3 ESSENTIAL ideas that will help YOU foster REAL connection with others

3 ESSENTIAL ideas that will help YOU foster REAL connection with others


The biggest problem in most people’s lives
is trauma, and trauma is what creates a damaged ability to connect with others. “Trauma” is not a term that is reserved
for the most severe and unrelenting atrocities that one can experience. Anytime something scares us and we do not
get over that fear, trauma is created. When we don’t believe we have the resources
or abilities to cope with a certain problem or stimuli, we create adaptive behaviors to
deny or avoid it. What’s up, everybody? Tanvir Ahmed here. Welcome back to another video. And if you’re new here, let’s connect. It’s not the trauma itself that causes the
most long-term damage; it is how the trauma wreaks havoc on the psyche and prevents reintegration
into a normal, healthy life. You’ve probably heard this before in different
ways: The opposite of addiction, is not sobriety, it’s connection. The foremost pillar of happiness is a sense
of belonging and purpose. Cultures that are more communal are more mentally
healthy as a whole. People who are alone often die earlier and
get sicker before they do. We are a tribal species. There is no way around this despite what many
highly individualistic cultures may want us to believe. No person is an island unto themselves. We are born through connection, and it is
through connection to others that we accomplish virtually everything else in life. We do not just prefer healthy relationships;
we need them. Connection is so important, yet it is so often
overlooked and there are few resources available to teach people how to actually foster real
connection in their lives. But there are a few essential ideas that can
help. Number 1. Understand what connection really is. Connection is the experience of oneness. It’s having shared experiences, relatable
feelings, and similar ideas. It is the feeling of belonging to something
greater than oneself. When you’re watching a sporting event with
your friends, you’re experiencing connection. When you gather with your family for dinner
or open up and express your authentic feelings to another person or find that you have something
in common with someone, you’re experiencing connection. We’ve developed a world that is designed
to create more connections than ever before, yet somehow, much of the digital age has severed
connection or fostered inauthentic connection—which, by the way, for your kind information, does
not work. You cannot fake oneness. It is not something you intellectualize. It’s something you feel. Number 2. Learn how to connect with others authentically. Authenticity is required for connection. The internet and social media do not disconnect
us because we are glued to our phones at the dinner table but because it increase our ability
to be inauthentic. They allow us to gloat, edit, filter, and
post a highlight reel. We can construct a façade of our lives that
may or may not be an honest reflection of reality. In this, we breech connection. People who have authentic connections over
social media report having a largely positive view and experience of it. People who use it as a genuine way to stay
in touch with others don’t report the same levels of anxiety and depression associated
with its use. The reason people try to fake their way into
being liked is that they confuse attention with connection—and they are not the same
thing. Number 3. Focus on giving connection, not receiving
it. In order to connect with others, we have to
give them our time and honest feelings and ideas and have shared experiences and openness. We do not connect with others by trying to
earn approval, envy, appreciation, awe, compliments or superiority. Most people believe that a connection is something
they earn by being “good enough” when in reality a connection is something that
we develop by being willing enough. If healing is a return to wholeness, then
healing from trauma is realizing that we can trust others, we can trust ourselves, and
we can trust life. It is the reintegration into easiness, calmness,
and the willingness to allow life to be as it is rather than trying to control how it’s
perceived. It is not waiting for others to initiate and
sustain that connection. It is our own willingness to try again, be
vulnerable again, show up for others, reach out, and make ourselves an active part of
our communities and families and friend groups. In the process of restoring a connection with
others, we can realize that we actually create a connection with ourselves. In being seen and loved for who we are, how
we think, and what we feel, we learn that it’s okay to be as we are. If our core human need is to connect with
others, then the most important part of healing our emotional wounds is allowing ourselves
to open up again. It is our willingness to show up as we are,
and our trust that we will be taken care of. It is our discernment to give our time and
energy to those who respect and cherish it back. And, most importantly, it is the knowledge
that even if we do have to go through the fires of life, we come out the other end stronger,
clearer, and more ready to appreciate what we have. That’s it for me guys. I hope you enjoyed this video. I hope you got something out of it. I hope you liked it. Hit that like button if you did. Subscribble and hit the bell if you haven’t
already. And I will see you in the next one.

2 thoughts on “3 ESSENTIAL ideas that will help YOU foster REAL connection with others

  1. The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.

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