Discovering Our Scars Podcast E13: I can’t even spell Dyslexia

Discovering Our Scars Podcast E13: I can’t even spell Dyslexia


Welcome to the Discovering
Our Scars Podcast. Where we have honest conversations
about things that make us different. I’m Steph. And I’m Beth. I’ve been in recovery for 13 plus
years and recently wrote a book, Discovering My Scars, about my mental
health struggles, experiences and faith. I’m a lawyer turned pastor who’s all
about self-awareness and emotional health because I know what it’s like
to have neither of those things. Beth and I have been
friends for six years, have gone through a recovery program
together and when I wanted to start a podcast, she was the only name
that came to my mind as a co-host. I didn’t hesitate to say yes because
I’ve learned a lot from honest conversations with Steph over the years. We value on as conversations
and we hope you do too. That’s why we do this and why we want
you to be part of what we are discussing today, which is what Steph? Today we are talking about
one of my disabilities, which is dyslexia and the title
is actually a very accurate title. It is titled: I Can’t Even Spell
Dyslexia because that’s true, if you ask me to spell
it, I cannot spell it. I will not ask you to spell it. Thank you. I will also acknowledge that it
is a difficult word to spell. It starts with a D it
starts ends with a lexia. So it’s one of those D
Y S words, which can be, those can be tricky. So when did
you find out that you had dyslexia? When I was in first grade or no,
when I was in–yeah, first grade. I said that right! Here
we go, here we start. Numbers also are a problem. So dyslexia
is specifically for my reading, reading & writing, but it also
has an effect on math and numbers. So I have a issue where I will see a
number and then I’ll say the wrong number. So we’ll get into that a little bit
later. But when I was in first grade, my first grade teacher
actually was pregnant. So she saw me at the
beginning of the year. And then when she came back at the
end of the year after maternity leave, she noticed I hadn’t progressed. She noticed that all the other students
had learned and come to this point. And I was still kind
of where I had started. She suggested to my
parents that I get tested. And my dad being a psychologist actually
tested me and found out that I had a learning disability, which
dyslexia is the diagnosis for it. But it’s also a spectrum. So you hear the word dyslexia a lot and
I think people associate it with, Oh, people that are dyslexic see words
backwards and frontwards and all that way. And that is true. I don’t
necessarily see words backwards. But I do have a hard time
reading and writing words. It doesn’t mean I can’t read and write, but it does take me longer than
it would take other people. And I have to work a little bit harder
than most for for things that come easy to other people. And I was also
in special classes growing up. Oh, I also want to point out my dad tested me, but then the school tested me cause they
wouldn’t accept his test ’cause he’s my dad. But the school tested me
and the same results came out. So what that meant in elementary school
I had a special class that I go to every day. I wasn’t in a special
class all the time, but they’d pull me out and I get some
specialized attention in reading and writing and that was really helpful.
And then in middle school, same thing, one of my classes was called learning
strategies where I would get some individualized attention and some special
strategies on how to learn differently and how things that would help me with
where I was at. And then in high school, the same thing, I took that special
class and that was really helpful. And I also got, I got longer time on tests and things
that I had special accommodations for my needs. I didn’t need a lot of the like, I don’t know if I ever
even spent longer on tests, but it was nice to have those
options. And in school that it, the thing is called an IEP
individualized education plan. And that’s a plan that once you’re
identified with having some kind of disability, the school
puts together this plan, plan of action for what your needs
are. So that was really helpful. And then in college I didn’t have any
of that. I could have gotten that, but I thought I didn’t really need it
because you have to get retested and all this. And so I, but I did really well on college and all
of that without that specialized stuff. That’s how I was diagnosed. And because I was kind of behind more
behind than the other kids my age, they didn’t want to keep me behind to
like where I’d have to repeat a grade cause that’s really, really hard. But I did have to take summer school
at least one year in elementary school. My mom was really good at making sure
I knew it wasn’t a punishment and it wasn’t like, because I was, you know, “stupid” or all of those
kind of hurtful things. And the way that she helped me get
through it was she got me a membership to this place called Discovery Zone.
And if you are around my age, you probably know what that is. But it was like this really cool indoor
playground area but it’s like so cool and I loved it. So she got me a summer membership for
it and like that was a cool thing. And I also remember that
I entered a drawing to get
tickets to the Power Rangers movie and I won them and that was like
the coolest thing and was like the only thing I ever won. And it was good movie. Do you know that I
worked at Discovery Zone? You did?! What year? I would have worked there in 1994ish. I think that’s when I went,
it was like 94 and 95. So you worked there? Yeah, I worked at Discovery Zone. Did you play on the stuff or … Have we met? No, I did
not play on the equipment. Well, you would’ve been older.
How old would you have been? I was in college. Oh yeah. They wouldn’t be, you know, I wasn’t playing. I did parties. I was a party hostess and I worked
the snack bar for a little while, but what would happen, when I worked snack bar is that I
would remember to take people’s orders, but then I forgot I had to go
to the kitchen and cook it. Oh no. People would get really
upset. They’d be like, I’ve been waiting like 15 minutes for
my piece. And I’m like, yeah, I don’t, I don’t know what’s wrong. And then I’d have to run back to the
kitchen and make their pizza really fast. Do you remember how much you got paid? I remember that I made
less than $5 an hour. Nice. Probably whatever minimum wage was? Yeah. Because for awhile I had two jobs and
I remember I did make $5 an hour at the other job and that was really good. Wow. Yeah. Where you at? FSU? Yeah, I was a student. Yeah. I worked at discovery zone and
when I applied for the job, it was the first time I had ever been
drug tested and they did it by cutting a lock of your hair and then they would
like ship it off. I remember that. Gosh, that’s a little, little much. Well, you know, I mean
we were around kids. No, I know, but taking your hair. Yeah, they took our hair. That’s a little much. No, I understand
the drug test, but wow. Wow. Okay. So that’s so cool. That’s
what a weird connection. So dyslexia is sort of
this broad term for, for things that impact people
in different ways. Like, so I’ve seen in movies a couple
of times, recently actually, where a character will be labeled dyslexic and the way
that it’s portrayed is where they see the letters moving around or they see
letters spinning backwards or they can’t, you know, it’s like they’re trying to grab words
out of the air and put them together. Is that what it’s like for you? It sounds pretty cool when the movies
show it like that, but it is not, that is not how it is for me. This
is my reality. So I don’t know, like your reality of things that you see. Oh, good point. So I also don’t know if maybe I
do, but I, that’s just how it is. So I don’t know. I can’t necessarily say
I don’t think I see things backwards. I can’t fully say like whether it
looks like the beautiful mind thing or something. But I do have a difficulty
with pronouncing words. Like, I feel like I’ve gotten
better over the years, but I feel like I’ve only gotten better
because I sight-recognize words now. Like I’m like, Oh, I’ve
heard people say that word. And I’ve seen it written that
way so that’s how it said, but I’m not really reading the word. I just am better at it now because I
recognize things as something I’ve heard before. So I’m, something that really
helped me as a kid was I had this, this device called a Speaking
Ace, and I love this thing. I would type in a word how I thought
it was spelled and I knew it was wrong, but I would like it was
more like phonetically how I
like how I write and then I would push a button and it
would look at that word, how I wrote it and it would try
to figure out what the word was. And it gave me a whole list
of words it thought it was. And I could push speak and it would
speak each of those words so I could hear whether it was a word I meant
I wanted it. And then I, once I found the word it was then I could
write it on my sheet or whatever I was doing. And that was super
helpful. I love that thing. I think it finally died on me and I got
another one cause it was like amazing. And now that’s actually a
functionality that’s in iPhones, right? I was going to say that– now my
iPhone does that, which is amazing. So not by default the phone
doesn’t have that feature, but you can go into the Accessibility
Features in Settings on your iPhone. And you can turn on Tap
To Speak. I think it is, but basically I can highlight a word and
then I can push speak and it will speak the word to me or it
can highlight, you know, a section of words and
it will read them to me. A lot of times I’ll
ask you know, my phone, I have the assistant that starts with
an S. I don’t want to alert people, so I’m not gonna say
it, but I can say, Hey, how do you spell such and such word? And she’ll actually read out
each letter of how to spell it. And that’s super helpful! So those,
I still use those kind of techniques, you know, Speaking Ace is
now, basically my phone. When I write something on the
computer, I will write it, I’ll read it back and kind
of edit what seems wrong, but then I’ll have the computer read it
back to me to make sure that it was the words I meant to write. Because sometimes I’ll write a word and
it wasn’t actually the word I thought it was, but it’s not necessarily spelled
wrong. And so that’s super helpful. So I always try to, even
when I send a text message, I always reread them because I, I know I misspell probably a lot of things
and a lot of things don’t look right, but I try to be as, as thorough as I can. Anytime I’m writing something cause I
know that that is an issue and I don’t, and I also am always a little scared
that people are going to be like, “Oh, you misspelled that. You are so…” So I always try to combat
people saying things like that to me. It doesn’t happen that often, but there’s always a fear that people
are going to be like, Oh my gosh. Like we’ve done that
in some posts on-line. Like for Mother Daughter Projects
something will be misspelled. It hurts a little bit.
Although I didn’t write it. My mom writes them and she’s just like,
Oh ha, how silly. Like there was a word, the other I can’t remember what it was, but it was like the wrong word for
something. And I was like, I was like, how do we not catch that? She
was the one that wrote it. So I just felt a little bad and
she was like, Oh that’s so silly. Did that happen to you a lot in school? Like did people give you
a hard time about it? It wasn’t too bad in school. I
do remember in middle school, so I had this you know, in middle school and high school and
everything your friends come and go. And so I had this one good friend in
elementary school and then in high school we weren’t really, or in middle school
we weren’t really friends anymore. We had been friends. We
just kind of drifted apart. And I remember the teacher called on me
once to read a short story I’d written because we all had written short stories
and anytime I was in school and I was called on, I was always so nervous because that
was a big fear of mine was reading in public. And it still is. It still is because there’s a lot of
pressure to read in public and there are certain words I just have to sit and stare
at it because I can’t figure out what the word is. And I’m like, I know
that word. I’ve seen it before. I try to sound it out and it takes me
awhile and I get really hot and nervous because I realize I’m taking a
long time. People are watching me, people already know what
this word is. So anyways, in middle school they called on me to
read my story and it wasn’t even like read it. She was like, do you
want to read your story? So it was like a question
and I was like, “no, I’m good.” And then the girl
that I used to be friends with, I overheard her say “it’s because she
can’t read.” And then a couple of girls near her were snickering. And I just
remember feeling so so many emotions. I felt like sad that she said that.
I felt mad that she said that. And I was really mad. I was ticked
off because it’s like: I wrote this, of course I can read it!
I’m the one that wrote it. I just don’t want to read it. I still
remember that was just devastating. And so anytime even, you know, we were in a step study together and I
think at the beginning of our step study, I even said like, because part of step study is reading
Bible verses together and Bible stories and reading out our own, our own stuff. And I remember letting everybody know. I feel like I have to disclose it when
I’m in groups and stuff because it’s easier to just say, Hey, you know, I am a little bit slower at reading and
writing and just want you guys to know I don’t have a problem doing it, but
you know, just give me a chance. And also to remind you guys like if I
say something wrong like just correct me and that’s fine, but we
don’t need like an event. It doesn’t have to be like a “Stephanie, you got that one wrong.”
Just say you know, just say the right word
and that’s fine. And, or if I’m struggling with saying
a word, just tell me what it is. Like I don’t need to sit there and be
stressed and trying to figure it out. Just tell me what the word is
and that’s it. That’s all I need. So like I felt really nervous
about starting the step
study for so many reasons and that was one of them, which seems crazy that that has to be
like one of the things I was stressed about. But once I
disclosed it I felt better, but there’s still is a part of me that
like when other people are reading, I realize the speed they’re reading
and then when I’m reading I realize the speed I’m reading and I’m just like, I
just, I’m never going to be that fast, but I don’t shy away from
doing things because of it. But there is an added like caution that
I have when I am in events or go to things where you have to like, write. Also if you have to write on
like a board or something. Like I had to do that at Apple.
I’d have to write little–we would be like brainstorming or something. I always always would try to like get out
of being the person that has to write. Because, number one, I have bad
handwriting, so that was always my thing. I have really bad handwriting.
Number two, I was like, eh, it’s too stressful to try
to spell everything right. So I always tried to like
duck out of those things. Spelling has always come
really naturally to me. What is that like, Beth? Well, let me tell you how great it is. No, my point is that actually my daughter
also has dyslexia and we noticed there was an issue in kindergarten and then we
noticed there was an issue in first grade and they kept telling us
like they couldn’t officially
do anything until third grade. Well, by the end of,
by the end of second grade, like it was obvious she had days where
everything came really easily and then she had days where things didn’t. And
it’s just that her mind works differently. Right. When we finally got to somebody who
really understood the way that she learns, they were like, you know,
if someone said to you, you have to operate as if everything
is written on a musical staff. Right? Like that. That’s just
what we’re going to use. That’s the arbitrary thing we’ve decided
to use. That would be hard for you. It doesn’t mean… that it’s not
an indicator of intelligence. It’s not an indicator of ability.
It’s just for some people, spelling comes really naturally.
And for some people doesn’t. So as someone for whom spelling has
always been easy and has been a matter of just seeing it in my mind
and then I can spell it, it was sort of shocking to me
that it’s not easy for everyone. And I remember before I understood the
amazing way that my daughter’s mind works, I would be like, just
work harder. Like just come on, just like memorize this.
Or you know, we would, we would try to do tactile things like
like pour rice on a plate and have her use her fingers to write out the words. And all of these strategies that if your
mind worked like my mind worked and you could create a word picture, you could create a picture of the word
and then you could spell it those would be great strategies. But actually
that’s not how every mind works. And I think school is sort of geared
towards that one way of thinking and that one way of learning, which
is really quite shortsighted. Yeah and that’s what the
learning strategies class, I think that concept of that was to teach
me those different techniques that was helpful. But my, my parents also got me like special
tutoring outside of school in elementary school and there was a lot of things
they did to help me get to where I needed to be. And ultimately when I was
in high school, I actually made, I made all A’s in high school,
like in all my classes. Like that was a huge accomplished
accomplishment for me. Of course I went to an A+ school? A++ to the max. Everyone made all A’s and most
people actually had AP classes, which are like higher, higher weight
than other classes than a 4.0 yeah. So I had a 4.0 when I graduated, but I was number 100 in my class because
there were a hundred more people that had more than a 4.0 or 4.0 you
know, I don’t know how it works, but it was just like, yeah. So it was a, it was a struggle to be
in a school that was so, like had so much emphasis on
like the academics part of it. I think different schools take different
approaches in that particular school is one of those where it’s like we’re really
operating on a 5.0 scale instead of a 4.0 scale. And you know, just by coincidence that’s the school
that now my daughter goes to. So yeah. My favorite thing, like
I did well in my classes, buy my favorite class was
television production. That was where I really found my calling. That has led to everything
else in my life. I mean, that’s how I worked at Apple. That’s
why I do my other art projects, like everything is because of taking
that class. So for me, like yes, I did my academic classes,
all of that stuff. But the thing that really helped me
find me in school was TV production and being creative and not
just sitting at a desk, but actually creating stories and
getting out there and filming was where I found my place. Yeah, A class that my daughter
is taking this semester. And she has my teacher that I had. Same teacher. I’m so excited about that. A teacher who remembers you fondly. I remember her too. She’s my favorite.
Yeah, she has a different last name now, but I still remember her by her
original last name. So I’m like, I know she’s married with kids, but
she’ll always be the original to me, her maiden name I guess. I do feel anxiety for my daughter
and anxiety for you when there’s this expectation that something will be
read out loud because I think people do wrongly judge intelligence or
ability based on reading out loud. Which is weird when you really think
about it because it’s just one skill. I feel that’s part of the anxiety I get is I feel
people judge me if I can’t read well, they judge my intelligence based
on that. That’s how I feel. Whether people do it or not, I don’t know. But that’s the feeling I have is like, Oh, people are gonna think I’m
stupid if I don’t read well. And I don’t even like that word stupid. It almost sounds like a curse word
to me. I don’t know. It’s awful. I don’t like that word. It’s a heavy word. It used to be the S word in our house
and then as the kids became teenagers, now we have the real S word. So
yeah, we don’t say the S word. Stephanie, you don’t say that?
Oh my gosh, I’m offended! So if you were in a situation where
there was an expectation that something would be read out loud, how would
you want people to approach that? I’m super uncomfortable
when it’s like, okay, we’re just going to go around the room
and everyone’s going to read a line from this. That makes me super uncomfortable
because (a) we’ve done that in Bible studies–everyone’s going to read a
verse or something. So number one, I will not be able to focus on anything
that anyone else is saying because all I’m doing is counting down
as I’m counting the people. And I’m counting to try to figure out
the section that I have to read and I’m trying to read that section before so I
am not listening or getting anything out of the whole session. So number one, if you really want someone like
me with dyslexia to pay attention, don’t have us read out loud because
we’re not going to be able to focus on anything, at least in my experience. So
I really like when groups say, you know, if you’d like to read, raise
your hand kind of thing. That makes me super comfortable when it’s
not like a forced thing and then I can really like be relaxed and pay attention. But if it’s important that we all read, just know that someone like me is not
going to get anything out of that session. All I’m going to do is be filled with
anxiety the whole time and worried that I’m going to mess up on my section. So how is it that a person with
dyslexia comes to write a memoir? How do you overcome that or what are
your coping strategies or how did you not let that stop you from writing your book? You know, I think I’ve said this
in past episodes, but if you know, if there was like a magic button where
I could push and not have dyslexia anymore, you know what, I push
it? No. I say that even though, because it’s still a struggle for
me today. But I say that because I have had to work harder
than my friends in school. I’ve had to work harder at things that
come so easy. Like you say like oh, you just, you just do it.
You just spell, it’s easy. I don’t know what that’s like. I’ve
always had to work harder and push harder. And because of that I feel like
I have a really good work ethic. Things don’t just come to me. I
have to work really hard for them, but also I don’t have to have everything
perfect before I move forward with something. So I know that I’m never going
to have things perfect because I just, I just can’t. And so
I’m not afraid to, like, I wasn’t afraid to start this podcast. Like when I asked you
about doing the podcast, I had no idea how to do a podcast. I
knew it was on, I knew some elements, but I didn’t know what equipment to
get. I didn’t know anything. I was like, we’ll figure it out. The first step is,
you know, do you want to do it? Okay, we’re going to do it. Done. Next step. We’ll figure it out and just
kind of take it step by step. So that’s just been my approach
my whole life because I’ve had to, I can’t get to this far step because
I’ve got to figure out this one right in front of me. So when it
came to writing the book, I’ve felt like for 12
years, over 12 years now, it’s been on my heart to write a book,
to write my story, to share this story. Since the story started, I started writing
it when I was in the mental hospital. I mean, honestly, I always felt
like I was going to write this book, but when it came a couple of years
ago, when I finally was like, is this the time to do it?
I realized this is the time, and I went through a lot of emotions. One of the big emotions
was how can I write this? How can I be dyslexic and write a
book? Those things don’t go together. A book is everything that I was scared of. A book is writing a book is reading. It is everything that I
try to avoid in my life, my daily life. I struggled with it. I
was like, if and when I write this book, I’ll be an author, but how can I
be an author when I’m dyslexic? And then I realized, okay, I
know I want to write this story. Whether it’s a hot mess
is beside the point. The first step is to write the story.
And so I just went through each step. Did you consider hiring a ghostwriter? I didn’t know what a ghostwriter
was. For the longest time. So when I first started writing, I
didn’t have any publisher, editors, anything involved. So at the beginning I just thought I
need to write it and then I’ll figure out the editing and publishing later. I
wrote it to my best of my ability. And then I found through
you, Beth Demme, I found a publishing company
and the acquisitions editor
that I was communicating with. She really liked my story, but
she thought I needed more to the story. And so I was like, well
there’s this whole other part. I didn’t put it in the story
so maybe I should do that. So I went back and wrote that whole
new section and sent it to her and they accepted the book. She then
recommended an editor to me, well she recommended a Developments
Editor to me which would help me with the structure because she said the structure
was kind of a hot mess and I’m like, oh, that sounds right. Let me ask, did you ever tell
her that you were dyslexic? Was that ever an issue with the publisher? I don’t remember. It was in
my book originally so she
probably read it in there. No, they never said like, well you’re
dyslexic so you can’t be an author here. Nothing like that. Of
course that did not happen. So she recommended a Developmental Editor
and when I went to them they said that there was a lot that needed work done
on and that she could ghostwrite some of the story. And a ghost writer is basically someone
that is going to write your story, sounding like it’s coming from
you and take no credit for it. You pay them a hefty price but they take
no credit for it so your name is still be on the book. And a lot of
authors do have ghost writers, so their story is their story,
but it’s written by, you know, someone that is a writer professionally. And so I really took some time thinking
about having her ghost write on the story. And I asked her, I said, do you think I could change the structure
of my book if I put some time into it? And she said, absolutely, I
think you could do this yourself. It’s going to take a lot of work. I could do a manuscript review to really
show you the points that aren’t working and you know what I see. And so I put a lot of time into thinking
through that and I decided I want to do it. So I had her do just a
review of the manuscript, show me points that really made no
sense and needed to be moved around. And she was really honest with me. And so I essentially did my own
developmental edit and did not have a ghostwriter. Every word was written from
and by me. I did have a great Editor. So after I did finally finished
this restructuring everything, I had a great editor that was great with
me because I tend to write sentences and like weird structures. And so
she would actually explain why, why she would make an edit that she
did because she could tell that I was struggling with some stuff.
So that was really helpful. So if and when I write other things, I can kind of add that knowledge of
things that I was doing in the wrong structure. So, and I was still say today I literally
have the book like you know, in my hands I have my advance copies. Now I still struggle with calling myself
an author because it still is a hard thing to say. I’m an
author and I’m dyslexic. I just feel like those
things don’t go together. Not only are you a writer and an
author, but you’re a published author! That’s amazing. You should
definitely own that. I’m trying. So you said that when you were, I
think it was maybe middle school, you had written a short story
and then the teacher was like, does anybody want to read it? So you actually have recorded the
audio book of Discovering My Scars. So what was that like? That was hard. Obviously like in middle
school when I was mad, it’s like, of course I can read this. I wrote
it. And so that was the same idea. Like I wrote my book so I can read it. And honestly if I had had a ghost
writer write words that I wouldn’t say, I wouldn’t have been able to read it. I realized as I was reading
the words I wrote, I was like, Oh I wouldn’t have been able to read, that would have been hard because it was
hard enough reading the words I wrote. It was hard for many reasons. I didn’t struggle with reading the
words necessarily–I knew what the words were. But it’s hard. I mean it’s hard to get the right kind
of pattern down with leaving of space. So there’s thought in there and because
I tend to like read and talk faster and I tried to slow myself down because I’m
like people can’t process when I talk so fast. So I do that in the podcast too. I’m trying to slow myself down
so if you think I’m talking fast, meet me in person and it will
be different. It was hard. But I’m really glad I recorded
the audiobook with my voice. I also struggle with seeing a word or
seeing a number and then saying the wrong thing or saying it backwards,
I’ll say especially numbers, I’ll say numbers backwards. If you call
our voicemail number and it’s wrong, it’s probably, ’cause I said it backwards, I think I’m saying it
right every time, but. I think you’re saying it
right every time. Yeah. Yeah. So like if I see the number
17 I might say 71 and, but I saw the number 17 but
out of my mouth came 71. That’s always been an issue for me in numbers
and just all that kind of stuff. And I can’t do like math in my head and
I still do math very like elementary. Like how I learned to count in
elementary school is how I count. I feel like people probably have
progressed past that once they’re older, but that’s just how I count. I mean the iPhone was like such a cool
thing for me because I have access to those assistants like right
on my phone, all the time, calculators and all those things. So that has been an amazing
tool to have in my pocket. It started looking into like the
numbers thing and I saw there’s a lot of research about correlation with
numbers and dyslexia as well. Not just being reading and writing, but also being math and numbers
and those kinds of things. With numbers being an issue in
angles and anything like that. When we do woodworking with DIY For
Homeowners by Mother Daughter Projects, angles are an issue. I just can’t figure out angles
but I can’t do like the number, I can’t process the numbers. I have to draw everything out and I even
have to make scale models of things to figure out what size something should be. That’s how I figure stuff out and
I can, I can do all of the things, but I don’t, I like people use SketchUp is a software
they use on the computer to make drawings and plans for their builds.
We don’t do that because I just can’t, my brain can’t process
like that so I just, I’m more of a make a scale model out
of Popsicle sticks in that just kind of have how I design stuff. So Yeah, that kind of reminds me of when we
were first talking about how it can be different for everybody. Right. And so my daughter has trouble with words
but is great with numbers and she has an ability to ability to picture things
in a three dimensional space that far exceeds mine. I can’t do geometry,
I can’t do angles. I can’t, like I can’t picture how something
fits together or how something works. I don’t, my mind just
doesn’t work that way. Even like a lot of the projects that
you’ve done with Mother Daughter Projects, I’m like, I can’t picture how they
got from beginning to end on that. And that’s one thing about our
videos that we don’t have. It would be insanely boring
to watch the whole process. So we cut out a lot. But in fact yesterday I was working on
cutting just a 45 degree angle and I was watching the footage back yesterday.
There’s a clip of me turning this board, just a two by four board over like four
times moving it in all the different angles to try to get the angle
right. And I got it right in the end, but we wouldn’t have all of that like
me trying to figure out an angle in the video ’cause it would just take
too long. But that’s an example. Like things that would probably, someone would be able to
cut in like two seconds. It takes me a little bit longer ’cause I
have to like visualize it and see it in the space and then see that this is the
right cut when it comes to making cuts. We always like that cliche,
you know, measure twice, cut once we measure and put in place
many more than twice before we make a cut because it’s more of a challenge
for me. But we get it done. I mean it happens and I love,
I, I love building. It just is, it’s more of a brain thing that I have
to figure out and it takes me probably more time than it would an average person. You mentioned that you do that one of
your coping strategies is to just know, like, you got to get started, right?
Like progress over perfection. I’m just gonna, I’m gonna get into this and I’m going
to tackle it really like one step at a time. And I’ve seen that not just with DIY For
Homeowners by Mother Daughter Projects, but even in how we’ve approached the
podcast. And then you have a lot of like, checklists, like that’s part
of how you accomplish things. Is that a coping strategy related
to dyslexia, do you think? I don’t know. I don’t know if
it’s related to dyslexia, but I, I’m also, I’m not a perfectionist, but I like to make sure I’m thorough
with things when I start something. So for example, the podcast when we
started, we started with just like, this is what we want to do. And
we made a kind of an outline, although we weren’t sure
if this was going to work. So we made an outline and we made a pre
checklist and then a post checklist of what the things we thought we needed to
do. After like seven or eight episodes. I realized when I post something there’s
a certain pattern of things I do. And so I started, I made a checklist for the posting
process so that I didn’t have to remember every time exactly everything I do. So
I don’t know if that’s a dyslexic thing. I think it’s just like
I want to make sure, like when we post the mother projects, I have a whole list of everything we
need to do to make sure that I’ve covered all my bases. Because
there’s not just like, it’s not just like upload to
YouTube, you’re good to go, you know, you have to write tags and you gotta do
cards and in cards and all these things and post on Facebook. And so I’m, I just
have checklists for those things. So, I don’t know what it’s
specifically related to, but I have checklists for a lot
of things and I, I dislike paper. I really don’t like paper,
so I print things on, I print all my checklists on paper so I
can check them off and then I got throw away the paper or recycle the paper
and I don’t use a ton of paper, don’t come for me. But. Paper is a renewable
resource. I just want to say, But I don’t like paper so I
don’t like having it around me. So that’s also a motivating factor for me. So that’s probably just
a weird Stephanie thing. I don’t think that’s anything else. It’s a motivating for me to get stuff
done is to have the paper around me and then to be able to get rid of the paper. I was connecting the idea of the
checklist and the dyslexia because of the perseverance. So someone else might not want to think
about all the steps because it would be discouraging to them. But I think, I think you are not easily discouraged
because you have learned perseverance because of the coping strategies that
you developed beginning in elementary school. Yeah. And by having the checklist,
I’m less likely to get discouraged. So that’s, I guess it’s
part of that coping. I put certain things in place
so I don’t get to a bad place. And so that could be part of it, is I don’t want to find out that I did
this wrong and so I’m going to have it on my checklist so no one can say like–I also
like to do a good job. Like that’s, I get satisfaction of doing
a good job. And so you know, we have multiple sponsorships and I
always make sure I have everything that we need together on our projects. On Mother Daughter Projects
you have multiple sponsors. Yes! Not on the podcast, but that’d be great. We
should, we’ll look into that. When we have a sponsorship, I make sure I have lists of everything
that we need to do and I over-deliver on those things. And so they can never come
back and say, Hey, you didn’t do this. Before they even talk to us about
something, I’ve already emailed them, letting them know these are
the things, here are the links. So I like to over deliver and
to be on top of things as well. So being a person who knows something
about perseverance and being a person who likes to over-deliver, you know your
book’s coming out in early 2020, and even now it’s all already
available on your website. What I’m getting at is when the book
is out in bookstores and you go to bookstores and you have readings and
people come up and they say, “Hey, I want to buy this book, but I would like for you to autograph it
and have a personal inscription to me.” Are you feeling any anxiety
about that part of the process? Just, your, your little phrasing.
Was it anxiety for new thing, your whole story you created?
I’m like, I don’t like her story. This is a bad story. Yes. So part of, and that was part of the original
thought when I started writing, thinking about writing a book. I’m like, writing a book means I’m
going to have to write. It means I’m gonna have to read. It means I’m going to have to sign
autographs potentially. I mean, who wants my autograph? But you know,
potentially I’m going to sign books. I’m going to have to read that. Like all of those things where
in my brain and I’m like, that is too much anxiety. Don’t
think about that right now. Think about it when it’s the
time and now the time has come. So it’s now the anxiety on that is there. So, not to increase your anxiety, but right now if someone
orders the book on the website, they can ask for it to be inscribed
and you can see it written, you can see what they
want and you can, right? But if you’re at a book signing, I’m
going to really increase your anxiety. Right now you’re in a book
signing and somebody’s like, Hey, can you make this out to Rebecca?
What are you going to do? So I’ve already kind of put
some strategies in place
because I’ve put a lot of thought into it. So a coping
strategy for this would be, I’m going to actually have a little
like a little note card and where I ask people to just write the first name
so I can get the spelling right. And then I’m also though going to have
a place where they can put their last name and their email address if
they want to join my newsletter. So I’m also using it as a
little marketing tool as well. So that’s what I’m going to do. Just kind of have those handed out
and just have people write their names because that is something that is super
stressful for me. I’m not auditory, so if somebody tells me how to spell
something, says it out loud like, nope, it’s not happening. Like you told me when you’re doing
your sermons today and you’re like, I’m preaching on this date and
this and this. I’m like, no, what was the first day? Hold on. So I do often forget that that
dyslexia is an issue for you. And there’ve been a couple of times when
like we were talking about dates or we were talking about topics or whatever, and maybe you would say it backwards
and I would be like, nooooo. And you’d be like, well remember? And
I’m like, Oh right, sorry I didn’t, I was just like riffing. I wasn’t
trying to be a jerk, but I was a jerk. So I’m sorry. When I was throwing dates out at you
that was one of those moments. Yeah. Cause I, it takes me a little bit
of time to get it there, but I’ll, I’ll get there. So yes, I am nervous about being an author
and all the things that comes with it, but I’m going to take it one day
at a time and I’m ultimately proud, very proud of my book and proud
of to have the story out there. There’s a lot of anxiety
that comes with every step. And I’m working through every step and
I’m not just letting the anxiety sit, I am working through it. And you’ve written it and you’ve worked
with the editors and it’s published and now you’ve even recorded the audio. And as I was recording,
the audio is also like, Oh, this book doesn’t make any
sense. This is the worst. I also go through that cycle
all the time. I’m like, Oh, this is really when I finished
with like, this has really good, and then I like read it again. I’m like,
this is the worst. So I don’t know. I can’t tell you whether it’s good or
not anymore. I am not a good judge. Yes. And inside baseball. She
texts me like once a week, “I don’t think that episode was good.” Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Let
me tell you, I thought, what’s the episode I
thought was like horrible? Was it our introvert/extrovert
episode that you didn’t like? It was the one before that. Cliche Christian? Oh yeah. I thought Cliche Christian was not going
to be good and I actually got a lot of feedback that people really like
that. And then the next episode, whatever that actually actually, yeah,
whatever it was after that I was like, this one’s not good either. Every episode I text Beth and I say, Beth, you gotta listen to it before you do
this transcript cause I don’t think it’s good. I don’t know if we said anything. I know, I’m like, I don’t think we
talked about anything in this episode. And then ultimately, the ones I think are the worst are the
ones where people like text me after, like, that was so good.
So I don’t know anything. I’m not a judge of our
things anymore. I just do it. That’s what I realized I’m
like, I just gotta do it. It feels right and I can’t
judge it one way or the other. And if people hate it, just let us
know. Don’t call us or leave a comment, but just let me know.
I’ll send you my email. Right. You can email us. We
actually are open to your feedback, it might sound like we aren’t, but we are. We are, we do want feedback.
Yeah, we do want feedback. We take it seriously. Constructive feedback is very
helpful and important. We do want it. Just don’t give us one star please. If you like our podcast, you
can leave us a five star review. We’ll remind you at the end. So not only are you, is your book out and you’ve now recorded
the audio and we’re doing the podcast, but you have actually added
now a blog to your life, which is a lot of writing. Yeah. I decided to start a blog for one, purely searchability reason is
whenever you update your website, it tells the search engines that it’s
an active website and so it continues to crawl your website and
makes it more searchable. So that pure reason is whenever I
post a blog it gets more searches. So that just like a good reason to
do it. But I ultimately wanted to, like there are things that I wanted to
kind of put out there, but there was no, I didn’t have another forum really. And
so I was like a blog would be a good, good place to do it. I had no, I still have no like necessarily belief
that it’s gonna like a lot of people are going to read it or that it’s going to
be anything. Like I, my goal is not, Oh, I’m going to change the
world with my blog. No, I don’t think it’s going
to change anything, but I thought it would be like a
good place to use it as a blog, which is a web log, right? Isn’t
that what blog means? Web blog? I think so becuse a vlog is a video log. Yeah. And so I think that’s the idea is, it’s just a kind of like a journaling
process online that other people can read if they want. It’s a struggle because
it’s writing and it’s one of the things, my least favorite things is writing.
But I also thought, you know, I am an author now. I want to have writing more in
my life. And the more I write, the better I’ll get and the
more comfortable I’ll get. So that was also part of
why I wanted to do the blog. So I do it every two weeks
and I’m I’m happy with it. So if you do love the podcast, we would love for you to leave a five
star review just by if you’re on an iPhone, just scroll down in your, You need to be more enthusiastic, Beth!
A five star review. That’s exciting. Woo hoo! That’s how excited we get when we see
that we have a five star. We’re like Whoa. Yeah, we get very excited about them
and you can find us on social media. You can find, you can find
me on Twitter @BethDemme. You can find Steph on Instagram. @smkauthor, author cause I am an author but I
still struggle saying it. But that’s my thought having that in my
handle like my Instagram and my email address. I was like, maybe that
will inspire me that I am an author. You are, you are an author. Oh. And if you want to email me, you can email me at [email protected]
and you can give us feedback, negative or positive on there. Yeah. And I’m happy to
receive feedback as well. Just [email protected] D. E. M. M. E. If you remember back, there’s an episode where we say
the word loofah a lot of times, maybe more times than you’ve ever
heard loofah said in a podcast, but we’re proud to be that podcast.
We were talking about loofah seeds. There was like this whole thing you
can back and listen to the podcast, but my friend has a loofah plant and she, I was telling her what we talked about
in the podcast and she’s like, Oh, I’ll send you some loofah seeds. So generous, so thoughtful. So she sent us some. LOOFAH SEEDS. So we’re very excited. We wanted to catch you up and let you
know that we now want to try to say loofah some more. We both have our own set of loofah seeds
and we’ve learned that the plants that grow are insanely large. So I don’t
know where we’re going to plant them, but we are going to do it. We’re going to plant our loofah seeds
and we’re going to try to grow loofah. And if you are interested in
loofah seeds, let us know, email us and we’ll see if maybe we
can get some more seeds for you. And do follow us on social
media because you know, you might be able to track our loofah
progress if you follow us on social media, that would be exciting. So someone who does follow us on
social media is my friend Charlene. Oh yeah. And she called into our voicemail
number and she answered a question about technology. So let’s
hear what she had to say. Hey there, this is Charlene
Garrett, Nashville, Tennessee, and a response to last week’s
questions. So this is a question. I’m a couple podcasts behind
about favorite technology
and I would say I travel quite a bit on airplanes. And so my favorite piece of technology
is noise canceling headphones that are Bluetooth connected. Gotta tell
you they changed my travel life. That’s my answer. Have a great day. Wow, that’s a great one. That’s a great tip. And
Charlene does travel a lot. I mean she travels within the U S but
she travels internationally quite a bit and so she has a lot of experience on
those long flights and based on her recommendation I did get some noise
canceling headphones and they were great. I I did not get the, the wireless ones like she was talking
about but that would probably be even better. Yeah. So definitely. So
thanks for calling in Charlene, it’s always great to hear your voice! And our question for today in
case you would like to call in, of course you can answer any
of the questions from any
of our 12 episodes before this. But our question for today is: What would you like to hear
on future podcast episodes? What honest conversation do you
want to challenge us to have? And I’m also gonna throw this in there. We release an episode every two
weeks. We’re gearing up to, maybe, I’m going to say it right
now, Beth, she’s nervous. We’re gearing up to maybe
do them once a week. We’re talking about maybe in the new year
doing that so if you are interested in us doing them every week, let us know so you know what our
voicemail number is (850) 270-3308 and it’s voicemail so no one will
answer but just leave us a message. And now you know how great it is that
Steph is the one who says that number every episode because she doesn’t always
like to say numbers but she does it for you. At the end of each show we like to
end with questions for reflection. These are questions we’ve
written about today’s show. You’re welcome to answer
them out loud on paper. We also have a downloadable
PDF on our website and Bethel. Leave a little bit of time between each
question for you to pause if you are answering them to yourself and if you
don’t want to answer the questions and we will see on the next episode. Question #1: What challenges do
you have that are unique to you? #2: Do you ever resent
your challenges? #3: Can you see ways your challenges
have enhanced your life? #4: Do you think of people with reading and
writing disabilities or challenges as less than? Be honest. This has been the Discovering Our Scars
Podcast. Thank you for joining us.

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