Episode 156: Calling in Your Social Capital with Jordan Harbinger

Episode 156: Calling in Your Social Capital with Jordan Harbinger


one year ago I had my good friend Jordan
Harbinger on the show to talk about building social capital today he’s back
on the show to talk about calling in that social capital through a series of
unfortunate events with his business he’s had to reach out to his network his
connections his friends and request help in building a new business from the
ground up without his work and building a strong network in the past Jordan
admits that he’d be in a much worse position today so in this episode we
talk about why keeping score in relationships is a bad idea how to get
over asking people for help something Jordan calls “systemic network
maintenance” and how to call in your social capital you’re a man of action
you live life to the fullest embrace your fears and boldly chart your own
path when life knocks you down you get back up one more time
every time you are not easily deterred or defeated rugged resilient strong this is
your life this is who you are this is who you will become at the end of the
day and after all is said and done you can call yourself a man gentlemen what
is going on today my name is Ryan Michler and I am the host and the
founder of this podcast the order of man first and foremost I want to welcome you
to this show this is the best show in the world of podcasting for men I
believe obviously I’m a bit biased but there’s millions of men across the
planet who would also agree with me what we’re doing here guys in case you don’t
know is we’re interviewing the world’s most successful men warriors athletes
scholars business owners and anybody frankly that is going to help each and
every one of us become a better man that’s what we’re all about here again
I’ve said it before in a world that seems to dismiss masculinity altogether
we are standing strong we are calling men to step up more fully in their
families in their businesses and in their communities and so to that end
again we’re interviewing the world’s most successful men we’re extracting
their wisdom their lessons their skills their tools or resources their
strategies for making their life such a success and then of course using that to
help us make our lives a success we also had a show that we do every week called
Friday field notes where you get to listen to me for 10 or 15 minutes on
some thoughts that I’ve been having throughout the week and then we just
released a third show you probably heard it last
it comes out every single Wednesday it’s called in the trenches and if you
haven’t heard it yet I definitely definitely recommend that you do we’re
gonna start this off with 12 different shows get your feedback get your input
and of course you can let us know what you think and then we’ll we’ll evaluate
it from there we’ll decide if we’re gonna continue but at the end of the day
the goal of that Wednesday show that we’re releasing is to interview ordinary
everyday average joe’s like you and me who are doing good things and we’re
having some setbacks and we’re overcoming some challenges and some
hurdles and this is real life so we want to interview guys again like you and me
who were in the trenches who are doing the thing and talk about what’s working
talk about what’s not working and try to improve our life so I actually do not
host that podcast a good friend of mine Everett Bubba downs he is the host of
that podcast last week it was me and him but moving forward it’s gonna be him and
some other guests so it’s a very quick actionable conversation with guys who
are actually in the trenches doing the work so make sure you tune into that
outside of that the only one announcement that I have for you right
now and that is our Band of Brothers the iron Council I know you guys have heard
me talk about this over and over and over again we had 10 or 11 people sign
up just last week and it’s a testament to what we’re doing over there and the
goal within the iron Council is a Brotherhood it’s an organization a group
of men who are all working together to improve their lives enhance their
marriages enhance the relationships they have with their children lose weight get
in shape run marathons do Spartan races start businesses grow their bank
accounts I mean you name it what are you trying to accomplish and then consider
how are you accomplishing that and inside the iron Council we have the
framework the foundation the skills the tools the resources and I think one of
the biggest things that we have available in the iron Council is the
accountability you are not going to get accountability outside of the iron
Council like you will with what we’ve created there these are motivated
dedicated committed men who are improving their lives and they’re
working very very hard to help you improve yours so if you’re interested
you want to learn more about what we’re all about and the things that we’re up
to in the iron Council in our Brotherhood head to order of man dot com
slash iron Council now guys as I said before that is all the announcement
that I have for you today I want to jump right into this one it is my privilege
to introduce you to a good friend of mine and what’s really interesting is
years ago three years ago I remember listening to Jordan Harbinger on his
podcast and thinking how talented he was and how much I would like to connect
with him and again I’ve had the privilege of getting to know him and
building a friendship up over the past three years now and this is actually his
third visit on the show and every single conversation I’ve ever had with Jordan
has been packed with value and insight and wisdom he actually reached out to me
about a month or so ago after having left his previous business the art of
charm I know a lot of you guys are familiar with the art of charm and he
informed me that he was striking out on his own again I know a lot of you have
listened to it you’re familiar with his previous company and probably follow it
as well so you probably also know that Jordan had a little bit of a falling out
with the other founders and frankly just found himself needing to tap into his
social capital which he’s been building for years and we’ve had previous
conversations about this but the thing that impresses me most about Jordan and
again getting to know him is that it is apparent
it is apparent to me that this is a man who applies in his own life what is
teaching other people as much as I wish that we were having this conversation
under different circumstances in this conversation you’re gonna hear exactly
how I believe he’s gonna crush his new business venture using the skills and
the tools and the strategies and everything that he’s been teaching other
people for more than a decade in his business so guys if you can sit back
take some notes you’re going to want to implement this stuff in your life when
it comes to building up your social capital building out your networks
because you never know when you’re gonna need to use it Jordan what’s going on
man glad you are on the show again today thanks for having me man I appreciate it
I’m on the order of man in my head there’s that low movieguy voice that
says something like order of man right that’s right yeah well you were talking
about it the other day I think you were talking about like morning podcast voice
or nighttime podcast voice I think you were you mentioned something like that
which is a real thing like a genuine thing yeah it is morning podcast voice
and I was at social media marketing world and I was like walking next to my
wife and I said man I wish my voice always
sounded like this because somebody said where’s Starbucks and I said oh it’s
right across the street and then you make a right and I was like ah man
wouldn’t it be cool if I sounded like that all the time
wouldn’t that be great and Jen’s like how that’s really funny traffic backed
you up on the 405 all the way down Jesus it’s like that sounds so red I would be
a voiceover guy for like k-rock or something but it is interesting even
with podcasting like you see here some guys who have the just a beautiful like
golden radio voice but then you hear guys like Adam Carolla who have the most
annoying voice in the world and yet have a huge following in podcast base yeah I
can’t say anything about Corolla cuz I go on there every month with him and dr.
Drew is a regular guest so what I will say is this the reason he’s well-known
and does a great show is not because of his voice cuz you’re right he does kind
of say well I don’t really buy and you know that’s a yeah that’s a great that’s
a great impression but then you go oh he’s funny his opinions are strong he
can argue really well and then he’s very quick on his feet so yeah he’s one of
those radio guys that he’s not Larry King where they went this is the guy
right right exactly you know how he got that job you might know this better than
me but I think he was like a construction worker and he called in
every day to some other guys radio show as a regular and he was so damn funny
they started inviting him into the studio and then they just went
this guy’s got a talent for this so that’s why he does TV shows like to
catch a contractor because that was his original vocation
is that and I think working on cars radio was a thing he did because he
didn’t like his job interesting I just remember him and Jimmy Kimmel from the
man show that’s that’s what I remember well you and I grew up on and this leads
into an interesting point right cuz your whole business is you set a positive
example for guys right and pardon me if I’m telling you about your own brand so
feel free to correct me but that’s kind of what you’re aiming I think that’s
pretty good yeah the man show was kind of the quintessential wow this should
not be on television this is really bad fun hundred percent completely
inappropriate I don’t know how old I was but I remember not being super impressed
with it I was already too old for it and I think I was like 13 or 14 years old
and I remember them going all right juggies which are the girls jumping on
the trampoline and I just thought this is
kind of dumb you know right and the guy who drinks the beer at the end and I
just thought this is like a very cliche thing I knew it was a joke and maybe
when you were watching it you knew it was a joke but the problem is tons of my
friends watched that and they thought it was great and I don’t think they thought
wow this is so funny look at this satirical look at what it means to be a
man I think they went guys like all this stuff and they drink a lot and they like
boobs and they do mean women and it’s like they didn’t see the satire and it
definitely no and I’m not even sure now that I think about it now that we’re
talking about this was it satire or was it just a bad television show that
should not have been on TV maybe that’s the point it was just designed to
confuse us right yeah who knows but there’s plenty of stuff that is designed
to confuse men in every aspect of their life intentionally or not when I was
growing up things were more or less black and white even though things were
changing I cannot imagine being a 12 year old boy right now oh man I mean
I’ve got my oldest is 10 and some of the stuff that he hears at school and from
his teachers and his buddies I’m like are you kidding me that’s what other
boys are talking about that’s what you’re being taught that’s what you’re
learning it’s absolutely asinine which is why I
think it’s so important that we step up as men in the family because frankly
they’re just not getting it outside of the walls of our homes I believe that
and I’m not conservative you’re much more I mean you and I have been friends
for a long time I think it’s safe to say if there’s the center you’re on the
right of it and I’m on the left of it yeah yeah I’d agree we get along really
well because I’m not one of those people who says you own guns and it means your
murderer now you know I don’t do that and when I see your kid holding an
assault rifle or something I’m like holy crap that’s intimidating and scary but I
also realized it’s because I didn’t grow up that way not because everything Ryan
does is wrong and everything I grew up with is right and normal and I think
that there’s a problem outside of that because I would imagine some of the
things that your kids are hearing in school our contrary to the things
they’re learning at home and so they’re confused well I think where I’m at I’m
in southern Utah very small community very very conservative generally and so
I think there’s probably a little bit more alignment between what they’re
being taught in school and what I’m teaching at home okay we all have very
similar cultural backgrounds religious views and
so it’s very similar but I think outside of where we are in this little bubble if
you will it’s completely different so we do have an advantage from that
perspective I’m in my own bubble and I’ve realized it recently as well
especially with the recent election and so one of the things that I’ve been
working on for the last I don’t know decade is relationships and that was
what I came on the show to talk about I hope I don’t was it a year ago actually
a year exactly I was looking at it was March 14th of last year and we actually
titled it building social capital okay so I thought well this would be a really
good conversation because now you talked about he came on the show this is what
you need to do this is how you build social capital and right now you’re in
the midst of some crazy and wild stuff that you’re actually having to implement
what it is you’re teaching to millions of people across the planet I think
there’s gonna be a really fascinating discussion yeah I’m excited about it cuz
it is funny that I came on so long ago and discussed social capital because one
of the principles that we teach on the Jordan Harbinger show and if my voice
sounds familiar and you say isn’t that the art of charm guy the answer is was
the art of charm guy I’ve left that company I no longer host that show there
really isn’t much of one going right now and I do the Jordan Harbinger show which
is the same sort of quality interviews that people were used to before and the
advice but the way that that happened was not at all what had been planned you
know what had been planned was a nice smooth transition and then the
negotiations sort of fell apart which is ironic for a company that teaches
relationship skills and I’m sure you’ve gotten some pushback and some flack on
that I’m sure of it actually I haven’t because I think it’s probably pretty
obvious for most people that when one side says it’s an amicable split and
they’re like oh so Jordan built a show for 11 years and founded a company and
then suddenly left with the whole team and now is not having anything to do
with it yeah that sounds amicable break sure sure there’s some red flags there
right there’s a few flags there that an educated smart person might see through
and so that’s kind of what I’m going through right now which is like a split
that was sudden not designed at all by let’s say our side of the fence and so
it’s been completely reactive and what that did was caused a lot of stress and
anxiety for those people on my team because almost the entire team the
majority the staff came with me on this journey this
adventure and one of the principles that I teach at our courses and things like
that about networking and relationship development is always give without the
expectation of anything in return so you’ve seen Glengarry Glen Ross I
always be closing right you seen that you know that seems yeah of course so we
have ABG which is always be generous are always be giving what that essentially
lines up to is helping other people without the expectation of anything in
return now when you’re helping other people without the expectation of
anything in return that’s great because it’s sort of like a privileged
thing to do you’re in this very abundant I hate words like that but you’re in
this very abundant position where it’s like look I can make twenty five email
introductions for Ryan McClure I don’t mind he’s a nice person I can do that I
don’t lose anything right I don’t not gonna go hey Ryan I need $20
per introduction or since I did that for you I want to sleep on your couch for
three weeks like I’m not doing that this isn’t quid pro quo but when you do that
for a long enough period of time and you’re giving without the expectation of
anything in return often I’m not asking for anything in return however now I’m
in a scenario where I’m going oh crap I really need other people’s help now so I
gave without the expectation of anything in return but I really believed that I
would never need anything in return from most of these folks that I helped thank
God I did that because right now starting from basically zero with the
Jordan Harbinger show I can either spend another 11 years rebuilding the show or
I can do here which is in the matter of just a few weeks 700 iTunes reviews
almost a million downloads of the new show and having people tweet it out and
mail it out and having influencers like Kevin rose and Kevin Harrington from
shark tank tweeting it mailing it out you know just opportunities like coming
on your show order of man to speak with your audience these are things that if I
was unknown to you or if I had never struck up a relationship with you by
hanging out in various places or whatever coming on the show and having
you do other stuff for us before if those hadn’t been in place I would be in
a very very very different situation right now that would look a lot more
bleak because it’s easy when you’re on the top of the mountain you know the art
of charm when I was hosting it had 4.1 million downloads I mean that was insane
it took 11 years to get there that was crazy
I could have easily just been like oh well I’m important now so screw everyone
but that’s not really my style as you may or may not have noticed from from
knowing me for the past year I think I’ve I figured that well what’s
interesting even is about let’s just take the example of you reaching out to
me which i think was probably I don’t know two or three weeks ago specifically
about hey can I come on the show there wasn’t a question in my mind at all like
I don’t know like I don’t know this Jordan guy or what he wants to talk
about it was like yeah absolutely because we have built up that friendship
and we have built up that social capital with each other that when the time comes
that you need a favor it’s not like well did he do enough favors for me to
warrant me doing this one favor for him there wasn’t even really asked or it was
just hey I want to help a friend out and I want to see you succeed and because I
want to see you succeed nothing other than that yeah that’s important because
I think what a lot of young and I’m gonna say guys cuz your audience’s men
but when I say this I mean people I mean anybody listening is in this boat what
we do is we go okay well I don’t know what I can get from Jordan more from
Ryan because I’m a graphic designer and I don’t know what those guys have so I’m
not gonna look for ways to help them right now unless they maybe maybe I
would if they asked me because I’m a nice person but I’m not thinking of ways
I can help them per se because I don’t know what I would get the problem with
that is if you’re not helping other people without the expectation of
anything in return you only see the opportunities that you’re going for
right so I needed to come on order of man to help people realize that I’d left
the art of charm because I never got a chance to say goodbye to the audience
and I started the Jordan Harbinger show so this is a utilitarian for me however
if this was the first time we had ever spoken or that email that I think was
the first time we’d ever spoken you would not have said yes well I would
assume you probably wouldn’t have said yes cuz it would have been kind of like
hey person I’ve never heard of before or that never spoke to me when you thought
you were a big shot with your podcast it’s the dozens of other emails that I
get every single week like hey I’ve got something that I want to share with your
audience it’s like okay great but I don’t know who you are so it would have
got lost in everything else that I hear in the noise here’s my infographic
please post it on your website that’s why it’s that’s what’s happening to me
now what’s what is that there’s some sort of thing with infographics and one
for me is the beard beard infographics like you wouldn’t believe
all the time would you like to share this no I would not like to share this
thank you though you must have written the word beard on a couple blog posts
and now you’re just showing up first in Google for like beards yeah so that’s
your fault yes I am really curious though because I want to go back to
something you said you said the majority of the team went with you and I think
that’s pretty telling it’s probably easy to gloss over too but there’s got to be
a reason for that like why would your team risk their livelihood frankly and
say all right I’m gonna strike it out with Jordan it almost reminds me of
what’s that show with Tom Cruise where he’s like who’s coming with me you know
I mean yeah Jerry Maguire Jerry Maguire yes why would they go with you I’m
really curious about your perspective on that yeah so I would love to say I stood
up in the art of charm office which doesn’t exist
and say you know because it was in my house now it’s the Jordan Harbinger show
office and say who’s coming with me and then my wife who works next to me
he’s like I guess I will yeah right that that’s not really what happened though
what happened first was that I’ve got to be careful cuz this is an ongoing legal
situation but basically I think the people on the team had already had
issues with what was going on behind the scenes and they were already working
more closely with each other and so when I left that included the podcast team
which went well we’re not working here without you because we do the show and
you’re part of the show I host the show we’re not gonna sit here and work with
the rest of the people that are left and so that sort of congealed into a mass of
people that went yeah well if you’re leaving I’m leaving and then other
people were also dismissed and then it was like well if that person’s leaving
that I did it and so that just sort of snowball effect and then it was like
well people who could have stayed decided not to other people were
terminated and then still other people were just like well I don’t really have
anything to do here anymore so frankly you know I gotta say if you’re working
for a company and everybody that you know that you thought was talented
worked there and left you might not want to stick around yeah good point
you know I have to be careful about how I phrase all this because I don’t want
to damage the business that I left because I still own a part of it it’s
just it didn’t turn out the way that it was supposed to and agreed upon
previously like to say oh well once I have left
everybody decided screw this place and let that’s not what happened you know
what happened was there was some of that but most of it was probably a little
more nuanced but I have thought like wouldn’t it have been cool if I could
have stood up in the office that we don’t have and said I’m striking out of
my own who’s coming with me but the truth is Ryan my team my immediate team
they were already wanting me to leave a long time ago but they went this is
never gonna happen why would he leave a company that he
started that he owns that he’s been running for 11 years just because we
have gripes with management and it’s like well I had that choice sort of made
for me at that point because there was no other option that was realistic for
me so it’s strange to look at it because it’s like oh my god I can’t sleep for
all these time then this is so stressful and now what happened was I immediately
started leaning on my network in relationships because I had been giving
without the expectation of anything in return
I hadn’t been keeping score with other people like you kind of mentioned and I
had all these other strategies in place so the first thing I did was i sat down
with Jett well first thing I did was probably like walk around my
neighborhood in disbelief oh sure I’m just like freaked out I’m sure yeah
there was some freaked out and then it was like call the lawyer and then it was
like calm down and then it was make a spreadsheet of everybody that I should
call right now and in fact this is a thought exercise that I would love to
give the order of man Legionnaires is that what you call here
I like that that’s not what I call him but I do like that yeah you should yeah
you know I thought you gave that to me but maybe not okay well thanks oh you
gave it to me just barely so I’m Allegiant Air sounds badass it’s right
on the tip of my tongue because I know so many guys in your group that love it
well anyway I’m calling them Legionnaires today let’s roll with it
the homework is imagine you got laid off from your job today or your business
just evaporated you know you showed up and your computer was like nope not
letting you check your email you’re fired
you know even if it’s your own business who are the 10 or 20 people that you’d
contact to solicit their advice on what to do next and people that you would ask
for help and so make the list now and then reach out to those people now when
you don’t need anything because what I’ve seen
I’m sure you’ve seen this too is hey whoa I can’t believe my caller ID what’s
going on man oh man I’m kicked out of my house I need to borrow $800 and you’re
like what yeah i’ma talk to you for three years or whatever ten years and
you’re just like what that and they’re like oh yeah things you know life gets
in the way and I’m just thinking no you just just didn’t reach out
yeah we’re just not friends and now you need something when you reach out to
these guys I mean and I’m talking about before you you know quote-unquote need
anything yeah what type of contact are you making with them is it simply just
hey man thinking of you hope all as well or is it something deeper than that what
does that actually look like yeah you know at first I thought okay I’ve got to
have a strategy whereby I give value and I get it’s got to be an article or
something and I still advise people to do that if they’re cold outreaching you
know if you never emailed Ryan Michler and you’re like oh hey look I got a
reach out or for me I’m a sucker for weird news about North Korea and stuff
like that so if you email Jordan at Jordan Harbinger dot com and you send me
something interesting I might be like wow that was really random cool thanks
man but if you know me already if you and I hadn’t talked for three years I
might just send you a text or an email that says hey man I’m in San Diego in
fact I think I did email you this and if I didn’t I should have I was in San
Diego last week and I was like oh I remember walking this same path with
Ryan Michler yeah you did you sent me a message yep I did okay that’s an example
of I would say using it’s called opportunistic Network maintenance and
that’s a fancy term for you login to Facebook oh this person in my newsfeed I
have not had a chance to talk with them for a while oh this other person my
newsfeed had a baby Wow okay that’s cool I I should send him a text not just
click like which is what a lot of people do seven that is the number of spots
that we have left guys for this year’s uprising if you aren’t familiar with
what that is now is the time to head to order man dot com slash uprising and learn a
little bit more about this three and a half day men’s event in the mountains of
southern Utah this experience is going to be held on May 3rd through the 6th
2018 and it’s unlike anything that you’ve ever seen we’ve got firearms
training from a Navy ceil self-defense training survival
training we’ve got physical mental and emotional challenges we’ve got amazing
food amazing scenery we do fire sites each and every night all of this is
designed to do one thing guys just one very simple thing jar you out of the
reality in which you have found yourself the reality is that most of us are
living in a position of stagnation and there’s no wonder that you’re not
producing the results that you’re after this experience the uprising experience
will give you a new foundation a new framework a new lens at which to view
your life moving forward and that’s what we want to do we want to give you the
tools the skills the resources the ability to transform your life in your
relationships your business your bank account your body every aspect of your
life so if you’re interested at least want to know a little bit more about
what we’re up to you’ve got to do it very quickly again
we have seven spots all you have to do is get to Las Vegas on May 3rd we will
take care of the rest we’ll bring you back down to Las Vegas on May 6th so if
you are interested head to order of man dot com slash uprising order man dot com slash
uprising I hope to see you there now with that said let’s get back to the
conversation with Jordan this is actually really interesting one of the
things that I did and this specifically with my financial planning practice is I
had so many financial advisors look at me really strange when I did this I’m
like if you guys aren’t on Facebook using that as a tool to maintain contact
with your existing clients like you are completely missing the boat because what
I would do is I jump on Facebook and I would friend every client that I had
which a lot of advisors were afraid to do and if they had a baby or went on a
vacation or had some exciting news or their kid made Allstate or whatever it
may be that was an opportunity for me to connect with these people in a way that
was meaningful outside of the work that we were contracted to do together it was
really really powerful yeah that’s a great opportunity and I think the reason
people are afraid to do that is they go oh you know maybe it’s invasive
some people use Facebook only for their friends and you know I don’t want to be
invading their privacy ask yourself this financial planner and everybody else who
has a client based business do you think your friends are more likely to do
business with you or a total stranger and the answer is obviously your friend
we do business with people that we know like and trust so why in the hell if
we’re doing business with people we know like and trust would we decide to not
become friends and get to know like and trust the people that just walked into
our office for God’s sake it’s like the easiest layup in the world to do
business with a friend and so you can reverse-engineer the process too and say
hey it’s good to meet you you know we’re gonna be in business for years I’m not
gonna then go oh but I’m gonna stay out of your personal life right it’s like if
you don’t want someone in your personal life don’t post that crap on Facebook
isn’t that interesting it’s like the people who put the little things like
this is my information and Facebook can’t share the little legal disclaimers
yeah you gave that right up a long time ago when you set up a Facebook account
exactly it’s in the fine print when you create the account and you can’t change
the agreement especially while you’re using the service yeah me a break
but you don’t own the copyright like that’s so ridiculous to me and look if
someone is listening right now and they’re like no I would I’m very private
if somebody tried to add me on Facebook I would decline okay decline then but
unless you’re unreasonable you’re not gonna go how dare you try to add me on
Facebook Ryan you’re just my financial planner how dare you that’s a weird
reaction and you don’t want to work with that person anyway that’s like an
uncalibrated weirdo thing to do is get mad if someone tries to add you you
might just go hey you know I only have my family on here because we share a lot
of sensitive information you have their freaking money okay like that’s more
personal for most people than their sex life and you know this you know this
because you’ve all heard your guy friends be like yeah me and my wife did
this crazy thing in bed the other day and then you’re like cool are you saving
for retirement and they’re like how dare you why would you ask me about that yeah
so so like it’s more personal money is more personal than sex any day for most
people especially guys and so if you’re in that business or any business where
people are doing financial transactions with you you should be endeavoring to
become closer with them and of course respecting their personal boundaries
that they won’t add you but there’s no reason not to add people on social media
and things like that and the reason that sort of opportunistic Network
maintenance like seeing people in your newsfeed using that as an opportunity is
the mirror-image are or the foil to use ninth-grade English terminology of the
following which is systemic network maintenance so I I have this product
called contactually and it’s run by my friends v-band or bond it’s really great
it’s not free but it is worth it and what it does is it goes in your Gmail
you play a little game where you drop people into buckets and the buckets are
like contact every 90 days contact every 30 days contact every six months contact
every year their birthday is this bla bla bla bla and then every day it sends
you an email it’s like hey you haven’t talked to Ryan Michler in 90 days you
want to send an email you click yes and then it goes hey Ryan what’s going on
it’s Jordan we haven’t spoken to what so it basically just systematically reminds
me to reach out to people some people will say that’s cheating I say try
keeping in touch with 1,500 people a year well not only is it not cheating I
think it’s a compliment I look at it like if I’m in your contextually
database for example I actually looked at that as a compliment because I’m like
Oh Jordan at least cares enough about this relationship to create a system to
make sure that we stay in touch other than just when it happens it happens so
I look at it as somebody who’s actually invested to some degree in the
relationship exactly and look you’re not a robot you’re not going to remember
everybody’s deal and everybody’s birthday everybody is little engagement
so that’s why we use systematic and opportunistic at the same time because
then we can use Facebook for the big stuff like oh my god you got engaged oh
my god you got married or oh my god she got a new car you can use that then and
then every other time which is most of the rest of your year
you just have hey I haven’t talked you in a while I know you had a baby last
time we spoke cuz you can add notes to contact Julie it’s like last we spoke I
texted him about his new kid right it’s like how’s everything going that’s how
you keep in touch with people in a way that’s effective the other thing I’ll
say this is when you’re using opportunistic networking maintenance
like on Facebook and social media don’t just click like or write a comment if
you see a big life event if there was a flow chart where it was like less than
less than less than a like is less than a comment which is less than an email
which is less than a text message in my opinion that’s debatable
which is less than a phone call which is less than meeting in person
sure so if you see someone with a big life event don’t
click like don’t leave a comment send him a text if you have their phone
number because fewer people are doing that if you don’t have their phone
number send them an email more people are doing that it’s easier to get lost
but if they’re near you or you’re like hey I’m in Chicago or I’m gonna be there
in two months go out for a beer or get a coffee or a go meet their new baby even
though you haven’t caught up with him and his wife since their wedding hmm
that’s better it’s better in that effort of going to visit someone at their house
you are now more invested than somebody that they have been texting or emailing
back and forth with for three to five years period it’s almost like when you
get reminders of so-and-so’s birthday on Facebook and a thousand people send a
happy birthday and it’s like dude why don’t you just pick up your phone and
shoot a text real quick and say hey you can say the same thing in a text yeah
and yet you’re gonna be the one that stands out or a phone call because you
just took that extra thirty seconds it took to do that and now look in the age
of smartphones man I know whenever anybody says that I’m like you’re old
yeah the age of smartphones was there an age without smartphones there was let me
tell you let me tell you boy there was and so make a video it’s like oh hey
Ryan happy birthday we haven’t talked in a minute I’m really glad that you are
healthy and your beards looking even better and redder than it ever has and
that’s pretty much it for me hope to see you again sometime soon that’s better
than a text that says happy birthday and has a balloon emoji Facebook reminded me
yeah they got 50 of those it’s still better than a like on their birthday
message it’s still better than a Facebook message but a video is better
than that and like I said giving someone a phone call even if they don’t answer
you know just hey I left you a message you probably don’t track voicemail just
want to let you know happy birthday I really appreciate you it’s simple and
you can do this for 20 minutes a day on your morning commute if you have one
it’s not something that’s gonna radically alter your schedule but what
it will do is it will radically alter your life because what I’ve said earlier
cannot be understated which is I would be so screwed right now if all I had
were in look I’ve got eleven years worth of skills in broadcasting right sure
yeah you’re not gonna lose that I’m not gonna lose that I’ve got a great team
thankfully they came along for the ride in part because of some of the skills
that we’re talking about with social capital here but
the other thing is man the network has been by and large the best thing if
someone said okay I’m gonna give you a million dollars in cash right now but
you can’t have anyone around you other than like your wife and family or even
or even your staff but you get a million dollars in cash and start over I would
never accept that offer hmm because what I’m getting from these relationships
right now that I need them which is like a lot of show appearances people
spreading the word all the goodwill that I’ve got being able to book guests for
the Jordan Harbinger show that is worth much more than a million dollars in cash
especially after California taxes yeah how did you feel when you actually
started to reach out to me and others to ask for some favors ask for some help
ask for the things that you needed like what’s going through your mind is that a
difficult thing because ego get in the way like what does that actually feel
like and look like it was kind of funny in the beginning because I went oh my
god I need to ask people for help right and a lot of my friends were like oh man
you know are you nervous about that or are you worried about that because some
people were like oh you’re gonna find out who your friends are and when you
hear that you hear it from like a professional athlete on an ESPN special
who finds out that nobody cares about him anymore that he’s retired and has no
money it’s like when MC Hammer found out that all of his friends that he had
spend all this money on like they didn’t care about him anymore because he went
broke right so like that’s what you hear about and I was worried about that
because I was worried that oh no maybe these people are right maybe my value my
identity was only as the host of the art of charm and wasn’t just Jordan Harbinger
and wasn’t you know and then I found out immediately that that wasn’t true right
I sent out some softballs because I was like Ryan’s gonna help me you know other
folks that I’m close with whose names I won’t drop on your show because there’s
no point you know those people will help me and what I did is I sort of softball
that and those people were like yeah let’s get on a call tomorrow I’m gonna
book you on our demand minutes next month it’s gonna be great and I was like
this is really helpful you know coming on order of man so that boosted my
confidence a little bit to the point where I was like okay well these guys
are already helping me so if the next 50 or 80 people say no I’m gonna be okay
at least you got this in the queue right yeah exactly I’ve got these birds in the
hand or whatever and then I reached out to other folks
and what happened was really surprising what happened was I reached out to other
folks and they said yes I’ll help you and I should introduce you to this guy
Steve Gordon and then I get introduced to Steve Gordon and Steve Gordon would
go oh hey what’s up man big fan of what you guys are doing I should introduce
you to these five people and then I get introduced to them and they go hey I
know you probably have a lot on your plate but I would also love to introduce
you to these four and so now I find myself in this position where not only
have my friends been helping me but my friends friends friends are now like
yeah great let’s figure out what we can do man you know let’s make this happen
some of that sure is oh this guy listen to art of charm three years ago and
liked what we had created and now listens to the Jordan Harbinger show or
we met at some conference or something like that but a lot of it is just oh hey
you know my friend said you were kind of in trouble and I want to help out
because people like helping other people right they do they just need an
opportunity to do it right right right and you and I are like that too
but since we’re in sort of a public figure-ish position it’s a little
different because people are asking us for stuff all the time
so I made the mistake of thinking oh man I’m gonna look like one of these guys
who’s asking for stuff that I don’t know that reach out and end up in my inbox
but that wasn’t what happened what happened was I reached out and asked for
something and people went oh finally an opportunity to help this person who’s
made introductions for me or has reached out about this or who was nice to me at
this conference or who bought me a drink once three years ago that kind of stuff
has been paying dividends and that was surprising because I had thought people
are gonna see me as a mooch or something and that that didn’t happen because I’d
already done the work I dug the well before I was thirsty now I’m thirsty but
I spent 10, 11, 12 years digging this well unintentionally sorry very deliberately
but not going one day I’m gonna call these guys and it’s gonna be a thing
right you weren’t gaming it yeah there was no gaming the system at best I
thought one day maybe some day possibly I’ll write a book and I’ll have to call
these people and do a press tour with them or something but it was so not
conscious at all it was just like that may or may not happen in the next decade
and if it does great and even then you have to get used to helping people
without the expectation of anything in return and do the
ABG because look if you help a hundred people 90 of them you just might never
hear from them again and if you’re keeping score or you’re sort of secretly
in the back your head thinking that you’ll be able to count on them later
you will universally be disappointed and what that’ll do is it will stop you from
wanting to always be generous and always be giving and helping other people
without that expectation because you’re gonna feel burned because you’re
secretly keeping score in your head and that’s poisoning the relationships that
you’re creating I think it’s important that you do get used to helping like you
said but to go back to what we were talking about a minute ago I think it’s
also important that you get used to accepting opportunities as well
yes I think we have a really hard time doing that especially when our egos
getting away like one thing I always run against is people will email me or shoot
me a text or a Facebook message and say hey man I really love what you’re doing
can I help you with something please let me know and I try to make a very very
conscious effort of always accepting that offer and it might just be do just
leave me a review or share this episode or connect me with this person that you
know because I don’t want to rob that person of the opportunity to serve and
that’s that’s what they’re asking they want to serve they want to help and so
who are we to say nope sorry I deny that gift from you you know that’s
interesting I hadn’t really thought about that because a lot of times people
will ask to help first of all people have been asking for internships for the
Jordan Harbinger show and for my previous businesses for the as long as
the business has been running and it’s never been a good experience when I’ve
said sure come on in it’s universally just cost me tons of
money and headache and time and so usually am i I don’t want to deal with
this but you’re right a lot of people they want to serve and so a way that
I’ve found that if you’re listening to this and you are a business owner of
even a small business create a Facebook group this is probably super obvious for
people who are in their 20s but for me at 38 it was like oh good idea
create a Facebook group I just created the Jordan Harbinger show Facebook group
recently because we had hundreds of emails in my inbox at Jordan Harbinger
calm and it was like how can I help I want to help you rebuild this I’m a huge
fan what can we do and I just kept saying yeah leave us a review and it’s
like this is kind of a waste right because these people they want to share
it’s like I can either have a separate email as duval these people and then bug
them or they can join a Facebook group and I’ll post a new episode in there and
it’s like all right street team share this widely
they do sure and why not assemble those people and get them buying into what
you’re doing because they want that anyway like you said they want to serve
so it makes a lot of sense to allow them to do this you know it doesn’t it
doesn’t make sense to not accept that simply because you can’t see the
opportunity between you and that person like I said earlier all those
opportunities are over the horizon you have to help other people without the
expectation of anything in return it’s foolish not to let other people help you
without the expectation of anything in return right great point
boy hey man I hate to cut a short I know you’ve got a hard stop I’ve got a hard
stop we can continue this conversation all day long and of course I recommend
anybody who’s listening this show to check out your show the Jordan Harbinger
show because they’ll get a lot of this information and so much more but before
we wind things down I didn’t prepare you today but you’ve answered it twice so
I’ve got to ask you to answer it a third time and that question is what does it
mean to be a man oh that’s interesting you’re right I have answered this twice
watch I say like the complete opposite of something I’ve said before so I gotta
be careful I don’t think we have I mean we’ve got a hundred and fifty seven or
eight interviews now and not one of them are the same so don’t worry about that
man Oh interesting yeah this is an evolving question for me
and what I’ve noticed in my life recently is that there’s a lot of easy
ways out oh I’ll network later I don’t want to figure this out I’ll sleep in
today but I won’t you know I’ll go to the gym tomorrow I’ll you know I’ll set
a better example when I know people are watching it really is in a way doing the
hard thing you know this isn’t a universal definition but doing the hard
thing you know if I see dirty dishes in the sink sometimes I’ll wash them not
all the time because I’m often running around the house literally but it’s like
I could look at them and go yeah my wife we’ll get to that later
why what why should I leave that four or the other day I saw a perfect cat butt
hole shaped stain on the wall I’ll let you guess how that got there and I was
like oh that’s weird you know general scrapes and I was like
no I’m just gonna wipe this thing off why am i way and it’s kind of just like
do the hard thing oh I got to bring these boxes downstairs oh you know if I
leave it there long enough someone else will get it it’s like no you know do the
hard thing and I don’t always follow that rule because nobody’s perfect but
I’ll tell you it’s really nice because people notice it and they appreciate it
and when I talk to guys like Jocko he’s all about that too if you sent some sort
of weakness in yourself just lean into it and even if that weakness is oh man
look at all these cups I don’t want to clean that crap up if I leave it there
you know my housekeeper or my wife or my sister-in-law will get it no don’t do
that just do the hard thing you know that’s what being a man is about is
leaning into weakness even when that weakness is your own willpower or lack
thereof right on that that’s powerful how do we connect with you and learn
more about what you’re doing and find out more sure so you’re listening to a
podcast you don’t to buy anything from me I’m not selling anything in fact just
check out the Jordan Harbinger show it’s all about mindsets and mental models so
we study the thoughts the actions the habits of brilliant people I asked them
what I think are interesting questions and deliver their superpowers to the
listener and the thing is every episode has worksheets so that’s how big on
practicals we are every episode has worksheets it’s not just like I feel so
inspired right now it’s like no here are things you can do that you can write
down that you can execute that are going to make you better in some way
immediately not like oh if you keep listening to this under your pillow
you’ll wake up a different man after 10 years that’s not how this what works for
me it’s all about action and so that’s what the Jordan Harbinger show is so
look take action and subscribe to the Jordan Harbinger show and let me know
what you think of it you know if you think it stinks I’m curious why if you
think it’s great that’s less important but also very nice to hear right on man
we’ll link it all up for you I got to tell you I appreciate you and our
friendship over the past 3 years you’ve always been helpful for me you’ve always
gone out of your way to make introductions and help me succeed in
this business and and I’m honored to have the opportunity to help you in a
small way too so appreciate your friendship brother thanks for coming on
the show likewise man I’m excited to read your book
gentleman there it is my conversation with my good friend Jordan Harbinger I
know that you probably got as much value out of this conversation as I did like I
said before we even started always so much so much information that he has to
share and I’ve appreciated his friendship and again I wish it was under
different circumstances but it is very fascinating and very enlightening to see
him now use the skills that he’s been teaching to other people in his own life
to make this new business a success so do him a favor do me a favor connect
with him connect with me on social media Twitter Instagram Facebook wherever
you’re doing social media were at both places and we would love to hear from
you what was your biggest takeaway what are you going to implement in your life
what are you going to change about your life having listened to this
conversation so if you would go ahead and take care of that and then also make
sure you subscribe to this show we’ve had some very very amazing guests come
on in the recent weeks and I’ve got a lot of great guests coming on in the
very near future so you want to make sure you subscribe so you do not miss a
single episode and then leave us a review if you would I don’t ask this a
whole lot but just go ahead and leave us in iTunes rating and review that goes
such a long way in sharing what we’re doing here and as you know as you know
we need more guys in the fight and the best way that I can do that is through
the podcast and the way that you can help me and your fellow brothers do that
is to share this is to leave in iTunes rating and review so guys take care of
that outside of that we’ve got our iron Council our exclusive Brotherhood you
can check that out at order of man dot com slash iron council we’ve got the in the
trenches podcast episode that is going to be released every wednesday you’ll
want to check that out and then of course we’ve got the uprising experience
you won’t hear me talk about that much more because we are almost filled up
we’ve got seven spots left and I know that this thing is gonna fill up so
order of man dot com slash uprising get on that quick so with that guys I will sign
out for today as always I appreciate you being here I thank you for being here I
thank you for standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me in this
mission and this purpose of reclaiming what it means to be a genuine man until
Friday guys take action men you are meant to be thank you for
listening to the order of man podcast are you ready to take charge of your life
to be more of the man you were meant to be we invite you to join the order at
order of man dot com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *