#1 Dating App Shenanigans | The Talky Talk Podcast

#1 Dating App Shenanigans | The Talky Talk Podcast


[Taylor] I don’t know let’s just jump into it [Jen] okay [Taylor] Like we’re Philip DeFranco [Jen] I’ve never watched any of his videos [Taylor] Oh, so you don’t get that reference? [Jen] No [Taylor] He says uh “What’s up
you beautiful bastards hoping to have a fantastic Friday welcome back to the
philip defranco show and let’s just jump into it
[Jen] There is to many ‘F’ sounds in that intro [Taylor] Yeah. For some reason I feel like
I need to look at the microphone as if it’s a camera
{Laughing} [Jen] Okay. I mean if that helps. [Taylor] No.
OkCupid, I’m on a dating app, I don’t use clover or tinder anymore cuz tinder,
everybody just wants to fuck
[Jen] yeah clover everyone’s ugly
[Jen] That’s why I’m a bowl of
fruit because… well people still want to fuck a bowl of fruit
{Laughing} [Jen] So it’s not helping [Taylor] Bumble, everyone’s catfishes
[Jen] Yeah, cuz you say that they’re too
attractive [Taylor] Yeah they are. It’s just not realistic but then it’s weird because we
live near LA and everybody in LA is attractive so it’s hard to like decide
okay is this person real or are they fake
[Jen] Maybe we should move to LA that way we become attractive [Taylor] *Laughing* aww
So OkCupid it says your personality
traits based on answers. Okay so it says I’m polite with an arrow up,
then it says I’m compassionate with an arrow up, good-natured with an arrow up and trusting with an arrow up. So I think, I don’t I’m not sure how it works
fully, but I think if it has an arrow up that means like yes it’s a green
arrow and then so my arrows down, Guess what they are.
[Jen] Wait are these things
that people have said? [Taylor] No it’s based on like my answers like OkCupid is like
that
[Jen] okay so like if it’s like yes or no like yes and green arrows up
[Taylor] I think so. It’s very convoluted [Jen] Green is like “I’m up for that!” and red or down is just [Taylor] No
[Jen] No?
{Laughing} [Taylor] Okay, it says personality traits based on answers to match questions as compared
to the OkCupid population
[Jen] mm-hmm [Taylor] So like I’ll answer questions like on
ethics or on dating or my lifestyle and those can be yes or no and then based on
that it’ll say okay based on these answers she’s polite or she is not
polite or she’s compassionate or she’s not compassionate so then on my
profile it says this and I can’t take it off so my arrows down are adventurous
and experienced {Laughing}
[Jen] Oh noooo [Jen] Well what kind of experience? Like experience in adventures? [Taylor] No
[Jen] Or other types of experience? [Taylor] It’s just it’s very vague
[Jen] Okay [Taylor] I don’t understand why they would
stitch on me like that
[Jen] I don’t know [Taylor] It’s not very nice you know and I can’t take
it off so it’s like oh and it’s just a turn-off
[Jen] I remember when I had tinder
like the first time they connected to my facebook, my facebook I haven’t been on
for like 50 years it had like all my likes on there
and they were likes on there’s like I remember liking McDonald’s you know why
do you know that and then I’d go to Facebook it’s all there and all this
junk I don’t even remember
[Taylor] yeah I’ve learned a lot about stuff on OkCupid like about men
okay you know what the question that we were looking over at that weirdo guy’s
profile Oh his name was and we were I was talking to him and he wanted to meet
up and he was a correctional officer he um we top it you could have been like
can you correct my life oh gosh
and I’m giving you good one-liners you always have the best one like cuz you
insist on being a bowl of fruit you were just born that way or way yes I was
portable all the fruit puns I feel like this podcast is not gonna be
entertaining because it’s just inside jokes between us anyway what was I
saying something about oh so same is Dino we were looking at his answers and
he was they were very sexual like yeah yeah that guy yeah so one of the
questions was would you feel comfortable if you’re in the same room as two of
your friends having sex and when I saw his I was like oh my gosh she said no he
wouldn’t be uncomfortable and I said I would yeah and what I’ve learned is all
the guys except for one that I’ve like looked on her profile
all of them are comfortable with it really yeah and I’m like how can you be
cool with that maybe it’s a dorm thing like if you’re sleeping in a dorm and
your roommates in there and still say no it’s very if I don’t know them I guess I
guess it’s his friends right yeah friends yeah so it was somebody I knew
so we have to like see you that’d be weird
mm-hmm but it was like people I didn’t know but it’s just strange I don’t know
like know pouring fluids Oh God farm fluid we
should have a segment where we like look at guys answers Oh expose people we do
know anyone John okay John go Jane and John yeah
but we can say like their age in their City yeah this guy John Doe 27 years old
from Bloomington California he’s a formal formal warmer infomercial
child star Japanese table tennis champion and retired amateur
ventriloquist I think that’s a little farce a fake what I love now being a
bowl of fruit I don’t give a lot of lists
but I love reading people’s copy-and-paste messages because there’s
if they don’t mention something specifically in your profile yeah yeah
they’re like being a bowl of fruit I don’t get that it’s always comments
about me be fruit yeah so but that’s why I like being fruit is because it gives
them like an introduction to talk about I don’t get that
hey yeah you know message so so as a bowl of fruit I’m winning I’m winning
better than if I was just me oh I had this guy it’s a very strange name okay
John he’s 21 and he he loved it he was so
into this fruit thing what happened to him I talked to him yesterday we’re
talking about TV shows good news though he loves Jane the Virgin Oh
maybe let me uh maybe I’ll pass him your way what does he look like I
yet to find the guy who knows what Jane the Virgin is really yeah
oh he’s cute yeah that is the right name I’m the one who a relationship I’m gonna
forget the anniversary no I don’t care I counted like every enemy yes you did I’d
read this thing for I like one man a 1/1 I never you had a one-week anniversary I’m just not that person I know you care
I mean obviously if the person I was dating Kerry we’re gonna celebrate this
but I wouldn’t I wouldn’t do any of the planning mm-hmm yeah I was just up
cracking my knuckles is it bad for you they say it is I think it’s a government
conspiracy first of all Russia never heard from
again it’s very strange I don’t like when
mm-hmm when I get those copy and paste messages they’re like a book long yeah
it kind of makes me uncomfortable oh is that why the worst like you know
I’m not planning I’m messing around I need a fight a girl I can marry in Spain
it was a page and a half yeah what Wow I would have responded like I want to
believe that you type this out every time that dedicated yeah wearing socks
with sandals is bad it’s bad obviously everyone says that but I don’t judge I
think it depends I understand you want to keep your feet warm and clean so you
read the soft song you know but then you need to go somewhere you don’t want to
go through putting on shoes sandals look at the convenience Anderson but like for
fashions that waves are at the mall wearing it I’m dragging it yeah but if
you’re just like out the grocery shirt I think the sandals like how do I explain
this the one with the toe the total slip yeah yeah that’s not okay yeah but the
ones with just the flat yeah that’s looking yeah yeah that’s like a style
yeah I don’t do the this split toe the toe song but again you might see anyway
I don’t judge I don’t that’s good this these questions
are so weird ask me a question and I’ll answer it are
you happy with your life next wish oh you want dating questions epic questions
any questions religion sex lifestyle or others surprising okay what do you want
these questions like this one’s weird are you more attracted to virgins no
that’s kind of strange like I feel like a bitch let’s do it like I feel like
it’s awkward to have like two virgins so I feel like one person in the
relationship should be somewhat experienced yeah know what I mean
yeah though late physically you’re both figuring out yeah
but if it does situation where one person is like that’s a penis what does
this do yeah that was like if I’m someone with
like that I need like okay I need to give you a sex ed course there’s gonna
be a test in the quiz yeah but you need to understand a few things
these are too clear let’s go to the other are you smarter than most people
oh yes that’s such a weird question these
questions are good though they help you like sort out the weirdos yeah but
that’s a hard question though because if I read that on somebody they say yes
it’s like oh you’re stuck up knowing that I would also say yes yeah it’s like
I I feel like that one should be on a scale like how much smarter and if they
put it all the way at the end like if you think you’re Stephen Hawking know
too much you know but then if you think that you’re dumber than most people it’s
like that’s just sad just like you I just want a match with you so I can be
your friend the moment I help you out with that
self-esteem setting random things nonliving on fire just to watch them
burn is amazing amounts of fun worth doing when bored unsafe and stupid or
wasteful and stupid I love burning shit yeah I used to sit in my room right here
and I’d like a box of matches now it is vital and just watch the match really
yeah and then burn paper sources like the
smell of a match this my over matching the candle when it goes out I need a
candle that is just the smell of a candle oh yeah that’s probably a thing
that’s probably like dangerous it just smells like smoke yeah that’s true do
you have one of those a warmer a candle warmer where it’s like
you get these like little melts of candle wax and it’s like a little like
thing and it has a little cup dish there’s a light bulb in it and you put
the little thing is like a makeshift you don’t cook with it your sounds like
you’re cooking a candle you’re you’re like melting a little square wax and crayon melter I used to want one of
those yeah my friend had one and I was so jealous
damn yeah she had all the cool toys but her parents wouldn’t let her have them
they’d put them in the garage up in the rafters
there were strange people terrible that’s really like my mom always bought
me like Barbies but sometimes there was like I haven’t Rapunzel Barbie and um it
always just sat on my shelf in my room because I wasn’t allowed to play with it
she was always like this is gonna be worth money someday oh my no and my
grandma she has a Titanic Barbies which are like I can understand those oh yeah
hell we gonna be worth some money someday they’re probably worth a lot of
money now yeah but um so I understand that this was a proposal yeah like what
you know I had this thought you know how like there are guys that send like
constant dick dicks to people yeah it’s like I was thinking oh you know what if
women did that to you what if we sent pictures of vaginas see and I was like
wait they probably like that but then I was like maybe I don’t know maybe they
wouldn’t like maybe they wouldn’t like it cuz you get guys that are just
like that would have trying to looks like like yeah you wouldn’t know would
you yeah just sends him other dick pics then they’ll get upset yeah which of
these four is the sexiest someone who is good with languages mm-hmm
someone who is logical or mathematical yes
someone who is physically skilled in what way physically maybe someone who is
musically skilled okay which one’s the best which ones is the sexiest oh I
think how would you answer I would say musically yeah I think cuz I want to say
logically and mathematically but I’ve known some of those guys and they’re
really assholes and they’re really uptight hmm and so they need to be
logically and mathematically good but they have to good have a good attitude
with it you know yeah so I would probably say also musically cuz like I
don’t because I find myself very logically and mathematically smart so if
I’m also a relationship with someone who’s like that I find that maybe go
like try to one-up me all the time yeah like dude shut up
let me be the smart woman oh you know yeah I think the second one from you
would have to be languages cuz that’s like pretty cool no no I think because I
don’t know what that means but like if he can put like IKEA furniture together
that’s pretty hot I don’t think is that I need to buy an IKEA table put together
because I don’t believe it’s identical um no I think it’s probably pretty
straightforward yeah when it comes to gambling
sorry it’s supporting when it comes to gambling what
just closest to your style cautious not doing it aggressive somewhere in the middle or I
don’t gamble I feel like if I guess with my life I don’t gamble um I feel like if
I gambled I would just go away to flaring lose all my money yeah you were
a hobby yeah okay do you think boys should be circumcised don’t hear yeah I
mean I don’t plan on like if I have a son it’s just one like the idea of like
hopping out child and then they’re cutting stuff away from him right away
yeah and then like I hear all these things that have it’s like it started as
a religious thing but it’s actually doesn’t hold that many benefits no less
it’s like cleaning like just fucking teach your kid how to clean your day I
don’t want to talk about I don’t want to talk to my son about cleaning his dick
so I’m just gonna have it cut it off terrible yeah I mean most guys nowadays
I mean like they don’t wipe when they pee it’s like yeah is there a need to
wipe it though I would think so like it doesn’t get that messy then I get like
you guys you know they send you they send the dick pics they ask you the
questions like oh you know do you want to suck my dick and shit like that
like have you peed lately know if you had a shower and have peed by then then
no yeah I never thought about that oh my gosh how do you feel about kids I
love them as long as they’re not mine yeah
one of the things is how revolting that’s a little extreme
yeah how revolting unless they’re throwing up Hausa black I know I’ll say
it I can make it turn into no don’t do it this is a question but now I’m just
curious about it like genuinely about you oh it’s so mundane and boring okay
that’s not like give me the juicy details where’d it go have you studied
math beyond calculus no okay I did calculus one two and three
and that was it what’s after the rest of anything that’s not science related oh
no because I would think if you go beyond cuz even in my physics class
they’re like we need you to take calculus before you take this class so
that’s crazy I would think anything beyond calculus
or just the science related mm-hmm can you read sheet music I can read a piano sheet use it but in
Flute and maybe guitar well then you can read sheet music everybody like I don’t
know I have to know the instrument what’s worse being poor or alone poor
they’re both equally okay I don’t want to be rich financially stable I want to
be rich and I want all my cute boys in my life okay Ryan or Michael stupid
Michael stupid Ryan uh you want the straight Ryan that’s a
gay Michael I’d be fine with either um Joe and Sue Fiona
she’s like souffle what did these days I’m gonna say nope we’re using
psychology in psychology did I tell you I tweeted it so you might know I’m
salivating just thinking about it what uh she was teaching us like about
Pablo have loves dogs and how like you bring it with Belle
yeah yeah and so she gave us sour patch watermelons oh and she gave us her she
played finesse by Bruno Mars and cardi B and then we ate one every time it came
on and then later in class we were done with it
she played it and then everyone started salivating yeah why did I just say that
I feel like I said that for a reason I mean like if I were to play it right now
what happened I think it’s happened already oh no like
I’ve heard it and I was like my weight very shame you own a gun no you mean I’m
gonna answer this because I need to know if these people own guns sometimes I
want to know their answer but I don’t want them to know my answer oh he
doesn’t want to go just answer one this is like brackets like I just need to
know your answer are you annoying that’s a question how am I supposed to know if
I’m annoying you are missing I actually know I’m very annoying are you a narcissist
yes you are I am completely quite a bit a tiny bit
not at all I feel like I need to answer honestly
quite a bit yeah I don’t think I’m completely no I don’t want that person
here I mean you just said you were ugly like five minutes yeah so do narcissists
think they’re ugly too though or not that guy unmatched me okay
the roleplay guy really yeah I told you he just wanted the roleplay anywhere but
it wasn’t sexual I think he called them sexual it’s it wasn’t it was so innocent
no that one I don’t like thinking about it even I just fired up marijuana this
is such a podcast that you should have your parents oh god no do you ever
ignore people oh yeah these questions are so funny
like people on the street hell yeah people like people who like friends hell
yeah I’m having a bad day I was like I’m done or ignore oh would you like to be
the supreme ruler of all people on earth yes I would and I make everyone kill
each other I think everyone will be happy really yeah take away all they can
take away all the guns No More war you’re not allowed I’d be able to like
like it like Korean or room like stop it Trump go away when everyone has listened
to me you know yeah and it’s like oh okay we’re gonna like mess around free
healthcare listen that the fucker taxes we’re gonna get rid of be incorporated
in the sale price you know I’d make everyone tie their hands behind their
backs and live that way why no cuz then they couldn’t hurt each other but they
probably heard them so I think it’s chaotic you want what’s not ideal
because you have good intentions he had a good I have a chaotic good yeah
what are you lawful I feel like I am waffle neutral yeah or chaotic good I
wish I had enough energy and like I feel like if I didn’t have depression anxiety
I would be chaotic evil and it’s gone so way here like this Vegeta calm down yeah
some people Oh what is it there’s a body type on here let me redo it
let me find it I don’t understand what it means there’s no like the apple pear
thing no okay rather not say sin overweight average
build fit jacked a little extra curvy full-figured and last but not least used
up used up what does that mean that’s old and saggy ah like your skin has been
used up in it the fact that I’d be used to used up who
would want to describe themselves like that homey I just avoid guys who say
they’re jacked am i I don’t understand the the appeal of overly swish swish I
love the Lord oh he’s 6 1 Jennifer oh my god you made
for you he’s good-looking and he’s playing as Darth Vader I mean do it he’s
6 easy wipes a lightsaber it’s like he’s dick oh I hope not what why is there
like a thing at the top since I’m not him yes that is me yes the description
says where’d you get the picture from why is they on the browser I don’t know
that’s the word browser yes that is me you got a goofy around every once in a
while okay that’s not how you use that word goofing
around goofy around goofy around you got a
goofy around and that’s his Instagram oh sorry and it’s screenshotted from his
Instagram what is he maybe maybe maybe maybe switched phones this is such an
old Instagram yeah that is old I feel like this guy’s a catfish or he’s
just very it looks like he won’t like his friends account took screenshots of
the best pictures and is posing as him yeah he’s with Mira Loma he loves the
Lord hallelujah I feel very conflicted why because I
don’t know if I’m gonna date someone who loves the Lord me and cast for the ghost okay I’ll bring my bowl of fruit you
should six things they can never do without Jesus family cheese cheese
cheese cheese I messaged it would be like I need to know what kind of cheese also I hate the messages where they’re
like Marvel or DC and you pick one they never talk to you again yeah I would say
neither yeah because I’m not into that I’d be like night-air either both you
know this guy looks so familiar though he kind of looks like Joseph remember
Joseph Joseph is my gay friend Oh am I not your gay brain he looks like Nathan
this other guy I talked to on tinder I just can’t keep all the guys straight
anymore I hate you there because you see oh my don’t you make me a grid oh he’s
26 I don’t know this is where it really
gets important I’m pretty sure I have my ethics on a rope is a woman who slept
with a hundred men a bad person no some guys say yes and I’m like what’s wrong
with you I mean there’s guys who sleep with like a hundred women I didn’t get
like 20 of them pregnant yeah you know would you rather have peace on earth or
loads of money Pease owners cuz I really there was
peace on earth I have money true should I ask him what’s with the
cheese yeah how should i word it jeez what’s up with
the cheese just say that what is it cheese finish
should I ask you should make a second one and just be weird like that oh but
he wants kids sorry damn if one thing it doesn’t fit my
criteria I don’t swipe right sorry okay do you
love what do you love more the Lord or cheese what I wouldn’t like ask
something funny that was funny but he’s probably gonna be like uptight like the
Lord obviously if you know I think you should ask him and if he says the Lord
of cheese okay I’ll ask him which do which does you love they took that and
if cheese please , be specific I need all those juicy
cheesy oh gosh are you a cheese enthusiast as well there are there cheese buns I think
there should be a lot cuz there’s lots of cheese yeah different types this is
so weird okay I sent it he’s gonna be gay a
message from a girl it’s like about cheese he’s the one who put
hi it was like want to talk about your cheese feta she better be prepared some
of these guys look so serious in their pictures oh I imagine like somebody was
like she’s fetish it was just like uses hot she’s like hot wax really weird I
know what you mean but I wish you hadn’t said it okay I have an idea oh you know
how like this isn’t gonna be like oh wow that was like a convenient place brag of
me to say but you know how I have like 3,000 likes on tinder
sure how do you do that cuz like at the end of the month they were like you had
3000 likes in the month of January or whatever I was like damn you’re a liar
why are you lying to me like this so it’d be really funny to make my existing
profile cheese and then to match with everybody I see and then they’re like
you got a new match and then they’re gonna think like when did I ever
swipe right on cheese that’s so smart that’ll be funny oh you should do that
oh but I can’t change my name I could just make a fake facebook yeah I mean I
have seven actually that’s not a bad idea
dad damage is still active I looked on my block list the other day and I saw
Devin blocked really yeah I was so scared my yeah do you love my dad because you are like utterly you’re
pranking me you were doing I was not in the beginning you were Devin and you
were like I don’t remember it at all but I was but you pranked me first yeah
because I was scared and I was like Jennifer this guy’s talking to me and I
and I blocked him I hardly remember but I remember that part
what should I do should I delete my account create bri-bri
I mean your whole danger yeah yeah no I hate tinder now okay oh my god we need
each other Nina match we should okay what’s really
good okay should I be brie or should I be cheese you should be breeding I think
you need to create like a woman’s face on there make it like like a real
woman’s profile so you want me to be a catfish yes you’re gonna be a catfish at
first oh my god okay what to reset the message matches okay okay deleting my
account goodbye tada you know the first time I signed up
for email mm-hmm I am had this was like my first encounter of like reading terms
and conditions so I thought I had to read all of it it’s like it was like my
sister’s okay set up your email and then she left and I was reading the terms and
conditions and I started crying because I had to read all of it and I couldn’t
understand it so I was like ten yeah so I started crying and I see I
wasn’t tall obviously because I was reading it and I ripped like for like I
think a paragraph and I was like oh I don’t understand any of this I’m just my
soul that’s because logically my first email
had nothing to do with like my real name Hanna I asked for a credit card ring yes
like so logically I went agreed to it I remember went like back in the day
when you bought computer games and you got on a disk put it in your computer
and you install it whenever I’d open up the game and asked like what is your
name I’d have to go get my mom because I didn’t know how to spell my name what my
I knew it was like that thing when you’re younger is like you know the
sound of your name yeah you know but you don’t know how to spell it
yes so I had to like do they have sexy cheese pictures yes okay continue my
birthday gorgonzola that’s my last name brie gorgonzola wish of my age range be
well I don’t cuz I’m going to be actually talking to these people so I’ll
probably just put it as my usual age range and so very no all right here
we go breed 21 and just like swipe on
everybody yeah that’s what I did he says there’s no one around me excuse
me you might have to like a it’s 18 to 20 27 I feel bad once a if that was no saying you could
wait until they liked you before you change it
oh that was the plan I feel yeah should I delete again or should I should
I change the brie cheese oh god I fucked it up in your life I knew patients you’re supposed to be supervising yes we
do I don’t get paid enough to supervise okay I’m gonna find my profile you have
to pay me mozzarella okay I hid my profile now I need to sort this mess out
he unmatched me what a fucker really yeah oh my god what Mimi you just change
it you cheater you didn’t do anything I didn’t do anything
oh just me whatever he was like oh I like you but I hope she didn’t like me
back so civ 10 likes already you putting hanging your bio no he’s just a cheese
puns I was just so excited I just started I know I it’s okay it’s okay
sweetie it’s okay you’re doing great I feel like
I want to delete my account start over do it um these are not sticks of
mozzarella this is Brad with mozzarella on top yeah which I will still consume
into my body but it is not the same yeah I like how I research Pizza Hut
mozzarella sticks expecting a link to Pizza Hut’s website first which is
Fitness websites she’s like fuck you fitness I want I want mozzarella
which my name is breathing okay I like it this is very relatable right now
you’re looking to like I’m dating apps for guys I’m just like where’s the
monster priorities right you know how I had a twin in high school you know you
know I had a girl that looked exactly like me no oh my gosh okay the first day
of freshman year I’m walking around I’m like ooh what’s this place like you know
yeah and people are coming read that person I walk around and most people are
passing to do like hi Adi and like what and I kind of would just look at them
weird and it would just happen throughout the whole thing and finally
her friends came up to me and really you know hi Daddy
and I was like you know what I know you’re not audience that would happen
like I would see these people’s faces change what I would like look at them
and like oh you’re not her yeah and um then finally we like figured it figure
it out like oh these two people look alike and then when people would just
say hi to me they’d be like hi Adi enough okay hey you got so tired because
it happened I wasn’t tired of it but I was like it happened so often that I
wasn’t like gonna yeah correct them oh my gosh and then the same thing would
happen to her people would see her and think that she was me and they’d say hi
to her so the whole point of this was I got the memories thing on Facebook and
she made a video like you know that old thing was like like and I’ll make a
video for you and I saw it and I was like there’s a video of me like what is
this and yeah when should I change to cheese well
apparently I’m not going to make these decisions I guess I should start looking
for pictures of cheese as I want I’d like that
the gushing one I know you gon have to it looks like a vagina okay oh I need to
get several different cheeses so it’s like a picture with my friends I’ll get
it like a picture of white assorted cheese and sausage or ham or rivers it’s
like my friends and their boyfriends this all start because of that guy jeez
jeez yeah yeah Wow that’s funny you don’t use our inspiration
we’re appetizers oh we are yeah yeah the main course I’m the appetizer but you
keep on ordering and then you don’t even want the main oh my god what it just
jumped from 25 plus to 99 plus are you serious oh my god get Mikan

2 thoughts on “#1 Dating App Shenanigans | The Talky Talk Podcast

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *