Sometimes you need a song for when
you run out of toilet paper. Let’s talk about that. ♪ (theme music) ♪ – Good Mythical Morning.
– Mythical Beasts, it is Thursday. And on Thursdays, you guys get hangry, so we’ve
got to do a little grocery shopping today. We push the question cart through the
aisles, browsing through the nearly limitless amount of stuff that we could
buy to fill your question bellies. But you are growing Mythical Beasts, and
we gotta feed you guys right. So, we head to the produce section to grab
some answer apples and some answer oranges when — all of a sudden — we’re attacked
by an anthropomorphic answer-watermelon! It lunges! We dodge! It attacks, shooting
seeds from its watermelon mouth! But we Matrix-move past them in slow
motion! Finally, when the watermelon monster is
distracted — thank you for distracting him — we jump on it and crush it into
delicious melon-y goodness. We then collect the mouth-watering answer mush,
shove it in our question cart, and deliver it to you. So chow down, Beasts. Chow
down. – It’s messier than I thought it would be.
– But we’re willing to do that for them. Okay! First question — we asked you to
ask us questions about shopping. – Me?
– Well, we asked them. – You asked me? – We — you asked — we asked them — you.
– We — asked — thus — asked they. And the first question comes from Micah
GROSS who asks, “How do I pick the fastest – checkout line?”
– Oh… – Great question!
– You know, for years, I would be approaching a checkout line, and I’d be
like: “I need to know how to do this!” – A system. You need a system.
– I need to have a system, so… – We got your system.
– …we finally figured that out. First thing you’ve gotta do, is you gotta
look for the smartest cashier. Choose a cashier with glasses. ‘Cause they’re
really good at scanning. You think the glasses make you smarter,
huh? – Yes, and they make you good at scanning.
– Okay. Alright. The second thing you wanna do is look at
the cashier and see: is the cashier – smiling? Is the cashier friendly?
– Yeah. – Don’t go to that cashier…
– Mm-mm. No. …Because that cashier’s gonna wanna do
the small-talky thing… – Oh no.
– …and slow down the line. – Don’t want that.
– No, you want to go to the most intimidating, meanest-looking cashier
that you can. – Surly!
– Surly! Like a pirate. – Yeah.
– Like — cashier wants to — But not an eye-patch though, ’cause you
want depth perception. – Right.
– You want them to have plenty of depth – perception.
– But if they look like they could choke- – slam you, yes. Line up for that. Just
like a wrestler! Okay, but that’s just the cashier, ’cause
you also have to worry about the people in line. Now, a lot of people are just
like, “Well, of course, you just don’t get behind somebody who’s got a lot of stuff
in the cart. (chuckling) Oh, it is not – that simple.
– Pfffft. – No, no, no, no, no, no, no…
– Pfffft. It is about what’s in the cart, but you
know what? You don’t even have to look – into the cart.
– Tell ’em Rhett! – Okay.
– Tell ’em! The thing that slows down the line is the
produce! – Plastic bag.
– People get zucchinis confused with cucumbers: “Uh, what is this? Number
(gibberish noises).” They gotta weigh it, sometimes they gotta count things…
That is such a time waster! – I saw a wheel at a place…
– Oh, yeah. The wheel! They break out the – produce — “What number zucchini?…”
– …they were looking over the wheel… – “…Pickle? I don’t know.”
– Nah, uh-uh. Listen, the thing is, is you want people
with processed, prepackaged food, ’cause – that stuff just — boop-boo-boo-boo-boo!
– Bar scan: bloop! bloop! bloop! bloop! Moves right through there! So what you
can look for is the unhealthiest people. People who just look like they’ve just let
themselves go: Get behind those people! They’re getting processed food, and that
line will move so fast you won’t know – what hit you.
– Mmm… CHOKE-SLAM! Next question. – Selena, a.k.a. “Linkypoostalker”…
– Okay. …asks, “How can I shop when I don’t
have any money?” Okay, well if you don’t have any money,
you can sometimes surprise yourself with how much stuff you just have in your own
home! Things that you forget that you actually own! It’s like shopping in your
own house! You know — that makes me think — my
neighbor just started a YouTube channel… – Yeah, the YouTube channel!
– …and I think he would be perfect… – Oh, yeah.
– …to give a complete answer to this question, just judging by his front
yard… – Mm-hm.
– …I think he’s gonna have some insight. ♪ (jingle) ♪ Hi, Bevin here. As you can see, I’ve been shopping! The garbage wall separating the third
bedroom from the rest of the house fell yesterday, opening up an entirely new
world of shopping to me; rediscovering items that I can experience again for the
first time! First thing I uncovered was this canned
whole chicken. The expiration date is… “1999.”
Which is fine, because like fine wine, canned whole chickens improve with age! And then of course, what do I — what do I
wash down my whole canned chickens with, but a bulk-purchase beverage! Under the
bed, I have a stockpile of half-drunken Gatorades, and each one has been sampled
for quality assurance. Speaking of which, I’ll sample one right
now, ’cause I’m kinda thirsty. Maybe this dark one. (sniff) I think that’s urine. Ah! Oh, well look there, it’s my
half-brother Donny. Say “hello,” Donny. I didn’t know you were under there, I
thought you moved out in ’09… Next, I made my way into the guest
bathroom, and found this amazing pair of boots! They were a real steal. Well —
technically, it’s only one boot, but technically it also was an actual steal. I
stole them from my neighbor when I was living in his attic without his knowledge
or consent. And just when I thought I was all shopped
out, I dug up the carcass of my favorite cat, Snowball. I just had to dig through
85 other live cats to get to it. (meowing)
– What’d you find, Donny? (tearing sound)
– Oh! (aggressive meowing)
– They’re hungry, be careful! The cat’s goin’ to the bathroom. Right in
the back of my portrait! Oh how awful. (burp sound) You know, he mentioned that he was living
in his neighbor’s attic… You think – that’s your attic?
– No, ’cause that was me playing a – character.
– (gasp) Chase Hinton asks, “What do you do if you
can’t reach something on the shelf?” – I don’t understand the question.
– What do you — like, if something’s at the top shelf, you can’t reach it. What do
you do? There are shelves that have things on them
that you can’t reach? This is a thing? – This happens?
– Yeah. I mean, just think about it, like – a really high shelf.
– I’m thinkin’ about it; I cannot picture it. That has literally never happened to
me. (whispers) ‘Cause I’m so tall! – Let’s do a “Song For When!”
– Let’s do it! – Gary Rardon, “gfunk0831…”
– Oh, 0831, that’s the best “gfunk.” …said that he needs a #songforwhen you
run out of toilet paper! That can be arranged! – This is a “Song for When”…
– …you run out of toilet paper. ♪ I’ve been on this “john” for way too
long, playing Candy Crush. ♪ ♪ Before my legs fall completely asleep, I
better finish up and flush. ♪ ♪ So without even looking, I reach over to
grab a few TP squares. ♪ ♪ But to my utter horror, there ain’t no
more squares there. ♪ ♪ I wonder if it would hurt if I used the
cardboard paper roll? ♪ ♪ I’m pretty sure it’d do the job, but
would it make it down the bowl? ♪ ♪ And maybe the toilet brush could work,
but those bristles look a little scary. ♪ ♪ And what about that embroidered towel
I got when I got married? ♪ She would never forgive me. ♪ So I’m gon’ let it dry…
Just let it be… ♪ ♪ I’m gonna let it dry
like I’m a dog on a leash. ♪ ♪ I’m gonna let it dry;
air it out in the breeze. ♪ ♪ I’m gonna let it dry
like I’m a chimpanzee. ♪ ♪ I see a curling iron and some matches,
but I can’t find cotton balls. ♪ ♪ There’s nail clippers and a plunger and
a poster of Lionel Richie on the wall. ♪ He would never forgive me. ♪ So I’m gon’ let it dry…
Nobody has to know… ♪ ♪ Gonna let it dry
like I’m a buffalo. ♪ ♪ I’m gonna let it dry
like a bird in flight. ♪ ♪ I’m gonna let it dry;
I’ll take a shower tonight. ♪ ♪ I’m gonna let it dry;
I’ll take a shower tonight. ♪ ♪ I’m gonna let it dry;
I’ll take a shower tonight. ♪ Hey, we wanna write more “Songs for When,”
and of course we wanna get those ideas from you; so use #SongForWhen, and let us
know any (stutters) s-tituation… – (mimicking gibberish)
– …any situation or need where a song – could be helpful.
– Yes, any “sit-it-tuation.” Thank you for liking, commenting, subscribing, and
sharing this video with your friends and – family.
– You know what time it is! Hi, I’m Ben, from Moosomin, Saskatchewan,
Canada. And it’s time… to spin the Wheel – of Mythicality.
– Submit your ideas for the Wheel of Mythicality using #GMMWheel. You submit
it, we might do it! End the episode with it! Click through to
Good Mythical More where we’re going to open your mail and test out the
“Eggstractor.” You push down on it here, and the egg plops out, and that’s the
themesong. I’m looking forward to that… “Rhett
forgets how to use a computer.” – Here you go, man. I got this…
– WHOA! – …for you, it’s a computer!
– What is that, a mouth? – Well, it’s a computer!
– What d’you put in there? – It’s data man!
– Pickled pigs’ feet apparently. – (laughs)
– (loud sniff) Man! You’ve been feeding this thing
well! Look at that, it’s flexible! (animal noise) – Pet ‘im.
– Naw, man, you type on it. And you… He’s got like a silver back, is it a
gorilla? …open it. Open it. You type in the
mouth. – It’s a gorilla that’s just a mouth!
– Open the mouth, put your hands… – Look at that!
– …put your hands on the tongue. Hey Mr. Gorilla, how’d you get out of
the zoo? – Listen, listen. Open…
– I’m so proud of you and your new pet. ♪ (outro music) ♪
– Come to papa, my egg-face. (laughter) (loud whoosh noise)
– Ahhhhh! (laughter)