doing things that I hate, and other people decide for me. They decide what, when and how should I do, how many hours should I work, when should I see my family and even how many hours should I sleep. I know that I sound like a weeping millennial kid but hey, I've spent 10 years of my life working like that and felt like a slave at the cubicle. 10 long years of constant crunch mode and night shifts after a day shift at the office.
    At some point I've just decided that I won't allow anyone decide for me anymore, and left.
    Now I work days and nights to make my dream come true, I'm doing what I really want and work WAY harder than when I was an employee, and I don't get paid at all. The only reason I'm not broke yet is that I was smart enough to save some money before quitting the job, and I've learned to live a modest life. I say no to 99% of the people trying to sell me stuff. I don't take loans or mortgage because they will make me do things that I don't like. They will take away my freedom of doing what I want, and I'm not signing up for this.

  34. I would be very interested in how Gary and Dr. Jordan B. Peterson will be talking to each other. At a core, they have the same message.

  35. Wow. I've listened to a lot of Gary V videos and this was the best yet. I'm 58 years old, self-employed, make about $25,000 a year (that's total income for two people) and work super hard. My circumstances are far from optimal, I have an artist husband with Asperger's and an 87 year old mother-in-law I have to take care of who lives in my house. I have very little $$ to work with but I fully realize that doesn't matter at all. I really believe I can succeed by living by these principles they talk about. It genuinely does take actually feeling positive and excited about the opportunities that are always there no matter what your circumstances or age. I really enjoyed this video thanks for posting!

  36. This may be a bit long, but this Podcast had me think about Confidence, and how at this late stage in my career, I’m just building it. Not the false bravado I’ve muscled through many corporate presentations and successful sales closes, but something I’ve always desired, and quite frankly sought after through the approval of others.

    Okay. I feel most confident when: I am prepared. I have a backup plan. I have reserves. I get enough sleep & food. I meditate and visualize the outcome. I am inspired! I leave enough time. I am flexible. When I have “10,000 hours” of some thing (put in the time and now I can do it in my sleep.)

    I feel confident when I have “programmed” my subconscious mind, like the “plays” or “moves” in a game, or the “lines” in a play, or the “functions” in a program… then I have the “freedom” to be creative.

    When I feel I have in some subject – finally achieved a level of “Mastery”. Like this piano player I listen to for inspiration: “Katia Buniatishvili” – I have watched her “Concert in the woods”, where she — solo, and then later together with her sister — (both equally gorgeous to boot) play amazing piano, flawless (as far as I can tell!) in execution, and expressive in emotion — and Beautiful to Look At and Listen To!

    That’s Mastery. That’s Art. When I am suffering “anxiety” over how I will perform and deliver on a project ( frequently!) I listen to Katia. She “inspires” me because I feel we aren’t “born” knowing how to do anything — except cry smile feed and burp… and you know … 💩. So if “Katia” could learn that “perfect”, with practice at anything — I figure I can too.

    From Gary Vee — who is also inspiring to me — I also get confidence through “perspective”. I have cared far too much of other people’s opinions.

    What I in fact value most, above a secure Corporate Job (had numerous)… is my Freedom.

    I have come to find the biggest freedom and strength we can have comes from “Self Knowledge” – and – “Knowing Your values”. (Just like a corporation).

    Of which — after 2 divorces, various Corporate Positions of – (ha) – “importance”, and — after just having “left” a 13-year relationship — now “Single” for the first time in my Entire Life, … and also going back into my “own business” full time… and really — quite frankly — pretty scared out of my wits… I am just now at this “stage” – pretty late in life – (children are grown) — perhaps just now truly inventing my life, and starting to understand “who I am” and what I value, for the first time.

    Does that sound weird? Most of my friends are retiring. And I’m just now… Starting Over.😬

    As my Greek Friend — owner of a “greek pastry shop”, and fellow lover of ancient greek philosophy — recently reminded me, as I have also had the good fortune to have been to Greece numerous times, including lucky me — for the Olympics… when he asked me if I knew… “What is written over the ancient greek Temple in Delphi?”

    I said to him — in a flash of surprise recognition—- “wait… I Know”… I know…. (I actually coincidentally have — like 150 images in an album of this very thing on my iPhone which —- I later shared with him as he rang up my still-warm Greek “Philo Dough” and sesame-coated pastries…:

    “Know Thyself.”

    As I showed him the pics (you can google it on Google Images)… he wrote for me on the back of a scrap paper, the translation for me in ancient greek letters, a note I treasure and I taped to my Journal that day…


    I’m —- Still!!! —- can you believe it – just learning.

    Recently, this year, (I have not had the “strong” “criticism-ignoring” backbone of Gary Vee — and I am also Not on any Social Media – yet – other than my 4,000 contacts on LinkedIn— that’s how Socially gun-shy I’ve been in my life!!!) —

    Recently I started to challenge myself to be “stronger” by being more “honest” about what I want, don’t want — and more conscious of my Limitations…

    The more I “know myself” yeah that sounds trite… and — the more I’ve recently started saying “No” —- when I don’t mean yes, (I come from a family of “victim” mentality – The “worse” off you are the “more” they have sympathy for you) —- and I now try to say yes —- when I do mean yes — (sounds so utterly simple right?) the better and more confident I feel.

    Just an FYI. I did not have a “mother” like Gary’s. My mom “gave” us a lot – (everything she had) She passed maybe 10 years ago. Somehow on a secretary’s salary and what my dad made before their divorce…we travelled the world, lived overseas, and went to private school and art & music lessons. But she was an “alcoholic”— she “medicated” her stress in that way. In a way I too suffer from “PTSD” due to “surviving a crisis” every day of my life for my entire childhood and early adult life.

    But what excuse is that?

    So many Vets come back from the war and need to overcome & learn “stress management”. Every corporate exec needs it in the USA.

    Entrepreneurship requires it. So — as another “ancient philosopher” I look up to once said, (guy by name of Epictetus)…. (one of those little Hallmark books LOL)…(paraphrasing)…

    “if you want to run the race you gotta train like an Olympian!

    I’m — still — in training. And I’ve decided to train more like an Olympian. It’s the only out for me.

    And — strangely enough — I’m enjoying my life and Freedom and Entrepreneurship perhaps now for the very first time.

    Thanks Gary Vee. Thank you Aubrey Marcus for hosting this great podcast👍.

  37. Love to hear you both, also agree this is a unique turnpoint in history to be better, to grow who we are and not what we buy! Always happy, because it comes from within! Great hug from Spain love you!

  38. Great message Gary, making happiness instead of money your “true North Star.” Awesome and true.

  39. Me at 19th: Gary's ambition was different with mine. Ok, I stop to watch his videos. Blame his goals beside he has different belief with me.

    Now, going to be 21th listen to the legacy that he want: Ok. 100% wrong. I just saw his cover. Misunderstood with his voice. The fact is, I have same perspective about definition of a legacy. Let's forget the different belief. I respect him. And he was one of those reasons for get me up from depression.

  40. Gary your advice has changed my life! I followed your instagram marketing advice started using Igrocket com to boost my insta page, I have nearly doubled the leads to my etsy page

  41. Gary, ego is definitely not "insecurity with makeup on", although it sure does appear as such. Now Gary, don't get me wrong, ego is by its own very nature neither good or bad, it is simply something our species developed, probably simultaneously to the development of the frontal lobes, and its task has been to help us survive. It is designed to perceive fear, uncertainty, the unknown, threats, so that it can help you survive. That was all fine and dandy while your ancestors and mine lived in the wilderness and they risked their lives daily just to eat. Over tens of thousands of years of evolutionary process of the ego, we incurred into a fucking serious problem……..we started to identify with the ego, with our thoughts, our feelings. Basically we believe (or at least, 99% of the people in the world believe) that the ego and us are the same thing. That error is the beginning of the entire mess. You know better than me that if someone could record the thoughts that on any given days go through our mind in the space of 24 hours, we would probably be committed to the insane asylum or sent to jail (nothing serious, but how many times you "want" to kill or beat the asshole that cut you off on the Interstate or cut in front of you in a line somewhere?), and so on. That is because thoughts are just that, thoughts, they come whether you want them or not and despite of what you or anyone might think, in reality we have very little control on them. Now, the ego and the thoughts are NOT the problem in itself, not at all. The ego serves many vital or truly cool functions for us and thoughts are also how we communicate, we create, we learn, we achieve, and so forth. That's cool. The problem is when we get attached to our ego and our thoughts, when we truly believe them, then you are in trouble and that is where the vast majority of humanity finds itself. That generates insecurity because you identify with the ego which is insecure by design, probably deep down because aware of its actual non-existence as a distinct and real entity (just a bunch of processes, really, physical and mental and psychological that through history, repetition, brainwash and so forth, eventually assume some sort of weird amalgam that tricks us into believing into a unified solid distinct ego). Insecurity then creates judgement – if I can in my mind find somewhat plausible reasons why you are an idiot or an asshole or a loser or a shithead, by default, I feel superior to you and my ego is all pumped and happy for a whole 5 minutes…..until I meet the next dude I need to compare myself too….and the whole fucking losing proposition starts all over again. And from there all the issues the two of you discussed in the video keep coming from. And you describe the whole carousel pretty well. That is the trick, my friend……want to lose judgement and the insecurity it hides? lose the identification with the ego (you might have already, clearly you are the only one who can answer that). It is not incredibly hard, for the most part, unfortunately very few people give precise instructions on how to do so (probably you can count them on one hand and even then, you don't right away get what they are trying to point at, we are so used to do, not to be, thank you very much ego…….), therefore we waste an insane amount of time dicking around with this meditation technique or that mantra or yoga or motivational course and so forth, but without really knowing what we are going after. We think we know, or at least our ego thinks it knows, but we really don't know jack shit. The moment you learn to look and hear and basically observe the ego with detachment, or better, curiosity and amusement and horror, but without being tricked into believing its thought, you are half free from its tyranny. Remember, the ego is a fantastic servant (tool) but a terrible terrible master (identification with it). From there, it becomes a lot easier to let go of most of the trappings of the egoic mind and starting to understand yourself at a much deeper level. At that point, there is no need to judge others or even yourself for that matter. It is a beautiful feeling, it generates a lot of happiness and it takes your stress levels some 50 notches down. Like you said, we live in an incredible period, it is just amazing that we can generate these kinds of discussions and exchanges thanks to the technologies and platforms available to us just by pressing an On button. Keep up the great work. I am enjoying your contributions

  42. Before, i didn't even have a single confidence, until I heard Mr. Gary. It changed my life perspective, and now I feel so confident to do the things which makes me happy. I even started to make vlogs as a starting point of building my confidence. I would love some support and feedback, please hit subscribe and check it out.

  43. You know Gary is part of your life when his words echo in your head all fuckin day every fuckin place you go! TY Gary for all your guidance. The guidance I wish Id gotten from my own parents!

  44. Dead wrong about privacy.
    All that shit will get fed into an A.I. program in the future and your competitors will be able to better predict your actions.
    Privacy will become the most important service in the future.

  45. Gary Vee never ceases to amaze me with the great content. Literally watch these every morning with breakfast after being laid off and deciding to start my own small business haha Props to the GOAT

  46. Love love love this ! Thank you Gary you changed my life 🙂 I'm happy I don't care about the opinions I quit my 9 to 5 job to pursue my family business and I am loving the process . Wether I fail or not I'm loving the process ❤️❤️❤️

  47. It honestly terrified me when you said there’s a kid in their room with their headphones in their room miserable and their dad is a alcoholic….. that’s me…

  48. Have accountability for yourself. Don't blame the platforms or your addictions. Step up and be responsible.

  49. Gary looks very calm and innocent in this, almost like a child (NOT DISRESPECTING AT ALL). But to answer the question what makes me most confident… is when I know that I've successfully helped someone who needed support in some way. Best damn feeling in the world, and makes me feel like a hunnit bucks!

  50. 3:10 I don’t feel like the person I helped owes me anything. And I don’t want anything. I just don’t like when I can clearly tell they don’t appreciate it or are thankful. They are happy to take whatever they can from you and they like the befit of using you but don’t appreciate that you went out of your way and did something you didn’t have to do.

  51. It's amazing how 90% of his videos is him talking about himself. I… I… I… I what I want is to learn what the title promises but until you get to the value you talk TONS about yourself. I'm exhausted

  52. I dont understand how you get such a high from "oh i just helped this person". You help someone because its the right thing to do. I don't feel good or bad helping someone, I just identify that its a good thing.

  53. Confidence is a skill everyone can learn, I compare it to a muscle, you go to the gym and workout to build your muscles, and it’s the same for confidence, you can grow it by taking action, taking steps, confronting fears, taking on challenges!
    I used to be shy, low self confidence, but I pushed myself, learned, moved to many countries on my own, confronting many fears, and growing confidence immensely to is being an international speaker, inspiring others and still learning and inspired by people like Gary.

    Ego is insecurity with make up on! Love that.

    Thank you!

  54. Oh yeah, Gary V and some Ape-like dude's preaching is going to change human psychology and behaviour developed over millions of years. Yeah buddy, keep on dreaming about open relationships. Fucking disgusting.

  55. Best… Video/Podcast ever. Last 5min is what I basically do in my Life. Loved the Confirmation that I'm not the only one. That's all I need

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