So. We had a zillion and one. Did you see the fucking Steven
Seagal karate display video yet? Of course I did.
Of course I did. How have we not talked about
that for three hours of a show? Maybe ’cause they did put a four-hour pedo doc out
on Michael Jackson. I know. There’s too
many things at once. We were nuts deep into the
Michael Jackson documentary. Yeah, man. Yeah. Leaving Neverland, the two-part
documentary series on HBO that came out on Sunday
and Monday. Talked about it
all day yesterday. It took me forever to watch it. Yeah, it’s a lot of stopping
and making fun of. Stopping and wincing. Stopping and cumming-
Yeah. … and then being disinterested and then having to get
horny again to go back to it. And then making some dinner
and then all of a sudden your wiener brushes up
against your basketball shorts. And then you remember, like,
oh yeah, I’ve still got
some of that documentary left. I don’t think we finished
the Wade part. I don’t know if Wade got
mushroom capped just yet. So, Vecchione walks in,
it’s like, “Where you watching
the documentary?” He goes, “It’s paused
where I came.” You’re gonna find out
right where I popped. He goes, “He asked
if I had the underwear.” We go, “Aw, you dirty dog!” Oh, man. That was …
Where did we leave- I’m hoping Shane watched it.
I told Shane to watch it. He did. He did?
He did. Yes. Coming in here
just step for step. Oh, yeah, no,
he definitely saw it. He’s pretty wigged out, too.
Everybody is. Yeah, it’s a fucked up
documentary. Christine loved Michael Jackson
when she was younger. Becky, how old are you? Thirty-two. So you loved MJ, too. She said when she became
aware of him was almost through
the allegations. So almost always
came into it like, why listen to this guy’s shit,
right? ‘Cause, like,
he’s a piece of garbage. What a weird … That’s so crazy just because
of how colossal he was. How big his fame was.
That you find- She only knows him
as a molester first. You go, “Oh my god, I love Beat
It by Michael Jackson”. She goes, “Is that the guy
that beat all those charges?” Who gave that molester a career? Wait, that’s the guy
that got called innocent on ten counts in Santa Barbara?
Yeah, I guess he makes music. He makes songs, too? Oh, my god,
are they pedophile songs? Is it all songs
about fucking kids? Then they play you
Pretty Young Thing and you’re like oh,
it’s right there. Yeah, dude, if you saw
it backwards it would look a lot different. I think it might have been B.J. Novak, but early in me
doing comedy in New York, he had a joke he did
at Caroline’s one night. I think it was him. But he goes, “You know,
Michael Jackson … If you really read between
the lines of the music, the information was all there. For instance,
there’s a song called Bad in which the lyrics state,
“I’m bad. I’m bad. I’m really, really bad.
You know it. I’m bad.” That’s really fucking funny. Shane O’Gillis joins the show. Oh, look at all keto-ed.
Are you all skinny now? He does look like
he lost weight, dude. Hi.
Did you drop a few? You know what?
Go over next to Jay ’cause- Did you drop a few L-Bs, dude? Little bit, yeah. He’s getting thin.
Hell, yeah. He’s single white female-ing me. He’s gonna start wearing
wrestling shirts. No sugar, no booze? Wow. No booze? Tons of booze. A bunch of booze, dude. What do you think,
I’m fucking soft? Fucked up dude. I’m saying, you lost it. You don’t have the fire you had
when you were down in Philly. I still have the fire. I remember seeing you sleeping
on couches, drinking, eating carbs. I blacked out and fucked on an
air mattress this week, dude. Aw. Who you talking to? What?
Shane’s still got it. Who you talking to? What a gangster.
What a gangster. Our resident hype man. Dude which one of you guys
ate pussy on a air mattress this week? I was gonna say-
This guy did. I’d have to go back to ’07. I dare you to fucking say
I lost it. I literally ate pussy.
I was watching- Wat it when you moved your elbow
and the mattress moves in a different way
when you’re eating pussy. Sorry. I was watching Losers, that’s what I was afraid
of the whole time. I was watching Loser on Netflix
with one eye. Great show. Wait you’re side
eyeing Netflix? Eating pussy with the other eye
and worried about busting through a mattress
the entire time. Oh shit Shane have you met
my daughter. Unrelated. Yeah we’ve met. Unrelated though. Unrelated.
Jesus Christ. Unrelated.
Yeah what a horrific intro. Unrelated though. Unrelated. Dude that’s so great that
she’s just blocked by the camera and Shane comes in he goes,
“Fuck and I’m getting hammered just munching box
on air mattresses. That’s my 16 year
old daughter there. There’s a kid here? Oh no I pointed her out because
she’s the only other person in this room who’s ever eaten
pussy on a air mattress. Also that’s Jay’s
parents behind me. Jesus Christ. Both also guilty of eating pussy
on an air mattress. Hello Mr. and Mrs. Big. Are the phone lines lighting up
with questions for my mother? The answer is no. You watched …
No. No. You watched all of
Leaving Neverland? I did.
You watched both parts. I did. Okay. Did you watch the Oprah
after show? Did not.
Me either. Did you go to Wade Robson’s
house and wait outside to talk to him
and get his opinion on it? Would have dude.
Wade’s pretty hot. Dude any moves he glides. Yeah he’s the one for sure. He definitely fucks really well. Oh my god. The one thing you know is that
if you’re molested by Michael Jackson
you’ve got moves. Yeah the Safechuck kid
came off- [crosstalk 00:05:17].
The Safechuck kid- You fucking do it.
You’re like ah. Yeah the Safechuck kid
comes off clunky, but Wade Robson’s got the rhythm
you know what I mean? Yeah. That kids gonna throwback
into it probably. Seven to 14 you’re not around
for seven years I think Safechucks
a little bitter ’cause he got bounced quick.
He didn’t get the franchise tag. I didn’t like the way
Safechuck handled it. By the way disclaimer
none of this is cool. I’m just saying- Oh absolutely.
In the grand scheme. He’s an absolute monster.
Michael Jackson is a monster. I’m getting into his head
right now and I’m thinking how I would go.
You know what I mean? Oh you’d go. Yeah Robson’s gonna take over
then he got the little Dominican kid who was just- But he sued quick.
He flipped for money right? Was that the one
that flipped for money? Yeah. Just when Michael Jackson
trusted him enough to finally have sex with him
this kid flips on him. “Oh you broke my heart.” He kisses him like Fredo.
“You broke my heart.” “I gave you so many toys
and rides.” “Oh man.” “I even licked your butt hole.” “I never licked butt hole.” And then Safechuck goes,
“Wait a second.” “That’s not even my thing.” That is your thing.
That’s his move he licks butt. And he went like this. Then they’re crying
to each other. Dude the Wade Robson. It’s team- I was watching that
and I learned me and MJ have very similar
sexual moves though. Like- I though you were
gonna say appetites. I was about to. I was about to. He was about to say appetites. Dude Shane rubs a lot
near movie theaters. No we have the same moves. When I meet a girl
for the first couple months I make her
sit at the end of my bed. I spread cheek and I jerk off. And you lean
against the headboard. And then eventually I get the
courage to go in for a rim job. Just a little lick. She goes,
“Shane’s trusting me.” When a horse gives you a hoof. He does a petting zoo lick.
He goes, “Oh look, oh.” “He’s trusting you now.” It’s finally here. “He’s melding with you.
He’s melding with you now.” I’m gonna make a change. Do you think when that
Safechuck kid and Wade Robson got together as adults they were still
a little bit hurt in their heart or trying to one-upmanship
where he was like- Yeah definitely. He goes, “He came over
and started licking my butt on the bed.”
He goes, “He said he didn’t really
do that for anybody else.” And then that
Safechuck kid goes, “Yeah dude he told me that too.”
He goes, “Fuck. I just thought that I was a little bit special
in some way.” Or they find out that one thing
is different where Wade Robson- “He said I was the best dancer
he’s ever seen at that age.” He goes, “He told me
I was the best dancer.” “He was probably lying to you.” “Yeah you’re not even
a real dancer. I’m trained professional.
I trained Brittney Spears.” Damn they should have
a West Side Story of all the kids
that he fucked. Dude that be- Just like a dance off.
Who’s better at dancing? You got served with
all Michael Jackson moves. Of all victims. A victims dance off. Or the estate versus
the victims in a dance off. We all knew something
was happening, none of us knew
how sinister it was, but how didn’t we when we saw
that he made them dress just like him and then walked
holding their hands everywhere. I do that to my girlfriends. They wear wrestling T-shirts
and hoodies. Oh that’s great dude I hope
you make your girlfriends dress
exactly like you. Actually Claire was wearing,
oh fuck, Claire was wearing a fucking
sheets camo the other day. Yeah, but you that’s been
early in the game. I groomed them. I groomed.
Yeah. You’re like [inaudible 00:08:11]
from Abducted In Plain Sight. Yeah she’s afraid. Zip, zorp you like sheets.
Zip zorp. She thinks the aliens
are gonna destroy the Earth if she doesn’t
wear stuff like you. Claire’s crying, oh man,
baby girls crying. That’s fine. Claire’s fine
who gives a fuck. She’s crying to her sister
she’s like, “The aliens said
they’ll murder you.” She’s like,
“Bring that shit.” Bring that shit
I’ll fuck me them aliens. Her sister’s like, “The fucking Earth’s flat
so who cares.” Can you say that-
Cat’s out of the bag dude. Cats out of the bag. My girlfriend’s sister
is a flat-Earther. Shut up dude. Shut up.
Genuine? Yeah no- What’s her one sentence quote?
You broke Corey. What’s your one sentence quote
on what her thing is? I’ve never seen it be round? Shit. All right
I’m already in this hole. You’ll be fine.
You’ll be fine dude. This is a safe space. This is not a safe space.
If she thinks your- This is the opposite
of a safe space. This is Comedy Central
and the radio. [crosstalk 00:09:11] You’re gonna R Kelly it. “Is that thing on?
Is that thing on?” “How stupid would I be.” If she thinks the Earth
is flat dude, if she thinks the Earth’s flat
she definitely doesn’t know how
to operate satellite radio. Oh no this is not bringing back
to her he’s worried about getting back,
you get in trouble with the- Whole thing.
It’s a girlfriend fight. This is definitely [crosstalk
00:09:27]- People don’t realize that
with comedy sometimes it’s
Jay you’ve got a good place. You just let it fly, but
sometimes you get in trouble. I haven’t got in trouble
with this current one. The past ones have been like,
“Did you,” well the wealthy girl was like, “Did you just shit on me
on your show?” And I was like,
“Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.” Yeah. Yeah. You broke my heart.
What you think I was gonna do? You hurt me and I have a
microphone in front of my face. I will retaliate by any means
necessary. You have to make my love
into a comedy bit? Sorry Jacob. See we broke Jacob’s heart.
But yeah- Sorry Jacob. We’ll get back
to Michael Jackson, but this just solidifies
that you need to come in when we do a pre-record of
Beyond the Earth. Or- Beyond the Curve. Beyond the Curve. Which is a documentary
on Netflix about- About flat-Earthers.
Flat-Earthers. Man. Go watch that. They are, every situation
you know I like
that my step-father’s here this is something very instilled
in me by him. Mm-hmm (affirmative). When I first got a tattoo
when I was younger and I have a bunch
of tattoos now. I like tattoos, however, his point from the get go
was smart. When I got a tattoo he goes, “Why don’t you just
get in shape? Whatever it is
you’re trying to do with that tattoo could be solved
if you were in shape.” And everything I see- Yeah. That’s a great
piece of advice. When I watched the documentary about the Alt-right
and the Antifa- Yeah. Polar opposite sides
the answer to all of that is just like why don’t you guys
just get laid or something man. If you’re going to flat
Earth conventions. Just I don’t know man
get plastic surgery before you do that and try
to make your face different. We’re gonna- Fix the problem that’s here
is that you have nothing to do so you’re gonna be
flat-Earth clocks. The thing I find
the fucking funniest is that the scientists
are so right that they just feel bad
for the people. They’re like- Let ’em have it. Yeah they really are.
They’re like, “God bless. If that’s what you think you’re
not gonna get into science. You’re not gonna …
You know what I mean? Well it’s almost my thing
with the flat-Earther too I go, “You believe there’s a big
conspiracy to cover up what?” I take the information
if they go, “You know we’ve been lied
to forever. The Earth is flat.” I go, “Okay,” I go,
“So my big dream of sailing from fucking Atlantic City
to fucking Los Angeles via going around the world
isn’t gonna happen? Well shit.
All right.” Wait do you understand
how the world works? Yeah I was gonna go around it. Still flat or not you
can still do that. No. You can’t sail from- No you can’t go-
Atlantic City to … Of course you can. You go around it though
I’m saying to go around. No matter what to sail
from Atlantic City to LA you would just have to go
through the Panama Canal. Okay.
No, no I- He’s saying go the long way. I understand what you’re saying.
I’m talking the scenic route. Down?
You’re saying down- Down South America? Yeah South America. Flat or round that still works. But he’s saying go east. You guys are doing a poor job
of debunking- I’m saying, I’m not. I’m not debunking nothing.
This still works. Atlantic City.
Atlantic City Los Angeles. I’m taking a flight.
I’m already there. I’m talking about going this way
to come around it. If it’s flat Earth
that wouldn’t work. You’d go off the edge. I think you guys just made
a flat-Earther out of me. You go off the edge. Yeah you just sail,
no dude. If you’re
a flat-Earther call in. My girlfriend’s sister call in. Did she tell you to your face
that she thinks the Earth is flat?
You had a conversation with her? I did not. It’s secondhand. Is she all about it though? So I’m abusing someone’s trust
right now. Is she all about it? Fuck it. We’re talking about Michael
Jackson so it’s on point. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
It is kind of like … She’s combative. Oh really?
I think. She’ll get you. Hang on the flat-Earther- Sarah [McPants 00:12:53] saying, “The flat-Earth Netflix doc
made me yell more than Abducted In Plain Sight
and Leaving Neverland combined.” Yeah it’s a rough watch. That’s why we’re gonna do
a whole episode on it. It is a rough watch, but I want one of those
clocks the guy makes. We’ll get one.
Yeah. You got a birthday. Yeah the guy makes
good flat-Earth clocks. You got a birthday
almost a year away. Yeah. I want one so bad.
Yeah it’s pretty ridiculous. Back to Leaving Neverland
what I want to bring up today was after watching this
documentary you’re like, “Who defends Michael Jackson?
Besides his family?” That turns out
is Wendy Williams. Black lady you want
to speak up on this? You want to speak up on this? [inaudible 00:13:31]
already got rid of MJ. He said he’s done with him. [inaudible 00:13:33]
got rid of MJ? How ’bout R Kelly?
Who? We’re gonna get
to R Kelly later. You know exactly
who the fuck that is. His names Robert Kelly.
His name is Robert Kelly. Michael Jackson accusers
how you doing? What’s up. How you doing? How you doing? Wendy Williams really
is a carved up freak. Can you bring up the clip
that you sent us Christine? Wait ’till you see …
Now Christine you said you think she’s playing devil’s
advocate in this clip? It looks like Wendy Williams
dug up Michael Jackson and took his face
and put it on her face. She Faced Off Michael Jackson.
Look at her crazy eyes. I want you to take his face off. Off. How you doing. How you doing. She’s like,
“So how you doing?” “How you doing?Does it
look scary?” You have it? I have it yeah, yeah. Here.
So this is- Look at her face. Oh my god dude. She put Michael Jackson’s
face on. I haven’t seen her in a while
she’s terrifying. She’s just this guy on the show
with her has just
explained to her basically like a synopsis
of the documentary and this is her reaction. Wait that straight guy
said something? Yeah. Well first he was talking
about how much pussy he gets. That definitely straight guy? Oh the guy wearing- Before he even talks. The guy wearing a hound
tooth legging suit. Timmy said that Michael said
this was a first person- I don’t believe a word
of anything in this documentary. Okay. Okay. Okay Wendy. That’s like Michael Jackson
in the audience clapping. That is the greatest, “Oh you think
he was gonna go that side?” I swear to you I was about
to say the words, I go, “How could they be
clapping for oh …” Yeah. Guys dressed like
Sergeant Pepper. [crosstalk 00:15:04] They really do. They dress
like fucking Dominican warlords. I don’t know is
he in the FAU band? Why is he …
Is he gonna drum line? Okay what’s up. Ah, okay. What’s up. It’s a trick daddy performance
on Wendy Williams. He just comes out late.
“Aha what’s up. Shut up.” To the victims. Shut up. Yeah.
They are a hot couple. “To the little boys
that got fucked. Shut up.” “Shut up.” Michael had a makeshift wedding
where they exchange vows and put down
little vows on paper and said they’re gonna
be together forever. Also another guy- She’s not listening
to a thing he’s saying. I know. She’s just waiting to talk.
You can see it in her face. She’s like mm-hmm
(affirmative) okay here we go. I know and all I’d be thinking
is this guys talking with sheer
jealousy in his voice. Mm-hmm
(affirmative). Bought him all the clothes. Told him to shop
for whatever he wants. He took out the box of jewelry
and at that point I knew it was real. No one buys a rock like that
for someone they’re not banging. He goes, “your balls
deep you’re buying a ring.” Shit or get off the pot Mike.
You know what I’m saying. Mm-hmm (affirmative). Do enough ding ding
get the wedding ring. Make this kid an honest woman
already. Oh yeah. When she went to her
plastic surgeon and said, “Can you give me
a permanent skeptical face?” Yeah. Or she went,
“Can I look a little, can you make me look
a little like a lion? Just like a touch of lion?” Even if she was agreeing with
him her face is always like. She’s got permanent diss face. Really? Really?
Really? Really? It looks like she just prowls
on the edge of the stage and then stops. She’s a large cat.
Look at that. See if her eyes
follow the mouse moving. The queen of the jungle.
Pure apex predator. How you doing? How you doing? How you doing? Someone leave
that small gazelle behind. If I was king of the talk show. Oh let me at ’em. These white people
reluctantly like, “Oh fuck.” Is the camera on us? Yeah you don’t want to get
jumped at the end of the show by Wendy Williams
fucking audience and a guy dress
like Michael Jackson Beat It. This is black people’s
flat-Earth. It really is. They got R Kelly and MJ
we got flat-Earth. Hey did R Kelly and Michael
Jackson ever work together? They did didn’t they? Oh man could you imagine
those parties? I’ll tell you-
Must be under 13 to ride. Imagine those trailer
talks in between things. He goes, “I got a guy.
I got another guy.” Just child trafficking
fucking numbers. “Does he have a sister.”
Yeah. Remember R Kelly wrote,
“You are not alone.” And he told one of the girls
that he molested that allegedly
that it was about her. That he wrote that
for Michael Jackson. I don’t know if there’s
actually something where they sang together,
but that was a hit. Yeah it was. Yeah no for sure. Great song.
Back to Wendy Williams. Now he’s got no money. Yeah got arrested today.
We’ll get to R Kelly. [crosstalk 00:17:58]
One pedophile at a time. Jo Jackson, rest in peace, is- This is my favorite part.
This my favorite part. Fucking go back two seconds
’cause this is batshit crazy. Jo Jackson is a piece of shit. Like certifiable hunk of garbage
and watch what she says. This is nuts.
This is nuts. And I’ve been around long enough I believe that Jo Jackson,
rest in peace, he did the best that he could
in raising this show biz family. Michael became
the star of the family and even when he had all the- Pause it. What the fuck? He did the best he could?
He abused those kids- Could he have done better? I don’t think so if Jackson 5
was the fucking best. I doubt it. That’s top shelf abuse. My dad did okay and we didn’t
come up with any fucking hits. I’ll tell you what man- How hard did you get hit though? I got fucked up. You got fucked up
? Yeah. Well where were you and your
sisters choreographing moves? My only sadness is that Tito,
Jermaine, Randy and Marlon will never know
the sweet beauty of being so famous young boys
are just giving you their butts. Yeah. He goes, “Man I wish.
I walked through a mall and I’m like I just wish
I was Michael for once.” “Yo I had to get a van.
I had to make up some lies.” He goes, “I had to create aliens and then give ’em pills
to fall asleep and say that we were captive.” If you were getting … If a captive sex slave child
to Marlon Jackson and then you find out he’s
Marlon Jackson at night time when you go to bed in your
weird cave he puts you in. Yeah. Would a part of you still go,
“I mean I would trade all this if I was just getting
molested by Michael Jackson. It’s so much better.” You want to fuck up. Yeah you get Abducted
In Plain Sight by the wrong
Jackson. Yeah I got Tito’d. Oh man. “Oh man that sucks.
Did you get to see Neverland?” “No. He’s not
even allowed to go.” No you know where
we live Torrance. He goes, “I had to drive out to
Torrance and it was brutal man. Guy had an above
ground hot tub. They don’t even have a Ralphs
out there. There’s nowhere to shop. You can’t swim in an above
ground hot tub. You just can soak. I’m pretty sure
it’s only for athletes, but Tito real hand
to mouth out in Torrance. “How’s Neverland?” You go, “We ate all the candy
we could. I mean sure there was some sex,
but mostly fun.” You go, “I had to work
in his real estate firm for six months.” I interned.
I interned. I fucking interned over there.
For Tito. Jo Jackson. When Jo Jackson died he was always going through
a really windy tunnel. He had like that
fucking wind burn face. Permanent
head out of fucking car. “My boy wouldn’t do something
like that. I’d beat all the gay
out of him.” He also has inter-city Latina
eyebrows. Like drawn on where it’s like, “What’s you talking
about stupid?” Like he’s a cholla? Yeah he’s like, “Yeah well
that’s because Michael ain’t as talented
as Big Sleepy or Little Joker.” The Australian mom is the worst,
is the least likable. The Australian brother
is the most likable. Who Shane? Yeah. Is that his name? Yeah.
Yeah he was great. The cop. But we were sitting outside
was that Wade Robson is the guy,
allegedly, and I think- Stephanie
Falconi says it’s fact. I think it’s been confirmed
is he’s the guy who banged Brittney Spears which broke up Brittney
Spears and Justin Timberlake and then Justin Timberlake
made the Cry Me a River song. Yeah. And all we were doing outside
was making if he subtly made the Cry Me a River lyrics
just about making fun of Wade Robson getting boofed
by Michael Jackson. Yeah if all of it was like if Justin Timberlake
was like new and he’s like, “Oh you want to
fuck my girl huh? I just heard
that you got butt fucked by, the prince
of the king of pop. And then you came
on his stomach. Oh.” Hey. It was making us
laugh so hard. And then Wade hears
the song he’s like, “Dude what the fuck man?” That’s a little harsh.
That’s harsh. First you he kissed your lips. You twist his nips.
He fucked your butt. And tongued your hole.
Hey. Got left behind
for MaCaulay Culkin. And you were Home Alone. Mm-hmm (affirmative). Then he held your hand
sent your parents away. They cotton candy off your dick.
Hey. I have no problem
leaving him alone at all. Five days is nothing. I love it. Wait outside when
he was a baby boy. “Your son’s gonna hang here
with me and I’m gonna have a limousine
take you far far away. See you when you get back.” “Are you familiar
with escape rooms? They’ll be big in 30 years. I’m gonna put you
in a hard real one.” “Oops did I pull this book. Your parents fell
behind a trap door. It’s okay they’re being tickled
by clowns for two hours.” “Oh no was that just a pit
of sticks under that carpet? Parents shouldn’t
have walked there.” “I guess there was no floor
under that carpet at all.” He’s just sitting at his desk
he goes, “You chose poorly.” You said the parents walk
over a carpet that just sends them
on a slide down 15 levels. “Oh no now you’re with
the other 35 families.” “What’s up you got a cute kid?
Yeah me too. Me too.” “Did he dress like him?
Dance like him?” “Oh man he loves that.” Right in. “He loves that.”
Yeah. “I can’t help but think
that we fed ’em right to him. Anyway they drop down
pretty good food at the end of the night.
The feed here’s not bad.” “Oh the meat bags that they throw down
are pretty well seasoned.” “You know being in a sex
predators dungeon it could be worse.” It could be.
Could be in Chicago. You can be in a R Kelly
sex dungeon. Take Neverland. The shittiest thing in the world
about Michael Jackson being the person
who molest and rapes you when you’re a child
is you absolutely have to go, “Real quick question
though guys? Could it have been worse?” Yeah it could’ve been
worse I guess. Dude I could show you, yeah.
“This right here is Frank.” They show like a guy from local. “This is Frank Barney.
He’s an electrician. He’ll suck your dick in his van and then punch you in the head
so you forget.” You can’t sue him
’cause he has nothing. The guy literally
is off the grid. Jail would be an upgrade
for him. He can’t wait to go to jail. This man’s looking for shelter. Three hots and a cot. Three hots. We were watching it …
I was watching it and it was like this family
got to hang out at Neverland. Dude I might take one
or two for my family to have a nice vacation. Yeah. If Trish sat me down and did
one of those speeches where she grabbed
both my young shoulders. Really explained it to you. My young shoulders and she went, “Dan dad’s gone.
We can make up for it. You’re not gonna have
to have sex with your butt.” “You want to live in a fucking
amusement park? Kiss a guy.
Kiss a guy you love.” “You know when you go outside,
you know when you go out back and you see the back brick walls
broke down from a drunk driver. We wouldn’t have to
see that anymore.” “Don’t have to see that.” “You just got to suck
an adult size penis.” “You just have to make love.”
“To a guy you really care about. Hulk Hogan.” “Oh brother I want you
to come down to Tampa. You can oil me up.
I’m like cool.” Yes. Let’s finish up
this Wendy Williams back at Michael Jackson. How you doing? Well you know I’m all right. Not well she doesn’t need
to hear this. That’s great. She said Michael Jackson’s mom’s
not well. She doesn’t need to hear this. That’s interesting because
Latoya Jackson’s thing that she said she was forced
into it or whatever. She claimed the mom
was well aware. Just said it makes
the whole family complicit. Just garbage.
Just bad people. Gary, Indiana heard
ain’t a great place. No.
I’ve not heard good things. No it’s a shithole. I’ve driven
through there a couple times. Yeah?
Yeah. It is a shithole right? Yeah it’s a bunch of sheds.
It really is. Gary, Indiana all sheds. Inside those sheds. You know what’s weird you
just saying that I’m kind of like I see it. It’s literally a flat land
of just sheds and then inside those sheds
are kids getting the shit
beat out of ’em dancing well. I was gonna say.
Yeah future kings of pop. If you want to see a show
go to Gary, Indiana talent show. Getting ready
to get blown away. What’s going on in that barn?
That barn is bumping. You open it up.
Holy shit. You want to shit. If you have the first
week off in May you go to Gary, Indiana they do
a fucking talent show that’ll knock your dick good. How good was it? I don’t know good enough
that I would let him rape kids. And I still be like
that’s pretty good shit. You know what admission is? One kid.
That’s the toll it’s not money. How talented was it? Almost forgivable
that he fucks kids. I’m still bobbing my head
when I hear it. Oh my god.
Damn. Wow. Wow. Guy was talented. In that shed that’s where
they created all that. I say for sure yes, but now I don’t know
it’s moving a little bit slow, but does this end his legacy?
I mean is it … He’s definitely- Does radio not play anymore? It might be a mortal wound. Buddy when I was in the airport
last night in LAX wherever the Jet Blue terminal,
terminal five one of the bars up there just has it’s like
a Nirvana picture and one of them prominent
in the front of the place is Michael Jackson
It’s the album- I know which terminal
you’re talking about. Terminal-
Terminal five. For the Delta at LAX. Yes. They have a Michael
it’s a bunch of like- It’s a big old album covers. And it’s a big old
Michael Jackson Bad and I’m like man do you have
to like, listen we played Human Nature on the show
yesterday coming back and it’s a great song.
I don’t know same thing man- Cosby shows- Cosby shows those
are still funny. What a dilemma to be in. It really doesn’t discount
their work it just means like- Boondock Saints is great.
Weinstein’s a monster, but Boondock Saints
is a fun movie. Boondock Saints does not hold up
as a white trash Irish American that’s supposed
to be like my fucking go to. Yeah it’s supposed to be- Boondock Saints stinks. That’s the dumb mans
Good Will Hunting. Yeah. That’s our Departed. Yeah. Yeah they speak every language
that’s we wrote it in there. And yet it doesn’t hold up. I haven’t seen it
in a long time. No Boondock Saints
fucking sucks. Unfortunately. You’re gonna have a lot of your
own kind coming after you. Coming after me. Did you like it
when you were younger? Yeah. I don’t think it holds up. There’s gonna be a lot
of four leaf clover in the Twitter handles.
Talking shit. Real nice. Oh on the eve of Saint
Patty’s Day too dude. Coming down- Is tomorrow Saint Patty’s Day? No but you know
what I mean it’s close. It’s March 17th. It’s pretty close. It’s 11 days away. ‘Cause we’re in March. Yes if it was fucking December whatever and I was shitting
on Christmas you’d be like- That was a test. You are Irish
American white trash. Yeah it is. I didn’t know you celebrate
Saint Patty’s Day like a black girl celebrates
her birthday. Yeah she goes, “It’s Saint
Patty’s Day month.” “It’s Saint Patty’s
month y’all.” “Oh green beer all month.” “Hell yeah get me an Incredible
Hulk a thug pass and put a little green
in my Corona.” Dude yeah. You guys gonna make fun
of my culture? Yeah.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Is that what we’re doing? Absolutely.
How you doing? How you doing? But I don’t believe any of this. I do believe this is money
for the families and I do believe that Michael
was having a problem with drugs. These fancy doctors
who will come to your house 3:00 in the morning
5:00 in the morning. Give you whatever you want. She goes, “You’re on
top of the world. You have the freshest butt hole
laid out like it is sushi.” Allegedly.
“Allegedly. And you are able
to please yourself. I’m sorry I do not see. This is not his fault at all.
This is the doctor’s fault. Hairless. Void of wrinkles. I mean. I mean just a flush surface
with a hole in the middle. Bounce a quarter
off the actual butthole. That’s how juicy it is. Just a seven year flesh light
right there. I mean looks like a pencil
sharpener in a wall. Grown from the Earth.
That’s a natural flesh light. There’s a flesh light walked,
started dancing like you. Started wanting to
hang out with you. All right bring it in here. Oh dude if you guys came over- Dude if some little kid
came up he’s like, “Hey oh yeah
it’s the macho man.” I’d be like whoa. I should just do it. I should’ve just done it,
but the next time Dan- Goddamn why do I like you
so much? The next time Dan comes over I should put a knuckle glove
on my flesh light. Yeah so funny it be like,
“Oh finally we can be together.” I go, “Oh Jay this is weird man. What I don’t care it’s like the
flesh light wants to be like me. I’m just mentoring it.”