EP124 – I Think You Need Therapy | Tag Me In Podcast

EP124 – I Think You Need Therapy | Tag Me In Podcast


you should be therapy and at the time I
don’t even know what I need therapy for but I think one thing you need to
realize in life generally is there’s a lot of stuff that happens to us when
we’re kids and I guess because life is always passing free we don’t really take
time to reflect on it because you’re so young you’ve got this little baby child
brain that you’re not even thinking about the impact that is having on you
when you’re a dog when you’re fully fledged but that’s what I mean that’s what I
feel like the therapy is necessary because that’s when someone’s going
probing okay so what characteristic what behavior do you because I know after our
conversation it made me think how does that do you know one thing that I
struggle with it’s this whole element of like acceptance where does that come
from and that comes from a relationship with me my mother and I was that maybe
less a conversation I need to have and perhaps that might even expand into
something else but you just don’t know until you have that conversation so I
feel like having therapy is probably gonna be a necessary thing whether I
walk away with that feeling off yet yes it was something that was required yeah
but at the same time I think I’d be happy just knowing that I took that step
forward just to see what could unravel because there’s only so much we can see
that’s the thing yeah interestingly enough I did start
work this week we had this you know these like personality tests like these
my brakes and stuff so we did like an updated one or like a more modern
version and the lady Kenna was highlighting a lot of our not
necessarily weaknesses but your no weaknesses or things that we don’t see
about ourselves and that’s part of it everyone was given a few cards and then
they had without really knowing people or based on face value had to go up to
someone and kind of like give them a card depending on what they felt so if I
had four cards I’d might come up to me and be like you have this card and they
might say I am quiet or I am serious and not interestingly enough got a lot of
cars that were like you seem like very methodical and systematic you seemed
quite serious and about it and then I was just like numb I’m the calm
quiet relaxed person you ever meet but in the latest book about how a lot of
the times people perceive you based on what you can’t necessarily see about
yourself and people won’t tell you they have these perceptions and they won’t
come up to me be like hey you like this and then off the back of that as well I
remember reading this article when it goes back to Anton mentioned about us
being children in our formative years is when a lot of these things tend to
happen and they I forgot what the term is but they’re basically like sort of
micro traumas so you can experience certain events in your life whether
that’s seeing someone die you’re constantly being told that you’re a
stupid child and then people don’t realize that that stays in your mind
especially when you’re young in those formative years whatever your parents
tell you it is what it is whether it’s apple tree or but not whatever it is
that will grow positive or negative and then yeah a lot of the times we don’t
even realize what we’re doing yet that is ingrained in us that was showing and
expressing these behaviors and traits we just were just living our lives and it’s
tough because someone like me I would never think could I benefit from it or
even think about it and it’s it’s also hard because there are people in my
social circles that I feel like you might benefit from this and on that I
want to kind of ask say I have a friend or you know an acquaintance or whatever
and I feel that not a judgment away but they may potentially benefit from
therapy how do I go about saying it because I won’t come up to me in
breakfast and says oh you therapy issues that’s tough not to be honest I honestly
is hard it’s one of those things that like it’s like you know when someone’s
breath stinks I would feel rude to say your breath stinks I’d rather just i’ll
give them not like now it takes you bro uh-uh you know it’s like you you know
let’s play again we see how much progress we can get in our mouths hello
this game is so cool I guess if I was to mention it to say yeah if I was to think
about how I would say to me I guess it’d be on the lungs along the lines of yo
although I noticed you always do this my boy Michael you see that as well he went
for a pee he found it so helpful heat now he’s
like he never has that issue side like pole I wouldn’t be like direct I’d pose
it as look yeah I’ve seen someone in your same situation they’ve gone for a
pee it’s worked for them I’m not saying you need it but it’s an option to
potentially consider that’s probably one of the softest ways I guess the hobby is
also need yeah you have to do your research behavior it’s a conversation and then prove in that way and then in
them do the research because also like until the person’s ready they’re fine so
I’ll give you like a ROI example for me one of my biggest things is my
relationship with my mom so I I got to play it where I was like no like it’s a
really bad issue I need to deal with it I need to find
out what my issue is with it and then maybe we can sit in a room together I’ve
reached a point now where I’m like okay I know exactly where I’m at but the rest
of it I need to unpick with her okay so until she’s ready to deal with her stuff
I can’t didn’t say oh we need to sit in a room together and deal with this so
it’s a bit like I have to just wait like I’ve told it I hope it’s a fair feel and
what I’m doing and then she’s like oh yeah if you need to talk to me just talk
to me typing but also because you don’t go in there Tucker made a bid making the
present feel like oh they’ve got something wrong with them it’s just that
these things that have happened in life have led me this way or have got me to
react this way or have triggered me in this way type thing say the same with
the person that you want to say oh yeah you should go to therapy for them it
might not be something in the forefront of their mind oh it could be and then
you just say that and maybe pointing them in the direction of where they can
find a therapist then maybe wait I think until the person is ready ready yeah
know it no yeah completely hair because everyone’s everyone’s it’s subjective
because what I might see is okay this person needs it that person might be
like I’ve just had a bad day or was just a bad period and I guess yeah makes it
easier if you’ve kind of done therapy yourself and you can say your first-hand
experience yeah be like oh yeah really work cuz you saying it you know your
friend did it yeah well I guess when you’ve been through that process you
could somehow be more relatable would be like okay do you know what I found
difficult he’s making that firstly but once I did it and once I was in it it
was easier in a field that the conversation that we keep on having
about this problem with the same behavior heal and you know I realized
that we’ve tried to work on it together and I think eventually there’s gonna be
a time where you might have to take the same path that I may walk did you tell
people right now I keep it I think even in the
beginning like even at work I’ll say because I think I had in my
first session with somebody’s leaving do the same day so I buy I don’t want to
miss the leave into you and I do it with a mister session mmm I went to the
session and then went to believe in do but I was actually I think I was just
trying to make it because I do like I feel like some people see it as therapy
does have that kind of negative definition or Association we’ve been
like oh you need therapy as a result of x y&z yeah like you was referred to medically
rather than realizing that sometimes you’re aware of your own behavior and to
make that forward straight to become a better person you might just need outlet
and that’s all it could just be my guess you know when you tell people is there
this moment where people mindset that’s the mindset the perception of people but
also sometimes inside of neck and then some days like I actually just
want us off and you just don’t know why you wanna cry but yeah I think telling
people has opened up my friendships in terms of like how they see me I think
also the perception that they have with me is slightly changed in a good way to
be a bit more because like one think that’s what I mean that’s what I’ve seen
and I think this is raw because we haven’t even spoken about it so I don’t
know how you can feel that but I seem like a transformation it’s like you’re
you’re definitely in a place of saying no when you want to say no and saying
yes to things that once upon a time you had fear over so there’s this I don’t
even talk about your business but there’s been like a number of things
that you’ve you’ve talked about for a while and you just done it and it’s like
yeah you might be shit scared doing it but you just gone and I don’t know
whether that’s a result of you know going through therapy and tackling some
of the things or that’s just naturally the process of life and you and your
whole journey of becoming a better person but just in the timeframe on that
wall like would you put your the therapy as a you know is it a cause is it like
is it pushing you to do better or is it more like I could do that’s how we met
we hosted London which is good say like for me it was
just oh yeah just did this event like I wouldn’t pick myself up about it yeah I
did that yeah and it wasn’t really okay and then also like the trauma that I’ve
been through like I would it really I think my favorite said to me the other
day like like you have to be okay accepting that you’ve actually been
through a lot mm-hmm and we understand that you’ve been through a lot and that
it’s okay to have gone through that and come out the other side that’s a lot to
take in so I think also realizing like where I’m at why I got to this point how
I got to this point and what can I do differently to be in control of things
yeah so would you say it’s giving you I guess it’s like a release of weight but
also strength and like this kind of I guess focus of saying this is where
I am but it’s also this is what I need to do and I can let your past be your past
yeah and now it’s like you know I wouldn’t say you’re rewriting yourself
but you’re just rewiring the number of cables yeah increasing the power is one
of those no no this conversation I think one thing that has been highlighted has
been the vulnerability like being in that situation opening up and then
coming back out and then looking at your friendships relationships in everyday
life and then like you said having that deeper level of depth and expression and
emotion that to me just screams vulnerability and there is so much
strength and power in that and it’s definitely something I think I need to I
would like to I just I like the idea of like working on been able to kind of be
like you know what actually no I’m not okay this is what’s kind of going on
because I don’t know how it is for you Anton but for me growing up it’s been
sort of oh you’re a man you’re a boy man up wherever that term means man up be
strong why you crying and then from that I think
people like me and a lot of people kind of go through this phrase we’re okay I
can’t really express emotions and I’m one of those people who I have so many
people come to me and kind of like express their problems I don’t know if I
know if you experience it where people you’re seen as like that level-headed
person as you mentioned then people kind of offload on to you sort of like a
therapist but more like a listening ear and then sometimes it’s like but who can
I offload on to you because I’m supposed to be seen as this person who is always
supposed to be there always supposed to be on job has to be happy and listen you
know you get upset and you just kind of get looked at a certain way and I think
it’s just important to be able to understand the value and vulnerability
because when I spoke to my boy who did get therapy he just said Ola you know
what if you ever need a therapist I’d recommend my one and he spoke about how
probably about five six sessions in it was like they were in their session and
he was just like she made him cry and I was like what what who but
he was like no no no no like in a positive way and that she kind of broke
him down but then built him back up and it kind of helped to like shed certain
layers and have that exposure and that vulnerability it was a
good experience and for me to hear another guy talking about how he felt
good crying I was like there’s something to that there’s value in that cuz a lot
of the times when people do cry it’s usually in silence all the time it’s
usually behind closed doors and what’s wrong nothing I’m fine
it’s all good but for him to kind of express the house that way were you
worried enough to look into this kind of thing it builds this whole element of
your defining your own identity because like I was saying a lot of stuff he’s
kind of driven from childhood so be a man or why you crying and yeah
and then you enter at that life and you realize that all these teaching some of
its good and some of its bad and I think like having no sort of conversation who
saying these are the bad things and really truthfully you are Anton you are
all are you and Misha live your life the way that you you want to and I feel like
once you get that it’s like this kind of I’m me so element to you and I think in
in that whole process of getting fair peace those don’t serious questions like
these questions that you probably don’t even think about it is hit you in a
certain way like this person knows how to crack your house
all those loot layers back and get down to the real cram and be like ah this is
the fleshy bit yeah this is you this is the part that’s bleeding oh my god
exposed and like I guess there was a vendor I went to probably about we’re
talking a few years like two years ago and there was a therapist there and she
kind of turned around to the whole room and said believe it or not but everyone
needs at least one therapy session every single year and at that time that same
fall like this happened two years ago it’s been with me like up to now and
then obviously your experience in hearing about you and that’s what I have
to give you credit about is because you haven’t shied away about it you haven’t
been my whole first day I’m busy and it’s left it there you’ve been I’m going
for you and you’ve owned it and it’s like you’re experienced firsthand how
you know me witnessing kind of like this whole transformation in such way that if
one person can have that conversation then I can I mean I look at like people
around me I’m not a la know what I love you know man therapy black the same way
that you’ve kind of like told people the same way I would tell other people in a
year everyone would to see as a normal in
necessary doesn’t have to be classed as therapy it cancer you could just be
someone that you’re not connected to catch up and you just because like I’m
connection with someone on the phone about me was that three weeks ago
and it was like a it was like a coaching sort of thing I know that hands-on so
that what problems are you facing right now is that nothing work now seriously
are you really content with life or does that yeah what’s one thing that other
people would say about you kind of bad with communication you guys guys I know they were haha so would you want
to change that and how would you change that and why is it like that and they
started probing and it was just like fuck you by the same side there is fuck
you because they they cracked open that shell and they open up stuff in our side
here we go again how do we tackle it and because it was a one time cool yeah
it created like this kind of like oh shit you’re aware of this again are you
gonna do about it but then if you have that regular fixture of constantly going
back where you have that kind of oh so what have you been doing about that how
have you progressed is it having an impact and then that’s when the change
really occurs so I know you can have it one time this will told me to run the
person but if you have it on a more frequent basis I think it would be
enough to transform your life just men I think like to be honest like some of my
like most vulnerable sessions like I did it shed a tear like not one tear and
like I probably got the most breakthrough out of it because it wasn’t
led by emotions but it was led by like really working through the things that I
wanted to work for you so I think from my perspective to say to you like you
don’t and then she’ll ask you that for me it was like I’ll say something and
she’ll I’ll say like a story and they shall pull out bits on the story and
like really like drill down into those bits I really start to like so like the
last session I spoke about because she asked me how I felt about my
relationship my mom I was that and she I explained that it was like I’m packing a
suitcase and I’ve put everything out and I can see everything all 95% of things
but that 5% I could only do it I could only unpack with her I think where I
think that everybody could benefit without having to go into the emotional
two things we just really unpack into things that you because we all carry
baggage we’ve all got like our family set up
things that have impact with us through life of my ever and you’re just
unpacking it and then also like the one session there might not be it doesn’t
have to be something wrong this break at home thanks for the time and he might
even come from a place saying that’s okay you know there’s a lot of self-talk
that happens that we have inside us and I think literally having someone else’s
opinion on your circumstances might also create this whole feel of you know what
you shouldn’t feel bad about that because you you said that you opened up
about you your relationship with your mother when you said that I think you my
mom’s the type of person that don’t talk about her business this is family
business and that’s something that you have done and you know as I thought that
you know your mom has a life and people are interested so if mom’s going out to
the sauna then though it should be I get this finger how’s mom and I’m not she’s
right in the life is that it yeah yep but it’s programmed in me that I can’t
reveal too much but my mom’s lap you know keeping her cards real close but
that’s something that you know I could be in a column on which sort of saw
another day she’s good but you know she made food over they I can go into a bit
more I can create a further conversation but yeah it’s those sort of boundaries
because you said again you said that through therapy you sell out those
boundaries and one phrase that I always love you I basically just responded like I read
the message reply robbery no actually I mean I just need this mental space like
I need to be that’s powerful that’s powerful so if someone’s listening right
now and they’ve been feeded about therapy what’s the best way to start cuz
using Google your best friend and identifying probably someone who can
relate to you be your ethnicity your upbringing
because I don’t want to be sitting across with I don’t know old man no
disrespect you grew up in America and I’m telling about problems I’m faced
here and then and then in that they’ve got profiles of each person and then you
look at relationships and different types of therapy that they
do some only specialize in one type of therapy some specialize in many so it’s
just really being clear about what you want and also if you don’t know what you
want you can reach out to one profile that looks close to someone that you
might need reach out to them have a consultation session and just you can
explain to them what it is why you feel that you need refer you to someone else
well even they can say like but there is something but then you can have that
conversation with them like I’d like I think the day that she called me to have
ours like I hadn’t at the time because I felt like and I
just don’t know what it is but right now he didn’t say anxious and say like
inundated by emotions like I feel like I just need to talk to somebody
hmm normally she says for those type of sessions it should be weekly because she
didn’t have time she was wet so she have run speed down yeah
gherkin you get that sense of coz you said you need her this week jaqen you
get a sense of dependency over time making sure I put myself in check
basically and make sure that I’m being the person I want to be so then when my
statement like this week I said but like I just want to talk it through
mmm to somebody he has that has no bias has tell me could I guess that kind of I’m
thinking another Fork sorry I want to go into like relationship because I know me
and all I did is owed way back about marriage and weddings and Webber are
stepping into a marriage where we’re gonna have counseling beforehand and I’m
gonna kind of raise that question again would you be cool in any relationship mm-hmm yeah I think like me she said
this I think it’s a necessity it’s like when you get a car you get insurance you
don’t want it to break down but if if it does you’ve kind of got that insurance
in place you’ve got that assurance there okay would you do it at the start of the
relationship for a relationship or marriage I don’t know how because it’s
not because it’s not the norm it might be this weird I’m not I know we’re not
in a relationship yet but gonna get pretty relationship counts
hello hey my texts ongoing Puma I’m only
getting one tick what’s going on I haven’t creamed out almost definitely
pre relationship it’s tricky – a sticky one yes if
someone doesn’t know I see when I’m triggered I know what to do when I’m
triggered but the person needs to know as well that why I’m just saying I feel
like there is an element of like really ok probably expensive friendships as
well yeah they should be friendship counseling and also I guess parent child but your parents have to be willing or
your friend has to be willing to about what know make mistakes
if people don’t had kids at young 2122 sessions so we can address our problems
in our relationship it make already there’s one example and it’s not even my
story there was a guy that I met recently and he’s doing really well
like and he said to me the one thing that he struggled with whilst growing up
and it took him to the age of 45 to realize is that he was good enough and
that comes from parenting where you know you get a B I know he’s not good because
so and so go ahead and he always had that through life it was only until he
actually spoke to someone anyone like you know yet she doing a lot you’ve done
a lot and they tackled him they said also why you like this and slowly over
time you realize is he’s parenting like the way that he was raised that made him
feel like he wasn’t good enough regardless what he did yeah and that
transformed his life two years there’s this like I’m the most happiest yeah it’s scary on the face of it
knowing that you you’re gonna go into a session you’re you’re thinking you’re
fine you’re going in this person I’m picks and unravels things like you said
you never even knew I’m not her from where I had all this baggage I thought
it was one bag I got nine nah that’s crazy
but I guess the benefit is that you know you at the end of it you come out with
the awareness of what is going on and just being able to tackle and deal with
that on a day-to-day basis does that scare you no I mean the concept of them
kind of saying osceola you’ve said this and this from that I’ve conferred this
it it might rattle me a bit like huh are you sure me whoa
that’s what scared like that 45 minute session with a okay times up and arrived
you with this box session and this is you’re I’m gonna do some googling now
getting my boys he has suggested their contacts I’ll I might get like her
introductory introductory session and kind of see because I mean like you said
it isn’t necessarily for everyone but I think the point about having everyone
having one session a year does kind of make sense so that’s kind of go into it
seeing how I get on in actually I’m good or being actually you know what I need
this man um pick some more come and get on packing thank you kind of prepared
for that yeah I mean have to be haven’t have to be open to it most definitely
it’s definitely into this world of like someone could potentially open you are
good but and I think like me she said cuz I’m quiet I’m a quiet person
naturally I don’t I don’t like talking too much anyway me having to kind of go
against that grain I’m tell me about yourself
yeah I’m just mean it what’s good yeah tell me more yeah I’m alright in it now
all are we to really no you know I think it’s beneficial cuz like I feel like
we’ve every single relationship there’s always gonna be something whether it’s
big or small but just be good just the area
also for someone to go you know what it’s small just let it be I call he
doesn’t finish the to Payton he squeezes in the middle but you know what
you have amazing relationship and water best to you guys more but there’s a guy
called Jay Shetty and yet he was on read table with Jada pinkett-smith like way
back and one in the things that he said is when you have a problem so you have a
problem with your partner and usually our normal kind of default is to go in
at not attack but they’re the problem they’re the reason you’re the put the
order problem whereas he has his whole view of cool you may be the problem this
might be a problem but this is our problem and how can we solve it together
so naturally within a relationship you should have that kind of therapy
counseling sort of setting internally between two parties but then there’s
also maybe a time where if you keep on clashing over the same thing that’s when
you need to go to that third person an outside person not your mom not your
sister not your best friend friends but yeah litchi someone who’s getting paid
to sit there and listen objective and yeah being kibriya Jetson and I think
that’s probably why I’ll be so accepting to it because I know there be moments
where hands-on you do this how many times are you gonna have this same issue
I told you the reason why I do it I let my smoothie cup marinate in water say my
name over there yes and I clean in the morning why is the problem and then
we’ll go through a third person to be like well he’s gone plain I heard it
kills off this Anton wash it do you think it’d be beneficial if you wash it
to address the problem although you wanna plug yourself yeah
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