66   Mens Mental Health

66 Mens Mental Health


Welcome to Happiness Isn’t Brain Surgery
with Doc Snipes. This podcast was created to provide you the information and tools
Doc Snipes gives her clients so that you two can start living happier our website
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with Doc Snipes, practical tools to improve your mood and quality of life
this is men’s mental health or Men’s Health Month so we’re going to be
talking about men’s mental health today when your body is not functioning
optimally your mental health is going to be impacted and likewise when your
mental health is not optimal it’s probably going to impact a lot of the
ways that you feel you’re going to feel more pain you’re gonna have more aches
more headaches and reduced immunity and all kinds of stuff so mental health and
physical health go hand in hand well we’re going to be talking about today
our anger anxiety and depression those are kind of the three big emotions that
we talk about we’re not gonna go into schizophrenia or bipolar disorder we’re
just gonna stick with the three big ones for right now and let’s understand the
connection between these anger and anxiety anger represents your body’s
desire to fight anxiety represent your body’s desire to flee
both of these indicate that your body thinks that there’s a threat out there
now it says it thinks there’s a threat out there it doesn’t mean that there is
a lot of times we get false signals just like your smoke alarm can go off and it
doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a fire so you want to pay attention when you
get that feeling of anger or anxiety and check it out and decide is there a
threat right now now anger and anxiety we experience them multiple times every
day and they in different formats anger can come in
the form of jealousy envy which is anger at somebody for having something that
you want or anger at yourself for not having something that somebody else has
regret is anger at yourself as is guilt anger at yourself for something that you
did that you shouldn’t have done or something you should have done that you
didn’t so you’re angry at yourself resentment is anger at somebody else
irritation anger and rage you know those are pretty common anger words that we
use and there are a lot of different things that can trigger them but all of
these come up when we are feeling threatened in some way now our basic
threats are rejection failure isolation loss of control and the unknown a lot of
us are total control freaks and men are taught to be powerful men are taught
that they’re supposed to be more powerful and more in control so these
sorts of things may trigger more anxiety and anger in them and necessarily in
women but you know gender roles are getting a little closer now anxiety
comes in a few different faces and some of them include fear stress worry
anxiety and terror now the ones that we experience the most are stress and worry
you’re worried about a meeting that’s coming up you’re worried about getting a
contract you’re worried about your kids you know we use that word a lot and that
tells us that we’re worried now men don’t necessarily use that word so much
and we’re going to talk about why culture has taught men not to use
feeling focused words but think about the words that you used think about when
you’re feeling worried about something and you know you got to check your
memory what is your physiological reaction every feeling has a
physiological reaction and a behavioral urge that goes with it so if you can
identify one of those the urge the feeling emotion or the physiological
reaction then you going to be able to identify when you
are experiencing anxiety or anger now where does depression come in and all
this it doesn’t represent a threat or fight or flee nope unfortunately
depression represents hopelessness and helplessness and it can happen when you
know you lose something that’s important to you and you know you can’t get it
back you’re powerless to get it back so you can feel depressed it can also
happen if you are fighting or fleeing for a long time and you just run out of
gas your body goes you know what we’re not gonna win this there is no way to
succeed at this I give up I surrender that can be depression so depression can
be caused by anger and anxiety for too long as well as losing important things
so you may be saying well you know quote real men don’t experience depression or
anxiety or whatever and you know they do they do they don’t talk about it as much
but thankfully people are starting to recognize how prevalent it is how
important it is to talk about because the earlier you intervene the more
likely you are to prevent lots of problems and to not experience another
episode so who are some men who have experienced mental health issues Dwayne
the rock Johnson Terry Bradshaw Larry Sanders Brandon Marshall Joey Votto John
Kerwin Clark Carlile Dan car CO Oscar De La Hoya Shaye Emery David Freese Andrew
Jenson and many many more obviously these were all athletes and so you may
recognize some names and not others you can go to heads up guys org / 22 male
athletes speaking depression and learn more about their stories and what they
were experiencing and the treatment that they went through and what worked for
them so you can learn about the fact that they had it and they did something
about it and they came out stronger on the other side so what are some signs of
possible mental health issues in men men have slightly different symptoms
sometimes than women and part of that is because our culture prescribes and
causes men to inhibit certain behaviors I believe but anger irritability or
aggressiveness can indicate anxiety problems but it can also indicate
depression if you’re feeling helpless and hopeless men are taught that they’re
supposed to be powerful and have control over things so it can make them very
angry when they feel helpless and hopeless if there are noticeable changes
in mood energy level or appetite these are really common signs for both genders
of depression so we want to pay attention to that difficulty sleeping or
sleeping too much when you are experiencing anger or anxiety for
example that your body’s going there’s a threat out there there might be a threat
out there I need to stay awake I need to stay alert so it’s not going to let you
go completely to sleep think about a soldier in a foxhole he may doze off but
he’s not gonna get good sleep so when he wakes up you know if he can get to sleep
at all when he wakes up he’s gonna feel groggy and exhausted and want to go back
to sleep when you sleep too much then your circadian rhythms get out of whack
your body doesn’t know when it’s supposed to be awake and when it’s
supposed to be asleep so your sleep quality deteriorates even further and
the more tired you get the more hopeless and helpless and fatigued you’re
probably going to feel so sleeping problems difficulty concentrating
feeling Restless or on edge and sometimes you know think about when you
get really tired it’s hard to put two words together sometimes so if you’re
having difficulty concentrating it can mean depression it can mean sleep
problems increased worry or feeling stressed a sense of sadness or
hopelessness or suicidal thoughts if you’re having suicidal thoughts it’s
important to reach out and get support suicidal thoughts are not that uncommon
but they do need to be addressed with a profile
shanell feeling flat or having trouble feeling positive emotions and I make the
analogy it’s kind of like Eeyore nothing really made him happy
nothing really made him sad he was just there engaging in high-risk activities
sometimes when people are depressed they want to feel a rush the only way they
can feel better is to get some kind of an adrenaline surge so they start
engaging in high-risk activities or using alcohol or drugs which stimulate
the brain to release pleasure chemicals when people have anxiety or depression
they may have ongoing headaches digestive issues or chronic pain when
you are feeling depressed or anxious often it means your serotonin levels are
out of kilter for some reason and it could be nutrition it could be lack of
sleep it could be a lot of things the serotonin may be out of kilter serotonin
is one of those brain chemicals that helps you with your pain tolerance so
when you don’t have enough of that then you’re going to feel a tear on top of
the fact that a lot of us just store stress in our neck and our back and
other places and thoughts are behaviors that interfere with work family or
social life so you can see a lot of these symptoms are common to both
genders but you know again men tend to be more anger angry irritable and
aggressive as opposed to passive withdrawn and tearful one cause of depression like symptoms is
low testosterone so I’m going to say it a couple of times in this presentation
it is important to start out your recovery journey by going to the doctor
and you know my best friend’s a guy my partner’s a guy my daddy was a guy
and none of them liked going to the doctor you know you had to drag them
kicking and screaming and even though even after they were 30 years old to get
a physical so I know you don’t enjoy it you know we women don’t enjoy it too
much either but it’s important because you know what there are some
physiological things like low testosterone thyroid imbalances diabetes
that can cause symptoms of depression so you can go to a counselor for three
years and talk about thoughts and stuff but if the problem is in your physiology
it’s not going to get completely better until you address that issue so go to
the doctor it’s really easy it’s a simple blood test that they can measure
your testosterone and your thyroid levels and your liver function and all
that and make sure that there’s nothing physiologically that’s causing this
problem so symptoms of low testosterone which are becoming more and more common
in this society in this day and age unfortunately our decreased sex drive
tiredness changes in sleep patterns mood changes weight gain and occasional
memory problems and difficulty concentrating these are all the same
symptoms that you see in depression so some people may feel like they’re
depressed maybe not super depressed but that your level of moderate depression
nothing really makes you happy and not realize that it’s low testosterone or
that it’s low thyroid so get that checked out if you have low testosterone
you’re also an increased risk of developing diabetes hypertension or a
number of other chronic conditions so again get it checked out not only will
you feel better your libido will improve but you’re also going to potentially
prevent some other health problems that you just don’t want to have to deal with
the next thing we’re gonna talk about is men and postpartum depression and you’re
like uh excuse me yeah postpartum depression happens in men too
it’s not just a hormone thing one in 10 new dads in a survey of 5,000 new
parents one in ten new dads met standard criteria for moderate to severe
postpartum depression wow that’s a lot and we don’t give enough credence or
attention to the fact that bringing a baby into the house impacts men too it
is not just a hormonal e driven woman’s condition depression impacts the quality
and quantity of interaction that dad has with children and when this happens when
dad’s not involved and you know doesn’t really want to be involved it’s just
kind of like the kids a bother it can result in developmental delays and
attachment issues that can cause problems later in life and it also
impacts the quality and quantity of personal health behaviors so dads who
are experiencing postpartum depression are probably going to not be getting the
quality sleep not be eating as well as they should they may be drinking more
than is healthy or helpful there’s a lot of things they may have really high
stress and not be engaging in any stress management behaviors and all of these
things can lead to mood issue additional mood issues and health issues in the in
the debt unlike women who are often sad and withdrawn men may become irritable
aggressive and even hostile sound familiar we just talked about that with
regular depression so postpartum depression is depression that comes on
generally a couple of weeks within a couple of weeks of a baby coming home
now it can be a couple of weeks after birth and I guess I’m jumping ahead of
myself causes of postpartum depression in men
stress of a new life to care for you know this is another mouth you’ve got to
feed and another body have got a clothes so there can be financial stresses and
concerns seek out financial counseling a lot of times there
are free or low-cost services that can help you with that some dad’s especially
first-time dads are concerned about their capabilities of being a dad
they’ve never been a dad before there’s no manual how do I do this and
especially if they didn’t have a great role model that may be even more reason
that they’re freaked out about being a new dad I remember our first child was a
micro preemie he was born at 29 weeks so he was really itty bitty and he was in
an incubator and had all these wires and cords and it for the first week or so my
husband wouldn’t hold the baby and finally I confronted him on it I’m like
what’s going on why don’t you want to hold the baby he’s like I’m afraid I’m
gonna break him and you know he was tiny he was you know three pounds and so he
worked with the nurse and then NICU to develop a confidence with handling such
a tiny little fragile thing that literally fit in the palm of his hand
but if you’re worried about your capabilities seek out assistance a lot
of times again there are services that you can access that will provide
information there’s a lot of information online dr. Sears website is really good
that’s spelled just like the store men can also experience grief over losses of
freedom especially again if this is their first child they’re going from
being Footloose and fancy-free to we got to be home to put baby to sleep so men
may grieve this especially if it wasn’t a planned pregnancy but even if it was
it is a whole new life you know they’re closing the chapter and closing the
chapter on one part of their life and opening a new chapter they may have
frustration due to how much the baby Monopoly monopolizes the partners time
bathing feeding carrying holding crying all that stuff that babies do and you
know moms are thinking I’m lucky if I can get a shower in everyday and dads
are thinking hello did you even notice that I was here so it’s important for
partners to communicate about baby care and
try to share some of the activities of taking care of the baby and make it a
team effort if at all possible but it is perfectly natural to feel a
little bit jealous and frustrated when this person who used to be your partner
exclusively now you have to share poor sleep even if you’re not the one getting
up nursing the baby you know if mom is sleeping in the same bed and she has to
get up every time the baby cries you know you’re going to have poorer quality
sleep and some dad’s are willing to take that midnight feeding which is really
helpful for moms in order for them to get you know a solid six hours of sleep
which can help them recover after after delivery but it’s important that both
parents are able to get a solid block of sleep at least half of the days you know
if you alternate that can help their stress if baby has any special needs or
is in the NICU which is the neonatal intensive care unit you know you don’t
know what’s going to happen little peanuts can go south really fast so
there’s always this anxiety when you leave the hospital and generally there’s
a lot of other stress that goes along with babies and the NICU but that’s a
different presentation stress if other siblings don’t respond well sometimes
you need to bring in a counselor for a brief period to help siblings figure out
how to respond and accept the new baby there are also a lot of really good
books that you can just check out at the library stress and exhaustion if mom
also has postpartum depression because now you’re both you know struggling to
get through if you have a personal history of depression a poor
relationship with one or both of your parents if you have a history of abuse
having a new baby may bring back a lot of memories of your abusive or poor
childhood so this can trigger abuse anger and anxiety issues relationship
stress can also set you up for postpartum depression
if with your partner or with your in-laws because you’ve got a lot of
helicoptering that happens during this time often and that can be really
overwhelming when you’re just like okay let me breathe and let me figure out
what I’m doing here and a lack of support from others and that neighbors
anybody to help you out during this period of time because bringing a new
baby home I mean it is a 24/7 365 job and sometimes children just don’t want
to sleep so it can be exhausting and it’s helpful to have support somebody
that you can call going this is what’s going on is this normal and you know I
had people like that but I could ask and I had a great pediatrician so that was
really helpful but there are often support groups for dads that are out
there there are online support groups if you don’t want to go to a face-to-face
support group you can find some of those to impact of mood issues so if you’re
starting to get depressed or anxious or angry you’ll have a reduced immunity
when cortisol is high in your body then you are not using that energy to build
up your immune system it can lead to high blood pressure increased weight and
poor nutrition through stress eating and drinking reduced physical activity and
fitness if you’re exhausted or stressed out and exhausted all the time you may
not want to go to the gym even though going to the gym can be a great way to
get out some of that aggression and get some happy chemicals flowing constant
fatigue which makes you not want to do anything reduced libido or in the case
of people with conceptual compulsive behaviors may be a drastically increased
one some men when they get stressed the only way they can get that dopamine
going the only way that they can feel happy they feel a rush is through sex so
they may start compulsively seeking out some sort of sexual gratification in
order to try to feel better and this can easily develop into an addictive cycle
mood issues also cause worse relationships with partners and children
a sense of guilt you know you feel guilty that you didn’t make your kids
ball game or you feel guilty that you resent the fact that the child is crying
again you feel guilty about the fact that you know yada yada yada
and it can lead to addiction issues some people when they are feeling bad want to
numb the pain or want to take something to help them feel better and initially
some of these things alcohol you know any of those used in moderation are not
going to necessarily lead to addiction but when you use substances or
compulsive behaviors and you get those neurotransmitters just flooding those
synapses it causes an imbalance in the system and if that imbalance in the
system persists for long enough then your body adjusts to it which is when
you start experiencing tolerance and withdrawal and addiction problems
specific contributors to depression and anxiety and men’s life critical
transitions including moving into adulthood marriage fatherhood retirement
and deaths so these are all periods of time to be a little bit more self-aware
many boys learn that they should avoid stereotypical feminine behaviors and
strive to be tough some do this by attempting to suppress their emotions
thoughts and behaviors associated with vulnerability and things that you might
hear that support this are men should be able to control their feelings or
depression makes you a burden you know what feelings are what we have feelings
are our body’s natural reaction to help us survive it’s what we do with those
feelings that can keep us stuck or help us move forward so you know people have
feelings and controlling them suppressing them doesn’t do any good
that’s like if I hear a fire alarm I’m gonna stick my fingers in my ears so I
don’t hear it and I’m going to ignore it not the best idea so you want to make
sure that you identify feelings you acknowledge your feelings
or reactions and you figure out what to do about them and depression doesn’t
make people a burden depression is an illness depression happens and to some
people and when it happens it’s a matter of figuring out what to do to fix it you
know depression makes you no more of a burden than having the flu or having to
have knee surgery or something else that makes you
not functioning at your most optimal level and the people who love you and
care about you are generally going to be you know very encouraging and supportive
of your recovery regardless of whether it’s a physical condition or a mental
health condition men are often socialized to be aggressive and appear
fearless and invulnerable and depression is seen as weakness and asking for help
is seen as weakness think about your own children you know if you have them would
you want your child to hide his feelings of depression for fear of being seen we
as weak admitting you’ve got depression admitting that you need help
shows a lot of courage it says you know what I can’t do this on my own and I
recognize it we’re not humans are not meant to live in social isolation bubble
we’re meant to help each other out many men have problems both identifying and
expressing feelings and may express them non-verbally through metaphors instead
of using what we call feeling words they may say something like oh when that
happened I just wanted to punch something okay remember I talked earlier
about there’s a physiological reaction there’s an earth behavioral urge and
then there’s an emotion well I wanted to punch something is the behavioral urge
associated with anger so okay you know let’s use that and you know help you
start identifying that yes this means anger you don’t have to use the f-word
feeling you don’t have to talk about anger you can still use your metaphors
but it’s important to understand what that behavior represents or I felt like
I was kicked in the gut you know that’s another one that I’ve heard a lot so
what does that mean to you as people talk about their feelings or their
reactions or their experiences whatever you feel comfortable talking about you
can start identifying what the problems and the hiccups might be it’s like if
you’re planning a house you’re gonna build a house well you don’t just sit
down and go alright let’s start building you plan it out first you talk it out
first you get halfway through the process and you meet with the general
contractor and you start talking about any problems they’re holding up progress
you start talking about you know I think I would really like to move this here
because it’ll make it easier to do something else so you talk it through
same thing with mental health issues you’re going to identify behaviors and
thoughts that are keeping you stuck and then you can address them you know just
like you can address problems in building construction men are taught
that they need to compete for power and success and you know what sometimes
power and its success ain’t all that if it makes you completely miserable there
are a lot of people that are really really wealthy have really really big
houses and really really hate their life so you want to weigh this need for power
and success with what is it that really makes you happy and external factors can
contribute to depression anxiety including workplace and family
relationships and it can undermine men’s motivation to change substance related
behaviors because a lot of our social activities involve substances going to a
sports bar watching a football game on Sundays you know you’re drinking alcohol
having a celebration parties you know think about how many different things in
your life involve the use of substances and that’s just like alcohol now if you
add in nicotine you know a lot of men drink smoke smoke and dip as just a way
that they relieve stress so counseling and the F word and the F
word we’re talking about here is feelings I wanted to spell some myths
about counseling cuz too often I hear people going oh we’re just gonna sit
around in a circle and gush about our feelings and boohoo cry no not
necessarily you know if that’s what you feel like doing then great we can work
on that if that’s not what you feel like doing then that’s fine too despite what
television tells you counseling is not always about gushing emotions some
people just aren’t comfortable with that additionally about 85% of men respond
better to a solution focused approach which means we’re going to talk about
the issue we’re not going to talk about how you feel about it
we’re gonna talk about the issue because once you resolve the issue then you’re
going to start to feel better but the approaches that will help you focus more
on the issue and the solution are cognitive behavioral dialectical
behavioral and acceptance and commitment therapy so in a lot of what
solution-focused approaches do is help you really identify just what it sounds
like solutions to the problem a lot of times you know about 60% of women want
to or need to have their feelings validated before they move to the step
of problem solving we want somebody to say you know you have every right to
feel angry or depressed or whatever a lot of men don’t need that and they
actually prefer not to go there you know they just want to identify what’s making
them feel so bad and figure out how to fix it as a little aside here you know
it’s important to remember that coaches while they will encourage you to solve
problems and move forward are not able to diagnose or treat mental health
issues they can only coach you in moving forward towards goals that you identify
so if you’re choosing a coach over a counselor you know just bear that in
mind that they are not trained at all in mental health diagnosis identifying
problems and may miss some things such as you know
identifying the fact that maybe you need to get a blood panel done because your
testosterone or your thyroid might be low a counselor will recognize you as
the expert on you and help you resolve your issues by providing information
about tools ways of looking at things or resources then that can help you feel
better faster than you could muddling through on your own now think back for
those of you who can remember before YouTube you know back in the day when
something went wrong at the house you know if you didn’t know how to fix it
you’re just kind of looking at the pipes or the wires or something and going oh
I’m not sure what to do with this and you could probably muddle through and
figure out how to fix it on your own go to Home Depot five or six dozen times
and get it fixed and you know it took a long time you got there but it took a
long time or oh my gosh you had to call in a professional now think about it
this way now you can call in a professional and get it done really fast
and not say B and say have a whole lot of the energy but you also have
something like YouTube that you can go to and you can learn you can learn new
tools and approaches and skills that helps you get through it whatever
project it is faster you know I’ve learned a lot of things on YouTube from
how to crochet to how to build a shelf I like YouTube it’s in small chunks but I
digress counsellors are going to be the same way counsellors are going to
instead of being YouTube where you just have to hope you pick the right video
counselors will listen and they’ll help you identify the different tools and
stuff that might help you get through this stuff point faster and that’s it
you know we’re there to facilitate your recovery you know what works for you you
know what doesn’t work for you and we’re going to start there
so let’s finish up by talking about some steps that you can take today to start
feeling better and prevent any mental health issues easy ones drink enough
water and have decent nutrition your body makes the chemicals that help you
feel happy and calm and get adequate sleep and your testosterone and
everything else all of that stuff is made from the foods you eat so if you
eat crap then you’re gonna feel like crap
and when I say decent nutrition I’m meaning you know moderately decent try
to have three colors on your plate at each meal that sort of thing I’m not
saying don’t have any gluten don’t have any pizza and never have another fried
food it that’s not realistic let’s look at what’s realistic and what can you do
to have decent nutrition get quality sleep and quality sleep is that good
restful sleep that you need and if you need tips on sleep hygiene we have other
videos in happiness isn’t brain surgery or in podcasts that can help you learn
about improving your sleep quality regulate your circadian rhythms this is
when your body thinks it’s supposed to be awake versus asleep because your
hormones are all set on that to when you’re supposed to eat how you’re
supposed to feel you know that midday low all of that centers around your
circadian rhythms so try to get up at roughly the same time each day try to
expose yourself to daylight at roughly at the same time each day and stay in
brightly lit areas most of the day darkness tells your brain it’s time to
go to sleep so try to stay in brightly lit areas as much as possible during the
day and then when it comes time to go to bed turn the lights down get a blue
light filter on your mobile devices or anything electronic that you’re looking
at so your brain understands that it’s nighttime do something fun each day it
can be 10 minutes it doesn’t have to be long but do something that you enjoy
start becoming mind and I encourage people to check in with
themselves before each meal so breakfast lunch and dinner
all this means is for you to check in and go you know how am I feeling what am
i wanting do I need to do anything right now in order to feel better
that’s all it is it’s not this super duper intense meditation thing or it
doesn’t have to be it’s just checking in with yourself because a lot of times you
know you may check in with yourself and I do this a lot at lunchtime I’ll check
in with myself and I’ll be like you know I’m feeling kind of sluggish today and
my concentration is shot so this thing I was gonna do after lunch probably should
wait till tomorrow morning and it’s a lot easier if I kept trying to push
through and do that project I’m gonna make mistakes and I’m gonna get
frustrated and it’s gonna take three times as long so mindfulness helps me be
aware of how am i doing and what am i needing right now identify what’s truly
important in life Stephen Covey referred to this as
beginning with the end in mind so think about the things that are truly
important in your life and it could be your job it could be your car it could
be your kids whatever it is to you what is it that you need to have a rich and
meaningful life and then before you start doing anything or as soon as you
start feeling angry or anxious about something ask yourself is getting upset
over this helping me move towards things that are important in my life or is this
just a waste of my energy getting upset over things on the news or getting upset
over things on social media or the fact that the dog crapped in the living room
you know in the big scheme of things getting upset about those is probably
not going to move you towards something that’s important in your life is just
gonna drain your energy see your doctor to rule out any physical causes of
depression or anxiety such as hormone imbalances thyroid problems etc I know
you don’t want to hear that but make that appointment it’s really important
and spend 15 minutes making a list of as many things you can think up in that 15
minutes but trigger your anger or anxiety all right then you’ve got this
list let’s go through each one of them and identify the facts for and against
the belief that this is a threat so if your if your boss promoted somebody over
you and that made you angry okay well let’s look at the facts for and against
why that happened and what are you angry about you know do you feel like you’re
gonna be stuck there forever and you’re never going to get promoted well what
are the facts for and against that you know what about this situation is making
you angry and what are the facts that support that not the feelings you know
you can have feelings you can be angry but then you can step back and you can
look at the facts and go well you know that guy had three more years seniority
and you know another degree higher than I did and okay it makes sense that he
got promoted identify the probability that the issue is going to turn into a
problem sometimes we start getting upset over something that we anticipate might
happen if your kids miss curfew you may get really angry and start getting
really worried that oh my gosh they’re dead in a ditch somewhere well what is
the probability that they are actually dead in a ditch somewhere pretty small
so look at the probability and before you start getting yourself super worked
up over it figure out what the likely thing is to happen and finally identify
if it’s an issue that’s really worth your energy is getting angry or upset
about this going to or even addressing it going to help me move towards things
that are important or is it just something that’s that’s there and is it
even something you can control some things you can’t control if you find go
to the doctor and you find out that you’ve got diabetes you may feel really
angry alright you know let’s look at that what are the facts
that this is a threat what are the facts that your life is over for example well
you’re probably not going to find a lot of facts supporting that so when you
start looking at the facts it’ll help you realize that you know what this is
unfortunate this is not what I wanted but you know it’s not the end of the
world so it helps you minimize that what’s the probability if you start
getting worried about you know if I’ve got diabetes then all these bad things
are gonna happen what’s the probability that all those bad things are going to
happen if you adequately manage your diabetes and is it something you can
control well yes and no you can take care of it
and follow the doctor’s order so that can help control it but you can’t make
it go away you know so getting angry and you know fighting to try to make it go
away is not going to probably work so you want to identify the practical
solutions now some slightly harder steps you can start taking today the first one
is to get enough quality sleep now I said the easy one was getting quality
sleep you know anybody can find a three-hour block but enough quality
sleep means seven to eight hours yep you’re like I haven’t had seven to eight
hours sleep since I was in middle school well think about it if you can get seven
to eight hours sleep and be fully rested and not being completely driven on
caffeine and nicotine how much easier would it be to concentrate how much more
energy would you have how much faster would you get things done and more
efficient would you be so enough quality sleep can be a bonus and when you’re
well-rested you tend to have a higher immune system so you’re not gonna get
sick as much which well again make you more productive and happy develop
self-esteem so you’re less afraid of rejection isolation and failure there
are tons of books in the library on self-esteem it’s really easy to find
self esteem worksheets online so you don’t have to go to counseling
necessarily for this but a lot of times our threats as I said earlier center
around rejection isolation and fail so those are things that trigger your
anger if somebody says something nasty to you or rejects you in some way and it
makes you angry you know maybe you need to look at that a little bit learn to
view failure as a learning opportunity I encourage you to Google famous quotes
about overcoming failure and you’ll find some like failure just teaches me one
way not to do something everybody fails if they try you can’t succeed unless
you’ve failed at least once address unhelpful thoughts and the inner critic
that are keeping you stuck now this is leaning more towards needing a coach or
a counselor to probably help you identify some of those unhelpful
thoughts and stuck points exercise at least four days a week
now this isn’t hard to do but it’s hard to get the motivation to do it sometimes
so I put it under slightly harder nurture your relationships and that
means schedule it in if you have to and nurturing can come in many different
forms not everybody expresses nurturance in the same way or receives it in the
same way the book the five love languages and you can look at the wiki
article and just get the highlights and that’s plenty can give you really good
information about ways to nurture your relationship so for example I’m not one
that needs presence you know I’m not one that is stuff oriented so I’m more
people are better off expressing nurturance to me through acts of
kindness and words of gratitude those mean a lot to me presence you know not
so much now I have a friend who really likes presence and the present in his
mind represents in many ways how much you care about him so learn about the
different love languages and try to identify how the people in your life
communicate their love and need to be communicated to and start working on
that and finally check your musts and half
jews and prioritize a lot of times especially if you are really driven for
success you may often say I have to stay at work and get this done I have to
complete this project I have to blah blah blah
step back take that word out of your vocabulary whenever possible a lot of
times you know if it waits till tomorrow morning that’s fine you know it’s not
going to be that big of a deal and if you find yourself overwhelmed with half
dues in one area of your life and it’s dominating your life you may need to
step back and look at time management and reprioritizing I know I’m really
guilty of taking on too many things at work you know and I would end up all of
a sudden with four projects going on and then I felt like I had to do everything
and it’s important to pare it down and go what is the most important thing to
help me keep moving towards the things that are important in my life so
depression anxiety and addiction and even eating disorders impact millions of
men each year prevention involves making sure to get quality sleep good nutrition
adequate social support develop an awareness and ability to communicate
your needs and reactions counselling can help you identify and address some of
the obstacles that might be keeping you stuck and it’s if you think about it
what are those trust-building courses that you go out on I can’t think of the
name of it right now but even in Tough Mudder and stuff you work together as a
team to overcome obstacles that’s all counseling is your overcoming obstacles
if you prefer a solution focused approach look for a therapist who uses
cognitive behavioral dialectical behavior therapy or acceptance and
commitment therapy and call them up and talk to them and make sure that you know
men is a population that they’re used to working with because the approach that
many men prefer is different than the approach that many women prefer now it’s
not true across the board but it’s important to communicate that
to your therapist from the outset what makes you comfortable what makes you
uncomfortable what are you hoping counseling will look like and if it
doesn’t if you don’t connect it it’s not a good fit your therapist won’t take it
personally or shouldn’t you know and can hopefully make a referral to someone who
would be a better fit for you there are a myriad of self-help books and
information out there these like this podcast are not a substitute for
professional help but are excellent resources for education and early
intervention so you can learn some of these tools that I’ve been talking about
mental health issues can be caused by thoughts situations and alterations and
body chemistry and this is the last time I’m going to say it I promise
getting a physical is one of the best places to start to rule out some of the
quote easy fixes if you like this podcast connect with us
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